Even the sunshine from the window floods on my face
I don’t want to open my eyes
This real world I cannot see you again
I wish this would change

Starry Night ~ Onew & Lee Jinah

Jules wasn’t a shawol for a long time. She was never the kind to go crazy over idols and she barely knew any kpop singer or group until she started sharing an apartment with Lillie.

She wasn’t sure if it was Lillie’s passion for the group or for the leader of SHINee but somehow she started to get more interested on them, and their music that was good after all.

Soon she was a Jonghyun’s fan. He had the most relaxing voice and she couldn’t get tired of listening to him, besides he looked so cool. Surprisingly the real Jonghyun wasn’t like she imagined.

He wasn’t outgoing at all, he didn’t like dancing and he wasn’t her type after all.

Kibum was, and Jules was thankful every day for finding him.

It was funny how much she learned with Lillie, the awkward innocent girl that had a desk in front of her at work.

She didn’t only learn about kpop and SHINee from her, she also learned about love.

Even though her name was Juliette, she had a very cynical vision about love. Yes, dating and having with someone you cherished was good but for Jules true love, the one that makes you weak on your knees, makes you heart beat faster as if you were near a heart attack and the one that makes you do crazy things, like marrying, didn’t exist.

That was until she met Kibum.

Her knees didn’t get weak, her heart didn’t go crazy when she met him for the first time and yet she fell for him.

It wasn’t something instantaneously, instead it was gradual, a feeling that grew with time.

The first time she felt her knees get weak was when Kibum kissed her by the Han River, saying that he loved her.

The first time she was almost sure her heart wouldn’t handle all that love was when she saw Kibum sleeping by her side, his hair falling on his eyes, his lips slightly parted. He looked so adorable and she was so full of love that morning.

The first time she realized that that might be actual love was when he tucked her hair behind her hear and grabbed her hand while he told her about his day during a small coffee date they had.

Jules realized that she wanted to take that for granted, that she wanted to do that every week, to never let go of his hand. Surprisingly all those silly romantic clichés that she so often made fun of existed.

That’s why, Jules was thankful to Lillie for introducing her to SHINee and also that’s also why she was delighted to visit their dorm even though Kibum didn’t live there anymore.

Kibum showed her around the apartment and now they were on his bedroom, lying on his bed with their tummies up, her head over his stretched arm.

Now that there were no more questions about the dorm to answer or rooms to show they were silent beside each other.

Jules thoughts were multiplying inside her head while Kibum mind was very blank, tiredness getting hold of him, his eyes almost closing.

However Jules oblivious to it was thinking about what to say, about how Kibum ignored all her tries to make him jealous these past few days. It made her uneasy how he didn’t seem to fear losing her when she was so scared to lose him instead. After all shouldn’t he worry about the fact that she was hanging out with other men? Maybe he was too confident and didn’t think she would love another or maybe he didn’t care. He was handsome and rich he could find another woman quick.

Jules bit her lower lip, that idea paining her. No it couldn’t be that! He loved her!

She frowned realizing that she was acting like Lillie now, doubting his feelings. She only wished he showed them more…

That’s why she lied to him that night, in a last attempt to make him jealous to make him once again confess his love towards her, sweep her off of her feet, make her heart beat faster.

“So…about that new project I’m working at, a new business….”

“Hum…” He opened his eyes and tried to hear what she said.

“I’m going on a business trip with Jinho…alone! And I’ll have to sleep there!”

If Jules could see Kibum’s face she would have noticed how he pressed his lips together. He was so tired of that game she was playing.

“Trip together? Why? Where?” He asked calmly and Jules raised her body and sat up so she could look at him.

He barely blinked his eyes and she realized he didn’t seem worried at all.

It was a lie and she wasn’t sure why she would go on a business trip of a business that wasn’t fully prepared yet.

“You know….things…” She moved her hands in the air and Kibum burst out laughing rolling on the bed.

“Hey!” She complained trying to roll him so he would face her and he did still laughing.

“Gosh you are so bad at lying!”

“I’m not lying!” Jules insisted and Kibum sat on the bed still recovering from the outburst. He tucked her blond hair behind her hear like he did before and Jules waited for the moment he would make a small romantic gesture that would make a big difference.

However…

“Stop trying to make me jealous! It’s getting ridiculous!”

Ridiculous!

“Did you just call me ridiculous?” She asked angrily.

“I didn’t! I’m just tired of this!”

“Tired?” she narrowed her eyes “aren’t you a little worried that other men might be interested in me?”

“Should I be? Aren’t you in love with me?”

His confidence and trust on her confused Jules. She admired it in one hand but it also tasted bitterly.

“Aren’t you scared to lose me? That I might leave you someday?”

The smile on his face disappeared and Kibum stared at her “If you want to leave there is nothing I can do to make you stay. Love is trusting. I trust you.”

As beautiful as that sounded Jules wasn’t satisfied and she left the bed. Kibum slide his body to the edge of the bed and watched while she grabbed her bag.

“Are you upset? Did you expect me to hold on to you and beg for you to not leave me?”  There was a hint of displeasure on his voice and Jules faced him.

“I didn’t ask you to hold on to me just to show more passion towards me, just to enchant me, sweep me off of my feet, kiss me like there is no tomorrow! Because sometimes things happen and we have to leave, even if we don’t want to. Look at Lillie and Jinki! What if I have to suddenly go back home? Won’t you miss me? Won’t you want to ask me to stay?”

He couldn’t deny that her words hurt him. Of course he was afraid to lose her, of course he loved her and would ask her to stay but those were only assumptions, it wasn’t happening and he couldn’t understand why Jules was desperately searching for something wrong on their relationship when everything was so perfect.

That’s what he told her. “Why are you trying to ruin our relationship? We are so happy right now!”

That’s when she realized it, now that the question came from his lips.

“No. I’m not happy! I didn’t think I needed it before but I do. When I was with Minjae, only a night of and some kisses were enough for me but now, now that I know that some simple words like I love you, or a gentle kiss or holding hands can give me so much happiness I want more.”

“More?”

“I want romance Kibum! I want you to take me out on dates, to make an effort! I want to feel loved! To feel like I’m precious and important to you, not just someone you have to meet once in a while because I might get angry. Someone to whom you find a little time in your busy schedule!”

He didn’t answer wondering where everything went wrong. Maybe it was after he became so busy with designing SHINee clothes and the several projects he was working on. He barely had time to go out and he often met with her inside his apartment. Now that he truly thought about it he couldn’t remember the last time they went out together.

“Jules…”

“Maybe I should just go on a trip, go back to France. Give you some time to actually miss me.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Kibum asked incredulous. Yes maybe something wasn’t right on their relationship but breaking up and moving back to France was too drastic.

“No. I mean that I’m giving you the chance to think about a way to make me weak on my knees, to make my heart beat faster!”

“W-what?”

She didn’t give him time to answer, bid him farewell and left.

Kibum only stared at the door from where she left trying to figure out what she meant.

Perhaps he was wrong about her after all. Since he found out about her real name being Juliette he often joked about how she was the most unromantic Juliette ever.

But maybe he was wrong and she had more of Juliette than she ever revealed to him before. 

Dojoon walked closer to his bed and waited for Lillie to follow him. She barely stepped inside his bedroom and was taking her time looking around nervously.

“What are you waiting for?” Dojoon asked watching her amused.

“Waiting?”

“Yes. Get !”

Lillie hugged herself; she didn’t feel self-confident enough to do it in front of Dojoon.  She could still remember how nervous she was the first time Jinki undressed her. They end up not having that time and did later and if it wasn’t for the moment it happened and how high on feels she was at the time she would also probably not be able to do it without his help.

Maybe she should have drunk more alcohol.

“Shouldn’t you undress me instead?”

“Did your ex-boyfriend get you every time you had ?”

“No. Of course not but…I’m nervous.”

“Ok then. Sit on the bed!” Lillie approached the bed slowly and Dojoon patiently waited finding all that very amusing.

She sat on his bed as he said and waited for him.

There was no way she was going to give up on that so he better have fun while teasing her.

Dojoon kneeled on the bed beside her and gently pulled her by her chin to face him.

“I’ll be gentle with you!”

She pushed him away knowing quite well that he was making fun of her but he quickly recovered his serious expression and pulled her by her chin to him again.

Lillie didn’t divert her eyes away from his knowing quite well that he was testing her. Dojoon slowly leaned for a kiss and Lillie didn’t move, closing her eyes.

He hesitated admiring her expression realizing that that was what the idol always saw when he kissed her. It wasn’t a bad view at all and she was probably beautiful while she waited for him to kiss her. However at that moment he wasn’t sure she was prepared at all. She seemed even a bit afraid.

Since she wasn’t opening her eyes Dojoon joined his lips with hers.

They kissed for a while a little more passionately with her showing a better effort although her kiss was still very mechanical. He moved his hand on her back and he almost could swear she flinched.

Dojoon broke the kiss and released her “This won’t work!”

“I’m sorry!” It was only a kiss, she was sure that with time she would start to get more aroused, that it would start working out. That was only because she wasn’t with a man in a long time.

Lillie her lips and wrapped her arms around Dojoon neck that was surprised with her obstinacy. She kissed him again trying to print more passion into it, trying to remember how it felt to kiss Jinki.

It wasn’t fair though and she couldn’t anyway. Everything in that kiss felt different from when it was Jinki, starting from Dojoon’s perfume and ending in the way her body reacted to his touch. Nothing felt right when with Jinki it was as if everything made sense.

That sudden though made her chest hurt, because she was sure she would never felt it again.

Knowing that she would never love anyone like she loved him made her even more determined to make that work.

Lillie moved her hands around his neck, hocking them on each other and giving him the idea that she didn’t want to stop kissing. He didn’t stop, kissing her more intently and placing his hands on her shoulders. She didn’t move away from him so Dojoon decided to be bolder and moved his hand to her . That was enough to make her flinch and release him.

She seemed a little startled which confused him. They were going to have after all. Wasn’t it normal to touch her s? He wanted to…

Then it downed on him. She was abused before; maybe he was going too fast and the idol was gentler.

“I’m sorry…are you ok? I told you that I didn’t want to force you!”

“No...” She said quickly grabbing his hands and placing them on her waist “It’s just that I was surprised. It’s been a long time since Jinki touched me there.”

“You should stop mentioning him if you want me to get hard.”

“Sorry!” Lillie blushed deeply, her eyes falling on his underwear. If he was Jinki she wouldn’t have hesitated to touch him.

“What to touch me there?” Dojoon asked noticing her gaze on his crotch.

“No.” She answered almost immediately “I mean not yet.”

Dojoon frowned wondering if he got a wrong impression of her and the relationship she had with her ex. She seemed too nervous and hesitant as if she didn’t have much experience.

“I’m going to ask you something, so be honest!” Lillie widened her eyes and nodded wondering what he wanted to know at that moment “How far did you go with your ex-boyfriend?”

“What do you mean far?”

“What did you do? Did you try new things in bed?” Maybe she was used to have innocent romantic . Made sense due to her romantic nature…

“You said that we should stop talking about Jinki.”

“I know but I really need to know this.”

Lillie placed her hands on her lap and cleared .

“You can tell me everything!” Dojoon said hitting his chest “I’ll understand if you lied and are still a !”

“Ya!” he chuckled with her offended expression. He knew quite well that she wasn’t a but it was funny to upset her. It also helped her relax more around him.

“So, was the idol in bed?!” He raised an eyebrow and Lillie looked away with red cheeks.

 “We did some roleplay.”

“Really? Wow!” He rarely roleplayed in bed. It was hard to convince the girls he hooked up with to do it.

“Sometimes he covered my eyes and you know we would do things…”

“Things?!Damn…I like things!” He was starting to get excited with it and now he was seeing her in a different light. She looked so innocent and yet in bed she was hot. Then if she was like that with another man, not afraid to give all of her, then why was she acting so afraid with him as if she was never touched by a man.

“I pretended to be his student….and other things….”

“Oral ? Toys?”

“Why are you making me all this questions?! I’m not answering more!” She answered upset and giving him an idea of the answer.

He was now even more confused and that probably showed on his face because her expression softened.

“Is that weird? Am I too….”

“No. Not at all! It’s damn y...” He laughed glancing at her feeling a little confused over his own feelings. He wanted to sleep with her now. He wanted to see her not so innocent side that apparently only the idol knew. “You are truly a surprise. A very pleasant one.”

She wasn’t able to say anything because he kissed her, placing his hand on her neck and pulling her possessively to him. She was fragile and yet if she did all that with another man, she had a passion inside her that he really wanted to meet.

Lillie closed her eyes shut and kissed him back. His hand traveled to her back mimicking his lips now kissing her down her chin.

Her breathing accelerated and even though she placed her hand on his shoulder feeling his muscles she didn’t dare to open her eyes.

If Jinki slept with another woman then she could do it too. She was going to do it. She repeated to herself over and over again.

He kissed her neck and she gritted her teeth remembering how Jinki often kissed her there, how he claimed her as his so many times by her neck; how she called him vampire Jinki because of that.  How he was now probably kissing another woman’s neck, saying words of love on her ear, making her cry of pleasure.

“No.” Lillie pushed Dojoon away and he looked at her confused. He was being very passionate now and she even kissed him back. What was wrong?!

She grabbed his hands instead, regretting her involuntary action and placed them on her s. “You wanted to touch them right?”

“Not with your dress in the middle.”

She pulled at her dress, raising herself from the bed so she could rise it to her waist and then up her head leaving her only in her underwear.

He watched Lillie as if he was under a spell. She was almost in front of him and that was weird. She had a nice body and he would lie if he said that he wasn’t getting aroused but he couldn’t see the same passion on her eyes when she looked at him. Actually her eyes were blank as if she wasn’t even there with him, her mind elsewhere.

Still Dojoon kissed her lips and tangled his fingers on the straps of her bra pulling them down her shoulder. She released a deep breath and he looked at her confused. Was she aroused? Nervous? Why were her eyes so dull?! What was wrong with her?!

He kissed her shoulder; delivering small kisses on her skin and then pushed her down on the bed, climbing on top of her.

She barely moved as if she was frozen and he caressed her s over the fabric kissing her. She did kiss him back so he saw that as a sign to get her more .

Lillie closed her eyes tight when he moved over her, feeling his hips against hers, and some other parts of his body that surprisingly didn’t have any effect on her body. She caressed his back while he kissed her neck, now this time successfully, even though she felt nothing. There wasn’t that tingling sensation inside her like she felt with Jinki. When he took off her bra and rubbed her s with his fingers she also didn’t feel that ache on her lower body, that arousing need of having a man inside her, something she always felt with Jinki. She wasn’t even sure if she was wet at all and that wasn’t a good sign.

He kissed her and even though it wasn’t unpleasant and she even liked it, it wasn’t breathtaking at all.

Suddenly Dojoon, sat on the bed and she opened her eyes wondering what he was doing. Was he going to get a already?! She was going to say that he didn’t one since she took birth control pills but he was motionless looking at her.

He gave her dress back to her and she used it to cover her s.

“Get dressed and go home!”

“What?”

“I can’t believe I am going to say this!” He mumbled “Ever since I lost my ity this is the first time I’m going to say this – I can’t have with you!”

Lillie’s eyes filled with tears almost immediately and Dojoon wondered what he did to deserve that fate?!

“I’m frigid right?!”

“Are you even feeling anything down there?” He asked looking at her and she covered herself with the dress, tears falling down her cheeks making him regret what he said.

“A little.”

“A little is not enough.” He said careful afraid to hurt her more.

“So there is really something wrong with me, right?”

“There is nothing wrong with you. Just that you are forcing yourself to sleep with someone you are not attracted to, that you don’t love.”

“But you are so hot and amazing and…”

“I know!” Dojoon moved on the bed and grabbed her hands on his. “But the truth is that you aren’t frigid. Your first boyfriend was a big scumbag and you didn’t love him, just like you don’t love me, even though you care about me.” He caressed her hands trying to calm her down so she would stop crying “Can’t you see that the only one who got lucky was Onew? Do you know why? Because you love him.”

“What is that suppose to mean? That I can only have with a person I love?

“Well, yes. I think so! Have you heard about demiuals?”

“Is that a disease or something?” She asked cleaning the tears from her cheek.

“No. It’s people who are only attracted ually to someone with whom they have a deeply bond. You probably are like that. That doesn’t mean you won’t have with me or another man in the future besides Onew. But right now, well…it’s only with him apparently.”

“So I’m not frigid?”

“No. Not at all!” He caressed her cheek “No frigid woman can do what you did with your boyfriend. I’m actually jealous of him! So I’m sorry but we can’t do this. And in a way its better this way, it would totally ruin our friendship.”

She leaned her head forward and he hugged her against him.

He was honest, even though he felt what she didn’t feel, a very strong ual connection with her.

“I don’t love you like he does and like you deserve, like you want.” He said caressing her back, feeling her wet cheeks against his shoulder “Maybe with time, if we get closer, maybe with time we could do this but I don’t want it.”

“Why?” She asked pushing him slightly away, their noses almost touching because they were so close. Dojoon was really handsome and such a good person, so different from the image he always wanted to give away to others.

“I told you before. You are unforgettable and this is a praise by the way. And you don’t love me and probably will never love me and if you do love me someday I don’t want to break your heart. I prefer to be free…”

“I know.”

“So let’s end this weird relationship we have. Let’s just be normal friends.”

“Are you trying to break up with me?” She asked smiling.

“Yes. Aren’t you relieved?”

He was right, Lillie truly felt relieved now and what he said made total sense. Now that she thought about it she always felt attracted towards Onew when he was an idol maybe because he was important to her, but that attractiveness reached crazy limits when she met him as himself, as Lee Jinki; when they became friends, when they fell for each other. It actually made sense.

“Yes.”

He nodded his head and kissed her forehead before he shifted to stand up but she cupped his face and kissed him putting all her sincerity into that kiss. It was the first real kiss they shared and Dojoon placed his hand on the back of her neck and kissed her back.

It wasn’t a kiss with love but it was a hell of a kiss now that she wasn’t worried on doing something she didn’t want, now that she truly wanted to thank him somehow.

They broke the kiss and he stood up from the bed immediately seeming a little on a daze making her laugh.

“Was it better?”

“Damn you know how to kiss!”

“I had a good teacher….I mean…”

“Post that on twitter and see all his fans attack you!” He warned Lillie that smiled at him with humid eyes.

“You know what you have to do now, right?” Dojoon asked grabbing some tracking pants from the chair beside the window of his room.

“Do?”

“We aren’t in love with each other but there is someone inside your heart!” He pulled the pants over his legs.

“He has a girlfriend!”

“And? Since the beginnings of time that that doesn’t matter when two people are in love.“

“Are you telling me to ask him to cheat on his girlfriend?”

“No. I’m telling you to get dressed and go tell him that you love him, that he is the one you want to sleep with!”

“I did already and he gave me the ring back remember?!”

“Well then kiss him like you kissed me and I’m sure he will get back to you immediately!” Lillie threw her dress at Dojoon tired of his teasing and panicked when she realized that she had nothing else to cover herself.

While she struggled to find her bra over the bed to cover herself Dojoon’s laughter filled her ears making her face and neck hot.

“You have very beautiful s….aaah” He said leaving the bedroom feeling regretful that he didn’t get to touch them more “I’m so jealous of that idol. I need a drink!”

Lillie stumbled to her feet embarrassed and grabbed her clothes so she could get dressed quickly and go back home. 

Jinki climbed down the stairs of Jonghyun’s house rubbing his head sleepy in search of his friend.

He found him; sitting in front of his tablet in the living room, with sleepy eyes showing that he didn’t went to sleep yet.

“Morning, I think!” Jinki greeted with a husky voice sitting beside Jonghyun that flashed a tired smile at him.

“I’m going to sleep in a few minutes but first I want to show you this. The music is not finished yet and I will ask for some help arranging it but here it is.” Jonghyun gave a notebook to Jinki that grabbed it reading the lyrics of a song he wrote.

“Starry Night?” Jinki started reading the lyrics, ignoring the several words out. “What’s this?! This is good.”

“It’s beautiful right? I always wanted to write a song about stars. I did about the moon already so…I like this whole theme of two people loving each other and being away. I first had the idea when Rin was going to London. Then a few weeks ago another songwriter asked for my help on a song she was writing. I was surprised to see the theme. Of course I accepted. Last night after we talked I did some changes to it. “

“You mean that I inspired you to write this?”

Jonghyun nodded his head and Jinki blinked his eyes cutely at him.

“Jamong…we can’t release this. Everyone would know about our secret relationship if we do! They will know about your undying love for me and...”

Jonghyun snatched his notebook from Jinki’s hand but Jinki pulled it back.

“I know. Me and Lillie….” Jonghyun released the notebook and smiled while Jinki read the rest of the lyrics “So she is my star?”

“And you are hers. Doesn’t it make sense? No one shines more to you and you want to see her every night don’t you? Also you are a star too, so all the double meanings. I’m a genius!”

“It’s very beautiful.”

“What’s wrong?” Jonghyun smile faded noticing Jinki’s blank expression.

“I wish I wrote it to her.”

“Well….I’m sorry I beat you to it, but you can still sing it for her. It was supposed to be worked by me and sang by me and the original main songwriter but it fits you better. Also since I used your life to finish it, it definitely should be yours.”

“How?”

“I’m going to present it to the company and ask for a collaboration with the singer, give up my rights about the writing of the song since I already grabbed an ongoing project. Instead I’ll ask for them to invite you as one of the singers. It’s supposed to be a duet with the other writer and I’m sure she doesn’t mind singing with you. After the music is ready it’s all yours to sing.”

Jinki moved his fingers on the paper and raised his eyes to Jonghyun.

His friend looked exhausted but that night he did something big. Not only he helped him feel better but he also helped wrote another beautiful song.

“I love you!” Jinki said cutely and Jonghyun patted his head knowing that he was thankful.

“Aigo look at you two being cute!” Sodam said from the door, already dressed up to go to work.

“Nooona!” Jinki yelled immediately, placing an arm over the back of the couch so he could support himself and raise his body to look at her. “Noona neomu yeppeo”!” He sang to her and Sodam giggled happily.

“You two disgust me!” Jonghyun alleged standing up from the couch but he also used to sang the same song sometimes to her.

Sodam thanked Jinki gracefully and then entered the kitchen from where Jonghyun’s mom came out.

“Jinki-ya, are you staying for breakfast?”

Jinki flashed a beautiful smile at his friend’s mother “Ah I’m not sure I can...” He glanced at Jonghyun that was now rising from the couch “I have to leave soon….and…” He did sleep on his bed and ruined his night, having breakfast was a bit too much…

However Jonghyun didn’t seem upset with him, instead he waved his hand calling Jinki over. “Let’s eat!”

“SURE!” His appetite was back in full force and Jonghyun’s mother was a good cook.

Jinki felt extremely blessed that morning. 

In Lillie’s opinion Min was an amazing woman.

Not only she was having a hard time in college, but she was also using the few free time she had to dance, practicing at the studio.

Even though that was only a hobby for her, she took it very serious.

That day was no different and Lillie met her at the studio and both were drinking coffee sitting on the floor of the studio, on the exact same spot Minseo sat with Taemin although Lillie didn’t know about it.

“So now you two are only friends?”

Lillie spent the last minutes explaining to Min what happened with Dojoon the previous night.

“Yes. I’m an idiot right?”

Minseo shook her head “No, not at all. You probably wanted to do it out of jealousy since Jinki got himself a girlfriend. You are hurt Lillie and you always struggled with those doubts about your uality for a long time. So in a way it’s good that now you know why you are not attracted to other men.”

“Dojoon is so handsome though.” Lillie drank her coffee “I almost feel sorry for myself. It’s such a waste!”

Minseo laughed grabbing her phone and Lillie leaned her head on her shoulder so she could check the shawol kakao group where both were.

“I avoid it a lot lately.” Lillie confessed “They keep talking about Jinki dating rumors and it hurts me.”

“Yes. They are not stupid. They know something happened for him to stop using the ring.”

Even though SM didn’t release any statement and officially he was still dating the person he mentioned before – Lillie – fans didn’t believe it anymore.

“They now say he broke up with me…” They weren’t wrong either but lately there was a rumor that he was dating someone inside the company and even though it was true Lillie hated it. She also wondered from where those rumors came from?! Who leaked all that info?

“Well they also say Kibum is single and Taemin is dating which are lies so…”

 Lillie raised her head from Minseo’s shoulder and focused her attention on the mirror in front of her.

She really seemed different, she was thinner, her dressing style was more mature now also and her hair was as short as it never been. Even though she looked different her feeling didn’t change a bit and that made her sulk.

“Do you want me to ask Taemin if Jinki is still dating the idol?”

The offer from Minseo made Lillie’s eyes move from her image in the mirror to her friend.

“No. It’s better not.” She the floor and sat over her leg facing Minseo “But, do you still talk with Taemin?”

Minseo barely mentioned him anymore and that gave the impression they weren’t talking much lately.

“Well we do talk…” Minseo’s cheeks become a little red and Lillie frowned.

Wait….did they do more than talk?!

“DON’T TELL ME!” Lillie kneeled on the floor rising a finger to Minseo widening her eyes. Was Taemin the man with whom Minseo slept? The one night stand?! No, it couldn’t be. She would be freaking out if it was him. “No…can’t be!”

“What?” Minseo asked innocently grabbing her glasses from her bag and placing them on which gave her an guiltless expression. No. No way. She would never have a one night stand with Taemin.

“Nothing. Just this crazy idea that maybe…” Minseo nervously rubbed her arm and Lillie realized that that same innocent Minseo dated Minho and even though she slept with someone for she would never do it if she didn’t admire him, if there wasn’t chemistry between them and she did admire Taemin immensely. “Oh My God! You did!”

“Whatever you are thinking that I did with Taemin is probably true!” Minseo said grinning shyly and Lillie covered shocked.

“Damn….does Minho…I mean…”

“What about Minho?”

“You loved him. Does he know?”

“No, and no I didn’t love him. I’ve never been in love.”

“What do you mean Min?” She was devastated when Minho broke up with her.

“Minho was my bias, my idol. I was confused. I pictured him in an ideal way but I was never in love with him. Don’t get me wrong. I admire him and I care for him, now more than ever but he is still my idol, a person I see on my tv.”

“Well Jinki was my idol too and…”

“It’s different. I met Minho as the idol, not like you met Onew as Jinki. I never got the chance to actually know Minho, and now that I think about it. It was good that it happened that way. I stopped being an idiot and now I truly know what I want. I can go after what I truly want.”

“You make it sound so simple, as if you just have to say it out loud for it to happen.”

“Isn’t it like that? When you are hungry you call the food delivery. If you want to do a dancing solo on the next studio festival you ask. If you want to have with a man you admire you do it. If you love someone you say it.”

“Just like that?….I love you! Without worrying about the consequences?”

For Lillie a love confession was something big, something that could change everything. She couldn’t understand how Minseo was seeing it that lightly.

“Why should you? It’s not like you are pointing a gun at that person’s head just by saying what you feel. If he loves you back then he will dump his girlfriend and get back to you. It’s as simple as that!” Clearly Minseo could read Lillie and her worries perfectly “If he doesn’t and if it’s just words being thrown into the wind then be it. You don’t lose anything by being honest with yourself and him.”

Lillie leaned against the wall observing Minseo impressed “Min, you are amazing.”

“I’m not.” Minseo released her hair that was on a ponytail and grabbed her bag “By the way, JAT is starting soon and I was thinking that we should totally try and go for some concerts.”

“Really Japan?”

“Yup. Shall we?”

It wasn’t a bad idea although Lillie wasn’t sure if she could take some days off from work. Dojoon would be lost without her.

“I miss seeing Taemin dance.” Minseo added.

That comment surprised Lillie. Wasn’t Minseo still close to him?! Or maybe it was truly only for her.

“Don’t you see him dance here at the studio?”

“Well…”

There was something wrong with Minseo’s way of thinking and maybe even though she thought like that she wasn’t using her ideals in her daily life completely.

“If you want to see him dance…” Lillie mimicked what she said before “Then ask him.”

The room was in total darkness and the apartment was silent. The only sound was coming from their kissing and heavy breathing.

A soft moan escaped Eun Ha’s lips when she reached her and after a couple more kisses, Minho rolled from over her.

They stood side by side in her bed, recovering their breath and suddenly Minho started to giggle.

Eun Ha frowned turning her head to look at him.

“Damn….morning is the best!”

She elbowed him softly and then rolled so she could place her chin over his chest. “It’s not technically morning since it’s…” She raised her head to check her alarm clock on the table “4 am!”

“I’m sorry I came so late. I was filming and it took longer than I expected!”

“It’s ok!” She kissed his chest tenderly and took a deep breath before using him as a pillow.

Even though her head over him was heavy he didn’t complain, caressing her head, running his fingers on her long hair.

“Being like this with you is good enough already.” She added, even though that wasn’t entirely true and lately she resented the fact that he was always busy, she was happy that at least they could meet.

It wasn’t a date, it was but at least she got to be on his arms and talk with him. Ever since she left SM seeing him was getting more and more rare.

“I miss seeing you every day.” He revealed as if he was reading her thoughts out loud.

Eun Ha raised her head and gave him a long kiss.

“I miss you too!”

“You should sleep!” He said caressing her cheeks brushing her hair away from her eyes “Tomorrow you go to work early right?”

She nodded her head and laid over him again.

However none of them had the chance to close their eyes since her cellphone rang.

She groaned stretching her hand over his chest to reach it but Minho was quicker and picked it up for her.

“Senior Go…” He read curiously looking at Eun Ha.

“He is from work. What does he want?!” She grabbed Minho’s arm and made him place the phone back over the table. “Whatever it is it can wait until tomorrow!”

She hated that he had her phone number since he kept calling her or texting her asking how she was and what she was doing. If he truly saw her as a daughter he was a very nagging father.

She forced a smile, hiding her thoughts from Minho and he kissed her, suddenly not wanting to sleep yet.

He grabbed her by her waist and made her roll on the bed so he was over her again.

“Again?” She complained but warped her arms around him.

He ignored her complains and instead kissed her, his body moving over hers, skin rubbing against skin making her moan.

Her phone vibrated over the table, this time a text and Minho broke the kiss with smack and grabbed it again.

“This guy is annoying!” He gave the phone to Eun Ha and she grabbed it, her eyes focusing on it.

“Is everything ok?” He couldn’t help but notice her uneasiness.

“Everything is fine!” She said turning off the phone and placing it away, almost throwing it over the table and pulling him for a kiss again.

Minho quickly forgot about her strange behavior and started delivering wet kisses all the way down form her lips to her chest, happy that she seemed to be as eager for another round like he was.

Eun Ha caressed him closing her eyes, trying to forget about what just happen and focus on what Minho was doing to her. However it was hard to do so, when she couldn’t forget that man’s eyes on her, the text he sent to her at 4 am.

Why didn’t you answer your phone? Are you with your boyfriend? Are you two sleeping together?...I wonder how your skin smells, how you taste…He is such a lucky bastard!

No father had that kind of thoughts when it came to their daughters, or shouldn’t at least.

Lillie couldn’t stop thinking about Dojoon and Minseo words telling her to once again confess her love to Jinki, and the fact that he called her that night wasn’t helping too.

They talked for a while about daily life things and even though the silent moments weren’t too frequent, they still were enough for her to struggle with what she wanted to say.

What she didn’t know was that he was struggling too.

“I’m actually looking at the stars right now.”

His comment made Lillie jump from her bed and she approached her window like a romantic fool.

“I’m watching them.”

It was small little things like that that made Lillie smile every day when she was in a relationship with him. Even though many times it was hard, he was always able to make her smile, to make her go through special moments like that one.

“How nice would it be? If my dreams came true, If I could be with you, If I could see you, just like the stars coming at the end of a tough day.”

Lillie couldn’t help but gasp with his words and she placed one hand on the window of her bedroom, leaning against it.

“Jinki?”

 Was he confessing to her?! What was he doing?

“It’s a song. Jonghyun was working on it earlier. It was supposedly for him to do some changes and sing it but he said I should do it. The music is not ready though, might take a while.”

“Oh.” Her disappointment could almost be touched and she bit her lower lip feeling like an idiot. It was only a song and yet the fact that he remembered those exact words from it and recited for her made her heart beat faster.

Her heart was full of Jinki and Lillie didn’t know what to do anymore. She tried to move on, she took off all the memories of him from her bedroom, she started a relationship with another man and yet it was as if her love for him was like an open tap with water always running and it didn’t seem to want to stop.

Her love was overflowing and the words were burning her tongue and she couldn’t held them in anymore.

“Lillie?” He asked wondering why she was so silent.

“I love you.”

Silence was not the answer she expected and Lillie panicked and sat on the chair of her desk.

“Jinki are you hearing?”

“What if I said that…I love you too?” His words were so low and almost inaudible but Lillie wasn’t going crazy, she was truly hearing that. “What if I broke up with Min Hee?”

“What? You did?” She asked feeling guilty that that piece of information gave her so much happiness.

A vibrating sound came from the other side and Jinki took a while to answer.

“Jinki?”

“Lillie…I have another call and its important….”

“No, you are not turning off the call now when we are talking about something like this.”

“A phone conversation is not the right way to talk about this besides you have someone too.”

“Jinki about Dojoon…”

She didn’t manage to explain anything because he quickly bid his goodbyes and turned the call off.

Lillie stared at her phone incredulous. Did he truly hang up on her like that without letting her explain, without explaining what he meant?!”

“IDIOT!” She exclaimed frustrated.

She opened up her heart to him and once again he sent her mixed messages, made her have hopes and then left her hanging.

She was never going to tell him that she loved him ever again!

“I’m sorry that I called you so late at night, but you know your father and how stubborn he is sometimes.” Jinki’s mother said once again when Jinki let his body fall on his bed.

He was exhausted physically and mentally and that night he was going to sleep at his parents’ house and then leave early in the morning to go back to work.

“It’s ok mother. Don’t worry!” He managed to smile at his mother and she caressed his hair like she often did since he was a little boy.

“I’m just glad dad is ok and it was just a minor injury.”

“I can’t believe he decide to climb on that stupid ladder. I told him so many times that it wasn’t safe and he isn’t a young man anymore.”

“It was a small fall and a minor injury. He will be ok. Don’t worry mom.”

She smiled at him again, thankful that he was free and managed to convince his father to go to a doctor. Since they were doing better financially he could even go to a better hospital.

“I’m going to see if he is sleeping. The pain killer’s probably started to work and his back doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Jinki nodded and his mother turned around to leave but she stopped halfway through it.

“Don’t get upset but I’ve been talking with Jonghyun’s mother and she has heard some things from her son about….your love life.”

Jinki tiredly sat on the bed, with his hair a mess and took a deep breath knowing exactly what she probably heard. “I’m not upset.”

“I’m just worried because you don’t tell me anything.”

“What do you want to know?” Jinki asked patiently like the good son he was and his mother approached him again.

“Is it true you are dating a girl from the same company as you?! “

His mother knew about the complicated break up he had with Lillie but he never told her about Min Hee yet, probably a sign that he never took that relationship serious.

“I was. I’m not anymore.”

“Oh.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me why?”

“Isn’t Lillie back to Korea?” His mother asked and Jinki raised an eyebrow.

“Did Jonghyun tell that to his mother too? Do I need to talk with him to stop gossiping up about my life?!”

“No. He didn’t tell anything, I just figured it out. She would come back eventually, right? She loves you and this is her home now. How are her parents? Did her father recover well?”

Jinki didn’t even know what to say. His mother was way more insightful than he ever though. He answered to her questions about Lillie’s parents and didn’t dare to deny that she was the main reason his relationship with Min Hee came to an end.

After his mother left him Jinki could finally try to sleep. He had less than 2 hours to do so and yet he couldn’t because something was always popping in his head.

It was funny because that afternoon K. Will hyung called him and they  always had the most weird and interesting conversations on the phone that could go from women s  to global warming problem to  buy new tires for the car or watch the last soccer game to the meaning of life.

That day they had a nice, meaningful, innocent conversation. They talked about words that are more than words. How simple things like thank you, goodbye or hello could mean much more than they did in a mere dictionary.

Lillie always said thank you to Jinki hiding on her words how much she loved him.

She said goodbye to him before and there were so many words hidden behind it, I will miss you, I won’t ever forget you…

Sometimes when he said hello to someone, when he said hello to her he was hiding a lot of other things inside it, like I’m glad you are here with me again.

And that day she said I love you to him.

It was more than the I love you’s from the past. It was an I love you in the present and even though she said it to him once she came back to Korea it now had a different and more intense meaning to him.

I love you; even despite I tried to forget you, even though I tried to move on, even though we are with another person. Even after all this time and everything that happened  I still have feelings for you.

He giggled thinking about it and he rolled in his bed as if he was a silly teenager girl, the words still making his heart beat faster like when it did the moment he heard them, like the first time he read them on the letter she wrote for him.

Aigo. He wish no one saw him act like that but that I love you felt wonderful.

More than wonderful and he now was sorry that he didn’t have time to talk about it with her since his mother called him because of his father getting injured.

Jinki rolled on his bed again losing his grin. However, she also said I love you before, she also loved him above the fact that he was an idol and couldn’t be with her openly, above the fact that she had to share him with his fans, that they were so different….and she left him.

He rolled again and this time faced the ceiling.

Jonghyun was right. He was scared less of being with her again, of ending up broken again, of losing her again.

Being with Lillie again meant running that risk.

Jinki felt as if he was at the beginning of his relationship with her, when he wouldn’t stop smiling like an idiot when he replayed what she said or did on his head and yet he couldn’t help but be afraid of the consequences of assuming a relationship with her.

Those consequences were different now but didn’t trouble him less.

Also there was something he was forgetting, an important detail.

She had a boyfriend that apparently didn’t know that she loved Jinki.

I love you.

The words still tasted as the most divine chicken he ever tasted.

When Jules was angry she was like a big storm, her actions like the wind, blowing everything away from her.

At least that’s how Lillie saw her, from the spot on Jule’s bed that she was on, watching Jules throw several clothes inside one of her traveling bags.

“Are you really going back to France?”

Jules stopped, her eyes falling on Lillie that looked like a lost bunny near tears.

“I just arrived back to Korea and you are leaving.”

“I don’t see my parents in years and since NO ONE will miss me its ok if I go for two weeks! I ing deserve the days off from work also!”

Lillie didn’t feel offended even though Jules said no one would miss her. That no one wasn’t Lillie or any of Jules friends, it was Kibum.

“I’m sure Kibum will miss you a lot.”

“Well until I enter the plane he has millions of chances to prove to me that he actually will miss me!”

Jules grabbed one of her makeup pouches and Lillie laid down over the bag as if she was a cat.

“Jules think this through…You can go visit your parents later, after you talk with Kibum and things get fixed between you two! Don’t leave like this! Look at what happened to me and Jinki?!”

Jules pushed Lillie away from the bag making her roll on the bed and fall on the other side.

Lillie quickly kneeled on the floor with her eyes wide open, scared of Jules.

She was serious, she was truly upset.

“There is no fixing if he doesn’t want to fix it!” She almost screamed "Là je me fais du soucis pour un homme! Je m'en fiche si c'est quelqu'un de célèbre ou s'il est extrêmement y et magnifique et incroyable, almighty Key ou quoi que ce soit..." [Here I am worrying about a man! I don’t care if he is an idol or extremely y and handsome and amazing, almighty Key or whatever…! ]”

“Jules?” All that French was confusing Lillie.

Jules sat on the bed, over several of her most precious blouses which wasn’t a good sign and Lillie grabbed one of the nearest pillows in case Jules attacked her.

However her friend didn’t move and instead covered her face. “Je l'aime!” She said with a muffled voice “I love him!” She repeated in korean and Lillie slowly moved from her spot on the floor and climbed on the bed so she could back hug her friend.

“I’m sure Kibum will fix this Jules, I’m sure he is thinking of a way to swept you off of your feet right now.”

Jules hiccupped cutely and Lillie pretended that she didn’t know that she was crying, instead she hugged her tighter.

Jules hated crying in front of anyone, she always pretended to be strong even when she was at her lowest. In a way she was very similar to Kibum and that was why Lillie was worried about them.

They were perfect together but they were also very stubborn when it came to say that they were sorry, to admit they were wrong.

Jules helped her so much in the past with Jinki and maybe it was her time to help Jules too.

She still had Kibum’s phone number; maybe she should give him a call and give him several ideas of how to prepare the perfect date for Jules.

Hopefully if Kibum went out of his way to make something special for her, she would forgive him. 

Sometimes Jinki had one of those moments when he couldn’t believe that it was happening since it was something he never saw himself doing or happening to him.

Winning Artist of the year at Melon awards was one, performing at Tokyo Dome another, losing his voice other…and entering Dojoon’s apartment was another one.

That morning he received a call from Jinho, which was weird since he only called him once and it was because of Lillie, when Alex was pestering her. Since it was something unusual he answered the call worried with her of course.

The subject of the call was Lillie too but this time it wasn’t Jinho who spoke to him, it was his cousin that apparently asked him to use his phone.

Dojoon said he had something important to discuss with Jinki and at first Jinki refused but once Lillie’s name was mentioned he couldn’t say no. She was still the person he wanted to protect and Dojoon was an . If he dared to hurt her in any way he wouldn’t hold back.

That was why Jinki was inside Dojoon’s apartment looking at his living room not that impressed even though it was clearly a riches bachelor apartment.

Money was never something that impressed Jinki and he was in places like that before, yet he wondered if Lillie was there before, if she used the black leather couch, if she walked around barefooted and step on the fluffy carpet. She loved to walk barefooted; she always did when she stayed with him at the dorm, or used her cute socks.

“Thank you for coming!” Dojoon said coming from behind Jinki after closing the door of his apartment. “I actually thought you wouldn’t. You didn’t seem excited to meet me.”

Jinki eyes fell on Dojoon’s expression, on the way he smiled at him as if they were friends.

They were no friends! They weren’t even acquaintances and most of the times Jinki wanted to punch him. He was close to it before but remained sane for Lillie’s sake and his.

“What do you want?”

Jinki’s not so pleasant tone made Dojoon smile. That man was very different from the sweet, gentle smiling one and he respected him. Everyone has a dark side when it comes to protect someone they love and he clearly loved Lillie.

It was a bittersweet feeling for Dojoon but he was happy that he was right all along.

Also he was an idiot a complete insane idiot since he truly decided to do that for Lillie.

In the end he was such a good guy.

“I called you here because we need to talk about Lillie.”

“What about her?”

“Well….She came to visit me at night, two nights ago. She wanted to have with me.”

Jinki’s expression barely changed but Dojoon could see the fury on his eyes.

“I confess that I tried to tell her no since we don’t date for a long time but you know, I’m a man and she is hot.”

“Do you want to die that much?” Jinki asked fiercely, barely containing his anger.

“Probably but….well I took her to my bedroom.”

“!” Jinki was going to punch him if he didn’t shut up. “Are you trying to pick a fight with me?! How are you even talking about her like that as if she threw herself at you! I’m not going to hear this. I’m out of here!” It was better if he ran away; he couldn’t bear to hear that anymore without breaking his nose in the process.

However once Jinki reached the door it didn’t open.

“Ah I locked it.”

“What?” Jinki stared at the other man oblivious. He truly wanted to die.

“I figured it out that you would get extremely upset with me and either punch me or try to walk away and you can’t walk away until you hear me out.”

“Open this door!” Jinki ordered, not a sign of playful sweet Onew on him.

As an answer Dojoon grabbed the keys from the table and placed them on his pants pocket. “No opening the door until you hear what I have to say about her.”

“ARE YOU NUTS?” 

“I truly am but I need to do this. “ He was going to push Jinki to his limits, make him react. Animals in danger are like that. A mother always does wild things for their babies, just like a male fight for a female that might be snatched away by another male, and he was sure Jinki would do the same for Lillie. That was love.

“Well as I said she came here wanting to have with me…”

Jinki leaned his head against the wall beside the door “Stop it.”

“And I took her to my bedroom. She kisses heavenly, damn you taught her very well!”

“I’m going to kill you….” Jinki warned. Dojoon couldn’t see his face but he could see his curled fists against the wall, his chest moving with every breath. He was furious and since he couldn’t go out Dojoon predicted a sad ending for himself.

Still he kept going “She is hot. I mean, she has that innocent expression but she is not that innocent in bed and wow her s….”

Jinki raised his head to Dojoon his eyes settled on him as if he was a punching bag, his jaw clenched and Dojoon stepped back. He was dead.

Jinki couldn’t handle that punishment anymore and stride on Dojoon’s direction, his hands curled into fists.

Oh he was so dead.

Dojoon could have run and hidden somewhere, he could even try and defend himself and give the first punch but he didn’t. He would accept that as a war scar. Hopefully Lillie would thank him later.

As he predicted Jinki punched him, hitting his cheek with all his strength making Dojoon vision falter, all of his face hurting like hell.

“!” Dojoon covered his face, trying to recover from the hit, but he barely could open his eyes.

Jinki was strong and that wasn’t probably the best idea he had.

“Will you open the door now?” Jinki asked almost pleading and Dojoon managed to look at him still cringing with the pain.

The idol was caressing his fingers, also in pain, but not as much as Dojoon was.

“I don’t want to fight with you, you are her boyfriend.” Jinki added “But please stop talking about her like that, she wouldn’t like it. She is very insecure and private about those things. If you don’t respect her than you don’t deserve to be with her.”

Dojoon rubbed his face, the place where he hit him still aching but at least he could see Jinki well now and Jinki was looking at him not angrily but more like disappointed. Disappointed that once again Lillie was dating someone who didn’t treat her right, or so he thought.

“You love her.”

Dojoon’s conclusion made Jinki release an exasperated sigh. “Yes I do and the way you talk about her annoys me. If you dare to hurt her in any way I will punch you again.”

Dojoon laughed in triumph, caressing his hurt cheek since it hurt like hell and Jinki narrowed his eyes confused with his reaction.

“I must be crazy but I did it.”

“Yeah you damn are. Now open the door!”

“No. I was trying to prove a point here and make you say you love her. I almost feel sad for not inviting Lillie to see this because her romantic side would be totally satisfied with this confession.”

Jinki furrowed his brow still not getting what was happening.

“As I said we were going to have but…” Jinki raised his fist but Dojoon quickly finished “But we didn’t!”

Jinki slowly let his arm fall beside him “You didn’t have ?”

“No. Do you know why?” Jinki swallowed knowing that he didn’t have to ask “She can only feel ually attracted towards a person she has deep feelings for. Even though she wanted to be with me to punish you for having a girlfriend she still couldn’t.”

“Punish me?! So she doesn’t have feelings for you?”

“No. We aren’t even dating. We tried to go out as friends with benefits in a way but that didn’t work out because she can’t stop thinking about you. She loves you.”

Jinki stood motionless in the middle of Dojoon’s living room as if that wasn’t happening to him.

It couldn’t be. He just punched Lillie’s boyfriend that in reality is not her boyfriend after all, for having with her when they didn’t after all because she loves him.

I love you.

Her words from the previous night, that didn’t let him sleep at all made him swallow hard.

“You love her and she loves you. What the hell are you doing here?!”

Jinki stared at Dojoon; he still didn’t like him, and didn’t move. “The door is closed.”

“Oh right!” Dojoon fished the keys from his pocket and walked to the door to open it, trying to keep his distance from Jinki.  “You should go to her apartment. I lied to her saying I had a doctor’s appointment so she didn’t need to come to work all day. She found it weird but now she is home and waiting for you.”

Even though the door was open now, Jinki didn’t move, pondering on Dojoon’s words.

Go see Lillie, tell her that he also loved her. Somehow the thought scared him a lot.

“I’m not going to see her. I have work. I’m already late for my schedule. We have a meeting and…”

“Well you should go before it’s too late.” Dojoon said, knowing the importance of pushing Jinki now that he was high in feels.

“What do you mean too late?!”

A little lie was always necessary when time called for it.  “She is packing. I think she is going back home to see her family and well she might stay there who knows?!”

“Packing?” Jinki asked creasing his brow.

“Yes, placing her clothes inside her bag, packing!  If you don’t go to her fast you might lose her for good.”

Lillie was alone at the apartment, since Jules left to buy food.

She was supposed to go with her friend since Jules eyes were red and she looked as if she was run over by a truck but still she insisted to go alone because the fresh air would help her think.

So now Lillie was sitting bored at her bedroom, eyeing her drawing notebook over her desk.

Since she cut her hair, took all the Onew posters away from her bedroom she didn’t draw anymore and she missed it.

She moved her fingers over the purple hard cover of her notebook and opened it.

On the first page she glued a very old sketch of her chibi self kissing Jinki’s chibi self, several red hearts floating around them.

That drawing always made her smile and this time it was no different. It wasn’t only the fact that it was cute but also because she drew it on her bed with Jinki lying by her side, his fingers her hair, his eyes admiring her as if she was precious.

She missed those times.

In a way she could understand Jules. She wanted those magical moments back, the warm feeling inside your chest because of a smile he gave you or a longer glance filled with love.

It wasn’t as if she wanted a big date or romantic event, she wanted the small gestures of love that made dating special.

Lillie closed her notebook again, remembering how Jinki hang up on her before and she groaned turning around on her chair opening the first drawer of her desk. The snow globe was inside it since she took it from the box with her memories with Jinki and hid it there instead.

As they say, away from the eye away from the heart. But was that even true?! Even with everything closed inside a box she spent her days thinking about him at random moments.

Was he eating well? Was he already asleep? Did he watch that new movie?

Lillie placed the snow globe over her desk not daring to play it, avoiding In your eyes as if it was the plague, and opened the small drawer instead.

Inside it were two rings that fitted perfectly on each other, just like her and Jinki once.

She took his ring outside from the drawer and looked at it before she tried placing it on her finger. It was too big and after a while Lillie placed it inside the drawer again.

Dojoon told her to express to Jinki what she felt and she did try the previous night and it didn’t work. It was nonsense to do it again when he even gave the ring back to her.

It didn’t matter if he wasn’t with Min Hee anymore. Being single again didn’t mean that he had feelings for her, besides she did try to confess to him and he completely ignored her, he even made fun of her bringing the possibility that he felt the same.

“What an idiot!” She said grabbing the snow globe and hiding it inside the drawer of her desk.

Lillie was the real idiot. Even with all those evidences that he didn’t love her anymore she dared to dream with him. 

Too late.

Jinki was too late for his schedule. He barely had 20 minutes to reach the SM Building if he wanted to arrive in time for the meeting related to their schedules of the following months.

Even though he was driving carefully his mind was elsewhere, his chest hurting and he was anxious and nervous biting his lower lip, suddenly his clothes feeling too hot on him making him sweat.

Lillie is packing. He could lose her for good, or so Dojoon said.

If he turned back now he would be at her place in 10 minutes. He could convince her to stay and then go back to the meeting. He would arrive late though and be reprimanded for it but he wasn’t a rookie anymore, he could make up a lie or simply say that he had a personal problem and yet that was no professional of him and so unlike him. Yet, losing Lillie forever… He couldn’t bear to think about it.

Wasn’t it best to risk losing her someday and fight for her on the present than never try at all?!

A red sign made Jinki stop and his phone started to ring.

He answered the call and it was Minho asking him where he was.

“I’m here already, only you and Taemin missing. I bet he forgot about the meeting. Where are you anyway?”

“Going…” he wasn’t sure where.

“Hyung, Jonghyun said he will buy lunch today and we can pick all we want. He is in a good mood.”

“Hum.”

“What hum? What’s wrong? Didn’t sleep well?”

“You are talking too much early in the morning.” Jinki’s slightly aggressive comment surprised Minho.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you today?! “

“I’ll be there soon!” Jinki said turning off the call stopping at another red light which frustrated him as it never did before.

It was like a metaphor for his life. He was eager to go and do what he wanted and yet his fears were blocking him for doing it.

What Dojoon did was actually very brave and decent of him and yet Jinki didn’t regret punching him. He dared to touch his Lillie, he almost slept with her. His Lillie.

Jinki leaned his head against the driving wheel frustrated.

As if his chest didn’t ache enough the dj on the radio wanted him to die with a sudden heart attack because that song, the embarrassing one she sang at Kibum’s party started to play.

Jinki raised his head immediately, fixing his eyes on the demoniacal stereo of his car wondering why in the world that song, that he never once heard playing on the radio was playing on that day on that exact moment.

Was god mocking him or sending him a sign?!

Standing here beside you

Want so much to give you this love in my heart

That I'm feeling for you.

“Damn I hate this song!” He lied to himself, the signal turning from red to green.

And we can build this dream together,

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now

Jinki tried to focus on the road but the song was pestering him too much so he turned the radio off, driving for a while in silence.

However even that was not comfortable and after a while he turned the radio on again, the same melody filling the car. There was no point turning it off if he was singing it inside his head.

I'm so glad I found you,

I'm not gonna lose you

Whatever it takes to I will stay here with you

Take it to the good times,

See it through the bad times

Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do

They did share a whole lot of good and bad times and yet they always managed to survive it. Even though they broke up they still had feelings for each other and if he just turned right on the next intersection he could reach her house in less than fifteen minutes.

However he had a meeting. Everyone was there already, Taemin probably arrived too.

He had responsibilities and damn he was scared to face her.

But he did want to face her, he missed her terribly, he missed her warm hugs, her sweet kisses and her dorky laughter. The idea of losing her forever was unbearable.

Also he wasn’t a coward and he always fought for what he wanted, going against his insecure and introvert self.

Oohh. all that I need is you

All that I ever need.

And all that I want to do is hold you forever, forever and ever…

“Ah damn!” He cursed again hitting the driving wheel and turning right at the intersection.

He wanted her and he was willing to fight for her and even miss a meeting at work if he had to.

Nothing was going to stop him now!

Minseo followed her own advice and she asked Taemin to help her with her dancing.

That’s why they were back at the dance school and he was extremely late for a meeting he had at SM building.

“I’m sorry I made you run late.” She said rubbing her neck with a towel, watching him while he searched for his phone around the room.

“I’m sure I brought it since I called my mother.” He only mumbled searching under the bench where he placed his bag.

Minseo smiled amused since he was always the same, losing things. Sometimes she wondered if she could make him lose his heart to her too. She quickly shook her head trying to shake those insane silly thoughts away. They were friends, nothing else more.

“AH FOUND IT!” His voice echoed in the room and he crossed it in quick strides as if he was levitating more than walking, which she loved, and grabbed the phone beside the mirror. “I must have placed it here after the call.” He walked back to his bag and Minseo stepped sideways so he could reach it.

However she stood there beside him, as close as she could to him, admiring his muscled arms and handsome profile.

“Are you dating someone?” The words left even before she could stop them.

He blinked his eyes surprised with the question and turned to her “No. I would never do that…what we did if I was.”

“No I mean, in the meantime maybe you found someone!”

He chuckled grabbing his bag and raising it from the bench “One week and a half is not enough for me to find a girlfriend.”

“Maybe you had someone under your eye already and it happened.”

He frowned and she saw his Adams apple move when he swallowed. She kissed him there that night….

“No, and you?”

“No.”

The only person who caught her eye was him but they were friends.

“Good.”

Minseo wasn’t sure what was good about that but her heart skipped a beat when he said it.

Taemin stepped forward ending with almost all the space between them and Minseo had to raise her head to look at him. He was so much taller than she was and they would make a cute couple…if they were a couple at all.

With Minho their differences of height seemed too big, but with Taemin it was almost perfect. Was she being biased?! Their height difference wasn’t big!

Minseo was nervous now since he wasn’t saying anything, eyeing her with a serious expression.

Minseo widened her eyes when he leaned forward and placed a hand on her shoulder.

He opened his lips catching her full attention on them. They were perfect and she knew how deadly they could be. Her body was reacting immediately to the memories and she was becoming a mess already. He was totally ruining her .

“I’m late!” He said pushing her softly away from the way and Minseo blushed realizing that she read his intentions wrong.

“Oh I’m sorry!” She awkwardly stepped back giving him more space than he needed, but the amount she needed to keep sane or try to.

“See ya!” He said walking away and Minseo sat over the bench hiding her embarrassed face on her hands.

She didn’t see when Taemin stopped and looked back at her as if he suddenly realized something.

She wasn’t the only one who was having fantasies with him, he was also. For a heartbeat he almost kissed her but he tried really hard to contain that burning desire of his body.

He was damn late already and he wasn’t sure he would be able to stop after one kiss.

He arrived breathless to her apartment, stumbling inside it, his eyes moving from the two bags beside the door to her that was only wearing her purple pajamas like she often did, as if she was frozen in time, only her short hair and less chubby cheeks being a proof that time truly changed.

“Jinki what are you doing here?” Lillie asked now self-conscious remembering that she wasn’t wearing a bra and only her stupid old pajama, her face bare, with no makeup. Yet he didn’t seem worried with that and his eyes darted to the bags and then back to her again.

He leaned forward with his hand on his chest breathless and mumbled something that she couldn’t hear.

“What?” Lillie was starting to get worried now. Was he hurt? Did something happen?

He repeated it again and she frowned not understanding.

“Please don’t go.” He repeated in English this time, wondering why she couldn’t understand his Korean, not realizing that he was saying the words too quick “Stand by me.”

Lillie raised her eyebrows wondering if he was making fun of her now, quoting the names of his songs in english.

Please don’t go….and stand by me?!

“Are we playing a charades game now? Shall we name SHINee songs? Then….Ring Ding Dong….when you rang the bell or maybe Why so Serious? Because well why are you so serious?! Is everything fine?”

Jinki couldn’t help but smile softly “No. I…” He stuttered pointing at the bags trying to articulate correct Korean for her but she made him laugh involuntarily again.

“I’m with you….take One minute back to breathe!”

“Stop!” He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him.

“Don’t go back home!”

That wasn't a song she knew and she knew all of them.

“What?”

“Don’t go back to your country and leave me again.” Now it made sense!

“I’m not. Who told you that? These bags are Jules. She is going to France for a few weeks.”

“Oh! Dojoon said…” Jinki face darkened realizing that he was manipulated and Lillie looked at him curiously wondering why he was mentioning Dojoon.

“You were with Dojoon?”

“I punched that diot!”

“Oh my god!” She placed a hand in front of and Jinki shook his hands trying to explain.

“No, no! He is fine. He even laughed!”

“What?”

“He is a very weird guy!” Jinki remarked entering the living room and Lillie followed after him still perplexed.

Now that he was there, they could talk.

“But you know…” She said from behind him “Even if I was the one traveling I would come back. This is my home now. I belong here and…” She blushed a little since he was now looking at her, searching her eyes, reading her feelings in them. “I would never leave you again. I told you before. I promised.”

“Dojoon also told me that you are not together.” Jinki added “He also told me that you almost had .”

“Oh I can’t believe him!” Lillie cried covering her face embarrassed and she turned around avoiding Jinki but he grabbed her arm before she walked away from him, making her turn back to face him.

They were so close now that she barely dared to look at him, wondering what he was doing there at her place, his warm fingers around her arm, firmly and yet not hurting her.

“Why didn’t you have with him?”

“It…It doesn’t matter!” She tried to take her arm away and Jinki released her. However she didn’t step away from him and tucked her hair behind her ears.

The gesture was enough for him to take a good look at her. He still preferred her long hair but she did look cute with short hair too and he couldn’t help but mimic her gesture, caressing the back of her ears. It was such an innocent gesture but enough to make her heart throb.

“Say it again, what you told me on the phone yesterday.”

His request made her raise her eyebrows. He was asking her to tell him that she loved him again right?! She wouldn’t. She told herself she would never say those words to him again.

“I did yesterday and you hang up on me!”

Her fired up answer made him smile and that was enough to make Lillie’s heart explode inside her chest to the point she had a hard time focusing on what he was saying. She was overflowing with feels again.

“My dad fell from a ladder and my mom called me so I would convince him to go to a hospital for a checkup. She called me when I was talking to you. I saw that it must be important since I had called her before that.”

“How is your dad?” she asked worried now and regretting her harsh words.

“He is fine.”

“That’s good…” Lillie trailed of and Jinki stepped forward again, erasing the small space between them since she had nowhere to go, her body against the wall.

“Say it again. Say it why you didn’t have with Dojoon. It’s because of what you told me on the phone, is it?”

His words and his passionate gaze on her, so similar to the one from the kitchen at the day of Kibum’s birthday was making her dizzy.

Jinki raised his fingers to her cheek and she opened like an idiot, revealing her heart.

Dojoon could never make her body react like that and yet one mere touch of him was capable to leave her weak on her knees.

“Because I love you! I’m an idiot and I can’t be with anyone else because I love you so much. I promised that I would stay beside you until you came back to me and apparently even if I want to break that promise I cant.”

He barely reacted to her answer his eyes on her lips as if he was fighting a battle inside him and Lillie realized that he was probably thinking about kissing her. She really wanted him to kiss her so she her lips which made him divert his eyes from and back to her eyes.

“You told me to give up on you and even gave me the ring and yet I can’t erase you from my heart!”

The ring! He almost forgot about it.

“Aish!” Jinki complained, twitching his nose remembering that terrible misunderstanding. “Min Hee lied to you. I didn’t even know that she went to see you, that you asked to see me. She took the ring from me and gave it back to you.”

“Wait, you never told me to give up on you?”

“Never. I used that ring around my neck ever since the day you broke up with me. I couldn’t part with it. I was drunk in her bed and she used that moment to take it from me.”

“Drunk in her bed with her…”

Lillie tone and the way she avoided look at him made Jinki uneasy. She wasn’t going to take back what she told him because of that right?!

Because he dated Min Hee, shared the same bed as her….

“I’m not with Min Hee anymore, I broke up with her. ”

 “It doesn’t matter anymore! You didn’t make your decision back then. You didn’t choose me over her!”

Lillie was now facing him again and he loved it. Call him a masochist but he loved when she looked so strong, when she put up a fight and made him so frustrated. He could almost feel his blood boil, he could hear his heartbeat increasing, the attraction he felt towards her dizzying his senses. His eyes fell on her lips again before he was able to raise them to her eyes.

“What we feel for each other, is over anyone, over anything!”

Lillie didn’t answer to that; any argument would die on her lips, becoming invalid when he was saying something so intense like that.

“Say it again. Say that you love me.”

“Are you deaf? I told you already! I have been telling you that since I came back to Korea. You are the one who doesn’t say it back.”

She blurted the words without thinking about the consequences and now that they were out she didn’t regret them.

There was no point to dance around the subject anymore. Minseo and Dojoon were right; it was time for them to be honest about their feelings. She was honest and now it was his time to be too.

Even though she knew that, she wasn’t prepared for what came next.

 “I love you.”

He confessed placing his hand on her waist firmly as if it was meant to be there and his other cupping her face, pulling her upwards to look at him, only at him.

There it was the familiar thumping of her heart, that happiness that she couldn’t control, the easy smile that always came when he said those words to her.

Apparently he wasn’t insensible to them either since he was smiling back at her, their faces dangerously close, his thumb caressing her skin.

“I love you, Lillie.”

She waited for so long for that moment when she would kiss him again that now that it was happening she didn’t dare to close her eyes afraid to be dreaming again.

That’s why she saw him lean down to her, his eyes closing, inches before his lips touched hers, making her close her eyes too, giving up on fighting against that love.

It wasn’t a first kiss, not even closer to it since the first kiss uneasiness and clumsiness they faced wasn’t there. This time they fitted perfectly together, moving their lips against each other as if no time ever passed, as if there were no goodbyes or breaking up, it was just like a normal kiss and yet one that they desired for such a long time.

There was an overwhelming passion in it and none dared to end it, his hand firmly on the back of her head pulling her to him, her hands around his body, fingers grasping his shirt on his back.

While Jinki was kissing Lillie, satiating his thirst for her, a huge storm of feelings was erupting inside him  and he was certain of something.

He ripped the band aid from his heart and it was healing properly. Maybe her kiss had healing powers too, maybe she was the right medicine after all.

He pulled her from the wall and against him firmly, erasing all the possible space between their bodies, making her grasp his shirt, and hum against his lip, overwhelmed with his tenderness.

That felt perfect, it felt just right.

 He hugged her more tightly, almost pulling her up from the floor making both breathless even though he didn’t intend to stop kissing her soon.

With her in his arms, feeling the warm skin on her neck under his fingers, her soft lips agaisnt his, her scent invading his nostrils, all of her enchanting his senses he was certain of it.

That was one of the best sudden and risky decisions he made.

He was scared before but not anymore. Every pain in the world was worth it if he could love her for a lot longer, if they had a second chance in that relationship.

He wasn’t going to let her walk away from him anymore.  Lillie did make him a promise before and now Jinki was the one who was going to make the same promise back to her.

They would never get lost again as long as the other stayed beside them showing the right way. 

When I get lost and wander please be the star
Would you be the star for unknown tomorrow?
Beyond the night when everyone leaves for somewhere
Please be my friend
Be the starlight

(isnt Lillie a tokki?! XD Lol....they found each other! Couple scarves XD Sorry ~)

KYAAAAAAAAA IT HAPPENED! THEY ARE BACK TOGETHER!

Did you suffer too much? I'm sorry! ^^

Anyway I swear this is not the end...it could be though. XD

Actualy Dating an idol was suposed to end up like this....

I feel as if i finally closed a cycle since i planned this 3 years ago. Some changes were made, more characters showed up and more confilcts happened but this was the main idea. 

From now on I have some small ideas, but most of it will be sugary sweet XD Im afraid people will run away.

I mean for Lillie Jinki, not other couples.

Since I have some sad story lines planned for another couple....not gonna say...

After all the sugary sweet cute etc chapters....we wil have a jump on time and well...more story i planned! u.u

I hope you stay for the ride and get to see Lillie and Jinki grow up more and more ^^

Ahhh I wish I could spoil you but I cant =P

Hum comments about the chapter!

I KNOW JJONG DIDNT WRITE THE SONG! XD I had the idea after he mentioned on Blue Night somethign about a theme used on songs that he wanted to try out. Since he has a song about the moon why not stars?! ahaha

Then talking with someone on tlist I had the idea and after it, it made sense somehow. XD Hey its fiction I can make jjong write Jinks a song..kinda! *__* My jongyu ~kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (sorry)

And isnt it great that this song was released and fits the chapter perfectly! XD 

Jules and Key...well she has been upset for a while now. Jules was used to no romance in her life and since she met Key things started to be different. She only wants him to be more....aware of her romantic needs. XD

Dojoon! Gosh I love him and dont be sad guys! He didnt get Lillie but he will have his happy ever after. Its planned already! ^^ I found the right girl for him! She is closer than you think! =D (Jess im sorry Lillie didnt have with him. You were the only one who actualy wanted it XD But hey...she got to make out a bit...and she can rub that on Jink's face...and trust me he will be super jealous of it!"

Also the punch! You voted so...XD The scene is so funny too! I laughed so much writing...the last part, the song one too XD

Have you heard about demiuals by the way?

Well we all knew Lillie wasnt frigid, but that was something that used to bother her before she met Jinki. Why didnt she feel atracted to scumbag Alex?! Because he was a scumbag! u.u 

And Dojoon well....poor Dojoon!

Minseo and Taemin.....sigh they are so perfect for each other. ^^ Dont worry more scenes of them together!

And Eun Ha and Minho.....sigh....

Thanks to Alex for helping me with the french and Jules character....well Juliette!

Since this is a special chapter I thank you too for reading Dating an Idol (hopefuly) and Marrying an Idol for so long, for being so patient ever since the first chapter posted in 2013 when I had no idea I would write so much (I posted just for fun....) and for liking the story and being always so entusiastic about it making me want to write more and more! >//< I feel very spoiled.

I'll do my best to try and keep it interesting from now on and not make you suffer much! 

There will be some sad moments ahead but also very happy ones! 

Subscribe, comment, upvote...Love the real SHINee! (lol)

Bye ~

ps: im sorry for the bad english, typos, grammar errors, cheesiness, etc....