Notes: So... lately, i feel kinda down and blue.. hope i can recover soon. sorry guys... 

(Yongguk’s POV)

I laid down on my bed and stared at my hands. I told her how I felt. After so long, I finally have the to tell her. It wasn’t really a confession but it was enough to let her know that I’ll be there for her no matter what. Seeing her suffering like that made me died a little inside. You can’t just let someone as nice and cute like her to suffer the injustice.

The fact that I know a lot about her from Jongup somehow made me feel like the bad guy. Right now, I am like the middle person. After what happened behind the stage, it was pretty obvious how much they like each other. The fact that I saw that anger in Jongup’s eyes and got punch in the face before he went unconscious, that’s just super obvious how much he hates me for caring too much for her.

Honestly, let’s be real. I know why he didn’t pick up those calls. It was because of her. Oh Jiae. He left because of her. It wasn’t really my intention to know but when the girl was mumbling all the way when we were going to the hospital, it was obvious. , who am I to her? 

Groaning, I covered my face with my arms. Why does this always happened to me? What did I do to deserve such punishment? The only I want right now is to be love. I am really grateful that I have Jongup in my life but all of this.. this doesnt make sense.

I grabbed my phone and searched for Yongnam’s number. I pressed called and waited for my brother to pick up.

‘yo kiddo, how are you?’

“Nammie, are you busy? Care for some drinks?”

‘damn.. you sound so sad. Yeah sure. Everything and anything for my baby brother. At the usual?’

I grinned. Nam is always so reliable. “Yeah, at the usual. don’t bring Tasha noona, okay?” Yongnam laughed and just hung up.

I put on some jacket and quickly went out from my apartment. Just when I closed the door, Jiae’s door slowly swung opened. We were wearing the same jacket and specs. I chuckled. “Where are you going?” I asked. When she looked up, she also let out a small chuckle because of our clothes. “I’m going to get some juices in the convenience store. You?” she put her hands in the pocket of her jacket, looking so cuddly. “Date with Yongnam. I havent meet him for quite sometimes,” I told her. She nodded and began to walk.

“Jiae?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re going to school tomorrow?” the girl stopped and looked hesitated. Then, she smiled. “Yeah. I’d skipped for so many days,” she replied. “I’ll send you tomorrow. Okay?” I winked a little and quickly ran away from her. I could feel my heart beating sooo fast I thought I was dying.

**

I couldn’t sleep at all that night. I kept on turning around on my bed and I have no idea why. I did drank quite a lot but I am as sober as I am in life. Sighing, I got up and went to my mini dungeon. Turning on the lights, all the Tiggers’ eyes were on me and I smiled. Tigger always gets me. I took one of the biggest Tigger on the shelf and hugged it as I walked towards my laptop. Turning it on, I took a seat on the chair. Ever since my job was finished with GOT7, I felt more free now. However, I feel empty too.

I looked through the files I had and opened my personal file. These file consists of the songs I wrote about my feelings. And the latest ones was Drunkenness and Mine. Mine was actually a remake of Rick Ross’ song. I just changed the lyrics. Mine was based on Jiae. It was a cute confession song…

..that I will never let her hear it. 

Who am I kidding? It’s pretty obvious she will choose Jongup over me…right? Ruffling my hair, I put down Tigger and picked up my guitar. I began to continue playing for Drunkenness. Maybe I can finish this one by tonight and post it on soundcloud soon. Or maybe I should sell it.. but it’s too precious for me.

Its easy to say that I will forget you

I hate myself for trying to forget you

Its easy to say that I will forget you

I hate myself for trying to forget you, so much babe.

Out of the blue, I heard my phone rang. I sprinted to my bedroom to grabbed my phone. When I saw the caller ID my heart ached. It was Hara.

“Hello?”

“Yonggukkie?” her voice was the same. Slightly high-pitched, but still so tempting. “Can we meet up?” she asked. I couldn’t help but to stay silent. I know this too well and I am not going to fall for it again. “Why? We’re over.. remember?” I reminded her but she chuckled. I took a deep breathe and exhaled. “Please? I really need you.. you know you cant resist me. You gave me your first, Mr. Bang..” I couldn’t help but to be mad. “I’m hanging up,”

That’s it. No more nice Bang Yongguk.

Groaning, I tossed my phone on the bed and screamed out loud. My chest felt so heavy and my head began to spin like crazy. don’t know what else to do, I began to throw stuffs on the floor and cried. It’s suffocating!

“ARRGHHHHH!!!”

Let me go.. let me be free! Stop !! I don’t want to feel this pain anymore!! STOPP!

Ding! Dong!

I stopped and stayed still. Then, I heard the doorbell rang again. This time it was like the sound of a machine gun. I looked around my room. It was a total mess. My pillow and bedsheet was everywhere and I realized my hand was bleeding too. Oh my god, my favorite vase was broken. The doorbell wont stop ringing and it started to piss me off. I stomped all the way to the door whilst hastily wiping my tears with the back of my palm.

When I opened the door, I saw a petite girl standing there. Her face was pale and she looked so terrified. “Gukkie..” she looked at me. Her eyes were quivering. Then, it hit me. What the just happened..? I blinked and hid my hand from her but it was too late. Jiae reached out her hands to touch me but I backed away, scared. I don’t know what am I scared of; her or myself.

“Hey.. it’s okay.. Yongguk.. your hands..” her voice seemed so calmed and so inviting. She again did another attempt to hold my hand. This time I braced myself and let her hold my trembling hands. Her palms were icy cold but it was comforting. Once she got the hold of me, she tightened her grip at the slightest. “Can I come in?” she asked softly.

I nodded.

Even when she walked in, she didn’t let go of my hand. When I motioned to close the door, then she let go of my hand. She looked so tiny in that oversize sweater she was wearing. Jiae turned around and looked at me. “We need to wash that up..” she casually took my hand in hers and she observed it. Obediently, I walked us both to the bathroom which was in my room. She told me to sit on the edge of the bathtub as she grabbed the first kid in the drawer.

I watched as that tiny bean walked, taking the first aid kit that look big her hands. I don’t know why this situation made me so so so sooo calm. As if I was brought into another world. Jiae came back and kneel on the floor. She carefully take my hand and cleaned it. Everything she did was very mesmerizing. I don’t get how she did that. Ever since I was I in like a couple of relationships before, this was my first time to encounter someone like her. Someone who truly understands something that I’m going through. It felt as if we were connected in some ways.

She blew the already cleaned wound and smiled when she was done. Jiae looked so adorable when she does that. It looked so sincere. “Okay. You’re good.” she said in a chirpy tone. “Do you want to eat something?” she asked. I blinked, confused. “B..but..”

“You’ll spend the night at my place. Come on. I’ll help you clean tomorrow after school. Okay?”

Not knowing what to say, I nodded and followed her. The two of us walked to her apartment and she lead me to the kitchen. I noticed that some of her stuffs were not there anymore. Oh right. Her GOT7 section was cleaned up and it was empty. Some of her frames were gone too. What have she been doing for the past days after she got out from the hospital?

“If you want to lay down on the sofa… you can go..” she told me as she was preparing the ingredients to cook. I couldn’t help but to chuckle. “I can help you with the cooking,” I said as I stood up and walked up to her. She laughed. “With your hand like that? I am fine on my own,” she assured me. Nodding, I just decided to stand beside her, watching the little bean to cut up the chicken into smaller slices and some vegetables.

I have to admit. She cant do the cooking but the effort she’s putting in was just too adorable to say no. Her hands were trembling at the slightest when she cut the smaller pieces. “Jiae, I..” “Yongguk ahjussi, please just stand there quietly. I am trying too hard for this. I don’t cook. I know. I’m sorry but I am dropdead serious that I want to make you some soup.” she suddenly burst and when she realized what she did, her eyes widened and she put down the knife. “I.. I didn’t mean! God..” she sighed.

I quickly leaned in and pecked her cheek. “It’s okay. Thank you for all of this. I’ll wait..” I told her with a smile and sat back down on the chair. You could say, she was literally stoned for like 5 seconds before she started to do the cooking again. I rested my chin on my hand and stared at her back view. Oh JIae… why are you so tiny. Do you know how much I want to stuff you in my pocket right now? 

After such a short time-it’s very long actually-she was done with everything. She served everything and finally took a seat across my seat. She looked so tired. “Enjoy,” she smiled and took some for herself. We both eat in silent except for the sound of the songs she put on. Every once in a while, I would stole a glance at her. She doesnt look bothered at all.

“Thanks,” I mumbled and that jolted her awake. “Hm? For what?” she put down her spoon and looked at me as if I was the most interesting she had ever laid her eyes on. I smiled and looked down at my food. “Everything. This.” I pointed at the soup. “Is better than I expected.” she giggled. “Ya, I am not that bad okay. I’ve been living her for quite sometimes now and a girl needs to learn how to survive,”

After finishing the meal and watched her doing the dishes (because she wont let me touch anything because of my hand), she brought me to her room. I frowned. I am not letting her sleeping at the sofa. That’s a big no.

“i am not taking the bed. I mean, I am okay with the sofa. You don have to-” “Aniyo, it’s okay. You can take the-”

She suddenly stopped talking and I realized I was glaring at her. I softened my gaze and looked away. “Sorry,” I mumbled. Luckily, she didn’t get offended instead, she just smiled at me. “Fine. We’ll share. If that’s okay for you. No one takes the sofa. We both sleep on the bed.” I bit my inner cheeks. Is she for real now? I nodded and went to her bed.

Jiae said goodnight and walked away. I sat back down and called her. “Where are you going?” I asked her, sounding a bit panicky. I am such a kid, she giggled and waved her hand, motioning its okay. “I need to continue studying. I have to pass up some papers tomorrow. I stopped half way because.. I went to you place,” she explained. Nodding, I laid back down on the bed and pulled up the blanket.

Her bed smelled so sweet. I wanted to be in this scent everyday. I wanted my bed to smell just like this. I hugged the blanket tighter and tried to sleep.

But I cant..

It wasn’t as simple as that. Even though I am okay, I still feel bad to sleep first if Jiae was still awake. I just closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. However, then I heard she’s humming to a familiar tune. I swore my heart just skipped a beat because she knew the song Mine. How… what?  

For some reasons, I couldn’t help but to sing it in my head. She doesnt know the lyrics for it properly and I really wish I can sing this to her soon.

Out of the blue, I felt the bed to sank down a little. oh, is she sleeping now? I heard the click sound made when she turned off the table lamps. Maybe the bed was too small because I can feel her body warmth near my arms. I opened my eyes slowly and saw that she was facing the other side. I heaved a sigh and smiled.

“You’re not asleep yet?” her voice was suddenly heard. I was so shock the only thing came out from my mouth was some weird noise. She giggled and turned around so that her face was facing mine. “Can I.. hold your hand?” she asked rather shyly and I found it really cute. “Sure. don’t hold it too hard. You might make another wound,” I joked and under the moonlight, I can see she was rolling her eyes at me. “I wont,”

Our fingers intertwined and we both fell asleep. And just like that, I know where is my safe house now. 

**

I woke the next morning only to find the place next to me was empty. I sat down immediately and looked around. The room was different from mine and the blanket is blue in color instead of gray. The sudden realization hit me and I knew I was not at my home. I covered my face with my hands and sighed. I must have lost my mind. What the hell is wrong with me. What is this feeling I am developing for her.

When I turned to my right, I saw a card on the table with a glass of water.

I have no heart to wake you up this morning. So I decided to go to school on my own. I made some breakfast. You can heat up if you like. Let’s go for a walk after I finished with my job around 5 pm, okay? You can sleep in if you want. I havent clean your house yet. --O.J

If she is not the definition cute, then I don’t know what is.

To be continued.