[CHAPTER XXIII]

Doubts and Insecurities

It has been more than a week since Taekwoon had promised Hakyeon that he would be returning. Hakyeon was becoming more and more restless by the day. He felt insecure without his lover by his side. He has always been the type to worry about everything that happens even when he doesn’t fully express it. Hakyeon likes to hide his insecurities from others, it was his ultimate weakness after all.

While Hakyeon went out on an errand to buy supplies for the store, he bumped into one of the maids from the mayor’s mansion.

“Sorry,” Hakyeon said.

“No, no. It’s my fault. I should’ve watched where I was going. I’m sorry.” She frantically runs around to help Hakyeon gather up all the fallen supplies.

“It’s okay. I got it. But why do you look so rushed?” Hakyeon asked.

“Huh? Oh no. It’s nothing… I’m just worried about the mayor. He’s been very sad lately…”

“What do you mean?”

“Since you and our lady’s marriage was canceled, he’s been trying his hardest to stop the rumors and gossips around town. Words have already traveled to the nearby towns and it’s really affecting his influence but… it’s lady Soo-ah, he’s been way more worried about her than himself.”

“Soo-ah? What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s locked herself in her room for a while now. She refuses to come out and everyone is worried about her, especially the mayor.”

“What? Why?” Hakyeon was concerned.

“We don’t know either but she seems to have fallen ill yet she’s rejected every doctor or any help that we are trying to give her.”

“Do you think I can try talking to her?”

“Would you? After all, the two of you were about to be married. You’re also close in age with the lady. Maybe she will listen to you instead? Oh, please help her.”

“I’ll try my best.”

*   *   *   *   *   *

Ever since Hakyeon and Soo-ah’s marriage was canceled, he never found any purpose to come back to the mayor’s mansion. He was also very much preoccupied with his love life to remember. He’s never liked coming to this place since the beginning though. It was obvious that the mayor decorated the mansion’s interior to flaunt his wealth to the common folks. But Soo-ah was different from her father. Before Hakyeon was asked to marry into the Kwon family, he’s always heard stories about how perfect she was from his classmates. At first, he thought they were just mere exaggerations until he actually witnessed Soo-ah giving to the poor from her own home. She took some of her father’s antiques and exchanged for food and money to give to the common folks. Although Hakyeon never fell in love with her, he believes that Soo-ah was kinder than anyone else. She deserved someone better than himself as a life’s partner. He would never be able to give him his all even if they did get married in the end.

As Hakyeon walked into Soo-ah’s room, he saw how quiet the mansion has been and how depressing the atmosphere seems to be. Everyone was quiet and worried, both with the mayor’s condition and Soo-ah’s. Hakyeon took the initiative to see if Soo-ah would open up to him and knocked on her door.

“Soo-ah? You’re in there right? It’s Hakyeon.”

No reply.

“Soo-ah? Can I come in, please? We haven’t talked in so long, I’ve been worried -,” and the door suddenly opened for him.

As Hakyeon made his way inside, he saw the mess that was around her room. It was very unlike the Soo-ah that Hakyeon knew of. What could be the matter?

“I brought you your meal. You should eat something. Everyone is really worried about you.”

Soo-ah finally showed her face to Hakyeon. He was shocked to see how pale she has become and how ungroomed she was.

“Soo-ah! What’s wrong? Why do you look like this? What happened?” Hakyeon ran up to her, even more worried now that he’s seen the state that she was in.

“I don’t know what to do. I just… don’t know anymore,” she cried.

“Tell me what happened?”

“I… I don’t know how to make it stop,” she cried out in pain.

“Stop? Make what stop?”

“My heart. It hurts. It feels like something is stabbing my chest each time I think about it. Whenever I think about him.”

“Him? Is it the one you mentioned before? The one you fell in love with?”

Soo-ah nodded.

Soo-ah wasn’t sick with any cold or fever but rather, she was love-sick. Hakyeon could tell but he never thought that she would end up like the way she did. Exactly who could it be that caused Soo-ah to become such a mess just by falling in love with him?

Although she didn’t tell Hakyeon the identity of her crush, she listened obediently to Hakyeon whenever he came to visit her. She was slowly opening up to Hakyeon because she felt close to him and could feel his sincerity when it came to taking care of her. Hakyeon cherished Soo-ah as a friend and he wanted to make sure she was healthy again.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Day after day, Hakyeon made visits to see how Soo-ah was doing. Despite his worries about Taekwoon’s late return, he was more concerned with helping Soo-ah.

She talked a lot more than the days before and she was slowly recovering but it was obvious that she was still madly in love. There would be times when Hakyeon found her daydreaming in the middle of their conversations or simply drifted into her own world. One day, Soo-ah suddenly asked him a question.

“How is he doing?” She asked.

“Huh? Who?”

“Taekwoon…”

“He’s gone home for a week or so. Why?”

“Uh, nothing. Forget that I asked. Sorry.” She answered. She was acting rather strange.

Why did Soo-ah suddenly ask about Taekwoon? She barely knew him except for the times Hakyeon talked about him or when Hakyeon brought her along to see him. Besides Jaehwan, no one knew that Hakyeon was going out with Taekwoon either. It couldn’t be…

Hakyeon wishes he wasn’t so ‘sensitive’ to other people’s thoughts at times.

“The person that you like…” Hakyeon hesitated. “Is it Taekwoon?”

“Huh?! No… um…” She panicked.

He was right.

The one she fell for was obviously Taekwoon. The one who’s made her become this way was his lifelong friend and lover, Jung Taekwoon. But since when? Since months ago when she rejected the marriage? Or before that?

Hakyeon couldn’t say anything. If Soo-ah knew that Hakyeon and Taekwoon were already going out, she would break down even more. Or even worse than how she is now. He saw how much she was suffering during these past few days while he took care of her and honestly felt sorry for her.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Hakyeon thought of the worst possible question he could ever ask himself.

“Would Soo-ah be better for Taekwoon? Maybe her sincerity can bring Taekwoon more happiness than me?”

He doubted himself.

He was insecure.

And Taekwoon’s late return was not helping him feel any better either.