BACK IN TOWN
FoolishI was in Year-7 when I made it my mission to make Josh my destiny. I was so determined to win the bike race against my brother Matt and his bestfriend Gerald that I ended up rolling down the hill, scraping my knees and breaking my bike in the process. The two idiots didn’t even notice that I was no longer trailing behind!
Thankfully, my hero, my oh-so-gorgeous savior helped me up and held my hand and my broken bike all the way home. That was my monumental moment. Since that day, I had obsessed about the notion of becoming Mrs. Josh Riley. A benevolent, beautiful gentleman like Josh is exactly the man I deserve.
Speaking of my angel…! He’s looking this way! Of course I can’t make it obvious that I’m spying on him! I grabbed the first product right in front of me and faked a look of genuine interest…l yeast infection cream?!! Yikes!
Panic-stricken, I placed the offensive ointment back. As luck would have it, I knocked the rest of the display, drawing unnecessary attention to myself and my sudden interest on yeast infection creams. !
Moving on to the next section of the aisle, attempting to preserve what little dignity I have left…condoms…Hmm… Not a vast improvement…certainly not helping my cause! Next! Pregnancy tests…For goodness’ sake! Of all the aisles I could be in!
Oh my God! I’m sure this recent development is no longer one of my daydreams! He is not moving in slow motion after all. He is actually heading my way!
I was torn between making eye contact with my secret love and act surprise to “run into” him or keep my cool and pretend to have gotten laid, possibly knocked up. Well, that second option would just kill whatever chance I have with Josh. I didn’t want him to think I’m easy. After all, I am aiming for the one-of-a-kind type of romance, not at all like any of those millions of girls he had dated. I am aiming for true love, not a one night stand.
“Hi Josh!”
Josh of course, the delectable God that he is, was not aware of my whole ordeal (thank God!). Instead, he was flashing his wicked, accident-causing smile to the gorgeous and busty Kristy. Next to her s, the last couple of years of hardwork at improving my physique had just been reduced to almost worthless. I spent countless hours at the gym and endured a carefully planned diet regime to put some curves on my otherwise rather flat self.
Of course, I can’t blame my beautiful Josh. I didn’t stand a chance against those melon-like set of perfection on her chest! Even growing my hair long and paying big bucks to get that supposedly y, sultry, waves are not nearly enough.
I was quite excited for Josh to see me again hoping that he would notice the vast improvement on my physique. Just my luck. I have to compete with the mighty busty Kristy for my first official appearance. It’s just not fair! s are like headlights. They’re blinding and they have some sort of hypnotic power to lure the male of the species.
Gerald: Oh no! For goodness’ sake Kimmy! You’re still stalking him?
“Holy mother of cow! Gerald you ! You scared the living daylights out of me!”
Gerald: Hello to you too hun! My! Don’t we look radiant! Don’t tell me the object of your affliction left you unnoticed? Again!
“Shut up!”
Gerald: You know, when a woman comes back in town looking as gorgeous as you have become, a man has to be crazy stupid not to fall head over heels.
“You know, those words would have almost sounded like a complement if you weren’t so darn sarcastic!”
Gerald: No I mean what I said Kim. You really do look great. Oh and how sweet! You even learnt to wear a dress just for him. Too bad. All that effort and here you are still only his great stalker.
Urrrgghh!! If there is one guy on earth that really gets on my nerves, that would be Gerald. He is not at all like the sweet and gorgeous Josh. I mean he is quite gorgeous really, but in a completely different way.
Aside from my brother, he is the only other person that knows my secret obsession with Josh. Being my brother’s bestfriend and having spent most of his childhood and high school days at my parents’ place more than he had at his own home, he’s practically family. He even calls my parents mom and dad. I guess that justifies our dysfunctional relationship.
Hard to admit but I do occasionally miss our constant bickering. It did feel very lonely for me when I went away to college and my brother Matt and his best friend Gerald were no longer around to irritate me every chance they could.
Gerald had always made a mockery of my idea of true love and devotion. What does he know anyway? It’s not like he has any real expertise in the true love department. I heard he dated around in college but I also know for a fact that none of those relationships lasted longer than three weeks. Well, he didn’t have to do so much to get a girl. They practically throw themselves at him.
In fairness, the guy did clean up nicely once he got rid of those geeky glasses and put on some muscles. His boyish, half American look did help with his prospect. Anyway, just because he can come close enough to compete with Josh in the looks department, does not give him the right whatsoever to question my stalking ways. Not that I am stalking. I am simply spying.
“Shut up Ge! I am not a stalker. I’m just a devoted, dedicated lover. There’s a difference.”
Gerald: Sure, sure…whatever helps you sleep at night. Let’s see now. You have memorized his daily schedule, from what time he wakes up, what time he takes his shower, when he washes his underwear…Heck, you probably know the brands and the colours of his all undergarments. I’d say, it’s considered illegal in some countries.
“You are sick! FYI, I do not meet the legal requirements of a stalker!”
Gerald: Hey, I’m not the one trying to dodge my stalking ways by looking through l creams!
Uuurrrggghhh!! See what I mean? The guy just can’t help being naturally irritating!
“Damn! Look what you’ve done Mr. Brownnoser! I didn’t get to see him leave!”
Gerald: Well, he did leave with some scantily-clad kitten so unless you get a kick out of breaking your heart over and over, you didn’t miss much.
“These girls are just temporary…until he realizes that I’m the one he wants. You’ll see. When that day comes, it will be sweet success when I collect those thousand bucks off you!”
Gerald: Damn it Kim! When are you going to grow out of this childhood crush of yours? We are way past our puberty, hormone-induced embarrassing choices! You don’t want to wake up one day and realize that you have wasted your life on this one guy and missed out on mister right.
“You don’t get it Ge. He is my Mr. Right! I mean, who else could be better than him?”
Gerald: What’s so good about him anyway?
“Well, he is kind. He never hesitates to help people in need. He’s a lifeguard for heaven’s sake. His profession alone can vouch for his good heart. He has perfect bone structures. He has those beautiful brown eyes and eyelashes that are the envy of any mascara model. Those muscled arms and cute dimples just make him even more delicious…”
Gerald: God! Why did I even ask? Kimmy, you are a gorgeous, intelligent, successful woman. You can get any man you want. You don’t have to waste your time on the same jerk who never gives you the time of day.
I don’t know why I let him get to me everytime. I don’t need his biased opinion. I don’t even know why I always feel compelled to explain myself to him. My dad doesn’t even question my choices in men as much as Gerald does.
“You know what? You’re right. I can get any man I want and I am going to get Josh. Now that I have learnt to shave, discovered the superpowers of make-up and I have learnt to dress…it will only be a matter of time before he realizes that I’m a great catch!”
Gerald: You’ve been back what? Two months? He has had plenty of chance to notice you.
“He has! He had said “Hello Kim” a few times (causing my insides to twist in celebration) on occasions where we bump into each other coincidentally. He is just recovering from his divorce that’s all. It had only been two years, he had not have enough time to move on yet.”
Gerald: And yet he finds plenty of time to date around. Grow up Kimmy! Like that book says, he’s just not that into you!
He has so totally crossed the line this time. I was so furious, I stormed out of the supermarket. Just when I thought I was safely out of Gerald’s air, a hand grabbed mine causing an electric shock in my system. Feeling that fuzzy yet nauseating feeling brought about by those butterflies in my stomach, I assumed for a second that it was Josh’s hand fitting perfectly with mine. My giddy mood suddenly turned into irritation when I saw Gerald’s sorry face trying to look genuinely apologetic.
Gerald: Kimmy wait! I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said that. I was out of line.
“Wow. This is new. You have actually learnt to say sorry? Did the accounting firm made you take up a course on manners?”
Gerald: Hey, I have always said sorry to you. You just never hang around long enough to listen. You normally slam the door on my face before I could apologize.
“Whatever.”
Gerald: Kimmy, I don’t want us to fight. I just got back in town and I haven’t seen you for two years since your graduation. You’re a pain in the but I have missed you.
“Well, as scary as it sounds, I have actually missed your annoying presence too. Life is just too boring when you’re not within reach to strangle. Fighting on the phone just isn’t the same.”
Gerald: Let’s catch up. Dinner is on me. What do you say?
“As annoying as you are, I would love to catch up but you know I have a bar to run. Saturday night gets quite busy you know.”
Gerald: Okay, I’ll just hang with you today and help with the bar. I can treat you for lunch.
“If you want. Do you want to help me find a carpenter? The one that I hired earlier moved too far away. I am just about to start the renovation and upgrade of the bar.”
Gerald: You don’t have to look for one honey, you have come to the right person! You are looking at Daisy Meadow’s newest addition to the carpenter club!
“Uhm…In case you haven’t figured it out yet, there’s a clear difference between a carpenter and an accountant. We are talking about a real renovation job here. I need a professional.”
Gerald: Hey I’m a good carpenter! I have not gotten any complaints yet. May I remind you sweetheart, you are still using that dresser that I gave you in our senior year, the first ever furniture that I have made?
“Okay, fine! Granted, you do have actual talent when it comes to that but I need someone who can stay and finish the job. This job is going to require more than just a couple of weeks.”
Gerald: That won’t be a problem hun because I am not planning to leave anytime soon. In fact, I am back in town for good. Seems like we both feel the same way about home sweet home.
“What about your work? I thought you and Matt are making big bucks in that big accounting firm?”
Gerald: I made enough to last me a while. I’m still working as an accountant but you know, this is a small town with few businesses so I get plenty of time to do what I really love. As you know, I have always loved being outdoors and working with my hands. I hated being stuck in a desk all day.
“Oh no! I knew it was going to come to this one day. I just still can’t believe that I’m right and you have finally lost it! Are you telling me that you ditched an important corporate position to become a carpenter?”
Gerald: Trust you to make following my heart sound like it’s such a bad thing. Considering you will be needing my services, sweetheart you should be welcoming me back in the community with a little more enthusiasm.
“What makes you think I will be hiring you anyhow? Gerald, you’ve known me long enough to know that battling your eyelashes and flashing that cutesy smile doesn’t work for me.”
Gerald: You sure? I know for a fact that my charm had worked on you before.
Ahhh!! Have I mentioned how much he irritates me? The man’s primary purpose in life is to bug every fibre of my being. He enjoys the reaction I get when he puts his face so close to mine, it makes me nauseous. He makes the hair in the back of my neck stand up whenever he’s acting all cutesy around me.
What really gets to me is the fact that time and again, he brings up our dirty little secret and uses it to blackmail me. It was a long time ago and we were both drunk. Two perfectly valid excuses to forget whatever happened that night. We were arguing as usual, one heated accusation went too far and when he knew I have cornered him well enough so he couldn’t win…he took out the dirtiest trick on the book!
Gerald: I’m warning you Kim, if you don’t shut up…God help me…I am going to kiss the living daylights out of you!
“Is that the best you’ve got? Just accept your defeat and admit that I am right!”
Gerald: One more word out of you Kim…
“Like as if you really…”
And there it was! True to his threats, he kissed the living daylights out of me…I was even drunk enough to let it reach into a make-out level…the one moment in my life that I would rather bury deep down along with all those other awkward, embarrassing moments. Unfortunately Gerald found the perfect opportunity to put me in an awkward spot and catch me off guard whenever he needed back-up.
“For goodness’ sake Gerald! That was a long time ago! I am never going to hear the end of this, am I?”
Gerald: Sweetheart, deep down, you don’t want me to bury such sweet memory. Anyway, so what do say? Can I work with you on that renovation project?
“No. You’ll probably sabotage my thriving business. You might place a whole colony of cockroaches on the walls and train them to sneak into the customers’ foods. Or worse, you’ll probably plant hidden cameras all over the place so you can e.”
Gerald: Oh come on! You are so paranoid. You know I don’t have the guts. Even if I wanted to, you know I’m scared that you’ll whoop my ! Besides, it’s not like there’s any part of you I haven’t seen before.
“Excuse me?! I was 5 when you last saw me ! There are a lot more things added now that you haven’t seen before!”
Gerald: Seven and a half actually. Come on Kimmy, I am so bored, you know I can do a great job.
“I don’t know if I’m crazy enough to let you bug me every minute of the day. Besides, I don’t think I can afford your services.”
Gerald: Honey, they don’t come any cheaper than me.
“How cheap?”
Gerald: Free.
“Ge! I’m serious!”
Gerald: Free meals and booze at your bistro everyday.
“ No wiseass comments about Josh.”
Gerald: Come on Kimmy! I am only human! I am about to engage in an act of slavery here…you can’t take out the fun part!
“Fine! Three regular meals a day, 1 plate per meal, free juice or softdrinks and maybe if you behave, I’ll throw in some snacks too.”
Gerald: Desserts included then we have a deal.
“Deal!”
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