‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No I won’t give up

I wont give up - Onew cover of Jason Mraz song

When Lillie and Jinki were together...

Jinki’s eyes were on the tree in front of him but in reality his attention was on the woman beside him, looking at him as if he was special. To her he was.

“What I mean is…you could have surrendered and give in to Alex. Marry him and live a life of pain by his side, but you didn’t.” He moved his eyes to her and Lillie tilted her head listening attentively to his words. “When I met you, you had this huge smile and I’ve never once thought that something on your past could be wrong. You are a lot like me Lillie; you also hide behind a smile. Of course we have our differences too!”

She smiled softly and he knew she would say something silly about her. That was how she was and he could understand her because he was the same. When something was too serious that you couldn’t hide your feelings anymore, he had to insert a joke.

“Yes I’m clingy and annoying and romantic and you are…You!”

Jinki chuckled “That doesn’t sound like a compliment at all!”

Lillie played with her hair and he did the same but with the grass under his legs.

They were spending their first, and both hoped that one of many, weekends together away from Seoul. Also it was a special for both, a mark on their story together.

“Back then I wasn’t looking at the people who loved me I was dueling on the wrong side. However they were my strength, they made me realize what was important.” He told her knowing that he could share anything with her because she was his friend besides being his lover “And you showed up and I have you now and you have me and it’s not a dependency, we don’t pity each other and we certainly know our value. We are together because we make each other happy. Because I love you and you love me. “

She nodded her head knowing what he meant, her hand moving on the grass touching his fingers without it being planned, just because it felt right to be near, to feel his warmth.

“You became my strength!”

“We became each other strength!” He added “I think I’m really lucky I met you and all this happened, Us happened. I can’t see it happening any other way. This is it…it’s our lives.”

He was so certain of it back then and Lillie’s eyes filled with tears making him smile because he even loved that crying side of her.

She leaned in his direction and closed her eyes before kissing his lips. He closed his too, kissing her back and she moved away ready to throw in another joke to light the mood.

“You speak so beautifully!”

“Yes. Jinho said the same!” He remarked remembering how he did that beautiful speech about Lillie’s qualities back at the coffee shop.

“Jinho is a very sweet person!” Lillie chuckled and Onew frowned. “But he isn’t you and I want you!” Lillie added quickly making the wrinkles on his forehead disappear.

There wasn’t anyone else like him to her.

Lillie caressed his sweaty temple and laid her head on his lap lying down in the grass which tickled her legs.

“Can I stay like this for a while?”

She couldn’t avoid tearing up anymore and he didn’t seem to mind anyway. That moment was perfect and Lillie wasn’t sure if they would have another one like that. Suddenly she felt so sad, as if she knew that such a great happiness wasn’t meant to her. Jinki sensed her mood and grabbed her hand on his.

“Whatever happens we will be ok…” he added and she nodded closing her eyes, tears falling from her eyes.

“I know…we will find a way back to each other wont we?” she asked staring up at the sky, darkness falling over them while the sun was setting as if it was premonition of that happiness dissipating.

“Yes…I promise I’ll find you!” He whispered sweetly, his face over her.

Lillie would never forget that moment, that voice, those words, the dimples on his cheeks and the expression of his eyes.

“I promise too!”

Lillie wasn’t the only one watching Minseo performance delighted with her talent.

Taemin was too, on the backstage, beside the stage, one hand on the wall made of wood the other inside the pocket of his coat. Even though all about his pose was casual, nothing about what he was feeling was.

Minseo wasn’t a perfect dancer. She wasn’t even excellent or a very good one. However she was good, too good for someone that was dancing for less than one year.

She did commit some mistakes in the beginning, probably related with her being nervous, but a few seconds into the performance she gave all of her into the dancing and that showed.

More than her dancing skills she had graciousness and Taemin couldn’t take his eyes away from her.

She was now in the middle of the hip hop performance and she was doing well at it but he couldn’t stop replaying the first part of the performance.

She was amazing and he couldn’t wait to congratulate her on that. Actually on everything.

The performance was 7 minutes but for Taemin it was too short, too fast and he was certain that even though more dancers were going to perform, his attention wouldn’t be the same anymore.

The music came to an end and she approached the edge of the stage giving her hands to the other two dancers.

They bowed while everyone clapped and Taemin unfroze from the daze he was on and clapped with them.

Minseo panted exhausted but completely satisfied with her performance. Her eyes moved from Rin’s and Jules proud smiles on the front row and then she found Lillie screaming with her arm on the air on the side of the room beside Jae-Sun.

She made it. Lillie said she would be at her first performance and she did.

Minseo turned around and ran to the backstage passing Taemin without even noticing. A couple of other dancers approached her and she hugged a female one Taemin barely knew. He watched how everyone congratulated Minseo since it was her very first performance and then walked closer because he also wanted to tell her how amazing she was.

Minseo turned around to grab a towel to clean her sweaty face and neck but Taemin was behind her with a fluffy white towel on his hand already.

She grabbed it from him “Thank you.”

“You were…” He didn’t know how to put it down in words. Inspiring? Good? Extraordinary? Amazing? “You did some mistakes in the beginning but…” His words made her raise an eyebrow and Taemin paled realizing that that didn’t sound like what he wanted to tell her.

Minseo slide the towel on her forehead and then smiled “But?”

“But…you were… dazzling!” Only he would pick up a word from his songs to use.

That seemed to make her happy and she even blushed a little.

“That’s actually the best praise I received until now.”

“I hope you don’t get more praised then…” He said awkwardly blinking his eyes “I mean…so that I keep my first place.”

Minseo chuckled with his cute comment and waited for something else she didn’t know what.

Taemin only looked at her lost about what to do next and Minseo bowed at him quickly “I’m sorry, my friends are waiting for me outside. Will you be at the party after?”

“Yes.” He wasn’t supposed to go though.

“See you later!”

Once Minseo performance ended Lillie clapped happily and turned to Jinki with a huge smile that even made her cheek hurt. “She was amazing right?” He knew about dancing more than her but she knew that Minseo was good.

Jinki expression was strange and Lillie’s smile faded a little.

That seemed to make him wake up and he nodded his head weirdly “Yes she was…dazzling!”

However he was probably describing Lillie’s glow, the conjunction of her smile with her beautiful eyes, instead.

“SHE WAS DAEBAK!” Lillie screamed over the new performance that was now starting “She was minverlous!”

“What?” Jinki asked confused with the English word Lillie used.

“Min-Marvelous!” Lillie explained laughing at her silly pun and Jinki laughed with her after understanding what she meant. It was cute how she caught that side of him. It was sweet how they changed and influenced each other like that.

“WonderMin!” Jinki said raising his thumbs up and that made Lillie laugh even more. She laughed so much with that silliness and Jinki’s cute face that she grabbed his shoulder for support to not fall.

She was distracted but Jinki wasn’t and he could feel her fingers sliding over his t-shirt down to his arms, every little cell of his body reacting to her touch.

He swallowed because the familiar ual attraction was there, that tingling inside him, the wanting to have her, to kiss her, to touch her to make love with her. It was all still inside him and it scared Jinki.

If being with Min Hee was like an equation, a touch of Lillie was pure chemistry, a huge chemical explosion. He never realized how thirsty for he was until that moment.

Lillie was recovering from her laughter attack now and she bit her lower lip smiling, her eyes searching for Minseo that was probably now searching for her friends.

That action made him look away because looking at her lips without being able to touch them or kiss was unbearable.

Lillie didn’t seem to sense his uneasiness and turned to him “I loved that part they danced to the Fireworks song.  Made me think about it and the little effects were nice. I don’t see fireworks in such a long time.”

“Really?” He asked avoiding looking at her, pretending to be interested in what was happening on the stage.

“Yes. Last time was when I was back home, with Alex.”

That caught Jinki’s full attention and he looked at her.

“Not a memory I want to recall…so I pretend that the last time was when I was little with my parents. That is a good memory.”

He frowned. When Lillie told him about Alex he promised her that he would erase all of the memories she had with him and replace them with his. He never watched fireworks with her.

“There is a firework festival next week. It’s over the Han River and they say it’s really beautiful!”

“Wow!” Lillie seemed excited with it “We should go….” She realized too late what that meant. They weren’t a couple anymore.

Her desolated expression was probably very obvious to him because he quickly spoke “We can go as friends. We can still go together! I want to watch it too!”…With you.

As friends was better than alone and Lillie nodded her head. “Yes let’s go together! But…wont people see you there? It’s going to be full for sure!”

“We have a secret place with a great view to the Han river and the stars above it.”

Lillie knew what he meant. The place they first kissed. Was she even ready to go there with him, now that they weren’t dating anymore?

She raised her fist offering her pinky finger to him “Promise?”

Jinki stared at her finger remembering how many promises they made before and broke.

He joined his pinky with hers “Promise!”

He hoped he wouldn’t break that one.

For Lillie he didn’t break any of them. He didn’t break up with her like he said he wouldn’t, he made her happy and she was the one who had a promise to fulfill.

She said she would never give up on them and would show him the way back to her if needed. That was what she was doing, even if that meant breaking her heart over and over again.

Jules was bored and she already had her share of reading naver articles and had nothing else to do. Kibum was late and wasn’t even answering the phone and as a consequence of that she was outside the door of his apartment waiting for him like a fool.

She stared at the time on her phone once again and calculated the time he was late.

2 hours, 14 minutes and 23 seconds.

“Jules?” His voice made her stand up from the floor beside the door of his apartment.

“You are late!” she stated as if it wasn’t obvious.

He ignored her remark and instead typed the code of his apartment opening the door for both of them to enter.

He knew how Jules could be volatile and he didn’t want to argue with her outside the apartment where anyone could hear.

“I had some ideas for clothes for our next Japan tour and I had to share it with our stylist so I got late.”

Jules watched him incredulous. He didn’t seem even guilty; he didn’t ask her if she was ok, he didn’t say he was sorry. Sometimes she really felt like going mad with his actions.

“I never wanted to admit this to myself and I always keep pushing this doubt inside my head but is work really more important than I am?” She asked tucking her blonde hair behind her ear.

He watched her in silence and took off his coat before placing it over the couch of the living room.

There was something he could never reveal to her, but the reality was that he loved when she was mad with him. She looked absolutely y and he was sure she would end up forgiving him in the end.

“Are you going to answer me now or will you let me wait for another two hours before you do?” She crossed her arms and Kibum laughed.

“It’s not funny. I almost left after one hour!” He ignored her comment which made her even more upset “Ok then I ‘ll do now what I should have done an hour ago.”

However he grabbed her by one arm and pulled her closer to him.

“It’s not funny Kibum!” She complained and he kissed her shushing her  with his lips.

Jules didn’t resist at first but then she recovered her sense and pushed him away.

“ doesn’t solve everything!”

“?” Kibum asked amused “Who mentioned ? I only kissed you!”

Jules seemed baffled with his answer and he used that moment of confusion to kiss her again, his hands grabbing hers  and pulling her to the bedroom.

“I need to go pick up Comme des and Garcon.” He said breaking the kiss “But you can go with me later.”

“I’m still mad!” Jules answered back and he kissed her again.

didn’t solve everything, sweet kisses and his fingers massaging her hand didn’t either.

“You must be tired!” He said rubbing his nose against hers “waiting for so long. After we pick up the kids we can order some food for us, drink some wine.”

“I’m still mad!” she said weakly and Kibum smiled kissing her once again.

“ doesn’t solve everything” Jules repeated “But kisses help…”

Kibum giggled with her conclusion and then cupped her face. “After dinner we can have and see if it solves anything.”

She nodded her head and he kissed her forehead before moving away.

However Jules grabbed his shirt and made him look back at her.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I need to change clothes to pick up the kids.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” She repeated and he turned to her.

“I love you Jules. I told you before that I did so please don’t make me choose between you and work, because I could never do that. You both are extremely important to me. Losing one or another would devastate me. I need both to be happy. That’s my honest answer.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m second place.” She admitted and he looked at her thoughtfully.

“Want me to do the same Jinki did and tell the media about us?”

“No. I don’t mean that. I mean that I want to be the first in your mind too.”

“Jules, you are the first in my mind.” He kissed her quickly “Now I’m going to change clothes.”

She watched him walk away to his bedroom.

Jules knew he was saying the truth, that she was important to him but still his answer didn’t satisfy her completely.

Min Hee opened the door of her dorm and was surprised to see Jinki there. They had nothing planned to do that night but it was a good surprise to see him.

“Are you alone?” Jinki asked peeking inside the apartment nervously.

“Yes. They will come later.”

He pushed Min Hee inside and closed the door before kissing her.

After being with Lillie, after asking her to go see the fireworks he felt weird so he decided to visit his girlfriend.

It wasn’t the first time he tried to bury his feelings with Min Hee and he felt bad for it but he truly believed that that he felt around Lillie would go away soon, once he managed to sleep with Min Hee. It was only a sign that he was needy and ually frustrated, nothing more than that.

She hummed against this lips and Jinki pushed her to her bedroom that she shared with one of the other members of her group.

While Jinki tried to bury his feelings with Min Hee, Lillie was trying to forget about hers drawing something for Minseo. She wanted to give her something special made by her, so she opened her drawing notebook after weeks and looked at her last drawing of chibi Jinki.

Lillie couldn’t lie to herself like Jinki seemed to manage. She knew what she felt and she knew what that ual attraction was when they were together. It wasn’t only the , it was love and she couldn’t wait for the moment he would realize it and come back to her.

She ran a finger on the face of her chibi and smiled.

He invited her out on a date. Ok, it wasn’t exactly a date but the way he looked at her during the performance, how he grabbed her hand firmly and pulled her and invited her out to see the fireworks. There was something there and they were so good together that night, making jokes, talking about nonsense. They still had the spark. Lillie wanted to believe that they still had it and that maybe that friendship was only a bridge that Jinki needed to cross to go back to her.

Fireworks…

He showed her the stars and now fireworks.

Didn’t he realize that she saw them so many times before in his arms?!

Lillie giggled falling on her bed, hugging her notebook against her chest.

He only needed to kiss her for beautiful fireworks to explode around her.

It was funny how Taemin always managed to end at parties with Minseo. This time it was different because Minseo wasn’t beside him, she was a few steps away from him swaying her hips at the sound of the music, a glass of beer on her hand. She seemed to be a little drunk and Taemin couldn’t take his eyes away from her.

“Go speak with her”  Jae Sun nudged Taemin that sent him a side way look.

“No. She is busy.”

“Busy being drunk alone.” Taemin chuckled with Jae-sun comment “If you don’t go another guy might.”

“I’m not interested in her. I told you before.” The fact that Jae sun was always trying to hook him up with Minseo was starting to annoy him.  “We are friends.”

Well friends could talk and have fun together too. With that in mind Taemin left Jae-Sun alone and walked in Minseo’s direction. He could almost feel his hyung smiling behind him but he ignored it and instead concentrated on the woman in front of him.

Yes, Minseo was tipsy.

“Are you enjoying the party?” He asked making the short woman look at him. One of her eyes makeup was a little smudged, her hair was escaping from her ponytail but she still looked great on her red tank top and black pants.

“A little. I’m not the kind of person who knows how to party.” She offered him an awkward smile and moved slightly, tripping on her hells. He moved a hand to help her but she managed to stand up gracefully as if nothing happened.

“You are drunk.”

“I am!” She actually seemed proud of it “I’m so happy. I did really well tonight, right?”

He nodded his head and grinned at her “Really well!”

Minseo started searching for something inside her black coat and he gently grabbed her elbow afraid that she would lose her balance.

“Here it is!” She said happily taking out her handphone “Going to call a cab.”

“No. I’ll take you home if you want.” Taemin offered. It wasn’t that big deal. It was actually a way for him to leave the party and go rest.

“Can you do that?”

“Sure!”

Half an hour later they managed to leave the party and where now walking on the direction of his car.

“My feet hurt!” She said walking beside him. “Where is your car? I think we passed this street already?”

Taemin stopped on the sidewalk and turned to Minseo. He was one of her bias before she met SHINee in real life and she knew him already well to know that he seemed worried.

“I think I lost it.”

She moved her lips slightly and then burst into laughter making him laugh nervously with her. “Who loses a car? OH MY GOD you are priceless!”

He wasn’t sure if that was a praise but sounded like one. “I’m not sure where I parked it. I don’t know this side of the city well.”

“This is so you!” she said rubbing her tummy, still laughing “Shawols would love this.” She was laughing so much that she had tears on her eyes.

Minseo almost tripped and before she fell to the ground Taemin grabbed her. It was like a scene of a movie and Taemin helped her stand up properly, his hands lingering on her back and side.

“Damn...I’m terrible.” He said still talking about his lost car.

“No…” she wasn’t laughing anymore, her eyes were sparkling because of the tears but she was serious now “You are amazing.”

That was what changed the mood and Taemin could add that moment to the one of her dancing on stage as proof that something was definitely slowly changing between them.

She touched his cheek making him froze and he nervously blinked his eyes “Dazzling…”

That was the word he used to describe her so he was too distracted with that thought that he noticed too late when she was inches from him, her hot breath caressing his lips.

He could have moved, he still had time but he didn’t. He closed his eyes once she kissed him and kissed her back. It was slow and innocent at first but not for long.

Taemin completely lost it once fireworks started exploding around him. He couldn’t describe it in any other way because that was the first time a first kiss made him feel like that.

He grabbed her by her waist pulling her against him as if kissing her wasn’t enough, and she circled his neck with her arms, both moving on the side walk and stumbling against the wall of the building.

It was dangerous, too dangerous, but Taemin completely forgot about the fact that he was an idol. Minseo didn’t seem to mind the passionate intensity of the kiss either and she hummed against his lips so sensually that he felt all his body burn in a way that he never thought it would be possible. They had chemistry after all. So much chemistry that it was crazy.

He stepped back almost stumbling, breaking the kiss and she stood there against the wall looking at him, as breathless as him. Her lips were completely red from the kiss, her hair a total mess.

“Not here.” He mumbled looking around “I can’t do this here.”

Whatever This was.

She nodded her head knowing what he meant and knowing what This was, and then grabbed his hand on hers. “Let’s find your car.”

Of course they needed to find it and quick.

Min Hee could barely breathe because Jinki kept kissing her, his hands groping her s and caressing her over her clothes, however they were making out for a while and things didn’t move on from that and every time she tried to take off his t-shirt or take off her clothes he would stop her.

She was tired of it and pushed him back so she could sat on the bed.

He watched her fix her hair and Min Hee sent him an upset look that made Jinki close his eyes guilty.

Maybe he had a problem.  Lack of ual desire was never a problem when he was with Lillie and even with Min Hee before Lillie showed up. Yes, he could admit that after his first time with Min Hee things did change and he realized that he had no feeling for her and that made him feel guilty but still he felt desire for his girlfriend. Now with Lillie back, things got even worse. She simply didn’t leave his mind. Every kiss, every touch with Min Hee made him think about how much he wanted Lillie, about how much he wanted to be with someone else.

To say the truth every time he thought about Lillie and her neck and the way she smiled or how her dress showed her cleavage he would feel aroused. Damn he was an ! He was kissing Min Hee and she should be the one in his head not another woman.

He moved his eyes on Min Hee’s body. Her s were smaller than Lillie’s but she was very hot. She had all the right sizes, she had abs and was y, more y and hot than every woman he ever dated. However he only wanted Lillie and her lack of abs, and her chubby thighs and cheeks, her full lips and her heavenly s. He wanted Lillie with all her imperfections that made her so perfect in his eyes.

he was doomed! He wanted to have with a woman that wasn’t his girlfriend!

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled raising his guilty eyes to Min Hee and she sat over her legs facing him.

“What is wrong Jinki? What is happening to us?”

Nothing. The problem was that. Nothing was happening and he hoped it would. He hoped he would fall for her and love her in a crazy way like he loved Lillie, but his feelings weren’t changing. Min Hee was still Min Hee, the same one from the day they first met.

“You don’t find me attractive?”

“No. I do…you are so y!” She was. She was very attractive to him, he couldn’t lie and he was sure he would get aroused if she pushed herself on him, however he also knew that his mind would be in another woman while he had with Min Hee.

Jinki swallowed and spoke before Min Hee had the chance to ask more questions.

“I have something to tell you.” He had to tell her. He felt guilty and he wanted to be honest with her.

Min Hee attention was all on him and Jinki took a deep breathe ready to jump in. “I asked Lillie to be my friend.”

“I know. You told me.” The mention of Lillie left a sour taste on Min Hee’s mouth and it was obvious for Jinki.

“I really like you Min Hee, I want to be honest with you.” He wasn’t sure when he took the decisions, maybe it was on his way to her dorm but he knew that if things didn’t change between him and Min Hee soon he needed to break up with her. “Lillie is really important to me.”

“She left you.” The disapproval on her voice was clear and Jinki tried to ignore it.

“She had her reasons. It was complicated for her, her father was sick.”

“I really don’t care about her reasons. I care about you.” She moved on the bed to hug him but Jinki moved away.

It upset her how he always defended her even though he made him suffer; she made him be afraid of love. Jinki could not realize it but he was afraid. Afraid of falling for someone again and end up being hurt like he was with Lillie. His experiences with women didn’t end up well. First he had a woman that left him for another guy and then Lillie came along and once again left him.

“Let’s not argue because of this please.” He begged and Min Hee gave up on it.

“I saw her tonight.” Jinki added “I end up inviting her to go with me to the Han River firework festival.”

Min Hee didn’t move, she didn’t even blink and that scared Jinki even more.

She slowly her lips as if she was processing the information he gave her and then she finally spoke. “OK.”

He widened his eyes expecting something else and once again she surprised him.

“You aren’t upset?”

“Should I be?”

She should. Jinki knew she should because when he invited Lillie he didn’t think about Min Hee feelings at all. He did it in impulsively, because he truly wanted to do that with Lillie, to be alone with her, to have fun with her, talk, look at her...

“No.” He lied feeling awful with it.

“Ok. I don’t see anything wrong in taking a friend to see it.”

“You are amazing!” He said genuinely impressed. He didn’t deserve Min Hee at all.

“But there is one condition!” Min Hee added and Jinki realized that even Min Hee had two sides of her.

“Here!” Kibum placed a piece of paper on Jules hand and she looked at it confused.

He sat beside her in the bed and Jules moved under the sheets making Comme des, that was sleeping beside her complain before she looked at the paper.

It was a code.

“It’s the key of my apartment. Next time you don’t have to wait outside.”

She widened her eyes and looked at him. That was huge, that meant something.

“Are you giving me free access to your apartment?”

“It’s not free access.” He frowned. His apartment and his things were too precious for him. Call him a freak but he didn’t like when people touched his stuff and messed everything up. However Jules stayed with him several times now and she knew how to respect his space. He trusted her. “I feel sorry with what happened today. You are my girlfriend and I shouldn’t have let you wait like that. Next time, please don’t stay outside in the cold, enter, drink some wine, play with my kids, wait for me here, safe and warm.”

She leaned forward and kissed him. The satisfied grin he sent her was enough to warm her heart.

“You won’t change it right?” She asked teasingly “You might change it after I leave the apartment.”

“You won’t leave until morning.” He said running a finger on her shoulder. They didn’t discuss if she was going to stay but he truly wished that she did. Sometimes Kibum might seem cold to her, he knew that, but the truth was, he truly loved her, he enjoyed her company too much to the point that a few seconds beside her were already worthwhile.

“I won’t change. “He repeated “Now, memorize it in case you lose the paper.”

She nodded and started repeating the numbers out loud to herself.

Kibum watched Jules, caressing her hair and neck, his eyes taking time admiring her rosy lips and then moving to her pointy nose and above to her smart eyes.

She raised her eyes to him still repeating the numbers and he grabbed the paper from her hand placing it on the bedside table.

“You have time to memorize it later.”

She complained but her words where muffled by his lips against hers.

Both laid down on the bed again, beside Comme Des and Garçon that soon joined them.

“Then it’s settled, this weekend we get back to our cooking lessons!” Rin said “I’m so excited!”

“I KNOW! I’ll bring the snacks and the beverages!” Lillie answered to the phone.

“We are going to cook, not have a party Lillie!”

“I just miss doing it so much that I think we should celebrate. Also, you will be impressed because I got a lot better at it. I’m almost a chef!”

Rin chuckled and Lillie bid her farewell before turning off the call.

Her eyes settled on her favorite mug, just in front of her, over her desk. It had Jinki face on it and she dreamily looked at it, the soft humming of In your eyes coming from her lips.

If she could cook for him again he would see how much she improved. Maybe she could invite him for a home cooked dinner at her place. Lillie blushed and giggled cutely remembering how they made love last time she did ask him. Of course she wasn’t expecting that to happen this time around but she could still try to ask him after the firework festival  that they were going to go together.

“You always sing that song!” Do Joon was in front of Lilie’s desk and she quickly erased her silly grin from her face. She was so lost in her daydreams with Onew that she completely missed him coming out from his office.

“It’s a special song!” She answered nervously clearing .

“Really? What is the name?”

“In your eyes!”

He hummed in thought “Let me guess, your prince sings it!”

“Exactly!” She raised her nose in the hair like a princess and that made Do Joon smile. He liked how overprotective of her ex-boyfriend she was, that sassy side of her.  He wondered if she even realized that she had that side to her, a lioness side. “He sang it for me.” She added shyly.

“Really? At one of his concerts?”

Lillie shook her head “No. “He could see her cheeks getting redder “He sent it to my phone.”

“Oh!” Do Joon immediately sat over Lillie’s desk and grabbed her phone “So I can hear it!”

She immediately snatched the phone from his hand “No. It’s personal!” She never dared to hear it again. Not after coming back to Korea and finding that he had someone else. She was afraid to acknowledge what she lost.

“I bet you replay it every day.” Do Joon comment was like rubbing salt to her wounds and Lillie bit her lower lip.

“No. Only once in a while.” It was a lie. “I have a music box with the same music.” The music box she replayed every day, that wasn’t a lie.

“Of course you do!” Do Joon teased laughing at Lillie’s innocent expression.

“It’s not funny!” It wasn’t. That song, that music box, it was something really important to her.

“I’m sorry, I just feel like I’m inside a drama or a movie every time I talk with you.”

“Well I’m not the one who avoids females calls every day. That would be good drama material!” Lillie answered back and Do Joon raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry about that.” He cleared his throat “But in my defense I only slept with her once and I told her that that was the only thing I wanted. I don’t know why she keeps calling. I must be unforgettable!”

Lillie frowned “Nice…very nice!”

He leaned on the desk, his head almost bumping against hers and Lillie raised her eyes to him. The proximity seemed to shake him a little and he moved back “Don’t act like a prude.” He played with her mug and Lillie pulled it away from his hand. “I know you had a lot of with your prince too. I bet you did!”

Lillie blushed a lot more now and he smiled noticing how even her ears were red. “Of course we did. It’s called making love. We love each other.”

Love…as in the present.

The time of the verb didn’t escape Do Joon and his smile faded matching her expression. He could clearly read on her face that she also noticed what she said.

“…loved.” She added awkwardly and Do Joon looked away knowing that it was time to save her and change topics.

“Do you want some coffee?” he asked standing up from the desk “I can buy some for us.”

“Yes thank you!” Lillie said hiding behind the laptop pretending to work.

It was a while since Lillie was present in a shawol meeting. Most of her old shawol friends weren’t there anymore. Some left the fandom, others were studying aboard or married and had less time. However there were new ones and the group was becoming bigger and bigger.

They choose one of their favorite coffee shops to meet and discuss some of the lately SHINee news. Minseo wasn’t there and Lillie was bored because she barely knew the others.

Lately Minseo was too busy to attend the meeting and Lillie was wondering if it wasn’t best that she stopped attending them too.

Lillie was drinking her coffee and almost falling asleep over it when she heard one of the shawols speak about Jinki.

“I think Onew is single again.”

“I think he has a new girlfriend.” Another one said. “He stopped wearing the ring for a while now. I bet he got someone else.”

Lillie watched them curiously now. They were right, everything was right.

“I’m actually sad. He seemed really happy when he was wearing the ring.” The first shawol said and Lillie smiled. She had an ally there.

“I prefer him single! He needs to have more time for us.”

Lillie was going to say something and probably get into an argument when Minseo arrived and sat beside her with a tired expression.

“I’m dead!”

“Dancing?”

“Yes. You?”

“The deterioration of my relationship as seen by others.” Lilli whispered and Minseo nodded her head knowing what she meant. All shawols were talking about Jinki’s failed relationship without knowing that the other person that was in that relationship was there too.

Lillie was going to ask Minseo if she had plans the next day when her phone rang.

It was Jinki and she quickly stood up with a huge smile. If only all those shawols knew that he was so close to them.

Lillie quickly left the coffee shop and answered the call.

“HI!”

“Hello!” He didn’t answer as brightly as her so he was probably tired.

“Is everything ok?” Lillie asked worried.

“Yes, I’m just tired.” Of course he was. He didn’t speak with her ever since Minseo’s performance so he was busy for sure.

“Guess where I am right now!” Lillie said so brightly and she heard Jinki chuckle on the other side.

“Where?”

“At a shawol meeting!”

“Ahhh”

“If I enter it now and place you on speaker they will all scream and then kill me!”

He laughed but soon his voice changed again as if for a while he forgot his “tiredness”.

“About Friday…”

“Friday!” Lillie repeated happily knowing that it was the day of the festival, they day she would be with him under a colorful sky. She was so focused on her happiness that she didn’t notice the uneasiness on his voice.

“Should I pick you up on Friday?”

“No. It’s ok. I’ll be working until late. I think the previous secretary was there to seduce the boss more than work because that studio is a total mess.”

“Right.” He didn’t even react to her comment “How is it going. Is he treating you well? I mean, your boss.”

“Yes. Everything is going fine and what about…” Lillie had to close her eyes to gather full energy to say her name “Min Hee-ssi? Is she well?” It was the first time she mentioned her name, the first time she asked him about her and the silence on the other side showed that Jinki also realized the same.

“She is good.”

There was a moment of silence where Lillie could swear Jinki wanted desperately to tell her something but couldn’t find a way to do it. That was always a bad sign in their relationship.

“See you Friday.” He said instead and Lillie frowned because that meant he wasn’t going to talk with her anymore until Friday.

“Ok. See you Friday.”

“I told you it was the best pizza in town!” Do Joon said watching Lillie eat.

That day he decided to invite her out to have lunch with him during their mutual lunch break. She didn’t want to go at first but end up accepting because she didn’t eat pizza in a while.

“It’s delicious!” She agreed with full and Do Joon nodded happily.

He liked to make others happy and food was the better way to achieve that.

“So I was with Rin yesterday.” He said and Lillie quickly swallowed her food.

“You met her?”

“I do sometimes. I think we have a connection!”

“WHAT?”

Do Joon embarrassedly slide further on his chair “Can you not scream?”

“Sorry. I was shocked. You went on a date with her?”

“No. She has a boyfriend. We met by chance.” Do Joon laughed and Lillie frowned.

“He won’t be happy if he knows that you are tying to woo her.”

“I’m not trying to woo her. I respect her, and she is my friend.”

Still Lillie eyed him suspiciously. “Did you tell your mother that you are dating Rin? Lately she doesn’t call the office as much as she did before.”

“No. I told her I was dating someone else so she gave me some time off.”

“She will find out soon that you are lying.”

“I know. I’m ready! I like to live on the edge!” He said with a grin before eating his food.

“Why don’t you really try it? “ Lillie asked “I mean, truly dating and who knows, even fall in love?”

“Love doesn’t exist!” He answered “It’s a chemical reaction.”

Lillie burst out laughing at Do Joon answer and he stared at her, the coca cola she was drinking almost being spit out form .

“EW!” He mumbled while she covered with her napkin. “Be careful! So not gracious!”

“Oh you are so funny!” Lillie said recovering her breathe.

“Why am I funny? It’s the reality!”

“You clearly have never been in love.”

“No. I don’t live inside a drama like you!” He was like a kid being scolded now.

“No. But still you use lame excuses like that!” Lillie grin didn’t disappear and he felt uncomfortable with it. It was as if she knew something he didn’t. Actually, that was true. She did know something he didn’t and maybe that’s why he was so attracted to her. She knew what being in love was, she believed in it, she knew it was real.

“How can you not believe in love when your parents had you?”

“My parents had an arranged marriage.” He explained and Lillie paled completely forgetting about how common those were.

“Oh, I see. Maybe that’s why…but I mean, they probably learned to love each other eventually.”

He frowned and placed his elbows on the table thinking. “They drive each other nuts.”

That was never a good omen.

“However, arranged marriages last more than the ones with love.”

“They might,” Lillie agreed with him “but the ones with love are much more meaningful. I would prefer one year of absolute happiness than ten without happiness.”

“Why are we even talking about this when there is pizza on the table?” Do Joon said grabbing another slice.

She completely ignored him and asked “Why don’t you get an arranged marriage then?”

“Because I don’t want to get stuck to one person all my life.”

“It’s not getting stuck. Its...” She sighed in thought, her dreamy expression from the other day when he caught her humming that song, coming up again “How do I explain…it’s like having a tough day and coming home and there he is, your safe heaven, where you belong. Home! The person who makes you think that it’s good to be alive, that everything is going to be alright. That your whole y day was worth it because he is there and makes you smile.”

Do Joon watched her in thought and Lillie embarrassedly looked away. Why was she getting so emotional near her silly boss?!

“Are you married perhaps, and forgot to tell me?”

“No.” Lilli answered eating her pizza avoiding him now. “I almost was official asked though…”

Do Joon didn’t say anything and instead grabbed his cup with cola. “Are you sure you are real?” His teasing smirk was back “Are you sure you aren’t a character from a book?”

Lillie didn’t reach to his teasing, instead she raised her wet eyes to him “Someday you will fall in love and it’s going to hit you so hard that you will understand what I mean.”

“No I’m not!”

He was never going to fall in love. He would make sure it wouldn’t happen.

Minho back hugged Eun Ha cutely and she turned around to kiss him.

“I can’t believe you are here!” he said with a huge smile.

Lately he felt as if she was the idol instead of him. She was so busy with her new job that was on the other side of the city and sometimes made her travel, that they barely had time to be together.

“I’m so sorry cutie!” She said kissing his cheek and Minho pouted a little.

Eun Ha loved how he was so full of aegyo. He probably had more aegyo than she ever did.

“Where are we going?” She asked when he opened the door of his car for her.

“Restaurant!” He blinked his eye cutely at her and then run to the driver’s side and sat on his seat, closing the door.

“That cool one with private rooms?”

“Yes, that one.”

It was expensive but they could have their privacy.

“How did your exam go?” She asked remembering how he was so busy the week before studying for it.

“I could have done better. I think I messed it up a little.”

“Well you barely had time to study. Don’t punish yourself.” She caressed his face.

“Some of my colleagues also have jobs and still they find time to study. If they can do it I can too. I need to work harder.”

She puffed at him and leaned on the seat of the car while he drove it out of the parking lot “What is the problem with you SHINee guys? You keep saying you need to work harder when I don’t know anyone who works harder than you. “

Minho smiled with her comment “Working hard was what made us reach so far.”

“That and talent, and being humble, and so many other things I could enumerate and…”

Her phone rang and Eun Ha picked it up from her bag.

Minho sent her a curious look when she picked up the call with a cute hello.

“No, I’m not home.” She said on the phone “I’m not alone either. Sorry, but thank you for the invitation. It’s really nice of you…oppa.”

Minho frowned and waited for her to turn the call off. “Who was calling you? Your brother?

“No, not a real oppa. It’s actually one of my bosses. He worries with me a lot and he wanted to know if I was ok. He is out with friends and wanted to know if I wanted to join him.”

Minho didn’t say anything but Eun Ha could see on his expression that he didn’t like it.

“Are you jealous? My boss is married. He sees me like his sister; he is older than me and even has kids.”

“I don’t like guys that call you all the time.” he said peeking at her slightly.

Eun Ha caressed him behind his ear like she knew he liked and she felt him melt under her fingers “He is my boss, only that. He feels sorry towards me because the other girls bully me.  He is just trying to be nice.”

“Are they mean to you?” he said worried “Why don’t you get back to SM, I think they would accept you back if we explained and…”

“I’m not going back there and you know it.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

Going back to SM meant being forbidden to date him again and this time around Eun Ha was giving her all for that relationship.

“Do you have a date?” Dojoon words made Lillie startled and she turned around giving him a good look of what she was wearing.

“What do you think?”

He moved his eyes down her body, from her cute green blouse with a bow tie and down to her black skirt ending on her green cute shoes.

“You would look better with hells!” Do Joon remarked even though he liked what he saw. That style fitted Lillie, but he wasn’t going to tell her that she looked beautiful even though that was his opinion after all.

“Date?” Do Joon repeated while Lillie pouted staring at her shoes wondering what was wrong with them when they were so cute.

“No. I’m going to see the fireworks! Since I knew I would stay longer at work and wouldn’t have time to go home, I changed clothes inside the bathroom.”

“Fireworks?” He sighed because he was going with his mother that was nagging him the whole week.

“I’m going with Jinki.” Lillie said almost in a whisper and Dojoon widened his eyes. It wasn’t as if they were pals but lately Lillie opened up a lot with him. Maybe because he would never take what she said seriously like Jules would, or maybe because he often gave her a sincere male opinion.

He did take her serious this time though.

“You two are back together?” The idea pleased him…but at the same time didn’t.

“No. We are friends. We are going as friends.”

That was even more depressing than him going with his mother.

“I can’t believe you are doing this to yourself!” That wasn’t the reaction Lillie expected and it was her time to be surprised. She was expecting him to make fun of her or remark that the idol was probably only wanting to her or say something nasty like he often said but this time he seemed actually concerned. “Don’t go!” He grabbed Lillie’s paper bag from her hand, the one she placed the clothes she wore during the day in.

“Change clothes and I’ll take you home!”

“No!” Lillie said quickly taking the bag back. “What is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with you?” He asked back. He didn’t understand her at all “You are going to get hurt. Can’t you see that? He has someone else. He is playing with you!”

Lillie expression tightened and he was afraid she would cry again like the night they met.

“He isn’t like you. He isn’t playing with me. He wants to be my friend.”

He wasn’t offended. She was right. But she was also wrong.

“You can’t be friends with someone you love to that extend. At least if you want to keep yourself sane…to keep yourself whole. You can’t!” He didn’t want to make her cry so he was gentler when he spoke again “You will end up breaking your heart again Lillie. Maybe you should move on…”

“No. I made a promise.” He knew about it. She told him that night she was drunk, inside a small bathroom with crying eyes  “If someday his heart remembers what he felt for me, I want to be beside him. “

“Don’t you think that that is a very sad life? Waiting for someone to love you back?”

“Isn’t it sad to never give yourself completely to someone either because you are too afraid to do so?”

He palled with her comment because she easily hit the bullseye.

“I’m doing the opposite. I’m giving all of me to him, my time, my love, my patience my friendship….if someday he decides that he wants it back then I’ll be blessed again. I’m not afraid. I was before…but now I’m not anymore.”

“What if he doesn’t want you back, ever?”

“Then I know I did my best to mend what I ruined.”

“That is stupid!” He said turning around “You are an idiot!”

His words didn’t offend her either because Lillie knew that not everyone is what meets the eye.

She was hiding so much inside her before she met Jinki and she was sure Do Joon was hiding a lot too, so much that he was hoping for someone to come along and save him too.

He was afraid like she was.

“It’s not like I thought you would understand anyway!” She said bitterly and Do Joon heard her grab her things from over her desk.

He watched her leave and then sat on his desk on his empty office, staring into the night sky outside.

He really didn’t understand her. She was going to get hurt again and that upset him because he knows how it feels like.

If he closed his eyes he could imagine Lillie meeting with that idol. She does indeed look like a princess, graceful in her weird way, beautiful, pure…

Do Joon heard the door of his office being open and he saw Lillie staring at him. She was back and he was surprised to see her there.

“By the way,” She said embarrassed probably because she was a little rude to him before. “Your mother called and I forgot to tell you.”

Do Joon smiled because he already knew what his mother wanted, but still he liked that she came back to tell him the message. He liked the sound of Lillie’s voice, specially when she sang that song…In your eyes, she called it, while working.

“What does she want?”

“She says to pick her up at nine!”

It was past nine already and Do Joon chuckled “I guess she is going to be mad!”

Lillie stood there motionless and Do Joon grabbed his coat standing up “Want me to give you a ride to see your prince?”

Lillie didn’t accept the ride and she went by subway and caught a bus and then walked in the direction of their secret place alone.

It was dark already and she was tired but she wasn’t afraid or feeling annoyed. She was in cloud nine knowing that she would see Jinki soon and be alone with him seeing the fireworks.

Lillie swing her bag happily daydreaming about her and Jinki sitting on the grass like they did before, watching the fireworks, the light of them on Jinki eyes before he moved to kiss her.

That’s why she didn’t accept Do Joon offer to drive her there. This way Lillie could think about that moment all the way there, she could enjoy that anxiety of seeing him once again, the one she used to have before a date when they just started dating.

Everything was there again her feelings, the butterflies on her stomach, the silly romantic daydreams, only her insecurity was gone. It was as if they were starting again.

Certainly that was a step forward on the way back to his heart.

Lillie quickly climbed the stairs and entered the small park that was deserted.

While she walked in the direction of the wall she moved her eyes to the place where they kissed for the first time. It felt like destiny that she was there once again and she placed her hands on the wall before the vision of Seoul filled her eyes.

Soon the sky would be filled with colors and not only stars.

That was also the place she once screamed all of her wishes and worries with Jinki.

“I love Lee Jinki.” She said emotively, her words taken with the wind. “I love Lee Jinki!” She repeated once again a little louder and then again another time until she blushed feeling silly.

If he arrived while she was saying that, she would for certain melt with embarrassment. It wasn’t a lie but still…

A noise behind Lillie made her turn around and she saw his head showing up while he climbed the stairs. Lillie smiled at him but soon her smile faded when she realized that he wasn’t alone.

A beautiful woman wearing a simple white dress and sandals was beside him – Min Hee.

His girlfriend came with him and Lillie heart sunk to her feet. She bit her lower lip trying really hard not to cry because all of her hopes for that night were crushed in a second.

“I hope you don’t mind that I brought someone else to watch the fireworks with us.”

Lillie had a hard time realizing that Jinki was speaking to her and she shook her head slowly, her cheeks now as white as his girlfriend dress.

That didn’t escape Jinki attention and he swallowed nervously, knowing that he should have told her before on the phone, but Min Hee asked him not to because she wanted to meet Lillie and was afraid she wouldn’t show up on the day of the festival if she knew.

Now that they were all together Jinki was sure Min Hee was right. Lillie didn’t seem to be feeling well with her presence and he felt so guilty and awful.

“Hi!” Min Hee greeted cheerfully seeming to ignore the awkwardness of the moment “I’m Lee Jinki’s girlfriend!”

That was like a stab on Lillie’s heart and she blinked her eyes bowing slightly to the woman in front of her.

In a far away past Lillie was the one who could say that but not anymore. She pursed her lips trying to fight the tears and slowly smiled weakly, her eyes moving from Min Hee to Jinki.

He wasn’t ready for what he saw on Lillie’s eyes and he felt worse than he did before.

He knew he ruined her hopes for their night together because he did ruin his too. However there was something worse. Lillie was deeply hurt with him because he took her there, to their hiding place, to a place that was filled with their memories and now with also that memory and Min Hee presence.

Still his Lillie was smiling and she stepped back to give way for Min Hee to approach the wall and see the view.

Jinki watched Lillie, her profile and the way she didn’t look at him anymore, all her attention on Min Hee. It wasn’t fake but it wasn’t a smile of happiness either.

She wasn’t going to walk away. Lillie was going to stay and she was going to pretend that everything was alright because she wasn’t giving up. She promised him.

She was going to let Jinki do his explorations, live his life the way he wanted, and she was going to wait patiently showing him that there was still another path available for him, a path where she would held his hand if needed. A path that he left, but where she was still waiting for him, so they could continue their journey together.

Lillie owned him that, because she hurt him before, because he was worth it. Jinki saved her before and she was going to stay beside him if needed to be saved too.

She swallowed her tears, ignored her heart that was ripping into pieces and how her legs wanted to give in or run away from there and instead turned her weak smile to a much brighter one.

“Nice to meet you.”

Hi! Sorry for the long delay. I'm not writing much lately because of lack of time. Im super busy at work and preparing to go to Kcon Paris! KYAAA

Sadly Jjong wont be there...but lets not talk about things that make me cry...

Anyway, here it is...Lillie's and Jinki's misery will be ending soon..hopefuly...

What would you do if you were on Lillie's place? Would you stick around Jinki to make him comeback to his senses or would you move on?

Well leave me a comment, subscribe, upvote, do your magic.

SUPPORT JJONG NEW ALBUM SHE IS.

What is your fav song? I'm in love with White T-Shirt, Dress Up, She is and Moon for now! ~

To celebrate his comeback ill be posting CEL new chapter soon. Only proofread left! ;) 

(sorry for mistakes and typos and you know....)