Jungkook didn't know what was so wrong with taking his father's car one single night and this, only temporarily. He hadn't take it and run away with it to never come back, even though he had thought about it at some point, before. Lisa hadn't scratched it  and as much as Jungkook teased her, the previous night, her driving skills weren't as bad as he thought they'd be. Aside from the parking, that was another thing. 

``Jungkook, I'm asking you a question``His father insisted, once again, leaned against the wall while Jungkook was taking his time to lace his shoes. ``Have you or not taken my car?``

Rare were the days he'd see his father early in the morning, much less get the chance to talk to him.

``I'll pay you for the gaz`` Jungkook conceaded. There was no meaning in lying. His father would come to know somehow either way.

His father sighed and a hand through his hair in desperation. ``It's not about the gaz Jungkook. It's about you sneaking out in the middle of the night, not asking for permission and hiding things from me``

``When are you even there for me to ask permission?``Jungkook muttered bitterly.

Home. Jungkook always thought  it  was where he could be himself, a place where he could feel loved, appreciated and welcomed by his mother's cooking in the kitchen and his father's lifting him up in the air. But how many times has Jungkook wished to be home, when he already was there? Sitting on his bed. Home wasn't sweet, home wasn't welcoming and warm, it was big and empty and lonely. Home, to Jungkook, was just an hotel, with strangers. 

He wished he didn't have to go through this conversation with his father, he wished it could just be like every other day. With him, waking up to an empty house as loneliness would slap him harder each day. Waking up to another day in which he'd simply avoid the issue. 

His house was big, too big for two people. No wonder Jungkook liked to spend more time at Namjoon's place. Namjoon's apartment is small, warm and cozy and it always feels like home. Jungkook doesn't need to pretend to be someone he isn't there, unlike in his real house. 

“Don't you dare put the blame on me Jungkook” His father fumed angrily. “You barely ever come home. When was the last time you had dinner here? I'm not the one avoiding you. You are”

His father was right and Jungkook knew it all too well. He was avoiding him, but then again, why wouldn't he? 

“Why wouldn't I? Aren't I just a burden to you?”

Tears were hitching Jungkook's eyes as he lifted them up. This was what his father had thought of him years ago, the reason why he didn't want to rely on him anymore. He didn't want to be a burden more than he already was. 

And lifting up his eyes, Jungkook saw it. His father's thoughts once again. Silence lingering, his father agape of what Jungkook had just said. He was hurt and so was Jungkook. 

“How can you even think-?”

Jungkook ran away. Ran away before he could hear his father voice his thoughts. He had already heard them and he didn't want to hear them again, he didn't want his stupidity to slap him again. So Jungkook ran away. 

Running away was what he was good at.

Suga would either smoke or sleep his problems away, but Jungkook ran away from them, not even realizing that every day, he walks back to them. His solution was just temporary just like Suga's.

He cried. He cried a lot sitting on the sand, in front of the beach. It was a chilly day with the wind blowing every now and then, making Jungkook shivers. However, as expected no one was there and Jungkook was grateful. He didn't want anyone to see him in this state. Weak and fragile, drowning in the sadness caused by his own misunderstanding. 

All these years, he thought he was the only one suffering, trying to fill up the void left by his mother's absence. Never once did it cross his mind that his father might be going through much worse than him. 

His father that had known his mother, loved and married her. How hard it must have been for him.

To see Jungkook, to see his wife in Jungkook's features and hold his tears back and swallow the lump in his throat, pretend that he wasn't hurt. That he didn't miss his wife, just for Jungkook's sake. Yet, Jungkook always falsely accused him and it was just today, that he realized how much his father was grateful, grateful to have Jungkook.

Jungkook tired to remember the day he was father thought of him has a burden. It was a few years ago during autumn, at the end of October's month, his father was in his office, holding numerous clients files. Jungkook had asked him a question, which he can't even recall anymore. His father hadn't replied, he was too busy, too busy to give Jungkook an answer and then, for a second he had lifted his head up and thought “such a burden”

But what if it wasn't about Jungkook, but his work or about one of his clients? 

Jungkook cried like never before. His head leaning on his knees and his arms circling his legs. He cried for all the years and months and days he retained himself. He cried for his father, for himself, for his mistakes and for every single thing that bothered him for so long. He cried for the time wasted thinking his father didn't love him as much as he wished he would.

“Jungkook”

The latter recognized the voice, he would've have recognized it among hundreds of others. “Why the hell does she always appears in the most unexpected moments?”

“Go away” Jungkook pleaded, keeping his head down. 

“Jungkook“ Lisa repeated, bending down next to him. 

“I SAID GO AWAY” Jungkook shouted louder. He loved Lisa's company, but he needed to be alone and more than that, he didn't want her too see him weak. 

Lisa was taken aback by the harsh tone of his voice and she walked away.

Jungkook cried harder. So much that he didn't hear the footsteps walking back closer and closer to him.

“How can I go away when you're like this Jungkook?” She shouted back, sitting down next to him and pulling him into an embrace. 

Jungkook was tired, tired of running away hoping to find a place he could call his own. So Jungkook let himself fall into Lisa's arms, his head leaning against her shoulder, his face buried in the hallow of her neck. Lisa draw circles on his back, in an attempt to ease him. They stayed in silence, Jungkook's compulsive sobs and the sounds of the waves, being the only noise perceivable.

“I messed up”

Jungkook would stutter words every now and then, words that remained a mystery to Lisa. She didn't know what he was talking about, but she listened to every single that slippled from his mouth.

“I ed up.  He must have been feeling lonelier than me, coming home to no one. Not even his son. Maybe, for him, work was his solution, the way smoking and sleeping is for Suga and running away, for me. I always blamed him”

Lisa pulled him closer to her as she noticed Jungkook's cries getting more desperate and pleading for forgiveness, and only then, she realized how little she knows about Jungkook. 

“Let me call your friend” Lisa voiced after a while. Jungkook was much more calmer than he was before.

“No no no” He refused. “They can't-”

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