Reviewed By: noticemesenpai2000
Date Requested: Aug 7, 2016
Date Finished: Aug 17, 2016

 

Information

► Genre(s):
     • Comedy
     • Drama
     • Fluff
     • Slice of life

► No. of Chapters:
     • 10 Chapters

► Story Status:
     • Completed

► Category:
     • Multi-Chaptered

► Total: 072 / 100

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The Review

    • Title: 006 / 010

While it's not the most creative or eye-catching title out there, it doesn't give away much about the story so it kinda draws the reader in to read the description out of curiousity. I wouldn't say it's overused but it's not unique either. You could say it's somewhere in the middle. As far as connection to the plot goes, I can't tell for sure because it's a little bit of a vague title.

    • Description / Foreword: 017 / 020

I like that your description is short and straight to the point. It tells you exactly what's in the story. Adding a quote in the Foreword was also a pretty good idea. Plus it's really cool that you included the word count in the Foreword, letting the reader know how right off the bat how long the story would be.

 

 

The trailer is actually amazing! The actress in the trailer is the same girl that's in the poster and the guy she was with kinda resembles Chanyeol, which shows you actually paid attention to detail. People only hire trailer makers when they can't make one themselves, and trust me, you can, and you are damn good at it. Not to mention your Foreword looks REALLY pretty and I like your font of choice. That really catches the reader's eye, so two thumbs up to you!

Now the only negative is that the description sounds a little too cliche. It doesn't sound like a particularly new idea. The storyline is predictable and has been done many times before. And while there are readers who do like reading cliches, there are also others who are looking for something new and refreshing to read, and are therefore unlikely to give your story a try.

    • Appearance: 004 / 005

Like I said before, your Foreword is really pretty. The poster, the trailer, the fonts, pretty much everything just looks really good. You've absolutely nailed the visual aspect down, I'll tell you that much! The only problem is that the font is way too small in the chapters and the font size is inconsistent at parts.

    • Plot: 012 / 020

I'll start off with the negatives. To be perfectly honest, the plot is very overused and cliche, just as expected when I read the description. There's hardly anything original or new about it, it's just your typical love story between two best friends who accidentally slept together after one had a bad breakup and a night of drinking too much alcohol. The overall plot itself felt sparse but incredibly dragged on. Dare I say it was even downright boring.

The story hardly drew me in, and to be honest I wouldn't have read anymore than half the first chapter if I was a casual reader checking out your story. There was hardly any humor to keep me going either, and attempts at comedy felt rather forced. The only line that actually made me laugh was "Kevin Wu, I would marry you in a potato sack."

However, there are quite a few positives too. I like that you paid a lot of attention to detail. For example, Megan is described exactly as the girl in the poster, and the fact that she's American is acknowledged. That might not really be a big deal but I found that pretty cool anyway. I liked the bit where you revealed about Kevin's dispute with his parents over his relationship with Megan. It made me feel some actual pity for him and think he wasn't a total jerk after all. He did what he did because he was under a lot of stress, and while it doesn't necessarily justify his actions, it makes him seem like less of a jerk anyway.

I also really liked the LayHan moment and the whole LayHanKai love triangle. I personally would have liked to see more of that haha. I also liked the fact that your story had that hint of realism in it, like how Megan was stressing over what she would do after graduating and how her visa was about to expire. I guess you could say I liked the fact that the story wasn't just focused on the romance, but also on real life problems. And while it might be a little dull to read, it's still cool that you shed some light on that.

    • Characters: 015 / 020

Your writing is very descriptive in nature so there was a lot of character development. The characters were consistent throughout the story, which was pretty cool. The only problem is, I found myself taking more of a liking to the side characters than the main characters themselves, Megan and Chanyeol. There was simply nothing special about them, nothing that really attracted me to them or made me particularly like them. Heck, even Kevin had more going for him than those two.

On the other hand there was Baekhyun, who was this sassy, short-tempered yet reliable best friend. I was honestly pretty shocked to find his character like that because in most stories that I read, Baekhyun is this cheerful, mood-maker kinda person who is also a little sassy. I like that you made him different, but at the same time it suited him and I could imagine Baekhyun saying things like that. I personally thought that was really cool and he was definitely my favorite character in the story. I also really liked Luhan and Yixing, and like I said earlier, I wish there was some more about them.

Also this isn't particularly important, but at first I thought Kevin Wu was Kevin from U-KISS, untill you cleared it up later in an author's note. But since then, the image of him being Kevin from U-KISS kinda stuck with me. You also named him "Kris" a few times in Chapter two. I'm not really sure if that was accidental, but I thought it'd be better if I let you know.

    • Grammar:: 010 / 010

Your grammar was pretty much perfect, if not for a very few little errors here and there. None of them are particularly annoying nor do they ruin the flow of the story, so I didn't find it neccessary to penalise you for them. It was obvious they were accidental anyway. But I really was impressed with your grammar, so good job!

    • Writing Style: 006 / 010

Your writing is actually really good. Your sentences flow well and it certainly evokes the reader's five senses. You have quite good vocabulary too but there weren't many fancy words that made the reader feel like you were showing it off. What really put me off was that it was way too descriptive, way more than it should have been. There's just too many details, many things that the reader just doesn't care about and is simply unneccessary information. I understand you want to create this very specific image in the reader's head, but sometimes you should leave some things to their imagination. I often found myself skipping through paragraphs. Sometimes there's just too much between dialogues that I forget what the characters were even talking about. In fact, it's part of the reason why the story feels so dragged on. Descriptive writing is usually a good thing, but remember that too much of anything can be bad, and that was the case here.

    • Personal Satisfacton: 002 / 005

I'm sorry to say that the story simply wasn't enjoyable for me. Many a times I found myself straight up bored and uninterested. The plot itself is cliche, predictable and didn't have any interesting plot twists to keep it going. There was hardly any comedy too.

 

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