I tried pushing you out but my heart recognizes you

I Love You

Are you listening?

Only You

-  Always - t Yoonmirae -

For once Lillie was happy that the sound of the fireworks was too overwhelming and made it impossible to talk and be understood.

She was always awful at making small talk and it was worse when the other person you had to talk with was your boyfriend and his current girlfriend.

Lillie watched the fireworks in silence, her previous excitement disappeared and she just stood like a shadow beside the couple watching the colors in the sky.

It was beautiful, just like she imagined it would but all the rest was wrong. She imagined herself watching it alone with Jinki, she imagined herself looking at him sending him silent signs that she still loved him, that she still wanted him, but now she couldn’t. She didn’t even dare to look at him.

Jinki was barely looking at the fireworks. He felt too uncomfortable after the small conversation they had before the fireworks started. Min Hee was amazing at small talk and she treated Lillie as if they were big friends. He could read on Lillie’s eyes that she tried really hard to be nice, that she made an effort to act normal when in reality he could read in her body posture how much she didn't want to be there.

Who cared about fireworks when Lillie was there beside him, not even looking at him?  Jinki was so used to have her full attention ever since the first day they met; used to lock eyes with her all the time, and now she barely looked his way.  He watched Lillie instead, trying to find a way to make her feel better. He planned to smile friendly at her once she looked his way but she was avoiding it like the plague. She was mad with him! No, she was probably disappointed.

Min Hee wasn’t oblivious to all that was happening, she wasn’t watching the fireworks with all her attention when the real firework was happening just beside her with Jinki being a confused regretting mess looking with puppy eyes at his ex and his ex ignoring him, her eyes on the sky.

He loved her.

He was the only fool who couldn’t admit it to himself but Min Hee knew.

 He did love her before but now Min Hee was absolutely sure that he never once forgot her and she didn’t like it at all. More than that she couldn’t understand why he could love her when she abandoned him before.

“It’s amazing right?” Min Hee asked Lillie making the clumsy foreigner move her puppy eyes to her, forcing a smile before looking at the sky again.

She could admit that she was brave, still there beside them acting as if she wasn’t affected.

“It’s breathtaking.” Lillie answered with a sigh, her mind very far away from the fireworks.

Jinki was breathtaking.

Falling in love with him was breathtaking.

Kissing Jinki was breathtaking.

Lillie sighed deeply once again and then turned to Jinki who surprisingly was already looking at her.

“How long is the festival?” She hoped it wasn’t long now, she wanted to go home. She needed to think about what she was feeling, about what just happened, what Min Hee presence there meant.

Lillie regretted her decision to ask almost immediately because Min Hee choose that moment to grab Jinki hand, holding it on hers.

Lillie’s eyes lingered on their intertwined fingers remembering how he held her hand in front of My Young months ago. It felt like years now.

She immediately looked away but not even a million of colorful small sparkles in the sky could erase that vision from her mind, erase that feeling from inside her.

Perfect.

That was her first thought once Jinki held her hand for the first time.

Min Hee and Jinki holding hands wasn’t perfect, not for her.

Lillie closed her eyes telling herself that she could endure that, that she could be only his friend and that she was going to be by his side even if it hurt. She promised!

“Aaah look at that one!” Min Hee said cutely looking at Jinki lovingly. She was so beautiful that even Lillie couldn’t’ take her eyes from the couple. They matched. Two idols, two singers, talented and beautiful!

Jinki smiled back at his girlfriend and then Min Hee kissed his cheek in a move that made both Jinki and Lillie stunned.

“Thank you for bringing me.”

Lillie looked away not able to watch the scene anymore.

Jinki and Min Hee were a couple and she was the extra who didn’t belong there. She was like My Young! The thought made her almost breathless and Lillie had to close her eyes because the pain was too much. She didn’t want to be My Young!

She was an idiot!

She couldn’t do it anymore. It was too much painful. Maybe Do Joon was right, maybe she needed to stop being an idiot. Jinki wasn’t going to come back to her when he had someone by his side who was perfect for him, who made him happy.

“I don’t feel well.” Lillie said suddenly making the couple look at her. She was probably near tears because Jinki was looking at her with that scary hopeless expression he had so many times when she started crying and he didn’t know what to do.

“What is wrong?” Min Hee asked gently.

“It’s probably my blood pressure. I spent a lot of time standing up today at work and I’m tired. I’m going home.”

She talked fast, telling lie after lie as quickly as possible before she was caught.

“I’ll take you home.” Jinki said immediately releasing Min Hee hand and making Lillie feel even more disgusting with herself.

“No. It’s fine; you should watch the fireworks with Min Hee.”

“No, we can go together! I don’t mind taking you home!” Min Hee said and she actually seemed honest.

She wasn’t a bad person and Lillie felt awful for doing that to her and to him. She was being a sly fox by staying beside Jinki hoping to be alone with him. She wasn’t that kind of person, she never wanted to be that kind of person.

“No. No way. I’ll be ok alone. I’ll call a taxi!” Lillie stepped back, in the merge of tears. She saw Jinki and Min Hee image already slightly distorted. “Enjoy the fireworks together. You have a special place to do so.” She couldn’t help it but her last words sounded too bitter.

Jinki shoulders slumped when he saw Lillie retreat as if she lost a battle. He felt like that too, defeated on the battlefield.

Min Hee brushed her hand against his but he didn’t even notice, his mind elsewhere very far away from that night, from the fireworks and from his current girlfriend.

On that place two years ago he kissed Lillie for the first time. He could still recall how her lips tasted like, how they felt against his, the way she slowly and shyly opened her eyes and looked at him, how she smiled as if he had gave her more than one kiss, as if he had gave her a blessing of some sort. He truly felt blessed too because at that moment there was no one else more beautiful or precious to him than Lillie. He felt like that all the days of his relationship with Lillie and somehow when he saw her smile, even now after they weren’t together, he felt as if the world was blessed to have her.

He should have screamed that to the world too, on that night when they were there alone, on the night he confessed that he was scared to lose her. He had all the reasons to be scared because he end up losing her in the end and now, that destiny was giving him a second chance to have Lillie, he was scared to accept her into his life again, scared to lose her all over again.

Lillie was going home alone. His Lillie, the same one that told him that she loved him, the same one that he just broke her heart!  She has been saying to Jinki how much she still loves him in every little action and he tried to pretend that she wasn’t although he longed for that. Was he ready to tell her to stop doing it? To stop smiling to him as if he was the sun of her life?

“Let’s go.” He said turning to Min Hee “It’s dangerous for her to go alone at this time of the night.”

“She said she didn’t mind, that she would call a taxi.” Min Hee whined a little “The fireworks are not over yet.”

Jinki completely ignored her and walked to the stairs so Min Hee had to follow him.

They didn’t exchange a word on their way to the car and not even when he was driving it slowly searching for Lillie.

They found her a few minutes later, entering a taxi and Jinki sighed of relief before he drove in the direction of Min Hee’s dorm to leave her home too.

“She is perfectly fine!” Min Hee said in the silence of his car.

“No she isn’t.”

She wasn’t and it was his fault. 

Taemin phone rang once again and he quickly turn off the sound and placed it on the pocket on the back of his jeans.

“You are going to lose it there!” Kibum warned him but Taemin didn’t say anything and instead followed the rest of the members to the resting room where they would eat the lunch Minho and some of the staff went to buy.

Jinki patted Taemin shoulder and he looked back at his hyung.

“I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but notice. It’s Minseo again…”

Jinki seemed a little embarrassed that he was asking Taemin about it “Are you two upset with each other?”

Taemin paled “Not really.”

Taemin wasn’t upset, farther from it. He wasn’t sure how he could face her and was avoiding the moment he had to until he knew what to say.

That night was still very fresh in Taemin’s memory.

Once they managed to find his car and Taemin managed to turn on the engine because they couldn’t stop kissing they drove back to Minseo’s place.

It was a very small apartment that she shared with her sister that luckily was away with her boyfriend in vacation.

They stumbled inside Minseo’s apartment, kissing each other, hands insensately moving on each other’s body as if the world was going to end that night.

They didn’t talk much and Taemin remembered how she stopped kissing him and her eyes locked with his in a silent agreement.

They both wanted it. Yes they both had their share of alcohol and yes she was a little tipsy but the chemistry and desire was there.

She kissed him more softly and he kissed her back caressing her cheeks before she pulled him to her bedroom. They fought with their clothes taking them and soon Taemin was over her in the bed, his almost body rubbing against hers. He remembered every little bit of it, how he caressed her body, kissed her down to her stomach making Minseo moan of pleasure; how he pulled her down her legs and helped her take off his underwear.

They didn’t stop after that, he settled over her, kissing her neck and down to her s, and after placing a he entered her. He had with Minseo and it was so intense and amazing that Taemin couldn’t stop thinking about it. They slept together, and he marveled at how fragile she was sleeping on his arms, so different from Melody that always seemed so strong. Minseo was like a little girl but what they did was nothing that a little girl would do. She was extremely y and it was wonderful.

The next morning he woke up to an empty bed and after dressing up he found Minseo drinking coffee in the kitchen.

He was embarrassed, he didn’t know what to say but she didn’t even give him time to say anything. Minseo kissed him on the cheek, bid him farewell and said she was late for work.

That’s how he end up alone inside her apartment with a cup of coffee on his hand.

After that he avoided her phone calls not sure what to think about what happened between them, too embarrassed to talk about the fact that he had with his friend, hyung and group member ex-girlfriend.

“Is something wrong?” Jinki asked making Taemin get back from his memories.

“Nothing is wrong!” He lied walking faster to catch up with Jonghyun.

Jinki knew that he was lying but he already had so many problems of his own that he soon forgot about it.

After SHINee finished their schedule everyone entered the van and they were now in their way to their next performance.  Normally they would use that time to listen to music, play games or sleep.

Jinki checked his phone like the others and saw how he had zero notifications from Lillie. He wondered if she was truly upset with him. She probably was either upset or giving him space. Either way he didn’t like it. Maybe he was selfish because he wanted to have her attention and her love while he dated another woman but there weren’t many things he liked as much as feeling loved by her.

Jinki opened twitter and swiftly read some of the messages fans left him. Then he did a quick search for @tokkipeasant, Lillie’s username and managed to find her.

She wasn’t updating as much as she used to but she tweeted some of her fanarts of SHINee.

He smiled proudly seeing how she drew all of the SHINee members as chibis, specially him.

 There was even a cute one of her daydreaming about him that she used as her avatar.

Then he noticed her last updated and his smile faded. It was a drawing of her with a broken heart above her and it was dated from the day after the night of the fireworks festival.

Jinki opened the message system and sent Lillie a direct message. He was relieved to see that she had her private message system open for everyone, including him.

Hi

He didn’t know what to say and waited for a while knowing that she was at work and would probably answer soon.

ARE YOU INSANE? DID YOU FOLLOW ME?

Her scared voice came to his mind and he giggled to himself because he could imagine her saying it.

Apparently anyone can dm you. No I didn’t follow. Should I?

Oh...No.

Her answer was so dull that he knew she was upset.

Saw your fanart. They are great. I’m truly proud.

Thanks.

He sighed because she was being too awkward with him. He hated it! He always hated how she was weird around him, how she couldn’t be herself when they weren’t dating yet. That changed once he kissed her.

Saw the last one. Are you ok?

Did you have fun?

Lillie was avoiding answering him and Jinki groaned so loudly that the others sent him a curious look.

“I’m just...playing a game and I lost!” Jinki explained quickly making everyone look away immediately, concentrated on their own affairs.

We left after you.

Why?

You know why! It was weird to be there without you.

He wanted to watch it with her not Min Hee. Jinki wondered why she was taking a longer time to answer and then he remembered that she should be working.

Actually Lillie was frustrate staring at her phone wondering what to write while her boss watched her amused, pretending to not see how she was chatting on her phone instead of working.

Well you were with your girlfriend. You could have make out on the grass.

Lillie’s answer made Jinki widden his eyes and he his lips. She wasn’t angry, she was pissed.

On the other side Lillie was hoping she was wrong and there was no making out whatsoever.

We didn’t and you are upset.

It was weird, all that conversation. It was as if they were still dating. He felt as if he needed to make up to her as if she was still his girlfriend.

I’m not.

I know you are.

 He insisted.

Well yes I am. Of course I am! That was our hiding place. You said it was ours.

Technically it was Kibum’s!

He waited but she didn’t answer back so he knew he wrote the wrong thing.

See, you are mad!

YES I AM!

Jinki rubbed his neck nervously. He didn’t expect to fight with Lillie. That didn’t happen in a long time and crazily he even missed fighting with her because after a fight they would always have amazing mind blowing . He had good memories of their make-up .

Are we fighting? On dm?

Do you want me to call you? We can fight on the phone if you prefer.

He laughed with her answer because she was so adorable even when she was mad. Once again all eyes moved to him and Jinki had to say something,

“I won a game...it has interesting puns and…”

“Ok keep playing!” Kibum said placing his hand on Jinki shoulder absentmindedly, his eyes on his phone and Jinki got back to his dm argument.

I don’t want to fight with you. I’m sorry I took Min Hee there but it’s only a place.

It’s only a place it’s only a ring.

Her answer made him grasp the ring hanging on the chain around his neck. He hurt her so much back then and once again he did it.

That place was ours and it isn’t anymore. I’m hurt. Deeply hurt. Can’t you understand that? It’s not only a place, it’s all the memories we lived there. We had our first kiss there and now you bring your new girlfriend there? Did you kiss, did you laugh with her after I left? Is it your place now?

Damn! He reread the words not sure what to answer back. So he said what he truly felt. He was honest.

No. I never meant to hurt you. Nothing happened there. It’s still our place, yours and mine.

I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

He added a sad smile but Lillie never answered so Jinki closed twitter and stared at the icons on the screen of his phone.

He didn’t feel like doing anything anymore, not even playing one of his favorite games.

He felt as if he lost the ring once again but this time he had it hanging from his neck but yet it was still lost.  

The night shift was the worse and Eun Ha being the youngest of the team always had to stay later to tidy up the makeup room that left her with less time to rest since she had to wake up early to hunt the stores to buy the products they needed, including the hair ones.

Apparently working on a tv station wasn’t easier at all and most of the times Eun Ha felt as if she was wasting her talent working there.  She didn’t want to admit it but she missed working at SM, she missed the artists that she worked with, she missed some of her coworkers and above all she missed being allowed to do a good job.

Eun Ha grabbed the several eyeliner pencils that belonged to one of her coworkers, who always left everything for her to do and placed them inside the box with her coworker materials.

She then turned around and grabbed her coat ready to leave just when someone entered the room. It was probably the cleaning lady, a 50 years’ old lady that was really nice to Eun Ha.

However when she turned around she saw her boss, Senior Go at the door watching her.

Eun Ha immediately bowed politely and greeted him.

“You must be tired, Eun Ha-ssi, it’s already so late and you are still working.”

“It’s ok; I was going to leave right now.”

“Are you hungry? I had an important meeting right now and I was going to visit this very famous Japanese restaurant so maybe you want to go with me.” He frowned “It’s really boring to eat alone.”

Was her boss asking her out to eat?! He couldn’t!

Eun Ha grabbed her bag from her locker and turned around to her boss. “I already have an appointment.”

She didn’t actually. Minho was very busy and most of her friends where either dealing with their married lives or working outside the city. Sometimes it was very complicated to live in Seoul by yourself.

“I can take you there then if you want. “

“No need!” Eun Ha said quickly “My boyfriend will come to pick me up.”

“Boyfriend…” Senior Go repeated “Of course. A young lady beautiful as you must have one.” He laughed before turning around. “Have a good night.”

Eun Ha stood in the silence of the room a while longer before she left. She was seeing too much into Senior Go intentions. He was trying to be nice to her and she was being suspicious as always.  After all he was married and her senior, he only saw her as a younger sister.

“Can you walk slower?” Lillie asked following after Do Joon. He slowed down and turned around to her, hiding his annoyed expression. It wasn’t her fault that his day wasn’t going well, that he was wearing an expensive and uncomfortable suit that apparently did nothing to help him win that new contract.

“I’m sorry!” Lillie said finally catching up with him.

He looked at her apologetic expression and he wasn’t even sure if she was saying she was sorry about the contract or about her lack of experience with heels that made her walk extremely slowly after him. She did look cute though, with her black dress and red coat. She looked like a true lady and he was sure that if his mother saw him with her she would believe that she was a rich foreigner heir of a big company. The idea amused him. She was a disaster walking with them and almost tripped twice only following after him. However she did shine during the meeting.

She was as shining as her prince was and she did really well even though they didn’t get the contract.

“It’s ok.” He placed his hands on his pants pockets admiring the huge fountain in the middle of the plaza they were crossing. “It’s only a stupid skyscraper I won’t be able to build.”

“Actually I don’t think your vision fits them. I think you do better building more interesting things, like that new museum proposal we received yesterday.”

He chuckled with Lillie’s comment and nodded his head. She was right. He was better at things like that. “Let’s go eat that delicious pizza again!”

“Looking like this?” She asked pointing at her dress “Pizza and beautiful dresses don’t fit!”

“Do Joon!” Both the man being called and Lillie turned around to see a woman wearing a big pink coat approach them. “I can’t believe I finally got to meet you!”

Lillie stepped back realizing that that was the woman who normally called the studio every day to try and speak to Do Joon. If he was avoiding her then that meeting wasn’t fortunate.

“Oh…Maira!” He didn’t seem happy to see her “What a surprise!”

“What are you doing here? You told me you were spending some time in Japan!”

Lillie had to bit her lower lip so she wouldn’t laugh. That was clearly a lame try to avoid that woman.

“I did…but my trip was canceled.”

The woman frowned and then turned to Lillie and back to Do Joon again. “Who is this?”

“My girlfriend! “Do Joon said naturally making both women gasp.

“What?” Lillie panicked when Maira looked at her in a very furious way. ”I’m his secretary!”

“You are dating the secretary?” Maira asked Do Joon who grinned at her.

“Guess I like to mix work with pleasure!”

“What are you saying?!” Lillie looked at him angry and Do Joon only shrugged his shoulders.

“I can’t believe you choose this ugly woman over me!” Maira almost screamed.

“Hey wait a minute…” Lillie complained. She wasn’t going to stay there being offended. She wasn’t even dating him and he was using her as a way to get rid of one of his lovers.

Lillie didn’t get to say much because Maira pushed her. Lillie widened her eyes sending Do Joon a helpless look and he tried to grab her but she tripped on her heels and fall into the fountain behind her.

“!” Do Joon exclaimed pushing Maira away and grabbing Lillie’s arm but it was too late, she was sitting on the water already, half her body soaked.

“I don’t want to see you ever again!” Maira announced before leaving.

“Well good cos I don’t want to see you too!” Lillie answered back releasing a soft cry and slapping Do Joon hand away “Look what you did! This is one of my best dresses!” It was the dress she wore when she had her date with Jinki at her place. The only other dress she had as precious as that one was the one from the Christmas date.

“I’m sorry.” He ignored her tries to get rid of his help and pulled her outside the fountain. She looked like a wet duck trembling and Do Joon giggled.

“It’s not funny!” She slapped him wanting to cry of humiliation.

“At least the water isn’t that dirty.” He said and Lillie crossed her arms ignoring him.

“How am I going to get back to work like this?”

He his lips thinking “My house is close by, you can change clothes there.” he offered.

Lillie pondered her choices. They didn’t come by car and she had to ride either a taxi or public transportation to get back to her apartment.

“You can wear my clothes and I can pick up my car and take you home. I’ll give you the rest of the day off as compensation.” He blinked one eye at her and then smiled like Jinki used to do.

“Ok.”

Less than fifteen minutes later Lillie was inside Do Joon apartment.

He lived in one of those buildings you only see in dramas and Lillie tried not to think much about it but while she cleaned herself inside his bathroom she felt like a character for a drama.

It was funny because he normally said that she was the one living in a drama when in reality his life was the one more similar to one.

Lillie placed her wet dress inside a bag, complained about her wet that she couldn’t do anything about and then dressed up the track pants and t-shirt he lend to her.

She stared at herself in the mirror before leaving the bathroom.

That wasn’t the first time she wore clothes that belonged to a man but this time it didn’t belong to Jinki, it didn’t have his smell.

It made her feel uneasy and not comfortable like Jinki clothes did. Maybe it was her imagination but that didn’t feel right.

Lillie stepped outside the bathroom barefooted with the bag with her clothes on her hand and entered the living room where she left Do Joon.

“Thank you for the clothes.” She said before realizing he wasn’t alone. An older woman was with him. She was very beautiful for her age and she immediately stood up from the couch once she saw Lillie.

!

Lillie saw her before in a picture of a frame Do Joon had inside his office. His mom offered it to him and he politely had to place it on his desk every time she visited him. Normally it was inside one of the drawers hidden. That’s where Lillie saw it.

It was Do Joon’s mother and she just saw Lillie coming out from his bathroom wearing his clothes.

“I can explain!” Lillie said immediately but the older woman smiled at her before walking in her direction to grab her hand.

“No need! It’s so nice to meet you!”

Lillie raised her confused eyes to Do Joon that looked at her with innocent ones.

“Lillie –ssi right?” Do Joon’s mother asked “You are so pretty!”

“I am?” In only one hour Lillie was called ugly and pretty. That was becoming a very weird day.

“Of course. You are even prettier than Do Joon described you!”

Describe? Why would he describe his secretary to his mother?!

“Mother, please!” Do Joon said quickly grabbing his mother by her shoulders and pushing her to the door “You came to say hi and now you can leave. We are busy you know!”

The way he said it made Lillie blush because he clearly meant they were up to something…romantic.

“Oh of course! Please date all you want! I can’t wait for the marriage! Because you are going to marry right? She is a pretty foreigner too…”

Date?! Marry? Does that woman even realize that Lillie could hear what she was saying?!

Do Joon managed to pull the older woman outside, that was so happy that her son finally got himself into a serious relationship, and when he got back Lillie was looking at him with a not that pleasant expression.

“Date? Marry?”

“I’m sorry!” Do Joon raised his hands apologetically “I told my mother we were dating!”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!” Lillie grasped the bag in her hand and pushed him away so she could search for heels that weren’t at the place she left them “first you tell a crazy lover of yours that I am you girlfriend and I get pushed into a fountain and now your mother…”

“Actually…” He interrupted Lillie picking up the heels from beside the couch and giving them to her “I told her that you were my girlfriend weeks ago.”

“I KNEW IT!” Lillie sat on the couch placing her heels on “That’s why she doesn’t call the studio anymore!”

“I’m sorry” He sat in front of her “I realized that it was the only way to make her stop calling.”

“But why me?”

“I thought that maybe you could take some pictures with me and we could pretend to date!”

“NO!” Lillie said with a disgusted face making him frown.

He was handsome, nice, educated, gentle and rich, why was she so horrified with the idea of dating him?!

“Besides your mother won’t like me. I’m your secretary!” Lillie stared at her feet realizing that wearing heels with track pants wouldn’t work at all.

“She doesn’t know that.” Do Joon sighed rubbing his head “I told her that your father is very rich and you are like a foreigner rich heir of a big company …”

“WHAT?” Lillie couldn’t believe that he used her on a lie like that “She will find out and what will happen then? I can’t believe you placed me in a situation like this!”

“Calm down!” He asked gently “I only want some weeks of peace. When the time comes I’ll tell her the truth. She will be upset with me for some time but its fine. She won’t do anything to you, don’t worry!”

Lillie stared at her feet mortified, suddenly feeling very tired. She only wanted to go home and call Jinki and tell him everything about that crazy day.

However she couldn’t call him. She was supposedly upset with him.

“I’ll take you home.” Do Joon offered “You can wear my slippers if you want. I’m truly sorry about what happened. Ill protect you from now on. If you accept to pretend being my girlfriend I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

She raised her eyes to him and for a brief moment she almost could see Jinki on his place saying that he would protect her like he said before on the morning of their first night together.

It was a completely different situation though.

“I don’t need your protection. I’m not going to pretend to be your girlfriend.”

“Of course not. You are busy pretending to be someone’s friend, secretly doting on someone else’s boyfriend.”

Do Joon’s word made Lillie upset and most of all hurt and she stood up from the couch. “Are you giving me a ride back home then?”

“Sure!” He picked up his keys from over the table and Lillie followed after him to the door, holding her bag with clothes and her heels in her hand.

Do Joon placed a set of slippers in front of her feet. “If things don’t go well, I’ll still protect you.” He mumbled before opening the door and Lillie knew that that was his way of saying he was sorry for using her on his lie. She didn’t care. She wasn’t going to pretend anything.

Lillie almost declined Jinki invitation to meet him at the park close to their places but in the end she end up saying yes because she missed him, because she had an awful day and because she felt the need to talk with him.

That’s why she found herself at 2 am entering the park, the same one where she used to date with him, where they argued and made out.

He was there at the same bench waiting, holding two cups of coffee, one probably with her hot chocolate like she liked.

She was right. Seeing him after a long day of work made everything worthwhile. He was her home. The sudden realization of that distressed her because she couldn’t imagine her life without him again.

“Here!” He offered her one of the cups and Lillie grabbed it delighted because she was right. He bought her hot chocolate like always. He didn’t forget what she liked.

They sat beside each other and she was finally able to look at him. He seemed tired and that made her upset because he should be resting and not there with her at 2am.

He wasn’t wearing his mask and only had a thin jacket even though it was cold.

“You should be in bed not here.”

“I think we need to talk. Drink it.” Jinki said worried with her. He knew she had to go to work early the next day and she looked so fragile to him now that he hoped that she would at least get warm with the drink he gave her. If only he didn’t had a busy day he could have seen her earlier.

“I have something for you!” He said suddenly grabbing a small paper bag from over the bench and taking a green apple from inside. “I’m sorry!”

Lillie laughed because that was too drama like.  Apologize and apple were similar words and he was using that pun, extremely used on dramas to ask for her forgiveness. Her day was a total drama!

She accepted the apple and looked at it.

“It’s green, my color!” He said immediately pointing at the fruit and she smiled because he was extremely precious. So precious that she would always regret losing him, because in the end she was losing him.

“Can you forgive me?” He asked “I swear I won’t take Min Hee to another special place for us.”

That was ridiculous and Lillie felt ridiculous for making him feel guilty about that. She had no right to punish him for living his life. It wasn’t as if she could forbid him to take Min Hee to places they were before.

“You should find your own special places.” She said bleeding inside.

Jinki nodded his head looking at his knees. A special place...even thinking too hard he couldn’t remember a place that was special to him and Min Hee. Maybe only the place where they had their first date.

“You have a new bike!” Lillie suddenly said, her eyes moving to the new blue bike placed on the floor beside the bench.

“Yes. I bought it! It’s pretty cool right?” He stood up “I’ll show it to you!”

Both approached the bike and he grabbed it from the ground for her to see it. It looked expensive but it was worth it because Jinki eyes were sparkling while he told her about it.

Lillie didn’t understand anything about bikes but he could talk about them for hours that she would only drink his words and be satisfied. That happened before when he talked about his car. He had a deep love for it and often told her about what improvements he did to it. Lillie would listen, make some questions but the main reason was to make him happy, she didn’t care much about cars.

“It’s really amazing!”

“Want to try it?” He suggested making Lillie chuckle.

“I don’t ride one in years!”

“We should ride together!” He said immediately, mimicking what he did for the fireworks and he immediately his lips remembering how that end up. “I mean, you could rent a bike and we could…alone!”

Without Min Hee.

“Yes.” she knew what he meant and it pleased her and didn’t at the same time. She was truly feeling more and more like a boyfriend stealer and Do Joon was right. She was doting on someone else’s boyfriend.

“I should try it now instead!”

He was disappointed that she didn’t seem happy with his invitation but hid it well, giving the bike for her to sit on it.

Lillie ride it for a while, around him and the bench and Jinki watched it amused.

“I didn’t forget how to ride it yet.”

She stopped beside him but did it too quick that Jinki had to grab the bike for Lillie not to fall from it. His arm wrapped around her waist steadying her and that was enough to light the familiar chemistry that always existed between them.

They were so close now that Lillie couldn’t look away from him and apparently he couldn’t either.

She should leave the bike, he should take his arm away from her body but none wanted to move.

Her lips, her eyes, her nose, her scent... He couldn’t get away from it, on contraire, he wanted to get closer, he wanted to taste her again, he wanted her again.

Lillie didn’t move, watching him getting closer, blinking her eyes realizing that he was leaning forward, that his lips were opening; his eyes were on her lips with desire.

That moment was similar to their first kiss and she was anxious and nervous like she was back then. More now because she knew how much she wanted it, she knew what to expect, how wonderful it felt to be in his arms, to feel loved by him.

Their noses touched and his eyes moved to hers. There was a sign of panic on them as if he suddenly realized what he was doing and what that meant and both stepped back. Lillie almost fall from the bike and Jinki turned his back on her as if she was the devil tempting him.

“We can’t do this.” Lillie said grasping her sweater on the place her heart was; the guiltiest element, the one who almost ruined everything.

“We can’t!” Jinki agreed turning around.

“I really don’t want to be a My Young in your life.”

He widened his eyes and tried to speak but she interrupted him. “I don’t want to steal you from Min Hee. I don’t want you to cheat on her.”

“You can never be My Young and I don’t want to cheat on Min Hee too. She is amazing I…”

He felt truly guilty and Lillie knew it was all her fault.

They couldn’t do it after all.

“Do Joon is right…” Lillie mumbled and Jinki frowned realizing she was saying another man’s name, the name of that other guy who had a similar smile to his.

“Do Joon?”

“It doesn’t matter. He is right, I’m doting on you. I love you!”

The words made Jinki heart flutter and for a brief moment he knew that he could forget Min Hee and everything and kiss Lillie.

“I love you so I can’t only be your friend. I can’t stay beside you like I promised to...I can’t wait for you to come around not knowing if there is a chance you will come around!”

Jinki seemed confused with her line of thoughts and Lillie cried in pain because he didn’t seem to remember the promise.

“We promised, remember? When we went on her romantic weekend gateway! We said we would find a way back to each other.”

It dawned on Jinki and he remembered that afternoon a long time ago. They did promise and she was trying to keep the promise. After all he broke it. He broke that one. He should have been the one searching for a way back to her once she broke up with him and he didn’t.

“I can’t do this if it means that I’m hurting someone. I can’t be this horrible person acting like a shadow of the man she loves just because she can’t accept that he moved on. If you want me to keep waiting I need to know. You need to come forward and tell me that you still have feelings for me. That there is still hope that you might need me as more than a friend.”

“Are you telling me to choose between you and Min Hee?”

“No. I’m telling you to decide what you want. Do you want to move on or do you want to be with me? There is still hope for us? I only want to know what this almost kiss meant….You need to tell me.”

“That is choosing between you two!” He remarked exasperate but then he realized she was right. It was never a choice between Lillie and Min Hee. He didn’t have any feelings for Min Hee. It was only a choice between Lillie and erasing her from his life was it by staying with Min Hee, other woman or alone.

“Just...Choose! I need to know. I can’t keep on like this. I’m sorry. I can’t keep the promise if it means being a shadow on your new relationship. No one deserves that.”

She offered him the bike back and he grabbed it still looking at her not sure what to say.

Yes he was thinking about breaking up with Min Hee but that didn’t mean that he was going back to Lillie.

He loved her.

He knew he did because that kiss, the ual attraction, the need to be with her...those were clear signs of how much he loved her. But at the same time he was afraid to get back together with her and suffer everything all over again.

“You can think about it.” Lillie said as if reading his mind and then she walked away.

She forgot to take the apple with her.

Jules sat beside Lillie on the couch and offered her another paper tissue for Lillie to clean her eyes. They watched one of Lillie’s favorite movies and the girl started crying probably more because of her situation than because of the movie itself.

“Do you think I did wrong by asking him to make a decision?” Lillie asked sniffing. “I will wait for him as long as he tells me that there is a chance we can get back together. I don’t want to be a My Young, I don’t want to stick around him if there is no hope.”

“You said he was going to kiss you and that there were more moments where you felt that there was still chemistry between you too.”

“I think so...but maybe I just made it all out on my mind. Maybe he truly loves Min Hee.”

Jules wrinkled her nose in thought “I doubt it. I don’t want to influence you but I am almost 90% sure that Jinki still loves you and he doesn’t have any feelings for Min Hee.”

“The other 10?”

“Well I’m no medium, I don’t guess stuff.”

Lillie uncrossed her legs and blew her nose.

Jules leaned back on the couch and Lillie looked at her in thought “How are things between you and Key? You rarely complain of him lately.”

In the beginning of their relationship Jules spent most of the time complaining about Kibum and their relationship and their small arguments.

“Perfect. He gave me they key to his apartment and said I could visit him whenever I want.”

Lillie smiled and patted her friends shoulder “That’s great!”

“Yes, it is!” however Jules didn’t seem that happy about it.

“What is wrong? It’s a good thing right?”

Jules moved on the couch and faced her friend “It is wonderful, and he is wonderful and everything seems to be wonderful lately and that is…weird.”

Lillie chuckled because Jules expression was funny “well wonderful is good.”

“It scares me. Nothing can be this perfect!”

“Well you said he left you waiting outside for two hours. That is not perfect.”

Jules didn’t answer and crossed her arms in front of her chest instead deep in thought.

“I feel like our relationship is like stagnated water.”

Lillie knew what she meant. Apparently there is a time when all relationships became comfortable and you no longer feel the anxiety and excitement of the beginning. It becomes a routine, something normal in your life.

It was like that for Lillie and Jinki before they broke up and Lillie missed it deeply so it couldn’t be a bad thing.

“That is not bad Jules. It means that it became part of your daily life. There is nothing wrong in feeling like that. My relationship with Jinki was like that too.”

Jules knew Lillie was right but Kibum was not Jinki. She knew him and how he quickly got excited with something and how that soon dissipated as quickly as it started. She was afraid she would be like that in his life and he would get tired of her eventually.

Jinki opened his kakao application and stared at it. He had one message from an old friend from high school and another one from Min Hee. His chat with Lillie was dead.

He wanted to talk with her desperately but he was afraid to message her because she was right. He had an idea about what he wanted to do but he was scared to do it and was stalling. The fact that Lillie didn’t want to hurt Min Hee made him love her even more and he was confused.

“Do you want another bottle?” A woman on her 40’s that didn’t recognize him as an idol asked and Jinki nodded his head.

It was a small street bar and he has been drinking for a while now. At first he almost called one of the members to come drink with him. Minho hated when Jinki went alone to drink. He could even have asked K.Will or any of his other friends famous or not, but he didn’t feel like talking at all.

The only person he wanted to talk with was Lillie and she was avoiding him, giving him space to decide. Space he didn’t want.

He knew that she was right but he still wished he could have made that weird relationship they had that was more than friendship last longer.

He looked at his phone again and nothing.

Jinki grabbed the glass in front of him and drank all the alcohol on it in one go.

Bong, Min Hee’s roommate and fellow group member opened the door of her dorm and blushed when she saw Onew at the door.

“Min!” She called after bowing to him “Sunbae is here!”

Onew entered the dorm and immediately walked in Min Hee’s direction.

She widened her eyes realizing that he was completely drunk and grabbed him by his shoulders steadying him. “Are you ok?”

She only saw him like that once. Normally he was really good with alcohol but there was that time after he broke up with his girlfriend when she saw him like that and now here he was drunk again. Min Hee couldn’t help but link that with the night of the firework festival.

She knew he wasn’t ok after his ex-girlfriend run away from it.

“Is he ok?” Bong asked being the noisy girl she normally was. Min Hee liked her but sometimes she also disliked her.  However for business related things she needed to tolerate her.

“He is fine. I’m taking him to my bedroom.”

“Hey! We need to rehearse the script for our reality show!”

Min Hee ignored Bong and took Jinki to her bedroom. He immediately lied down on her bed and sighed deeply, a small smile escaping his lips.

“I hope you have a good reason for showing up here like this!”

“I was going to visit her….so instead I gave the taxi driver your address.”

That answer hurt Min Hee because she knew who he was talking about.

“You still love her.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. He didn’t dare to deny it and instead looked at her with bunny eyes asking for mercy.

Min Hee couldn’t even blame him. He never promised her anything. He never once told her that he had deep feelings for her and he tried everything to not get into that relationship but she kept pushing him.

“Maybe we should…” He trailed off and she knew what he meant. Break up.

“No.” Min Hee kneeled on her bed and sat beside him making Jinki look at her with drunk eyes.

She touched him over his t-shirt and immediately regretted it because she could feel that stupid ring under his clothes, always sticking to his skin, like that woman always inside his heart.

“You are only confused. I know that with time things will change.” You will learn to love me.

“I drank so much!” Jinki whined raising his arm and covering his eyes with it “You are right. I’m confused!” But he knew what he wanted. “But we can’t keep going on like this. I can’t keep lying to you.” Jinki sat up on the bed “I love Lillie. I never stopped loving her.  I’m so sorry Min Hee…”

She ignored him; shushing him because she didn’t want to hear it and making him lie down on the bed again so she could caress his head and run her fingers on his hair. “That is the alcohol speaking. You need to sleep. Tomorrow you can think about it more carefully.”

“I’m going to Japan tomorrow!” He groaned closing his eyes.

“That is good.” She said still caressing him “Being away from Korea might help you think!”

Being away from Lillie would make him forget about her.

“She asked me to make a decision.” He said falling into slumber “to tell her if she has a chance with me because she doesn’t want to hurt you!”

Min Hee stayed by his side hearing Jinki groan once in a while, without saying anything, without answering to that, and soon he fell asleep.

She was upset, terrible upset and if Lillie was there in the same room she would probably pull at her hair. Once again she was hurting him; once again she showed up on his life and made a total mess. Jinki deserved better, Jinki deserved someone that would stay beside him, that would put his love above everything else.

Jinki phone rang inside the pocket of his coat and he groaned on his sleep.

Min Hee picked up the phone from inside his pocket and pursed her lips upset when she saw that it was a message from her, the root of all his pain.

Can you meet with me tomorrow at 8 am before work? I think I was too harsh with you yesterday and I think we need to talk more calmly about us. I don’t want to give up on my promise but I also don’t want to ruin your current relationship. Can we talk, at our place, with no fireworks this time and alone?

Min Hee stared at Lillie’s message and then moved her eyes to Jinki. She knew that if he saw that message he would meet Lillie and he would get back together with her, in the better of possibilities he would break up with Min Hee and tell Lillie to go slow as friends.

In none of those two options Min Hee was beside him. She needed more time to make him realize she was the one for him so she did something she never imagined herself doing. Min Hee answered to the message in Jinki’s name and then erased it from his phone before placing it on his pocket again.

She was burning with jealousy and hate and that wasn’t the person she was at all. It was all Lillie’s fault!

Min Hee leaned over Jinki and kissed his lips before moving her hand on his chest, feeling the ring again. That stupid ring!

Wait! A sudden idea crossed her mind and Min Hee could actually use that in her advantage. She pulled the chain around his neck, slowly to not wake him up and took it off from Jinki’s neck. He moved his lips as if he felt the lack of it but didn’t wake up.

She moved her eyes on the inscription inside the ring, reading the Jinki heart Lillie words in it and then placed the chain and ring inside her pants pocket.

She had a way to get rid of that ring for good now.

Lillie was getting late for work because it was already half past eight and Jinki didn’t show up yet.

He did send her a cold yes the previous day that made Lillie wonder if he was upset with her. He was never that cold with her and that made her nervous.

She didn’t know what to expect of that conversation but she certainly didn’t expect to see Min Hee showing up instead of Jinki.

That made Lillie pale as if she was caught by the cheated girlfriend.

“Ahh I’m sorry I…”

“Don’t worry!” Min Hee interrupted Lillie before she had a nervous breakdown “Jinki told me about the message and about your last conversation.”

“I swear I didn’t want this to happen. I never wanted to steal him from you. I- I love him and we promised to stay together and when he tried to kiss me I realized that I didn’t want anyone to get hurt with our current situation.”

Min Hee did her best to act normal, but she didn’t know about that kiss. It was better that way then, all the doubts she felt about what she was going to do; her indecision that made her arrive late disappeared, knowing that Jinki tried to kiss that woman.

“He asked me to come. He is going to Japan soon and couldn’t come.”

“Oh!” Lillie didn’t even know he was traveling to Japan. “Thank you for warning me, but he could have called.”

“No. I didn’t come to warn you. I came to tell you what he decided.”

Lillie didn’t seem happy with that change of events. “I want to talk with him because it’s something personal and…”

“And you want to try and seduce him!”

Min Hee comment made Lillie speechless and she started to panic “No. I don’t want to seduce him I accepted to be his friend because…”

“To be next to him and steal it from me!”

“I never wanted to steal him. I never wanted this to happen!” Lillie’s eyes started to get wet and Min Hee almost felt sorry for her. “I didn’t expect that he would have a girlfriend…”

“You left him and broke up with him and now you think you can come back and have him again as if nothing happened?”

Lillie looked at the ground and Min Hee knew that her words rubbed salt on Lillie’s wound.

“You are right. I’m being selfish but...I promised him that I would help him find a way back to me if somehow we got lost and…”

“You didn’t get lost! You abandoned him and he was a mess. I was the one who pick up the pieces!”

“I’m so sorry!” Lillie said with teary eyes. Maybe Min Hee was right but…”I needed to be beside my family. I didn’t have a second choice and...My heart was ripping in two and I didn’t want Jinki to wait forever. I wanted him to be happy and after I came back he could have just told me to give up but no...he wanted me back on his life and I feel it….I know it...he still loves me. I’m truly sorry Min Hee. But I know that there is still hope for me and Jinki and as long there is hope I’ll wait! I love him and wherever he is I’ll be too!” Lillie her lips unwavering. She would never give up on Jinki that easily. She was braver now and she knew what she wanted. “As long as he wants me, I’ll wait!”

Min Hee placed her hand inside her pocket and took out something from it. Lillie watched her curiously until she opened her hand in front of Lillie’s eyes so she could see the familiar ring in the palm of her hand.

“You don’t have to wait anymore. He gave me this to give it back to you. He said you would know what that means. He said you don’t have to wear yours anymore, that he stopped wearing his a long time ago. He moved on Lillie, can you please move on too and let him be happy?”

Lillie was like stone, staring at that ring, livid, barely hearing Min Hee’s words.

She couldn’t believe that he gave the ring back to her. She couldn’t believe he didn’t want it anymore. Yes she noticed how he wasn’t wearing it on his finger anymore but she never thought he was willing to give it away.

“Can you leave him alone now? Can you give up on that stupid promise for good?” Min Hee pleaded, offering the ring back to Lillie who grabbed it with trembling fingers.

There was no mistake; it was his ring, with the same heart missing in it, the place where the heart of her ring fitted perfectly. Lillie couldn’t hold on the tears anymore and she realized it was over.

It wasn’t only a ring. It was so much more than a ring and the fact that he was giving it back meant that he was giving back all memories and promises they made.

“Can you leave us alone now?” Min Hee repeated and Lillie nodded her head.

“Yes.”

“Please stop messaging and calling him.” Min Hee asked hugging herself. She felt awful for lying, for doing that to a woman that loved Jinki like her. Worse! To the woman he loved; but she was only doing what was best for him.

“I will!”

Min Hee turned around quickly and left that place as if she was running away from the scene of a crime.

Maybe she was because Lillie felt lifeless still staring at the ring in her hand. Lillie’s hopes of getting back with Jinki were murdered in the same place they started dating years ago.

She didn’t lie to Min Hee when she said that she wouldn’t search him anymore. However she couldn’t lie to herself. Whenever, wherever he was she would still love him, not because she promised but because she knew that she would.

Lillie never lied to Jinki. Nothing changed and it was everything the same. Always the same! Her actions could change, her life could change and she could even try to move on like he did but to Lillie it would always be Jinki.

She wouldn’t stop loving him.

It wasn’t a promise, she wasn’t even sure if it was a punishment for wasting the blessing that he was in her life, or destiny itself. She only knew that it was the truth.

Lillie loved Jinki and would wait for him even if Jinki didn’t love her anymore. 

Close your eyes

Even if everything changes, this won’t change

You are my, I am your love

Even if you take a little time to come back

Even if you pass over me

It’s alright, I’ll be here for you

I Love You

Don’t forget

Only You

The confession of my tears

Your love came scattered with the wind

whenever, wherever you are

This one was quick right? ehehe

Since I had half chapter written I decided to post this one and make you suffer until the next one cos I'm super evil!

OK that firework festival didnt go well at all...

We finnaly get Jinki to realize that he loves Lillie and he decides to break up with Min Hee but she isnt giving up on him yet and decides to protect him from evil Lillie.

Well at least in her perspective she is evil Lillie.

Taemin and Minseo relationship heats up!

And Do Joon finnaly reveals why he gave the job to Lillie....that guy doesnt give up on finding a fake girlfriend. 

What now Lillie? She decided to leave Jinki alone but...will she able to do it? Will Jinki let her do it?!

Oh well...bye XD

(evil laugh)

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