Reviewed By: StoicBread
Date Requested: June 30, 2016
Date Finished: August 17, 2016

 

Information

► Genre(s):
     • Angst
     • Romance
     • Tragedy
     • Drama
     • Mystery
     • School Life
     • Friendship

► No. of Chapters:
     • 3 Chapters

► Story Status:
     • Ongoing

► Category:
     • Multi-Chaptered

► Total: 081 / 000

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The Review

    • Title: 007 / 010

At first, the title Save Me didn't make much sense to me; it looks plain but short, it doesn't give much distinction to the other titles, didn't catch much attention, and I've almost concluded that you based it off of BTS' same title song. That is until I've read the Description, now it finally made sense; Save Me captured the story's intended atmosphrere: Angst.

    • Description / Foreword: 018 / 020

The Description perfectly fits! I can clearly see the Angst oozing out from the Description, especially the parts where you mentioned broken hearts and the main character's overall suffering. Honestly, your Description's the one who lured me into reading the story. The Description and the Title compliments each other, which made it more alluring to read and would attract attention. I would gladly read any story with a Description as neat and angsty as this. However there are some grammatical mistakes such as:

I got thrown into a place...

...who cut her feat from the pieces of the broken hearts? (The isn't really necessary in the sentence.)

Though not really a mistake, I would suggest that instead of italizing face, I advice:

I still had to face it because there was no such thing as running forever.

Italizing face doesn't evoke much of the idea of Mystery, but italizing it does; because then, the reader would ask, "It? Who's / What's she going to face? Is it an evil entity (as it was linked with problems)?"

The Foreword is also neat and done well like the Description. I was surprised by the fact that it's all so accurate, like what font style and font size you used. Though I have no problem with putting the Prologue in the Foreword, it's kind of long when I scrolled in my mobile and it took several scrolls (plus my phone is a bit laggy). You don't need to remove the Prologue, but I think you should resize the character profiles into a smaller size.

    • Appearance: 004 / 005

The poster and the background were aesthetically pleasing to the eye, and greatly captures the intended idea of Angst, Mystery, and Drama because of the dark tones of the poster and background. But the Romance is barely captured. I know that this story focused solely on Angst just by judging from the Description, but I haven't seen anything or even symbolism (like in the form of a rose, which commonly symbolises love).

The font style and font size you chose fit well, and thank goodness, it's easy to read.

    • Plot: 018 / 020

When you said in the author's note in the Foreword that this story isn't some high schoool romance and that this story is related to the lives of some teenagares most of us can relate, you weren't lying; the plot itself resembles some of the problems Kim Taehee was facing (her hatred for her father, being bullied, the fact that she knew that she was a 'mistake'.) and these are some real problems that are difficult to tackle in real life. Just by seeing this conflicts, one could tell that there would be some strong Angst going on in the story, and I absolutely love the fact that you perfectly captured the intended moods: Mystery, Drama, especially Angst, but faintly Romance. Romance can come later, as I can see some potential love interest (Baekhyun maybe?) except for Jimin 'cause he ain't warming up soon.

Overall, the plot is realistically made, and it's unique because I haven't read any stories yet with the same plot or key points as yours. So far, there are no plotholes.

    • Characters: 020 / 020

The characters in the story are shaped well, albeit incomplete since, well, it's just three chapters. I can see that there had been some characterization going on as suggested by Taehee, mainly about Taehyung and Namjoon. I observed that Taehyung and Namjoon are less harsher towards Taehee (especially Namjoon, with all that smiles and greetings to Taehee) as suggested by Taehee in her falshback at the birthday party. But then again, this was all told in the perspective of Taehee. Yoongi and Chanyeol stick to their characters as well, though not much given screentime to have a full conclusion. I hope that you will also shed some light about them, too. So far, no characters were OOC.

All I could say about Taehee's character is that her character is improving, proven by the fact that she was a quiet girl in the past but she stood up to Jimin in the present storyline. I also love that you revealed that she likes to paint in a good exposition. The technique you used in revealing her hobbies as used well.

The one I'm curious the most is Jimin's character. He always just seems to be angry for no reason at all (exclude the Prologue xD) whenever he sees Taehee. Perhaps, because he doesn't want Taehee to own that locker? Or maybe because that locker was previously owned by his deceased sister? If it is the reason, then that would make partial sense, because we really don't know if his relationship with his sister is a close one or a hate-relationship like Taehyung and Taehee. Love-hate relationship, maybe?

    • Grammar:: 004 / 010

Missing commas, missing dashes, wrong uses of underscores, and wrong tenses. Those are just a few of the grammatical errors. I understand that you are not an English native speaker and so am I! That's why I'm tying to help :) Though not major to disrupt the flow of the story, here are the grammatical errors I found in Chapter 1:

As she said, "Problems doesn't solve on their own, Hee."
(As she said, "Problems don't solve their own, Hee.")

I looked down on the two bags where my new school's uniforms were kept in, neatly folded.
(I looked down on the two bags where my new school uniforms were kept in, neatly folded.)

They were just plain maroon sweatshirts with school's badge on them an greay sweatpants.
(They were just plain maroon sweatshirts with the school's badge on them an greay sweatpants.)

A painful memory tugged my heart as I remembered what changed within this one year. My respect for my father. Long story short, I found about something which would have been better, hidden.
(A painful memory tugged my heart as I remembered what changed within this year: my respect for my father. Long story short, I found about something which would have been better hidden.)

My father talked pulling my luggage and huge backpack along with him.
(My father talked, pulling my luggage and huge backpack along with him.)

He grew a bit taller than the last time, his originally black hair was dyed to dark brown making him look older than his age.
(He grew a bit taller than last time, his originally black hair was dyed to dark brown, making him look older than his age.)

I cleared my throat looking away.
(I cleared my throat and looked away.) - This is to acheive Parallelism.

Taehyung opened the door wider and moved to a side letting our father pass him, the jerk didn’t even offer any help to carry the heavy bags.
(Taehyung opened the door wider and moved to the side letting our father pass him, the jerk didn’t even offer any help to carry the heavy bags.)

Witihin a second, I was engulfed in her bone crushing hug.
(Witihin a second, I was engulfed in her bone-crushing hug.)

I didn't come here ever since my parents moved to the new place which my father couldn't stop bragging about how big it was.
(I haven't come here ever since my parents moved to the new place which my father couldn't stop bragging about how big it was.)

I couldn't careless.
(I couldn't care less.)

Yes, I ran away from home last year and lived with my aunt for a year so I didn't know much happening in my parent's life or... my brother's life.
(Yes, I ran away from home last year and lived with my aunt for a year so I didn't know much about my parent's life or... my brother's life.)

I closed my eyes when I remembered the last conversation with my brother, Kim Taehyung.
(I closed my eyes when I remembered the last conversation I had with my brother, Kim Taehyung.)

"Trust me, if I had another place to go, I will never think twice leaving this house."
("Trust me, if I had another place to go, I would never think twice leaving this house.")

...I lost it because he called my mother a homewrecker which she wasn't.
(...I lost it because he called my mother a homewrecker which she isn't.) - Because for the main character (remember, the story's in her POV), it's a general truth and all general truths must be stated in present form.

...I don't hate him even though he hates me, every single bits of me.
(...I don't hate him even though he hates every single bit of me.)

The double sized bed next to the windwow, just how I liked it.
(The double-sized bed next to the windwow, just how I liked it.)

...listening to the steady sound of my heart beats.
(...listening to the steady sound of my heartbeats.)

I inhaled the fresh air and smiled looking at the huge houses lit up in front of me.
(I inhaled the fresh air and smiled, looking at the huge houses lit up in front of me.)

Here I was sitting on my brother’s motorbike as he drove it at high speed, higher than the limited speed allowed.
(Here I was, sitting on my brother’s motorbike as he drove it at high speed, higher than the limited speed allowed. )

I clanged onto his jacket tightly as he accelerated the speed making me whimper softly, I leaned my head against his back waiting for the bike to crash at anywhere soon.
(I clinged onto his jacket tightly as he accelerated the speed making me whimper softly, I leaned my head against his back waiting for the bike to crash at anywhere soon.) - clanged is like a sound. Clinged is the more appropriate one.

How can a nineteen-year-old own that_
(How can a nineteen-year-old own that-)

I asked trying to sound dominating even though I was freaking out from inside.
(I asked, trying to sound dominating even though I was freaking out from inside.)

The guy maybe good-looking but that didn’t give him any right to treat me like this.
(The guy maybe good-looking, but that didn’t give him any right to treat me like this.)

I looked down on the two bags where my new school's uniforms were kept in, neatly folded.
(I looked down on the two bags where my new school uniforms were kept in, neatly folded.)

They were just plain maroon sweatshirts with school's badge on them an greay sweatpants.
(They were just plain maroon sweatshirts with the school's badge on them an greay sweatpants.)

A painful memory tugged my heart as I remembered what changed within this one year. My respect for my father. Long story short, I found about something which would have been better, hidden.
(A painful memory tugged my heart as I remembered what changed within this year: my respect for my father. Long story short, I found about something which would have been better hidden.)

My father talked pulling my luggage and huge backpack along with him.
(My father talked, pulling my luggage and huge backpack along with him.)

He grew a bit taller than the last time, his originally black hair was dyed to dark brown making him look older than his age.
(He grew a bit taller than last time, his originally black hair was dyed to dark brown, making him look older than his age.)

I cleared my throat looking away.
(I cleared my throat and looked away.) - This is to acheive Parallelism.

Taehyung opened the door wider and moved to a side letting our father pass him, the jerk didn’t even offer any help to carry the heavy bags.
(Taehyung opened the door wider and moved to the side letting our father pass him, the jerk didn’t even offer any help to carry the heavy bags.)

Witihin a second, I was engulfed in her bone crushing hug.
Witihin a second, I was engulfed in her bone-crushing hug

    • Writing Style: 006 / 010

I observed that your writing style mainly revolved around the character's actions and the character's thoughts (especially Taehee). There's some moderate and small, yet effective and simple Descriptive Writing going on in the story. Though I would advice you to write the characters' (especially Taehee's; since this was all told in her POV) emotions. There's some emotions going on in the story, but they aren't really strong enough; it lacks a little. But don't worry, you're almost there at depicting the characters' emotions :)

I also liked the fact that you used a rhetorical device where you showed repetitive emphasis (Anaphora) to emphasize and shed some light on Taehee's character with the words I wasand I [verb]:

"I was a nerd. I obeyed school rules and regulations, I dressed school’s uniform properly, I listened to the teachers well, I scored good grades, I was a bookworm and I was a daddy’s girl. But I really didn’t mind being alone now, I was used to it. I was fine with it and really comfortable-"

Okay, let's get out of the more technical stuff xD I could totes relate to her character though.

The word choice is fairly simple and good. However, there are some sentences from Chapter 1 that are lenghty so I tried shortening them:

I stared out of the window as the car kept moving towards the direction of our home as my father informed me, new home.
(I stared out of the window as the car kept moving towards the direction of our home, new home, as my father informed me.)

I looked at him not even trying to hide my irritable mood because I had to live with my parents again, not that I hate it but I was so happy when I lived with my aunt and her four-year-old son whom I was going to miss really badly.
(I looked at him, not even trying to hide my irritable mood because I had to live with my parents again; not that I hate it, but I was so happy when I lived with my aunt and her four-year-old son whom I was going to miss really badly.)

    • Personal Satisfacton: 005 / 005

First of all, your story intrigued the hell out of me, like 진짜! It peaked my interest and I would love to follow and wait for updates on that story ^_^
 

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