[R] You Don't Understand
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By: CMelodie
Poster
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Information
► Genre(s):
• Angst
• Slice of Life
• MentalDisorder!AU
► No. of Chapters:
• 1 Chapter
► Story Status:
• Completed
► Category:
• Oneshot
► Total: 085.5 / 000
• Angst
• Slice of Life
• MentalDisorder!AU
► No. of Chapters:
• 1 Chapter
► Story Status:
• Completed
► Category:
• Oneshot
► Total: 085.5 / 000
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The Review
• Title: 007 / 010
Looking at the title before reading any part of the fic at all (including the foreword and description), I didn’t find it to be that interesting by itself, as such a title could possibly imply several different situations or themes in the story. “You Don’t Understand” could possibly refer to a relationship, a concept, or in your case, a mental issue. I do believe that it is a solid title, however, and gets the job done to an extent, but I think that your story has a lot more potential and could use a more interesting title that would catch people’s attention. So overall, just try spicing it up a little bit!
• Description / Foreword: 016 / 020
The description was pretty good, as it provided the gist and main themes of the story as a whole. It’s short and sweet; just enough for a reader to be interested to continue to read the actual one-shot. However, I do have one piece of advice. I think the sentence at the end (“Here’s a sneak peek of his life and how he thinks”) is rather unnecessary. Just before, you were giving a heavy synopsis of the Taehyung’s life, and that sentence kind of makes it sound like an advertisement, rather than the work of art that it really is! I think the description provided before that sentence is enough for readers to know what the story is about.
The foreword was good, since you expressed your motives for writing this piece, and also gave a little more information. The only thing I could suggest is possibly including a snippet of the actual one-shot, just as a teaser. I’ve seen a lot of authors do that, and I use this method as well. It seems to serve as a hook for readers to get into your story, but of course, it’s just a suggestion.
Speaking in more technical terms, the font style and size was good, on both mobile and computer.
• Appearance: 004.5 / 005
Overall, the paragraphs are divided well, and it’s pretty clear that you put some thought into it. The font is good; I’m guessing you used the default? The one thing that you should probably do is get a poster. This fic seems to be a mix of angst and fluff, so that would make a good poster. Visual assets always enhance the attention drawn to your writing, so a poster would definitely be a good idea.
• Plot: 017 / 020
From what I understand, you wrote the story to begin with a depiction of how Taehyung lives in present day, but then you go back to provide some background on his early life, and how he developed the mental disorder. Each of these different eras in the story are written well, but I wish that they connected with each other a little more, so the story would have more fluidity. For example, at the beginning of the story, Jimin and Taehyung are just hanging out, and then go take an IQ test. Perhaps you could connect this scene to the flashback that proceeds it, in which Taehyung is with his family. So overall, the writing is very good but it could just use a little more conceptual piecing together so it has more flow.
The plot is a little bit cliché, but you had some events and ideas that I have not seen before, like the ending scene.
However, I just have one concern about the ending scene. I assume that you are trying to convey the idea that nobody understands why Taehyung found the vandalizing job fun, but how does this connect to his mental illness? You kind of touch on the point that it has to do with his mental illness, but it isn’t very clear. I think that part could use some clarity so that you can end the story stronger.
Lastly, the atmosphere and mood set by the writing style was perfect for this kind of story, so good job on that.
• Characters: 018 / 020
Since this is a one-shot, I understand that there isn’t going to be much room for character development; but you did well. You described what was going on in Taehyung’s mind very well from the beginning of the story, and throughout. You provided a lot of insight for what was going in his mind in the first paragraph, but when you got the part where he was Jimin, it was hard to tell that he even had a mental illness. It would be good if you somehow implemented his issues into how he acts, speaks, and thinks during everyday situations a little more. As for Jimin, it was never stated how or why he was able to understand Taehyung well. If you could add in some subtle information about that, it would help uphold the themes of the story.
The only other thing I could wish for is a little more of character development for Jimin, as he is a secondary character and is prominent in Taehyung’s life. Both characters generally stayed in context and character the whole time, so that was good.
• Grammar:: 010 / 010
The grammar, spelling and punctuation are pretty accurate throughout, despite just a few errors. I know you are a native English speaker, so I would suggest just reading it through once more to catch some of those minor mistakes. The only thing I would say to change right away is in the Description. You have written the sentence “There were little happiness and little love.” “Were” should be changed to “Was”. That’s pretty important, as the description reflects the quality of the story itself.
• Writing Style: 009 / 010
Good description and imagery was exercised well throughout; I could imagine the scenes pretty well. It definitely made me feel like I was experiencing the plot myself, so you did a good job with that. The one thing you could improve on, however, is sentence structure. A lot of the sentences are choppy, and I noticed that there were several three or four-word sentences written consecutively in one paragraph. It kind of messed up the flow of the writing, so perhaps try to make the sentences less choppy by possibly combining them or extending them.
The word choice was pretty good, but you could probably have some room for more descriptive/powerful words here and there.
• Personal Satisfacton: 004 / 005
Being an ARMY, I’ll say that I truly did enjoy this story. It’s very hard to find good psychological themed BTS fics, so you really did justice to this theme. I found every event, every flashback, and every little moment between Jimin and Taehyung to be very interesting to read; there wasn’t a point at which I was bored with the story.
Great work, and keep writing, because you have a lot of potential!
Looking at the title before reading any part of the fic at all (including the foreword and description), I didn’t find it to be that interesting by itself, as such a title could possibly imply several different situations or themes in the story. “You Don’t Understand” could possibly refer to a relationship, a concept, or in your case, a mental issue. I do believe that it is a solid title, however, and gets the job done to an extent, but I think that your story has a lot more potential and could use a more interesting title that would catch people’s attention. So overall, just try spicing it up a little bit!
• Description / Foreword: 016 / 020
The description was pretty good, as it provided the gist and main themes of the story as a whole. It’s short and sweet; just enough for a reader to be interested to continue to read the actual one-shot. However, I do have one piece of advice. I think the sentence at the end (“Here’s a sneak peek of his life and how he thinks”) is rather unnecessary. Just before, you were giving a heavy synopsis of the Taehyung’s life, and that sentence kind of makes it sound like an advertisement, rather than the work of art that it really is! I think the description provided before that sentence is enough for readers to know what the story is about.
The foreword was good, since you expressed your motives for writing this piece, and also gave a little more information. The only thing I could suggest is possibly including a snippet of the actual one-shot, just as a teaser. I’ve seen a lot of authors do that, and I use this method as well. It seems to serve as a hook for readers to get into your story, but of course, it’s just a suggestion.
Speaking in more technical terms, the font style and size was good, on both mobile and computer.
• Appearance: 004.5 / 005
Overall, the paragraphs are divided well, and it’s pretty clear that you put some thought into it. The font is good; I’m guessing you used the default? The one thing that you should probably do is get a poster. This fic seems to be a mix of angst and fluff, so that would make a good poster. Visual assets always enhance the attention drawn to your writing, so a poster would definitely be a good idea.
• Plot: 017 / 020
From what I understand, you wrote the story to begin with a depiction of how Taehyung lives in present day, but then you go back to provide some background on his early life, and how he developed the mental disorder. Each of these different eras in the story are written well, but I wish that they connected with each other a little more, so the story would have more fluidity. For example, at the beginning of the story, Jimin and Taehyung are just hanging out, and then go take an IQ test. Perhaps you could connect this scene to the flashback that proceeds it, in which Taehyung is with his family. So overall, the writing is very good but it could just use a little more conceptual piecing together so it has more flow.
The plot is a little bit cliché, but you had some events and ideas that I have not seen before, like the ending scene.
However, I just have one concern about the ending scene. I assume that you are trying to convey the idea that nobody understands why Taehyung found the vandalizing job fun, but how does this connect to his mental illness? You kind of touch on the point that it has to do with his mental illness, but it isn’t very clear. I think that part could use some clarity so that you can end the story stronger.
Lastly, the atmosphere and mood set by the writing style was perfect for this kind of story, so good job on that.
• Characters: 018 / 020
Since this is a one-shot, I understand that there isn’t going to be much room for character development; but you did well. You described what was going on in Taehyung’s mind very well from the beginning of the story, and throughout. You provided a lot of insight for what was going in his mind in the first paragraph, but when you got the part where he was Jimin, it was hard to tell that he even had a mental illness. It would be good if you somehow implemented his issues into how he acts, speaks, and thinks during everyday situations a little more. As for Jimin, it was never stated how or why he was able to understand Taehyung well. If you could add in some subtle information about that, it would help uphold the themes of the story.
The only other thing I could wish for is a little more of character development for Jimin, as he is a secondary character and is prominent in Taehyung’s life. Both characters generally stayed in context and character the whole time, so that was good.
• Grammar:: 010 / 010
The grammar, spelling and punctuation are pretty accurate throughout, despite just a few errors. I know you are a native English speaker, so I would suggest just reading it through once more to catch some of those minor mistakes. The only thing I would say to change right away is in the Description. You have written the sentence “There were little happiness and little love.” “Were” should be changed to “Was”. That’s pretty important, as the description reflects the quality of the story itself.
• Writing Style: 009 / 010
Good description and imagery was exercised well throughout; I could imagine the scenes pretty well. It definitely made me feel like I was experiencing the plot myself, so you did a good job with that. The one thing you could improve on, however, is sentence structure. A lot of the sentences are choppy, and I noticed that there were several three or four-word sentences written consecutively in one paragraph. It kind of messed up the flow of the writing, so perhaps try to make the sentences less choppy by possibly combining them or extending them.
The word choice was pretty good, but you could probably have some room for more descriptive/powerful words here and there.
• Personal Satisfacton: 004 / 005
Being an ARMY, I’ll say that I truly did enjoy this story. It’s very hard to find good psychological themed BTS fics, so you really did justice to this theme. I found every event, every flashback, and every little moment between Jimin and Taehyung to be very interesting to read; there wasn’t a point at which I was bored with the story.
Great work, and keep writing, because you have a lot of potential!
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Reviewer's Notes / Advices
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| trxsh | Modified By StoicBread |
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