Dave was completely thrilled about our upcoming date but as I made the quick trip home, my face couldn’t be more forlorn. I felt so used. I mean, of course Josh did not mean to break my heart but it really felt that way. I gave in to my heartbreak and tears as I wept in the car and cried my heart out. I had to drive twice around the block just to give myself more time for self-pity.

I had always felt disappointment when it comes to Josh. Everytime I see him smooching some other woman’s face, I keep wondering why can’t he notice me instead? What is so wrong with me? Am I really that ugly that he can’t even consider me for a one-night stand? Not that I want to be. I’d rather he’s in it for the long-run or not at all.

I was still bawling when I got to the front porch. I was surprised to see Gerald sleeping by the side of my front door. I wiped my tears away before attempting to wake him up.

“Mel said you left when Josh and I went to the kitchen. What the hell are you doing here Ge?”

Gerald: So, was it as good as you have always imagined it to be? Was Mr. Perfect really all that and more? Are the wedding invitations in the mail as we speak?

Just when everything had gone worse, someone waits for you by your front door at midnight just to exacerbate the tragedy that I am in. Story of my tragic life. Times like these that I wish Matt was here to beat the crap out of his best friend. I will give him this night. He can call me a loser all he wants, I am way too depressed to play.

I no longer held back my feelings and went back to crying my lungs out. What do I care if Gerald can see me bawling over a guy and can remind me every minute of the day later? I really should re-consider why I’m friends with him at all.

Gerald: Oh honey, what’s wrong?

“Go ahead. Laugh. Give me a piece of your mind and tell me how pathetic I am. You can make fun of me all you want, I really can’t feel more horrible than I already do now.”

Gerald: Kimmy honey, what happened? Did Josh hurt you? Did he try to force you to do things you weren’t ready for? Where is he? I’m gonna go beat that bastard to a pulp!

“No, don’t do that. He didn’t actually do anything. That’s the thing. I wish he tried to do things but I guess I’m not attractive enough. Anyway I don’t think you can take him on anyhow. His muscles are bigger than yours and he’s an inch taller.”

Gerald: Of course I can take him on! He doesn’t have the moves. He’s a fool hun. If he can’t see what a great catch you are then he really doesn’t deserve to have an amazing woman like you.

“Bullting me to make me feel better would have worked any other day, but not tonight Ge. Even just for one night, I just really want to wallow in my misery and mourn for a love lost.”

Gerald: Kimmy, I meant what I said. You really are a great catch and Josh is just plain stupid. Let’s go inside and you can tell all about what happened over a tub of ice cream okay?

I could only nod as he ushered me in and sat me in the sofa. He came back with all the sweets he could find in my kitchen along with a tub of ice cream.

Gerald: So, what happened? What went wrong tonight?

“Actually Ge, I’m the fool. I have been so foolish to think that he would actually one day find me attractive. He never had and I realize now that he never will. I really thought that this time, he had finally opened his eyes and realized what a great catch I am. Instead, he would rather hand me over to his friend. It’s his friend Dave that wants to date me. That’s why they have been hanging around the bar lately.”

Gerald: Oh damn! You mean, I have to worry about another guy now aside from Josh?!

“The fact that he can just so easily hook me up with his friend just proves that there is no chance he would be interested with me at all! I can see the tragedy of my not so distant, gloomy future. I am going to get old alone, with only cats for company!”

Gerald: Somehow I doubt that Kimmy. Besides, you’re allergic to cats.

“Maybe I should get one and start getting immuned to them now. Oh my God! My gene pool will not be passed on! My uterus will be forever deprived of a resident fetus! Not to mention the other parts of my anatomy that will forever be deprived! Doesn’t it say in the bible, ‘go forth and multiply’? I am a Christian and I’m going against God’s will. That has to be a crime punishable by a burning cauldron right?”

Gerald: Have I mentioned how adorable you are?! Honey, I can assure you that if I had anything to do about it, the reproductive parts of your anatomy will have plenty of chance to master the art of procreation okay?

“Quit looking at me like that! And I’d just like to remind you that I am not letting you help me get a job as a hooker or not even as a surrogate mother!”

. It is so not easy to focus on my woes about Josh and my impending doom when not only has Gerald had me in his arms, he was also looking at me like I’m his favourite dessert that he had been way too hungry for! His face is so close that we were practically inhaling each other’s breath, triggering activation of my hormones responsible for my strong urge to jump him.

Gerald: You are so incredibly beautiful Kim. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.

I know I have been dreaming and actually looking forward to get another round of that passionate kissing scene with Gerald. I can still remember his sweet taste and the wonderful feel of his lips in mine. I would most definitely like to experience that amazing sensation again.

However, I could really use a friend right now. Sure, there’s Mel, but she has her own problems with her live-in partner and her stepson to focus on. Matt had been my other rock but since he’s starting a life elsewhere, Gerald is the only other person that knows everything about me. I don’t want things to get more awkward between us. I need him right now in my time of need. I need his shoulders to cry on. If we kiss and start analyzing things between us, I could lose him and then where would I be?

“I don’t like this side of you. It’s too creepy. I like it better when you refer to me as the spoiled brat, the major pain in the …”

I noticed a hint of hurt and disappointment in his eyes as I shoved him away. I suddenly felt guilty and I rested my head on his shoulders to ease the tension.

Gerald: Well, those titles still hold true but I also have to admit that you are beautiful…and funny…and smart…and totally y…

“And?”

Gerald: And caring.

“And?”

Gerald: And very kind-hearted with all those pies you give to those homeless kids.

“And?”

Gerald: And a wonderful, the most amazing kisser I have ever met!

“And?”

Gerald: And I’m sure you’re incredible in bed but I guess I’ll have to get you blind drunk first to find out because you don’t even want to kiss me…there’s no chance on earth I could ever get you in bed sober!

I knew I should have quit when he got to the kissing part but I just had to push my luck, didn’t I?

“I’m sorry to burst your bubble hun but there won’t be any bed scenes with you whether I’m sober or unconscious!”

Gerald: I suspected that. I know for a fact that even in your sleep you can still kick my .

“I would rather hack off my arm than to let you see me ! I would never give you the satisfaction to have more things to make fun of me about!”

Gerald: You can’t be serious! You have one hot body and your skin is like smooth, creamy milk. I would never make fun of your body! Everything about you is beautiful Kim.

“Apparently not beautiful enough to bag the man of my dreams!”

Gerald: It’s his loss Kimmy. If he can’t see your worth, he’s really not worth wasting all your time with. Don’t worry honey, you’ll meet that wonderful man who will love you with all his heart…a man that appreciates how gorgeous, y, smart and loving you are…a man that you truly deserve, --

“I wish! So then I can finally let go of my lifetime crush on Josh. I’m not even asking for someone dashingly handsome. Just someone with all his body parts intact will do. Someone with a mental capacity within the average range.”

Gerald: Honey there will be plenty of men falling head over heels for you. I mean, have you seen yourself lately? You have grown up to be one fine, gorgeously assembled woman. Maybe you’ve even met that special man who would go to the ends of the earth for you…you have just been too pre-occupied with Josh that you failed to notice the man right in front of you.

“You know, under normal circumstances I would rather eat dirt than admit that you’re right but I do see your point. I have set myself an impossible, too good to be true goal by expecting Josh for a husband. He had set the bar way too high for everyone else. If I don’t want to get old alone with those darn cats, I have to stop comparing every guy against Josh. I have to start considering other options, other potential lovers before I go past the expiry date of my biological clock.”

Gerald: Oh sweetie! I’m so proud of you! You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that!

And you have no idea how happy I am that you are hugging me so tight, you’re cutting circulation off my s! I so don’t mind this closeness!

Oh for goodness’ sake, I finally have an epiphany regarding my whole obsession with Josh and here I am, thinking about the joy of being in Gerald’s more than capable arms! I so need to get my brains checked…and including all my females parts that are so excited with the proximity of Gerald’s ia!

“Well uhm….”

Now where were we? Seriously his power over me is getting stronger each day, I am starting to lose my concentration and sanity around him! Oh yeah, we are talking about starting a Josh-free life….as in, I am going to quit cold turkey!

“It’s the right thing to do right? I can’t just sit around and wait for him until I turn into a cougar or worse…I get all wrinkly and saggy and gray!”

Gerald: He’s not worth waiting for hun. Seriously there are men out there who are far more deserving…who can love you and take care of you more than Josh ever can. And he’s definitely not worth those tears sweetpea. I don’t ever want to see you again crying over him okay? If he breaks your heart again, I swear I am going to beat him up and break his pretty nose.

“You don’t have to do that. The guy doesn’t even know I’m hurting. But, thanks Ge. You have been here for me lately. Who knew that having an extremely irritating friend like you would come in handy, eh?”

Gerald: What can I say? 24/7 babe, I’m your handy man!

“Ha. Ha. How hilarious you are that if carpentry doesn’t work out for you, I’m sure you’ll have a blooming career in clown school.”

Gerald: You have reservations about kissing your carpenter. Would a clown stand a better chance?

“Not a chance unless that clown happens to be Josh. Besides, I already have a date, remember?”

Gerald: Oh no! Don’t tell me you really are going with that Dave guy?

“Why not? It’s a perfect opportunity to start my moving on process. You said so yourself, I have to start paying attention to the guys that may be interested in me.”

Gerald: When I said that, Dave wasn’t the guy I had in mind. Is he even your type?

“What’s wrong with Dave? He seems harmless enough plus, he has a great body. I’d like to get to know him. I welcome any distraction I can get to keep my mind off a few dilemmas.” (…Like my sick urge to hump you and see you !)

Gerald: Kimmy, can I ask you a question?

“What is it now?”

Gerald: Would you consider going on a date with me?

“What?!! As in a date, date?! Is this a trick question?”

Gerald: Nevermind…the horrified look on your face says it all. Forget I ever said anything.”

“You’re not serious are you? Are you having a mental breakdown? First, you were showering me with flattery and now you’re asking about a date?!”

Here I am, like an idiot hanging on to his every word as if he really mean any of those compliments!

Gerald: Yeah well, don’t lose too much sleep over it. You look so heartbroken, I was simply trying to make you feel better.

Happy feelings gone! Darn! Don’t I feel like a big time loser!

“Ugh! I should have known those compliments sounded too shallow to be true! I don’t need your pity Gerald! I don’t need a consolation date from you. I can get a good man all on my own. I’ll show you, my date with Dave will turn out perfect and we’ll be having babies before you know it!”

Gerald: Oh great! So you’re going to sleep with him just because you’re pissed off at me? Kimberly you hardly even know the guy! I thought you don’t sleep with a man without doing a background health check on him first?

“Yeah? Well, look where my stalking ways has gotten me. Nowhere! And just so you know, I am not going to sleep with him just to prove a point to you! My world doesn’t revolve around you, you know!”

Gerald: We’ve established that. You don’t have to remind me how much you worship your Josh! However, I also happen to know that you are stubborn enough to do something crazy just to prove a point!

“You don’t know me well enough!”

Gerald: Well then, tell me you’re not going to sleep with Josh.

“I’ll do who I want, when I want!”

Gerald: Arrrgghhh!! You’re such a brat!

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To all who posted comments, thank you so much! Mwahhhh!! Thanks for the well wishes and glad to hear that you guys are still reading my fanfic. Your comments got me inspired to write another chapter. =) I’m recovering now and had been able to make it to my first week back to school.