Three

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November 2006 – Paldang Bridge

I trust people no more. People who I love are no longer here with me. I have no reason to live on this earth anymore. I can’t stand human especially stranger. Three years has passed. I’m already a teenager – fifteen years old. All these past three years, there are so many event that broke, crushed and beaten my physical, emotion and mental. My life already hits rock bottom. I don’t think I can rise or stand up anymore.

Every night, I will walk to here – Paldang Bridge to comfort myself. For these two weeks, I walk to the same place again and again. I’m always standing on the rail and thinking deeply what will happen to me if I jump from the bridge.

Am I going to die this way? Is there any space for me to fit in?

But tonight, with all my heart and determination, I’m going to jump off from the bridge – attempt a suicide. I don’t want to stay alive when my heart no longer beating. I took all my guts and stand on the rail. This time is going to be real. When I was about to let my hands off from the rail, there is someone holds my back and pulls me – bring me back to the ground.

“Please think again before you jump, dickhead.” The person who saves me screams at me. My hands can’t stop shaking, thinking how it feels like if I jumped just now.

“Why? Why you save me?” I asked whispering – almost he can’t hear me. I don’t want to be saved. I want to die.

“You’re supposed to let me die.” This time I screamed at him straight in front of his face. He doesn’t give any reaction. Not angry or happy or sad – simply say he doesn’t give a care. Then he comes closer to me and whisper to me. “Then, you can die. I will not save you this time.” He move back and turns around leaving me alone.

My heart beating so much fast that I think it almost explode any minute when he nears me. I can’t stop myself from crying. I’m so scared of death and I realized I’m scared of everything. I don’t know if I could survive this life anymore. Suddenly I feel like my head ache and it feels like it almost blows up. I don’t know when and how my eyes were close and I don’t remember anything after that.

Kim Woo Bin’s POV

It has been a year since my last time I’m here at Namyagju. I ran away from home when I was fourteen years old. When I got here, the first place I want to visit is my favorite hangout place – Paldang Bridge. The opening sight I saw when I got here was a pretty girl standing on the rail. She looked so sad and there was gloomy scene around her face. Her eyes kept thousands of emotions and dark secrets that make me wanted to dig more.

Every day I will walk to Paldang Bridge and will watch this girl that I saw before. I will watch over her and heard her own conversation with herself.

“Why I have to live like this? I don’t know if I should live anymore.” She screams to the sea hoping no one will hear her but God. Sometimes she will just scream loudly without saying a thing. Until a week after, one day, I came earlier than her. After waiting for her about thirty minute, she came crying. I heard she’s screaming to sky with anger. “Why he chose me? There are lots of es out there, but why he had to do it with me? I hate this b