Things You Always Said.

“Youngjae, wake up” Jaebum chimed, shaking Youngjae’s body.

“No” Youngjae whined, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Youngjae! Wake up!” Jaebum yelled right into Youngjae’s left ear, which annoyed the out of Youngjae who was still half asleep.

“It’s our first day as husbands! Don’t you feel excited? We’re married! You’re my husband” Jaebum was beyond excited. He couldn’t contain the fact that he was actually married to one person he wasn’t sure could even befriend a year ago.

“So you decided to bug your sleeping husband? That’s rude, hyung” Youngjae muttered, turning to lie on his back and hopefully fall back asleep.

“No, it’s romantic, idiot! Come on, wake up! We have to have a breakfast together, then we’re going to take a walk in the park nearby, after that a very romantic dinner at the nearest to us restaurant and then dinner at that one place you’ve been dying to go. I already made reservations” Jaebum blabbered, which Youngjae didn’t hear due to him sleeping his tired off.

“Choi Youngjae!” Jaebum shouted, getting on their king sized bed with lilac bed sheets and started to jump up and down like a pumped up 5 year old on a Christmas day.

“Im Jaebum, stop” Youngjae shouted out of frustration and sat up to see his husband. But because he had just woken up and because his eyes weren’t ready for the brightness of the morning, all Youngjae could see was nothing but a tall blurry figure shaking.

“You’re up!” a very out of breathe Jaebum said, still jumping on their new bed.

“You’re going to break the bed!” Youngjae complained, rubbing his eyes.

“Are you calling me fat, Youngjae-ssi? Huh? You weren’t complaining about my weight yesterday, were you, Youngjae-ssi?” Jaebum joked, laughing rapidly.

“Oh my god, my husband, you’re blushing. You look like a tomato” Jaebum said, sitting on Youngjae’s lap, his front facing Youngjae’s tomato like face.

“Hyung, stop” Youngjae whined. Jaebum cupped Youngjae’s face and started kissing it.

“Don’t be embarrassed, small baby” Jaebum cooed, kissing his husband’s face over and over again.

“I love you so much, Youngjae-ssi” Jaebum said, hugging his husband.

“I love you so so much” Jaebum repeated.

Youngjae was on his way to his new office that was still a mess after Youngjae’s breakdown a couple of days ago. Youngjae hadn’t had the energy to go to his work, which was why he hadn’t had the opportunity to clean up after himself.

Frankly, Youngjae didn’t want to clean up all the mess as it all reminded him of Jaebum and that stupid day. But now or never he still had to pick up the books he had thrown, the papers he had torn and his old phone he had smashed against the wall out of his anger towards his husband or possibly his ex-husband.

“Mr. Choi, there’s someone here that says he wants to see you” Youngjae’s assistant said, while Youngjae was busy rearranging his library.

“Is it one of my patients?” Youngjae asked. No matter how much he loved his job and no matter how close he was to his patients Youngjae didn’t want to see any of them. Truthfully, he was the one in need of therapy.

“I don’t think so, he looks like someone in his late twenties and he doesn’t have a kid with him” his assistant informed.

“Alright, let him in” Youngjae sighed.

“How can I help you, sir?” Youngjae turned around to greet his unexpected guest.

“I just need a few minutes to talk with you” Jaebum was standing near the door, with his eyes on the floor.

“You look like hell” was the first thing Youngjae had said to his husband who indeed did look like hell. Youngjae didn’t know that Jaebum’s been staying in his office for the two days he’s been away, Youngjae also didn’t know that Jaebum hasn’t been eating enough or sleeping enough, if any at all.

“Sorry” Jaebum said, still not looking at Youngjae.

“What did you want to talk about” Youngjae decided to ignore Jaebum’s destroyed look.

“The thing I said” Jaebum said.

“What thing? The divorce?” Youngjae got to the point without hesitating.

“Yeah” was all Jaebum could say.

“Do you want to get the divorce” Youngjae looked at Jaebum, who was standing like a kid who ruined his mom’s lipstick by eating it.

“I don’t want to hurt you” Jaebum whispered.

“I love you and I don’t want to hurt you” Jaebum said louder this time.

“The thing is the last few months haven’t been the greatest moments of my life and our relationship. I know that, I notice that as well…”

“Then why didn’t you do anything about it” Youngjae cut Jaebum off. He was mad. Why was Jaebum, who himself brought up the divorce, standing in his office pleading guilty, trying to gain pity from Youngjae.

“The thing is that the company I started with one of my friends, it needed and still needs investors and partners but those weren’t possible because of… our marriage, because of my uality” Jaebum explained trying to make Youngjae understand the difficult situation he was in, but it only angered Youngjae even further.

“So you’d rather divorce your spouse and save your company than just give up that business” Youngjae spat out.

“Youngjae, look, I’m trying to explain but you’re making this harder” Jaebum was starting to get annoyed with Youngjae talking back and not letting him stand his ground.

“Let’s just get divorced then” Youngjae didn’t want to continue on this ridiculous conversation that would perhaps lead to Youngjae feeling guilty about nothing and just proving to Jaebum that he could get away with anything.

“Wait, Youngjae” Jaebum pleaded. He didn’t want to lose Youngjae. He didn’t want to let go of his source of strength and contentment. Without Youngjae, Jaebum doubted that he could keep on living, let alone continue the business that he was giving up Youngjae for.

“Youngjae, you can’t do that” Jaebum started to cry. Tears were leaking out uncontrollably and without a stop. Jaebum didn’t know what he would do without Youngjae’s sunny face brightening up his mornings and his gentle hands letting lose his tensed muscles in the evenings. He didn’t know how he could possibly survive without Youngjae’s sweet voice echoing in every room of the apartment while he was working. He couldn’t imagine his life without Youngjae’s laughter and giggles.

“Don’t leave me, please, I can’t live without you” Jaebum had dropped in his knees in front of Youngjae with tears still running down his cheeks.

“Don’t leave me” Jaebum begged.

“Please”

It hurt Youngjae’s heart to see his once powerful and prideful husband miserable and fragile like this.

“Hyung, get up, please” Youngjae said, wrapping his arms around Jaebum and hugging him tightly.

“Jaebum hyung” Youngjae didn’t want to leave either. Heck, frankly, he wouldn’t have left unless Jaebum made him.

“Hyung, I won’t leave. I can’t leave you. You are my everything, hyung” Youngjae confessed, holding Jaebum safely in his arms.

“I love you so much” Youngjae whispered to his scared husband.

“Do you know how terrified I am to lose you, Youngjae? I can’t imagine you missing from my life. I can’t imagine your alarm clock not ringing ten thousand times in the morning just so that you would wake up and give me a small peck on my cheek” Jaebum said through his tears.

“Don’t be, Jaebum. I’m right here and I’ll always be right here” Youngjae hugged Jaebum tighter.

“We can figure something about the company, we’ll do something about it, baby, don’t need to worry” Youngjae spoke, slowly Jaebum’s messy hair.

“I love you” Jaebum confessed.

For some reason, even though Jaebum said those three words a lot, every time those words escaped Jaebum’s mouth and reached Youngjae’s ears, every single time, without a doubt it sent shivers down Youngjae’s spine and lit up a huge fire of desire inside of Youngjae. Every time Jaebum declared ‘I love you’ with a proud voice, it made Youngjae feel like he could conquer the world with his bare hands.

Youngjae held Jaebum’s hands and looked into his milky brown eyes.

“I love you” Youngjae said and kissed his husband.

“I love you furthermore” Jaebum smiled, resting his forehead on Youngjae’s forehead.