Family dinners. What joy! Don’t get me wrong. I love my parents. They have raised me well. It’s just that I have become mom’s favourite person to pick on recently. Since Matt is hardly around and Gerald is not officially blood related, I am the sole sensible victim for mom’s mid-life crisis.

Mom: I think you are being a little too picky darling. There are plenty of eligible men out there! I am not getting any younger you know. I’d like to see grandkids before I leave this earth.

Oh here we go. She’s starting up another one of those “my time on earth is now very limited” speeches.

“Mom, you are a completely healthy individual. You will live long enough to see grandchildren! Why don’t you nag Matt, he’s older and he’s making more money.”

Mom: Darling, I’m more concerned about you because it’s harder for us women. We have a biological clock to worry about.

Dad: Don’t mind your mother baby. You have plenty of years ahead of you before you should even begin to worry about your biological clock.

“Thanks Dad.”

It’s pretty obvious who my favourite parent is.

Mom: I just want to see you settled already. Now that you have completed your degree, have your own place and a business to run, it’s only logical that the next step is to have a family.

“What about having fun and making the most of my single life, huh mom?”

Gerald: It must get pretty lonely though, living on your own. Don’t you miss having someone to hold you at night?

Of course Ge would take mom’s side just to vex me!

“I don’t remember asking for your input Gerald. Sounds to me like you’re speaking for yourself. After all I haven’t seen any girl accompanying you on those oh-so-lonely nights.”

Mom: I’m sure Gerald is single by choice. Anyhow, Kimberley darling, I hope you have given some thought on what I told you earlier about getting back on the dating wagon. You have to make yourself available for true love darling.

Dad: Baby, true love will come when the time is right. You don’t want to look desperate. In the meantime you can focus your attention towards the bar.

Yep…I love my dad. Unfortunately his opinion hardly ever counts and hardly ever gets noticed by mom. She is the type of person that would go on with her plans no matter what.

Mom: Well, I ran into an old friend from college and she happened to mention her successful, single son. We thought it would be really swell to get you guys to meet. I would really like you to start making an effort darling and take up my suggestion.

Sure she sounds like she’s giving me a choice but really…she won’t stop until she gets her way so there’s just no way out.

“What are the chances that you are going to let this whole dating thing go?”

Mom: Very slim honey. You need to at least show me some effort before I can agree to leave you alone.

“Just as I thought. Fine. I’ll call this guy.”

Dad: Baby you don’t have to put yourself through this.

Mom: Will, if you can’t be of any help, just zip it. Actually Kim darling, my friend and I have taken the liberty to book dinner for you and Simon at the Crystal Cove Restaurant tomorrow night. You are going to love Simon!

Gerald: Mom, are you sure about this? I’m not comfortable with Kim meeting up with a complete stranger at another town.

Mom: She’ll be fine. Eating at an expensive restaurant is quite safe. I’ve known his mother for a long time. They come from a good family. Kimmy will be in safe hands.

Gerald: You never can tell these days. A lot of psycho killers look quite harmless until they get you trapped in their basement with all their slicing and dicing equipment.

“Geez thanks a lot for adding to my trauma Ge!”

I could not pass up the chance to elbow him on the ribs just a little bit harder.

Gerald: Ouch Kimmy!

Dad: Kimberly! You are always beating the poor guy.

Uh-oh…was that too hard? He looked like he was wincing in pain and the good side of my persona just cannot help but feel a little sorry for him. Although showing a little care towards Gerald causes a clash with my principles, I found myself rubbing his sides, feeling a little guilty.

“Sorry Ge. I didn’t mean to do it so hard. Are you okay?”

Gerald: I think I broke a rib. I’m gonna need some painkillers and someone to take care of my battered self.

My first instinct was to whack him on the head and I got so much satisfaction with my abrupt reaction.

“You jerk! I can’t believe I fell for that one!”

Dad: Kimberly! What did I say about hurting the poor guy?

Mom: I have a brilliant idea! Gerald, keep Kim company on her date will you? It will lessen our worries if you are there to keep an eye on her.

“What?! Have I been time warped back to Year-8? How do you expect me to land a husband with a chaperone in tow?”

Mom: Darling, of course he is not going to actually join in your date. He will just be another diner in the same restaurant. Ge sweety, you might want to bring a friend or a date to keep you company.

Gerald: You know me mom. I can’t turn my back on a free, expensive dinner.

There is no way I am going to let Gerald spy on me while I’m on a date. I will be pressured to make the whole date perfect otherwise, he will be able to collect more wiseass cracks on me!

***********************************************************

My day started out great…Josh came into the bistro and not only did he say hello, he also complemented the waffles I served him for breakfast. Even with some bimbo in tow, he still managed to cause my spirits to soar way up high, nothing could ruin my day. When he patted my right shoulder just when they were leaving the bistro, my insides churned. I was so excited I just had to tell someone! Mel and Vince have confessed that they are aware of my Josh madness. Too bad they were too busy serving that time so I had to resort to my carpenter who was out the back, busily banging the wall.

“Guess what?!”

Apparently barging in unannounced while he had a hammer at hand wasn’t such a good idea. I winced as I watched him scream in pain while clutching his foot where the hammer had fallen into.

Gerald: Dammit!

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry Ge! I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Gerald: I am going to need an insurance policy working for you! You couldn’t wait until the bruise on my forehead healed before you get another one of my anatomies injured?

“Hey, both occasions have been accidents. They could happen to anyone! Besides you deserve what happened with your forehead. You were looking up my skirt when I was up on that ladder!”

I only meant to throw the paintbrush at him lightly. I didn’t actually expect that the handle would hit his forehead hard enough to leave a mark. And now with his foot, well I wasn’t the one holding that hammer so technically it was no fault of mine. Darn I couldn’t help but feel bad though seeing him wincing in pain.

“I’ll get you some ice. I’ll be right back.”

Gerald: Maybe some vodka too for pain management and memory loss.

What the heck is his problem? He was just staring, not saying a word…holding back a smile…making me feel awkward while I was treating his injured foot with some ice pack and a gentle massage.

“What?!”

Gerald: Nothing. I was just thinking what Josh is missing. You are one sweet girl and he’s one lucky bastard.

“What the? Is Gerald Anderson actually trying to give me a complement? Right after I contributed to his injury? I wonder what Mel slipped in your juice?”

Gerald: Don’t go getting a big head now. It’s a survival skill. I’ll be needing more of your first aid knowing the possible injuries ahead.

“Hey, don’t you forget I still am holding your injured foot! Anyway,is it feeling any better? It doesn’t look like it’s broken.”

Gerald: I think I’ll live.

“Good. Now that the guilt trip is over, I can finally tell you my good news.”

Gerald: Please tell me that this good news of yours involves you cancelling that blind date tonight and not another Josh update?

“Ge naman eh! I wanted to share the excitement. Don’t kill it for me!”

Gerald: Fine fine. I know you served him and his girl of the day, breakfast. I supposed you got more than just a ‘hello’ this time?

“We actually had a casual conversation like as if we’re good friends! There was even skin contact involved! I’m telling you Ge. My plan is coming along well!”

Gerald: Good for you hun. I’m sure once he takes the time to get to know you it will be pretty impossible for him not to fall in love.

“You know, that bimbo with him was even acting a little mean, probably insecure to the undeniable chemistry that Josh and I have.”

Gerald: Honey, those type of girls are actually not acting, they are mean! So you reckon there’s chemistry between you two?

“Oh definitely. The way he said my waffles are the most delicious he’d ever had, you could see the desire in his eyes. For me I mean, not the waffles.”

I was so thrilled with my progress and actually surprised that Gerald was being strangely half-nice to me that I pulled him in for a hug.

Gerald: Wow you only scored a friendly conversation and already, I get treated to a nice hug…what more if you scored a date with him? I’ll make sure I’m around when that day comes!

“I wish he asked me for a date then I wouldn’t have to show up on that organized date tonight. I can actually get mom and her dating conquests off my back.”

Gerald: I’m not so thrilled with this idea either but don’t worry sweetheart, Vince and I won’t be too far away. Just give us a distress signal and we’ll be right behind you.

I am so opposed to the idea of letting Gerald eavesdrop and spy on me and my date. At the same time, having him around also gave me some piece of mind in case my date really does turn out to be a little psychotic. Ge has big enough muscles to look after me should the occasion calls for it.