Notes: wohooo i am so happy that people read my story! especially the ones in instagram XD thank you!

After school ended, I quickly walked to the bookstore and changed into my uniform in the toilet. When I got out, Jinri was standing there, waiting for me. “Heyyo my fave unnie~” I waved at her but she looked at me as if I just grew a second head. “Don’t heyyo me, young lady.” she squinted her already squinted her eyes and pointed a finger at me. I backed away instinctively. “What.. what did this potato did?” I asked her, totally clueless.

“Why didn’t you even greeted Jongup when you entered the bookstore? You guys always greet each other. Always,” she emphasized on the word always and that hurt my chest so bad. How long has it been since I last talked to Jongup? It had been more than 2 weeks now. I nodded awkwardly to Jinri. “I’ll go and greet him,” as if Jiae. As if.. Jinri let me go and I quickly ran away from her.

When I was in a safe distance from her, I sighed in relief. However, my chest still hurts. I tried to ignore it and continued to put the books in the shelves and put it back in orders. As I was busy doing my stuff, I realized I was being watch by someone. By someone I meant by a kid.

It was a girl who was almost 9 years old, I assumed and she was watching me while holding onto her father’s hand. I began to feel uncomfortable and thanks to all this illness, I began to feel sick. I looked away and tried my best to ignore her and the burning feeling in my chest.

That was until someone came and crouched down in front of her.

“Do you want a lollipop?” he asked the little girl. She was hesitating for a moment but then she took the lollipop. However, her eyes were still keep on moving to look at me. I could see Jongup was smiling at her and asked, “Are you looking at that unnie?” the girl nodded and she looked even more curious now. “Ah, that unnie was born like that. But.. isn’t she cute? She looked as if she was winking,” Jongup said and he also winked at her, making her giggle. “Unnie is pretty. I hope unnie has two eyes instead of one.”

After talking a bit more, the girl went back to her mother and now I can finally breathe like a normal human again. When I opened my eyes, I saw his hand in front of my face, handing my favorite lollipop. I took it slowly and he just walked away. “J-jongup..” I called him. He stopped but he didn’t turned around. “Thanks,” was the only word that came out from my lips when the fact was I have load things to tell him.

I watched as the boy walked away. His backview looked so sad from my point of view. Maybe I was the loser in this frame. I told him to go when I know deep inside I want him back so badly. However, I had been questioning myself for quite sometimes.

Why do I suddenly have feelings for Jongup this hard? All this time we were together, why didn’t I feel the same way I do right now..

Shaking my thoughts off, I continued to do my work because I had promised Yongguk that we will go for a walk later. I placed this one thick book in the shelf and remembered what happened last night. He looked so vulnerable with those gaze of his. I also found out that he was actually such a kid when he gave me a peck on the cheeks and the way we hold hands as we drove ourselves to dreamland. Yes, it was the small things that made me fluttered so much.

Before I knew it, my shift was over. I went into the dressing room and changed my clothes. I brought some oversize shirt and skinny jeans. It wasn’t really a date so I don’t press it that hard. Just when I was about to walk out from the bookstore, I saw Jongup was about to get in inside his car. Nowadays, I realized that he rarely walks anymore. He always disappeared first. It’s because of me isn’t it..

I watched as the car drove away and I felt something hit my in the chest. Shaking my head, I walked away. Maybe I should tell Jongup it’s okay but then, what will we be then? Friends? Lovers? I don’t even know if he really likes me or not.

Thus, I don’t think this feeling is mutual. Frankly speaking, I had never been in any serious relationship. I did have tons of crushes. Even Youngjae used to be my crush before. The only semi serious relationship was when I was 14 and it only lasted for 2 months. How young and stupid I was… however, this feeling with Jongup was different when I was with Yongguk.

True, both are nice and Jongup was nicer because he had always been there for me during those times but Yongguk. I felt rather fair with Yongguk. That old grandpa shared things with me and I like it when he acted all kiddish and cute. Even with that scary face couldn’t beat his cute personality.

I walked down to the park and took out my phone to texted Yongguk but just when I unlocked the screen, someone covered my eyes from behind. I chuckled. I knew this smell. It was because of last night. We were too close to each other and I can’t help but to familiarize myself with his scent. “How long have you been waiting for me?”

“Since my class ended,” he said and removed his hands from my eyes. I turned around and Yongguk was standing there with his sling bag. “I like it when you wear this kind of clothes,” he said and nodded in approval. Laughing, I hit his arm playfully. “I don’t need those kind of cheesy compliments.” I told him as I linked arms with him. Yongguk seemed to hesitate for a moment but then he played a long.

Jongup always like it when I-AHH stop thinking about Jongup. I scolded myself. We headed to this one stall that sold cotton candy and bought one. After purchasing the sweets, we took a seat on the bench and watched as the people around doing their stuffs. “Have you ever fall in love, Gukkie?” I asked out of curiosity. I could see from the tip of my eyes that he was giving me the look but I pretended to not see it.

“Hmm, a couple of times. And.. the reason why I hurt these,” he moved his hands. “.. is because of a broken relationship. You know, those kind of relationships where you thought it would last and even if its at the verge of destruction, you still live in denial..” he said. For some reasons, I regret bringing this up but maybe if he talks it out, it might help him. “I don’t want to barge in.. but it’s okay if you want to tell me. Was it hard?”

“What?”

“Being in a relationship?” I didn’t know how or when, my head just shifted and my eyes met his. Yongguk smiled, breaking the eye contact before he continued. “Being in a relationship is easy. To be loyal in relationship is hard.” he confessed. So he got cheated on.. I nodded. “it was very heartbreaking. I gave her my all but behind me, she just..” he stopped half way and I understood. My hand instinctively held his but my eyes remained to stare into the void. “Well, she doesn’t deserve a Tigger like you,” I told him.

I felt mad at whoever the girl was. How can she made someone feel so ty. “You deserve something way better than that,” I turned to look at him and grinned. “Like Me~!” I puffed my cheeks cutely and Yongguk laughed. That beautiful sound.. I told myself. He ruffled my hair and took a bite on the cotton candy.

“You?”

“i’ve never been in a proper relationship.. I just like my oppas so much I don’t really care about real boys..” I confessed. It was true though. I never take real life boys seriously when I have my GOT7 oppa. “But.. I always have a crush on someone. It’s just that.. I’ve never been in love or feel that tingy mingy feelings when people love you before so I don’t know what love actually feel,” I continued. I pinched some of the cotton candy and ate it. “I need to know though. Lately.. I always felt different. Maybe that’s why anxiety always come to me because of this unfamiliar feelings I felt almost every day,”

“That suffocating feelings?”

“Yeah..”

“The I-can’t-sleep-at-night-because-I-feel-guilty feelings?”

“Sorta..”

“The I want to talk to you but I just have my own pride feelings?”

“Yeah..”

Yongguk nudged my leg using his. “Jiae, you’re in love. That’s literally the symptom of someone falling in love,” he said so convincingly I almost lost all my sanity. I frowned, trying to deny what he just said. “No. I don’t even know who I like. I’m.. like… torn in between two..” will he know if I say like this? I questioned myself. I took a glance at him. He looked as if he wouldn’t figure out who I was talking about. “it’s complicated..”

“Well,” he began. “The only way to know the truth is by talking it out with that person. Even if you feel as if you like both people at once, it’s all the game in your head. It’s either you’re too guilty to unlike him or you sincerely love him.” when I looked at him, he was already staring at me. “Tell him.. talk to him. Confirm it and then, tell me. Okay?”

“Okay..”

To Be Continued xD