Notes: i honestly dont know  whats gonna happen next. what do you guys think? 

(Jongup’s POV)

I woke up the next morning, feeling my head pounding so hard. Wincing, I sat down and the comforter fell down, exposing my bare body. My eyes widened in shock. What the heck happened last night? I looked around and realized I wasn’t in my room and it doesn’t really look like a motel as well. Then, I realized, I was at Yongguk’s room. I sighed in relief. As long as it’s not Jiae then I don’t even give a about it.

I ruffled my hair pinkish hair and got off from the bed. I got out from the room and gasped when I saw the sight. Jiae was sleeping in his arms. Her hair was tousled everywhere and her makeup was smeared everywhere on her face. What the happened last night? Wasn’t Jiae with me at the end? So why didn’t we each other? Groaning, my chest felt heavy. I don’t why but I am hurt.

When I opened the fridge, I saw Yongguk got up from the couch. Shrugging, I took out a bottle of cold water and drank it. I’m going to get a bad hangover today.

“Jongup ah, you’re awake?”

Yongguk approached me, scratching his neck. His face was swollen and his neck seemed to be clear from any marks. I guess they didn’t make out.. I tried to shake the thoughts off. Why would I care if Jiae have with anyone else? She’s not my problem. I handed him the bottle and smiled. “Yeah..I guess I need to kill the hangover because I have practice later today,” I lied to him. Lying seemed to get easier when you always do it.

Yongguk took the bottle and finished the water up. “I got some juices and isotonic drinks. You can drink that,” he told me. I nodded and opened the fridge to take some juices. He sure had a lot since he always drinks too. Yongguk hyung isn’t that nice anyways.

Just when I was about to go back to the room to get my clothes, Yongguk called me. I stopped myself and turned around to look at him. “Can you send Jiae to her place and maybe change her clothes. She vomited a lot yesterday,” he said. I frowned. “Why don’t you do that, hyung?” I said. I didn’t mean to sound mean but it just happened. I cant help myself sometimes. Yongguk blushed. “Who am I to enter her house?” he mumbled, not looking straight at me.

I smiled. Yongguk hyung can be such a dummy sometimes. “You guys went there together,right? You do it..” I said to him. He looked at me as if he was guilty of something. “Jongup ah, I didn’t do anything with her last night. I swear.” I shook my head and left to take my stuffs.

Staying here or being around these two at the same times made me hard to breathe.  

After taking my stuffs, I told Yongguk that I will be going. He nodded and smiled. Ah, that smile. It always looked so painful. I felt as if he fakes it. Before I take my steps, I took a glance at the sleeping Jiae. Last night’s memory began to play at the back of my head. The way her body grind against me was everything I need. Her soft lips touching mine..

“I’m going now,”

I guess, that’s it.

**

I got out from the shower and walked to the mirror. I wiped the fogged away and stared at my own reflection. My chest still hurts and I felt like screaming. The sudden memory of last night began to play in my head. I saw them from the stage. The way he looked at her when she was not watching him. I saw the way Yongguk look at her and I just can’t crush his dreams like that. She was like his new world.

Unfortunately, that gaze wasn’t the same for Jiae to Yongguk. I don’t know if I am being delusional because of my irrational feelings towards her but the way she looked at me was different. From that day when we make out- it. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about that day. Nowadays, I hardly find myself not hard every morning because of having the same dream everyday. That was Jiae making love with me. Hell. This is hell.

Moon Jongup get your head together.. 

Who am I kidding. I lied too much. I lied to a lot of people. Who is the real Moon Jongup? I have no idea. I don’t mind helping people. It’s an honor for me but why can’t I help myself? I am suffering but nobody sees that. Of course, I am the infamous Moon Angel. I don’t get mad often. I don’t get mad to people even if they pissed the out of me. It’s such a ty person I am because I always let out my anger towards Jiae. I know she’s struggling as well. Heck, she has depression and she’s under medicines, for crying out loud.

The next thing I knew, tears were rolling off from my cheeks. I closed my eyes. People may seemed to see me as the guy who was oblivious towards my surrounding but little did they know, I care about everything. I cared a lot.

And as the result of caring a lot, I am hurt a lot.

I walked out from the bathroom and went to my closet room to grab something to wear. On my way there, I grabbed my phone and pressed on the lock button. My screen light up and a picture of Jiae and I was shown. I wonder if she used the same picture. We set this together few months ago. It was all a bet and I lost. Well, I intentionally lose because I want the deal to be on. It was a picture of us biting the tip of the pepero stick. I used hers and she used mine so if we put our phones together, it will match.

Sighing, I dialed her number. Calling her. It’s like a routine.. or a habit.. or a disease. I can’t tell. I just don’t want her to think that I like her because I don’t. I think I don’t. I am sure I don’t. my heart almost dropped when she picked up the phone call. She was sobbing. “Jiae..? are you okay?”

“Y-you.. y.. you left… Jongup.. I was scared…”

“Hey, hey… what happened? I thought Yongguk is with you?” I tried to calm her down as I struggled to put on my pants using one hand. She sobbed softly. “It’s different.. I told him to go.. nicely. I told him I am okay but it hurts.. what happened last night? What did we do? Yongguk wont tell me. Yongguk said I was drunk. That’s all.”

I put on my shirt and place the phone back against my ear. “Do you want me to come over there? I-”

“Come. Now.”

**

I ran up the stairs and knocked on her doors like a mad man. She opened it and her eyes were red and swollen. No no no no.. please tell me she didn’t do it.. I stepped closer to her and held both of her shoulders. “You didn’t.. cut did you?” I asked her. I could hear my voice was trembling. Jiae looked down and nodded slowly. I groaned. “Oh Jiae… what did I tell you about.. come on..”

I locked the door and held her hand, walking to her room. We’ve been through this quite sometimes since I knew her for the past months and she’s closed with me. I knew the reason why she live in this ty apartment when she was actually living in a mansion. She told me how she hated there and she wanted to get away. I remembered those hard times I had to deal and bothered Hyun a lot in driving me around just to catch her before she throw herself into a damage.

“Jongup..?” she called me as I put down the first aid kit that she kept under her bed. I just hummed as a respond. “I’m sorry..” she said softly. I took out the all the necessary items out and stood up. “For what?” I questioned her as I motioned her to go to the bathroom. She followed obediently.

“For making you number 2 all this time..”

I the bathroom sink and looked at her. “What do you mean?” I was really confused with her. Jiae looked at me and stepped closer to the sink. She reached out her arms. The wound was quite deep and the blood was already dried up. I winced at the thought of having it on my arms. I slowly take her hand and let the water flowed on top of it. She winced a little.

“You’re always there for me but my ty brain keep on saying Yongguk was the angel of my life. The actual angel is you..”

Somehow, for a millisecond there, I felt so damn proud. However, I need to keep my composure. I turned off the sink and took the towel to wipe the water. Jiae cut a lot.. I lead her to the room, not saying anything. “Jongup, are you mad?” she asked me. Of course I am not mad. I honestly don’t know what to respond to her. My eyes met hers. She was biting her lips. Jiae was nervous and that made me way more nervous.

“No. No, I’m not. It’s okay..” I babbled out whatever words that popped in my head and continued to apply some antibacterial lotion on it. As I was putting it, I could feel her gaze on me, watching me ever so intensely. “Jiae,” I said. She was a bit startled from the way her body jumped a little. “Don’t make holes on my body with that stares of yours,”

She giggled.

I blew the wound a little and smiled in satisfaction. “Please don’t do this again..” I said, holding both of her hands. Her cheeks became pink. What a cutie. “You do know you can ring me if you need anything,” I reminded her. “Jongup.. how? Damn, do you even remember anything from last night? I was an idiot..” I blinked when I heard that. “What happened? What did you do?”

“We.. we were literally making out right there while Yongguk was performing. I can’t remember well but.. all I see was you all over me. Your lips.. your tongue..” she pulled down her turtle neck shirt and showed me the marks. There were few. I bit my lips. I want to do more--what the heck is wrong with you, Moon Jongup?! I scolded myself.

Then, she continued. “We went behind the stage.. somewhere at the corner. We were drunk. You were really drunk, Jongup. You were me.. don’t you remember?”

I shook my head.

“I think.. that was my first time to actually come.. and Yongguk came.. and the rest was black..” I blinked, trying to process everything in my head. I her but I can’t remember a thing? I looked at Jiae. She was blushing furiously, she really looked as if she can explode anytime soon. I let go of her hands and looked away, totally embarrassed myself. I am sure as hell wont going to drink anymore after this. “Sorry.. I didn’t know. , I don’t think a sorry is enough..” I took a moment to think.

“Tell me to leave and I’ll leave forever if that will make you feel better,”

I looked up to her. She was in shock. I bit my lips. Honestly, I don’t want her to tell me to leave but if that will make her happy then I will go. I’ll change school, move out and even change my name if that’s the best way.

“Go,” she said so softly, I barely hear it. “For few days. Give me some times.. I’ll call you back and then you will come back.. but please,” she held my finger. Her hand was so small when she held my finger.

“Dont go too far..”

And I leave without exchanging any words.

To be continued.