Things You Said When You Were Scared.

 “Jae Bum, the thing is…” Jaebum’s business partner said, before taking a long pause, thinking over his words again and again, trying not to offend one of his biggest investors.

“The thing is, you’re married… to a guy at that. A lot of our customers don’t… I mean, a lot of them are either middle aged, or old and have conservative views, so they don’t… they won’t like you being our spokesperson. It’s nothing against you, Jaebum;  it’s just not good for our brand to start off with a gay spokesperson and model” his partner continued, making Jaebum angrier with every words he thought he could drop from his mouth.

“What the do you mean” Jaebum said, looking displeased and pissed already. Of course, he’d be pissed; anyone would if you some dude started to talk about your marriage.

“I mean, Jaebum, and don’t get mad, please, it’s just I really want to make this work”

“Me too, but what does our business have to do with my, I repeat, MY, own, personal marriage?” Jaebum inquired, outraged by what his business was saying.

“If you’re going to be our spokesperson, like you’re saying you want to be, then people are going to eventually find out about Youngjae and everything like and I’m afraid, that won’t bring us anything good”

“So you’re saying people won’t be buying our product just because I’m gay? That’s stupid” Jaebum argued. People weren’t that ty to judge a product by its spokesperson’s ual orientation, or at least Jaebum hoped so.

“Okay, then, say the customers won’t react badly. What about the other investors? I already had one major company’s CEO drop out because he’d found out about you and Youngjae and said that he didn’t want to part of anything like that” Jaebum couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Why would anyone even care whether I was gay, transgender, or even a goddamn alien? It’s none of their ing business. All they should care about is if our product is any good” Jaebum shouted, mad that any of would even have the time to give a single about whether he was married to a man or a woman.

“Then what if we just don’t tell them about it? Plus I could also stopped being a spokesperson, we could hire some family friendly person” Jaebum was desperate and tired. He just wanted to lie down next to Youngjae and talk to him; he wanted to tell him how scared and afraid he was; how mad he was that people weren’t able understand his love for Youngjae.

“They’ll find out anyway, whether we tell them or not, and whether you’re the spokesperson or one of the CEOs”

“Then what the are you suggesting we do? For me to drop out of a project I’ve invested too much time and money in? Or for me to divorce my husband of two years” Jaebum was ready to punch his so called friend, who was too much of a and cared about other people’s crap way too much.

“I mean you don’t have to do any of those two” Jaebum’s partner trailed off, too scared to continue talking.

Jaebum woke up drenched in sweat. He thought too much these days. Too much and too often. He looked to his right and saw Youngjae peacefully sleeping away the night.

Jaebum couldn’t stop having nightmares about that particular conversation he had with his business partner a few months back. He was too scared.

And looking at Youngjae just made him more terrified of how things were going to turn out in the end.

He didn’t want to leave Youngjae. He didn’t want to let go of him.

“Youngjae, baby, are you awake?” Jaebum gently wrapped his arms around his sleeping husband.

Youngjae moaned and stuck to his chest, hugging him tightly, but didn’t wake up.

“Babe, I don’t want to leave you” Jaebum whispered, looking at Youngjae.

“I’m so scared Youngjae. So scared that life might take your precious face away from me”

“Please don’t leave me, Youngjae. Never leave me” Jaebum kissed Youngjae’s forehead, hoping for the best.