[R] Leftover Woman
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By: LeeAnne802
Poster
-
Information
► Genre(s):
• Angst
• Romance
► No. of Chapters:
• 7 Chapters
► Story Status:
• Ongoing
► Category:
• Multi-Chaptered
► Total: 087 / 100
• Angst
• Romance
► No. of Chapters:
• 7 Chapters
► Story Status:
• Ongoing
► Category:
• Multi-Chaptered
► Total: 087 / 100
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The Review
• Title: 008 / 010
The title took me offguard to be honest. I didn't know what to expect from the title itself until I read the foreword, 'nobody wants to marry her'. It was somewhat eye catching, since it's a rather unique title. However, it might cause slight confusion to the readers. 'Leftover woman' can mean a lot of things, I won't go in-depth towards it though.
• Description / Foreword: 020 / 020
The description and foreword was perfect. It was neat. Wasn't too long and it dived straight into the storyline. It basically summarizes the whole storyline. It would somehow pique the reader's curiosity, since arranged marriage usually doesn't involve the feeling of love in the beginning. So, the readers would be curious as how QiAng's marriage would turn out, especially when it's a marriage that would basically just fulfill her dad's wish for a son. There's nothing to change here.
• Appearance: 005 / 005
The poster was perfect for the storyline. Not too fancy, and the flowery background was actually nice. It puts somesort of soothing element into the story.
• Plot: 017 / 020
The plotflow was just right. Not too fast, not too slow. So, stick to the pace. You're doing a good job in it.
Describing why her father wanted to get her married soon was good. And the small snippets of QiAng's past were appropriate. It made me understand why QiAng was the way she is.
The plotflow is definitely making me curious as to how it's going to go. I couldn't spot plotholes as of now since there are only 7 chapters currently. It can also be further developed since it's not completed yet.
However, I have to admit, it's both creative and quite clinche unless you have somesort of twist in it.
• Characters: 017 / 020
I was honestly impressed with how you portrayed your character. They have a distinct personality and I like that. Even the minor characters like her parents had theirs. It's rare to find stories with characters who have a distinct personality of their own.
QiAng who's craving for his father's love, doing whatever she can even if it's against her own principle.
And Yixing whose sole purpose of marrying QiAng was to get back at her father, and get their family heirloom. He had no intentions of hurting QiAng but we don't get everything we want now do we? His character piqued my curiosity. I wonder if he'd still continue his relationship with Jie. His character is still a mystery to me though.
Yifan, so apparently QiAng's first love was Yifan. But the snippet of the confession made by QiAng has yet to be written or shown. Anyway, I wonder how his character would fit into the plot, besides the fact that he's QiAng's boss and her first love.
The development was there, definitely. With QiAng making an effort to 'impress' Yixing in chapter 6. But well, it didn't turn out all so well for her. I look forward to more interactions between them though. And further developments!
I can't give you the full marks because the characters can be further developed in future chapters. It's fine so far so keep it up!
• Grammar:: 008 / 010
I'm not one who judges their English based on whether or not it's their native language. To write an English story, you should already know the grammar basics or whatnot. However, your story was honestly surprising. There are a number of grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors but you can easily fix them. Just read the chapters through at least once or twice to spot the mistake. If you can't, I suggest that you get a beta-reader for your story. He/she will just fix the mistakes for you. They're minor though. So, don't fret over it. I bet you made the mistakes on impulse. I do that a lot too.
Examples:
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 6:
...she bit the inside of her cheek to hold it in,
Fixed: ...she bit the inside of her cheek to hold it in.
A full stop after a complete sentence.
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 14
You're father can die unhappy for all I care.
Fixed: Your father can die unhappy for all I care.
'You're' is the contraction word for 'You are'. So, instead of using 'you're father', it's right to use 'your'.
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 19
I'll won't allow it if you just say no.
Fixed: I won't allow it if you would just say no.
Same reason as above 'I'll' is the contraction word of 'I will'.
Either you use 'I will not allow it' or 'I won't allow it'. I add the word 'would' because her mother seemed to already know that QiAng wouldn't actually say 'no' to the proposal.
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 20
So, two birds with one stone.
Fixed: So, it's like killing two birds with one stone.
The proper idiom for it is 'kill two birds with one stone'.
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 36
This only confirmed that QiAng did not a right to say no.
Fixed: This only confirmed that QiAng did not have the right to say no.
These are just some of the minor errors.
The tenses used were mostly consistent. However there are some that weren't.
• Writing Style: 007 / 010
There was insufficient description, paired with the dialogues. It does pique certain emotions but it's definitely lacking. It feels like I want to cry but I'm choked, and the tears wouldn't come out. Be more specific over how the characters feel. Dialogues with an appropriate amount of description to pair with it. It'll definitely make your story flow smoother. And it'll definitely pique the emotions you're aiming for.
By description, I meant narrating how the characters feel. Instead of just describing the actions, describe how they feel while doing the action. You only do that in some parts of the stories, so it wasn't consistent and it would feel like the characters lack emotions.
However, I like that you describe the places and actions with detail. It helps with visualizing the scenes in my head. So, keep that up!
The word choice used were good as well.
• Personal Satisfacton: 004 / 005
I honestly look for a writing style that are emotion grabbing. Your lack of description weren't enough to grab the emotions in me. However, I have to admit, your story was creative. I was only familiar with arranged marriage that's solely for the benefit of the characters' company. For revenge, not so much. And to add on to that, it's done to appease the heroine's father. So, it was interesting for me. I look forward to your next update! I'm not one who's very fond of arranged marriages stories but yours definitely grabbed my attention!
The title took me offguard to be honest. I didn't know what to expect from the title itself until I read the foreword, 'nobody wants to marry her'. It was somewhat eye catching, since it's a rather unique title. However, it might cause slight confusion to the readers. 'Leftover woman' can mean a lot of things, I won't go in-depth towards it though.
• Description / Foreword: 020 / 020
The description and foreword was perfect. It was neat. Wasn't too long and it dived straight into the storyline. It basically summarizes the whole storyline. It would somehow pique the reader's curiosity, since arranged marriage usually doesn't involve the feeling of love in the beginning. So, the readers would be curious as how QiAng's marriage would turn out, especially when it's a marriage that would basically just fulfill her dad's wish for a son. There's nothing to change here.
• Appearance: 005 / 005
The poster was perfect for the storyline. Not too fancy, and the flowery background was actually nice. It puts somesort of soothing element into the story.
• Plot: 017 / 020
The plotflow was just right. Not too fast, not too slow. So, stick to the pace. You're doing a good job in it.
Describing why her father wanted to get her married soon was good. And the small snippets of QiAng's past were appropriate. It made me understand why QiAng was the way she is.
The plotflow is definitely making me curious as to how it's going to go. I couldn't spot plotholes as of now since there are only 7 chapters currently. It can also be further developed since it's not completed yet.
However, I have to admit, it's both creative and quite clinche unless you have somesort of twist in it.
• Characters: 017 / 020
I was honestly impressed with how you portrayed your character. They have a distinct personality and I like that. Even the minor characters like her parents had theirs. It's rare to find stories with characters who have a distinct personality of their own.
QiAng who's craving for his father's love, doing whatever she can even if it's against her own principle.
And Yixing whose sole purpose of marrying QiAng was to get back at her father, and get their family heirloom. He had no intentions of hurting QiAng but we don't get everything we want now do we? His character piqued my curiosity. I wonder if he'd still continue his relationship with Jie. His character is still a mystery to me though.
Yifan, so apparently QiAng's first love was Yifan. But the snippet of the confession made by QiAng has yet to be written or shown. Anyway, I wonder how his character would fit into the plot, besides the fact that he's QiAng's boss and her first love.
The development was there, definitely. With QiAng making an effort to 'impress' Yixing in chapter 6. But well, it didn't turn out all so well for her. I look forward to more interactions between them though. And further developments!
I can't give you the full marks because the characters can be further developed in future chapters. It's fine so far so keep it up!
• Grammar:: 008 / 010
I'm not one who judges their English based on whether or not it's their native language. To write an English story, you should already know the grammar basics or whatnot. However, your story was honestly surprising. There are a number of grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors but you can easily fix them. Just read the chapters through at least once or twice to spot the mistake. If you can't, I suggest that you get a beta-reader for your story. He/she will just fix the mistakes for you. They're minor though. So, don't fret over it. I bet you made the mistakes on impulse. I do that a lot too.
Examples:
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 6:
...she bit the inside of her cheek to hold it in,
Fixed: ...she bit the inside of her cheek to hold it in.
A full stop after a complete sentence.
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 14
You're father can die unhappy for all I care.
Fixed: Your father can die unhappy for all I care.
'You're' is the contraction word for 'You are'. So, instead of using 'you're father', it's right to use 'your'.
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 19
I'll won't allow it if you just say no.
Fixed: I won't allow it if you would just say no.
Same reason as above 'I'll' is the contraction word of 'I will'.
Either you use 'I will not allow it' or 'I won't allow it'. I add the word 'would' because her mother seemed to already know that QiAng wouldn't actually say 'no' to the proposal.
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 20
So, two birds with one stone.
Fixed: So, it's like killing two birds with one stone.
The proper idiom for it is 'kill two birds with one stone'.
Original: Chapter 1, Paragraph 36
This only confirmed that QiAng did not a right to say no.
Fixed: This only confirmed that QiAng did not have the right to say no.
These are just some of the minor errors.
The tenses used were mostly consistent. However there are some that weren't.
• Writing Style: 007 / 010
There was insufficient description, paired with the dialogues. It does pique certain emotions but it's definitely lacking. It feels like I want to cry but I'm choked, and the tears wouldn't come out. Be more specific over how the characters feel. Dialogues with an appropriate amount of description to pair with it. It'll definitely make your story flow smoother. And it'll definitely pique the emotions you're aiming for.
By description, I meant narrating how the characters feel. Instead of just describing the actions, describe how they feel while doing the action. You only do that in some parts of the stories, so it wasn't consistent and it would feel like the characters lack emotions.
However, I like that you describe the places and actions with detail. It helps with visualizing the scenes in my head. So, keep that up!
The word choice used were good as well.
• Personal Satisfacton: 004 / 005
I honestly look for a writing style that are emotion grabbing. Your lack of description weren't enough to grab the emotions in me. However, I have to admit, your story was creative. I was only familiar with arranged marriage that's solely for the benefit of the characters' company. For revenge, not so much. And to add on to that, it's done to appease the heroine's father. So, it was interesting for me. I look forward to your next update! I'm not one who's very fond of arranged marriages stories but yours definitely grabbed my attention!
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Reviewer's Notes / Advices
I am certainly excited for your story. It definitely grabbed my attention and I'm looking forward to your updates! Yes, I'm going to stay subscribed. You might want to get your story proofread though, there are multiple grammar mistakes, or spelling errors.
| trxsh | Modified By StoicBread |
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