Mina: I’d do anything to get him in my bed!

Ashley: I don’t care about the bed. His yummylicious self is all I need. Check out that beautiful abs! And don’t even get me started with that hard, muscled chest!

Mina: I have been trying to ask him out since he got back in town but he always tells me that his schedule is completely swamped.

Ashley: I don’t understand how a guy that hot would rather remain single. We really need to do more on our seduction attempts. What a waste of a total hunk!

I put on a smile and remained polite and friendly to the family I was serving when all I really wanted to do was to turn around to the next table and grab those two flirtatious (my bad self prefers ‘ty, trashy, y’ but my mother would not approve) girls’ hairs and bang their faces on the table to my satisfaction.

Normally, I couldn’t care less about these girls and their desire to get it on with Gerald. There are a few men in our town who are usually the subject of women’s fantasies and desires. Josh and Gerald happen to be two of them. I have been accustomed to women drooling at the sight of Ge and none of it had bothered me before. For some freakish reason, my head starts laying out all these violent plans lately whenever I hear these women talk about him. While they were feasting on Ge’s devilishly y body, I headed back to the kitchen, contemplating on whether to add that poison ivy on their salads or not.

There is one thing for sure among all these confusion…things will never be the same again! Somehow, somewhere along those disastrous dates…dangerous predicaments…constant bickering…Gerald and I crossed over some sort of line that should have never been crossed.

I try to act as normal as I can around him…hoping profusely that he won’t recognize anything out of the ordinary…but the truth is, I can no longer look at him straight in those beautiful brown eyes without feeling that God-awful thump in my chest. I can’t quiet pinpoint exactly what has changed in me but all I can think about is how my chest feels tight and my stomach knots whenever Ge flashes one of those killer smiles. And trust me, this guy smiles a lot…meaning…I get one of those false alarm heart attacks every other second when he’s around.

“Wipe that smile off your face Ge! And would it kill you to put some shirt on?”

Gerald: What’s the matter honey, are you tempted to take a bite? Go ahead, you won’t hear me complaining!

“As if! Yuck! The women are drooling. It’s unhygienic.”

Gerald: Is that so? Sounds more like you don’t want to share my half with those customers. You want me all to yourself don’t you hun? You want my self to be for your eyes only, am I right?

“Yeah sure…I can’t wait to get my hands on that greasy, sweaty, unwashed chest of yours! You really should get that overactive imagination of yours checked Gerald. Like as if I would really fancy your body! Ewww…those women can feast on you all they want! If you want, I’ll deliver you to their table myself!”

Gerald: Be careful what you wish for honey…

“Cocky much? I’m sure with all those desperate women out there, I’ll be doing a community service. I might even get a badge.”

Gerald: No thanks. My greasy body is reserved exclusively for you sweetheart!

I really should stop fuelling our little banters. For some reason, I always end up trapped in his arms and this closeness is no longer healthy on my part.

“Ewww! You are sweaty and gross! Get off me, you punk! I don’t want to get your cooties!”

Being a fan of the fresh, clean look, his greasy, wet, body would normally put me off...so, why was I praying like crazy that he won’t let go just yet? It’s time to get a grip and stop hanging out with Gerald so much. Maybe because he’s the closest that I can get to the male of the species lately…maybe because I haven’t dated for a while…maybe because I haven’t gone anywhere with this whole Josh plan…maybe because I have not gotten laid for a while and my body’s way of complaining is to get by the first male I could get my hands into…

It can’t possibly be anything more. Sure, he’s getting more and more delicious by the minute…sure there are times when I wish he would just shut up and just take me right there on the floor and make an honest woman out of me…but…I could not possibly be attracted to him! No matter what they say, it’s still technically ! My family would disown me if they ever uncover what sick stuff are inside my dirty mind!

Okay, I have to start working on regaining my sanity. Having the hots for my almost semi-adopted brother is so wrong, not to mention disgusting and probably illegal. I really should start taking a more active approach to my feelings for Josh.

No longer will I stay hidden, lurking behind the bushes, enduring all those ant bites or lurking on supermarket aisles feigning interest in feminine hygiene problems. I am really going to be mature about this whole thing. I am going to come right up to him and just shamelessly ask him out myself. Like that old man once said, ‘Destiny is the bridge you build to the one you love.’ I have to build that bridge. I have to find a way for Josh to realize that I am his destiny.

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My heart leapt for joy the minute I saw Josh and his friends enter the bar. Sure there were a few women that went up to him, clinging on his neck…but he noticed me! He smiled and said hello before he ordered his usual Carlton draught…that was reason enough for me to gather up my courage and decide that tonight is the night. Josh and his friends have recently become my regular customers and we have chatted like buddies. I have already established basic friendship…tonight is the night that I take our relationship to the next level.

“Come on please Ge. You have to come with me to their table. It doesn’t look too good if I join in their conversation by myself.”

Gerald: I’d look pathetic intruding their drinking session when I’m not close to any of them at all. You’re the one who wants something from him, you go.

“Ge I need you, you can’t just abandon me like that. You’re a guy, you can easily find a guy topic to talk to him about. Please Ge. I don’t want to look pathetic. It’s not so much of a big deal if you look like one because you’re not trying to impress Josh or any of his friends.”

Gerald: Damn! Woman, will you stop manipulating me with these sweet little hugs and acting all cute! You know I can’t say no to you when you’re being extra sweet and touchy feely!

“Works everytime!”

Gerald: Darn! I should really stop spoiling you. You always get your way!

I am feeling nothing but good vibes tonight. Finally my plan is starting to fall into place…I need this to work…before whatever this thing that is boiling between Gerald and I emerges and blows up in our faces.

Josh: Hey Kim! Are you on your break yet?

Gerald: Kim and I are just about to unwind and have a few drinks.

Dave: Oh good! Join us!

Oh my God! I am so getting lucky tonight! Not only did they welcome us, Josh actually pulled out a seat for me right next to him! All those years of being a good Samaritan and going to church have now paid off! I am finally getting the man of my dreams!

Dave: You look very nice tonight Kim.

Josh: Yeah you look like a total babe!

“Really? You think so?”

Wow. The chances of me getting lucky tonight has just moved up to 99.9%! Although I had to work tonight, I still got myself into the most y get up I could find in my closet knowing that Josh is most likely to show up tonight. I had to wrestle my way into these tight jeans that Mel said does wonders to make my tush look perky. I also happened to wear a tank top with the words Carlton Draught right in the cleavage area (which has everything to do with the fact that Josh only ever orders Carlton Draught).

Gerald: The Carlton Draught tap is running dry. I guess that’s a good way of getting rid of the old supply eh?

Damn it! It’s like he had been programmed to pester me every chance he can get! Isn’t he supposed to be here to help with my cause? God! How did I ever come to enjoy kissing him! What was I thinking?!

Josh: Yeah, if you dress like that more often, you might never get us out of this joint!

I am so never getting out of this outfit ever again! (Not that I really can, considering how tight these jeans are!) Well, I guess except for the times when Josh needs me …

Keith: So Gerald, Kim is not your girlfriend is she?

“Oh God no!”

Is that what Josh thinks? Is that why he never asked me out?! Oh goodness! How can they think that?! We’re not even sweet!

Gerald: Geez, you couldn’t scream your NO fast enough. Scream it out a little louder Kimmy. I don’t think they heard you in China!

“Seriously Ge, you’re such a drama queen. So what if I was a little too quick to say no. You’re like almost my adopted brother. It’s so wrong for anyone to think of us that way.”

Gerald: We are not related Kim. There’s nothing wrong at all if we were together.

Dave: I didn’t think you two were an item. I mean, you’re always together but I haven’t noticed you do things that couples would normally do.

Gerald: No, not usually.

I had to kick him hard with my high heels before he starts telling everyone that we have actually made out! Seriously, he is so not helping…he’s more like hindering my progress!

“Not at all! Never!”

Dave: Ouch! What the?!

Oh ooopppssies! Wrong leg…

Gerald: Never say never!

I had to refrain from picking up the first object that I could get my hands into and throw it at his face…knowing my luck, I would probably end up hitting Josh instead and ruin my chance for marriage. Instead I gave Gerald the sharpest scowl I could muster while still trying to look adorable to the other men on the table. He really is testing my patience.

Seeing him wink at me as if mischievously reminding me of what transpired a few nights before, was the last blow. I couldn’t help but pull his sleeves towards me and angrily whisper, “Just you wait until I get you alone!”

“Sounds exciting! Can’t wait!”

Arrrgghhh!! He has the nerves to whisper back with that silly boyish grin on his face?! I demand to speak with whichever God is responsible for his mission of making my life a living hell. What heinous crime have I committed in my past life to deserve this much brutality?

“My threats are in a completely non-ual way!” God, I didn’t care anymore if I looked like a total psycho, whispering to Gerald.

Keith: So Kim, I assume you’re single?

“Oh yes, 100%.”

Ooopppssies! That might have just come out sounding a little too desperate or pathetic.

“I mean, it’s not like I can’t find a man…I can of course. There had been a few men, just none of them worked out. By no means does my single status indicate my lack of interest in dating. In fact, I am very interested to date. If someone asks me out, I would definitely get back to the dating game.”

Great! I just made myself sound like an easy, eager,desperate and dateless . There is no bouncing back from that impression. I might as well jump off that destiny bridge that I haven’t even gotten a chance to build just yet. Note to self: I really should get that blabbering tendency looked at!

“Uhm Ge, can you come with me to the kitchen for a second? I just remembered I left a pie in the oven and it needs to be taken out now.”

Gerald: You were baking? In between serving drinks?

Ugh! I so don’t need him being a smartass right now. I didn’t care if I looked scary and violent in front of Josh, (after that display of incoherent and embarrassing rambling about the fact that I’m dateless, any little dignity I had left has gone out the window anyway.) I grabbed Gerald by the shirt and yanked him up.

Josh: Gerald looks like he is having too much fun here, do you mind if I come and help you instead?

Okay, I was officially frozen. I don’t care if he’s only volunteering because he thinks I am being rude and nasty to Gerald. I was only interested in the very slim slither of hope that he may want to spend some time alone with me! Probably to ask me out! Or if I’m really lucky, maybe even take out a ring and propose!

Gerald: Thanks for the offer Josh but you don’t have to. I was just actually about go to the kitchen and check on that pie anyway. I got it, I’ll go with Kim.

“What?! Gerald, what on earth is wrong with you?!! Josh, of course you can come with me!”

Gerald was still trying to mouth something while Josh and I headed to the kitchen. Seriously what the heck is his problem?

Josh: Kim, I have a confession to make.

Oh my god! He is about to confess his undying love! I have to make a mental note to lay off the wine and stop eating…I need to fit in that wedding gown!

“Really? Don’t hold back, tell me everything that you are feeling.”

For goodness’ sake Kimberly! Be a little coy.

Josh: Well, I’m not actually interested in baking a pie. I have an ulterior motive.

Eeeeeee!!! My giddiness is pressing against my bladder, making me want to pee so badly.

“Yeah? What’s that?”

Josh: Uhm, we’re in the kitchen. Aren’t you going take that pie out?

Oh ! Yeah! Pie! Crap! I forgot about that excuse. How am I going to cover the fact that there actually is no pie and none of the ovens are even on, considering that we’re closing very soon.

“Uhm…yeah…it’s gone. Mel must have taken it out for me, the good friend and employer that she is. She always does that you know…she’s got like this ESPN or something. She always seems to know what I’m up to and what still needs to be done. She’s really a great friend.”

Josh: Hehe…you’re cute.

“I am?!”

Josh: Yeah. Anyway, you know how my friends and I have been coming here quite often?

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t always notice nor do I count how many times you guys have been here because I mean, who does that, right? But I’m grateful. I mean, because you’re like my regulars now and it’s good for my business.”

Josh: Yeah well, my friends really like you. They think you’re pretty and after tonight, they will probably add ‘y as hell’ in your attributes.

Oh how cute! He’s like a shy little boy! He’s too shy to confess his real feelings so he’s pretending that those compliments came from his friends. Aww! Isn’t he just adorable?

“Ohhh, you guys are sweet. If you keep making me blush like that, I might end up bankrupt with all the free drinks you will be getting!”

Josh: Hehe…and you’re funny too. Anyway, you mentioned before that you have the whole Friday off?

He did keep my day off details in mind! I can finally order that wedding dress that I have been eyeing on for years!

“Uh..huh…”

I could hardly contain my excitement. The thrill is killing me, I am about to pass out!

Josh: I hope you don’t take this the wrong way that I’m the one asking you. Someone really likes you but is too nervous to…

Dammit he had gotten it on with almost all the females in town. How shy and nervous could he really be? I was dying too much of excitement to wait another word.

“Well I’m saying to that someone that whatever he wants, the answer is yes!”

Who can afford to be demure when the guy trying to ask you out is -god incarnate?

Josh: That’s great Kim! Dave will be thrilled to hear that. He’s been talking non-stop about you lately. He really thinks you’re hot.

“Huh? Dave? How did he get in the conversation?”

Josh: You have just agreed to go out with him, didn’t you? He’s the one that had been dying to ask you out but is too shy to ask.

“Dave?! Your friend, Dave?”

What the hell just happened here? One minute I was picturing saying ‘I do’ to Josh and the next minute I was hearing all about Dave’s upcoming date with me? Is Josh not asking me out?

“You’re asking me out for your friend Dave?”

Josh: I’m sorry. You look shocked. This was a bad idea. I told him he should just have the guts to ask you himself. He thinks you’re a little too high for his reach so he’s so nervous about coming on to you.

Oh . Of course I have to say yes now as if I hadn’t already! I don’t want Josh to think that I’m a snob and a half and if I hurt his friend’s feelings, Josh wouldn’t like me at all. He would think I’m just some heartless . Besides, Dave’s not too bad. He’s actually quite a nice guy. At least from what I have noticed so far, he’s not a member of some weird satanic cult or a nerd trying to get me to communicate with aliens nor does he seem to have some con abnormalities that can cause a date to go really ugly at some point. He can’t be any worse than any of the dating disasters I’ve had before.

“No, don’t be silly. I’m not shocked…not in a bad way. I mean, I didn’t expect that Dave is interested in me at all but other than that, I’m fine with what you just said. Let’s go back and I’ll talk to him.”

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I know it’s been forever since my last update…health reasons got in the way. My apologies…