Onho #16 broken wings #32 open your eyes

Warnings: anxiety and panic attacks

Jinki finally made it to the third floor bathroom, sweat was starting to roll down his back and his breath was getting shorter.  Thankfully it was vacant and he eased the door together in the last stall.  He sagged against the tile wall, loosening his necktie, the offending piece of material nearly strangling him.  

He tried taking a deep breath and counting like his therapist had suggested but the tightness in his chest forced the air out in almost a wheeze.  This just made him frustrated, cursing himself in his head that he can’t even get himself under control enough to simply breathe. 

A buzzing sound in his pocket made him jump and he wiped his palms on his trousers before getting his phone out.  

Minho:  Hey, I’m in the lobby.  Where are you?

Me:  Third floor bathroom.

He didn’t know what else to say.  He didn’t want to worry Minho but he really didn’t want him to come find him either.  As much as he felt like he needed someone when he got like this, he really hated the way Minho looked at him so worried with those sad eyes.  Saying anything to try to comfort him  because he really didn’t fully understand what was going on.  

Jinki started to get tunnel vision the shorter his breaths got and he started to get dizzy.  He heard the bathroom door open and he tried to be quiet until he heard Minho.  

“Jinki?  You okay?”

Minho pushed open the door and Jinki looked down at the floor immediately afraid to face his boyfriend.  

“It’s okay.”  Minho’s soft voice made him want to cry and he choked on the lump forming  in his throat.  “Shh.”  He rubbed his shoulders.  “What can I do?”

All he could do was manage to shake his head.  He didn’t even know what to do when his panic attacks hit him this hard, how can he tell Minho what to do…

“Do you want me to leave?”  

Jinki shook his head again.  Minho nodded and flipped the toilet lid down and sat, holding onto Jinki’s hand the back of gently with his thumb.  “Try to breath babe.”

Jinki nodded but all he wanted to do was collapse on the floor.  

“Come on.  In.”  Minho waited until he saw Jinki inhale.  “1 2 3…”

Jinki choked a little on the sobs he was fighting back, he gripped Minho’s hand tighter.  

“Good.  That’s okay.  In 1 2 3 4 5”  He let out a shaky breath that time.  “Better.”

Minho counted him through each breath, praising Jinki with each one as they got steadier and he started to ease the grip on his hand.  He relaxed against the wall and clenched his eyes shut.  “Thank you.  I-I’m really sorry I-”

“Stop.”  Minho stood up in front of him.  “Look at me.”  Jinki just clenched his eyes shut in defiance.  “Please.  Open your eyes.”  He finally did and Minho kissed him sweetly.  “Never apologize for something you don’t have control over like this.  

“But you…”

Minho smiled.  “But I would happily wait here and hold your hand for as long as you needed.  I may not always know what to do but I can do that.  Or hold you or wait outside if you need to be alone.  So don’t worry about me.”