Note: this chapter was not beta-read. Any mistakes please let me know in the comments. Thank you.

Even when I take out the secret note within my heart

It’s filled with stories about you

Hypnosis - Taemin

Jimin’s suggestion popped up on Lillie’s head several times during the next day. She was even having a hard time concentrating at work because of it. Now that she didn't have to go back to SM and felt relieved that she didn't have to face that man again she was worried about the possibility of going there on purpose and arrange a trap for that ert. That night marked the ending of her “preparation” to go public with Jinki and she even would have a goodbye dinner organized by the other trainee with whom she was close with.

Lillie shook her head. No, she now had to forget about Manager Kim. He wasn't a part of her life anymore and she did her part already. She complained to the company and they already knew what kind of man he was. It was now over for her.

Doojoon came out of his office and Lillie took the moment to frown at him and follow him with a disapprovingly expression. She did it the whole day and yet he seemed to ignore it. Lillie was expecting that he asked her about what was bothering her and then she could talk about the disgusting way in which he dated two girls in Jonghyun’s life at the same time. However, Doojoon served his coffee calmly and walked around the waiting room sitting on the couch as if he was at home. She watched him pull at his tie loosening it, drinking his coffee with a relaxed expression.

“Why did you do it? Do you really like to upset Jonghyun that much?”

Doojoon sighed deeply and raised both his hands not surprised with Lillie's question “In my defense I had no idea who they were at first. Well, his sister I did but not my fault that she is very beautiful and an irresistible young lady.”

“Sometimes you are disgusting.”

“Look I told his sister that I didn't want anything with her. And I told Rin’s sister that I wasn't into a serious relationship and I’m not.”

“So you don't like her, not even a little?”

Doojoon hesitated but then shook his head. “No, I like her but not in the way you think.”

Lillie collected a pile of papers in front of her, stood up, and turned her back to him using the copy machine.

“Are you upset with me because of this? Are you perhaps jealous?”

Lillie turned around hating the way his mocking voice sounded “You know quite well that I'm not jealous. It just worries me that someday you will realize that you truly loved one of these girls and it's too late to get back with them.”

“Don't worry. That won't happen.”

Lillie sighed and then picked up the phone that meanwhile started ringing.

Doojoon stood up to return to his office but Lillie stopped him since it was his mother.

He watched Lillie speaking to her and raised his hand up in defense once again when she stared at him with a murderous look.

“No...no mother. The secretary is sick so I'm helping out.” She grabbed Doojoon's sleeve and he froze knowing that he was once again in trouble. “I’m going to pass the call to him. It was nice hearing from you!”

Lillie covered the phone and whispered to Doojoon “Why didn't you tell your mother we aren't dating? Are you stupid? I'm coming out as Jinki’s girlfriend soon.”

“I couldn't bear to tell her. You know how she is. She is going to find me another blind date.”

“Not my problem!” Lillie mouthed angry “Tell her the truth or I will!”

She gave the phone back to Doojoon and he picked it up sending puppy-like gazes her away but Lillie ignored him sitting back on her seat.

If he dared to date two girls at the same time couldn't he also introduce one of them to his mother as his girlfriend? Why did she have to be dragged into that mess? She already had a lot of things to worry about and a complicated relationship of her own.

Taemin left the tv studio and joined the other members of SHINee in their waiting room. They collected their things and would soon ride on their van back home.

While the others were busy Taemin took that opportunity to call Min back since he had two missed calls of her.

Usually, they would text each other because Taemin felt awkward talking with her on the phone. Their conversations sounded more like the conversations of two people who recently became friends more than of a couple. He was used to seeing Kibum or Jonghyun speaking on the phone with their girlfriends acting more lovingly and even Jinki too. However when it was his time to try and do it he always felt as if somehow he couldn't do it. It wasn't because he didn't like Minseo because he did like her more and more but somehow he felt like flinching with only the thought of giving her a cute name like Jinki gave Lillie, or call her sweetie or pet names like some of his friends called their girlfriends.

So Taemin sat in the quietest place of the room and spoke with Minseo about his day as if he was speaking with one of his pals.

“Next week we wrap up our promotions and then we can go on a date.” He cleared his throat following the movements of the other members and dancers with his eyes, checking that they weren't paying attention to him “I'll take you on a proper date.”

“Where are we going?” She asked on the other side of the line and he tried to imagine her walking to the bus station like a normal college student. Sometimes he envied those small little things that “normal” people did. If he wasn't an idol he could simply accompany her, holding her hand. They could drink some coffee together or go shopping. His profession made things harder.

Her question had no answer yet because he didn't think that far. He simply wanted to be with her. He hummed thinking about what he truly wanted to do after his promotions were over. Sleep was one of the things and the other was eating well. “Maybe go eat some meat? Korean barbeque!”

“Alright!”

The guys joined Taemin, Kibum even stared at him waiting impatiently and Taemin quickly finished the call saying he would text his girlfriend later. As soon as he put his phone away Kibum shook his head.

“You are taking your girlfriend or male friend on a date?”

“What do you mean?”

“That's the kind of thing you would do with Jonghyun, not a girlfriend.” Kibum pointed out.

“It’s kinda true.” Jonghyun agreed and Taemin felt a bit betrayed.

“But she said that it was a great idea.” Taemin defended himself.

“Did she? With those words?” Kibum asked not buying it.

“Well…” He couldn't remember exactly what she said but she did agree with him.

“Did she seem happy?” Jonghyun asked trying to help.

Taemin looked around the room in thought. He had no idea how she seemed because he was a bit distracted while talking with her.

“You are pretty bad at this. Women often say yes to something but in reality, they don't want t do it and are just going with the flow. Then later they will point out how you screwed it over.”

Jonghyun nodded realizing that Kibum was mostly right. Even Jinki nodded scrunching his nose as if Kibum’s words were the wisest ever. Only Minho watched the scene not saying anything which was unusual for him since he was always the first one to jump and give Taemin advice about how to date his girlfriend.

“So what was I supposed to do?”

“Ask her what she wants to do first.” Jonghyun suggested.

“Yes but sometimes they say nothing and you end up choosing and then they get upset because they truly had something they wanted to do but were expecting you to guess for them.” Kibum nodded his head like the true woman expert he was.

“Hum…” Jinki nodded. “That happened with Lillie once. She said she didn't know what she wanted to eat so I suggested chicken from this place I love and then she revealed later she wanted to cook for me and was expecting me to ask. She was pouting throughout the whole dinner.”

“But that's unfair. How can I even guess when they are saying the truth or not?” Taemin couldn't accept that Minseo was like that too.

“Well good point.” Kibum shrugged his shoulders “You can't. You just need to find out strategies to placate their anger if you make a mistake.”

All men hummed in thought minus Minho that walked away ready to follow their staff to the van.

Taemin blinked his eyes noticing it and wondering if he hurt his hyung the last time when he denied his assistance with Minseo.

Lillie sat at one of the empty tables inside the coffee shop at the SM building drinking her coffee nervously. She was supposed to meet the other trainees that she befriended during her small and yet intense life as a trainee. They would go out for dinner and karaoke after and the lie would finally come to an end. Yet the simple fact that she was inside the SM building where that man also worked made her extremely nervous. Once in a while idols and other staff would come down to get some drinks or snacks to eat and Lillie was surrounded by fans at the nearing tables waiting for a moment to catch their favorite idol even if only for a few minutes. She didn't want to see anyone though and feared every time that someone passed by her table in the direction of the counter.

Jinki wasn't in the building, and probably none of the SHINee members so there wasn't anyone she truly wanted to see besides her dinner companions.

Some muffled sounds of fans' joy on her right made Lillie turn on her seat to check who was the idol who had just shown up. Min Hee and two other girls from her group made their way to the counter. Lillie watched it as dazzled as the fans on the table next to her. They all looked out of this world even though they were wearing their practice attires. Min Hee especially shined because she was the most popular of her group and she probably knew it so her walk had confidence and elegance. She also had an amazing body that her training clothes didn't hide.

Lillie sunk on her seat when the sneaky thought, once again, hit her where it hurt the most.

Jinki had with that woman. Jinki slept next to a woman beautiful and amazing like that.

As if Min Hee could read the thoughts coming out from Lillie’s head she looked her way and Lillie’s color drained out of her face. She wasn't doing anything wrong and yet she felt as if she didn't even deserve to be looking at that woman. Common people like her, with so many flaws that could fill a notebook, didn't even deserve to breathe the same air as a goddess like that woman. A goddess that not only shared Jinki’s passion for music and could engage in conversations about it that Lillie could never comprehend but she also was willing to seduce him back to her.

Maybe coming out now wasn't a good idea. Maybe she wasn't ready yet. Other shawols would never accept her as someone worth it. She didn't excel in anything and he deserved the best for sure.

Min Hee smiled at Lillie and nodded and Lillie widened her eyes looking around just to be sure that that was for her. Min Hee smirked as if mocking her confusion and turned her back on Lillie focusing on the order she wanted to make.

“Who is she?” one of the fans asked on the table next to Lillie.

“No one I think…” Said another one of the girls and Lillie sunk even deeper on her seat.

She was truly no one. No one in their eyes and yet she was someone. She looked at Min Hee go with her members giggling all cutely making the fans squeal and Lillie frowned at them.

She was no one to them but to Jinki she was someone, right?

Jonghyun walked around Rin’s tiny apartment that he knew by heart by now. They usualy dated at her or his place. Both were homebodies and introverts and really preferred the comfort and privacy of their rooms to date outside. It happened sometimes of course but they didn't have many options when he was an idol.

He sighed a little bored and looked at her sitting in front of her laptop on the floor next to her bed, working on one of her projects.

“Are you that late on it?” Usualy he got her full attention but that night seemed to be different and it upset him a little. He was promoting with SHINee and barely had time to see her and now that he managed to escape late at night to visit her she was prioritizing work over him. It made him proud but also a little unhappy.

Jonghyun stretched his arms up in the air feeling stuffy and then laid down on the floor doing push-ups. Rin noticed it from the corner of her eye and smiled. He kept going and she looked over the screen of her laptop at him.

“Working out? Really?"

He stopped sitting on the floor his breathing a little unsteady “Well I don't have time to go to the gym these days.”

“You don't need to exercise. Your body looks great right now. Actually, you need to eat more.”

“Then cook for me!” He pouted cutely and she closed her laptop and crawled to sit in front of him.

“What do you want to eat?”

Jonghyun smiled victoriously and laid his forehead against hers closing his eyes. He was tired and she was right. He wasn't eating properly lately. Rin would scold him if she knew. She was the one who always sent him several texts every day to be careful with his health, to eat a lot, to rest when he could. Sometimes she acted like his mother.

“Kimchi stew…please?” Anything would be good but it was the first thing that came to his mind.

“Sure!” Rin stood up to start cooking but Jonghyun pulled her down before she did and laid on the floor with his head on her lap instead.

She chuckled raising her hands admiring the way he rubbed his head against her legs, using it as if it was a pillow, and closing his eyes once he found the perfect and most comfortable position.

“Are you going to eat or sleep?”

“Just give me a few seconds.” he asked “Then we can go eat. I can help.”

She smiled nodding and caressed his head and hair hoping that he would sleep instead. Then she would cook while he was napping and wake him up once it was done. He surely needed a moment of rest and relaxation and she was going to help.

“Tell me how you are lately.” He asked and Rin hummed in thought.

“I'm doing fine. You know all about me. We talk every day.”

“I know.” He yawned and she giggled finding him as cute as a puppy “Are you visiting your parents?”

“Yes. My mom is doing well but my father has a cold.”

“I should send them some vitamins or medicine.”

“No, it’s fine. He went to a doctor already. He will recover quickly!”

Jonghyun’s body seemed to be relaxing and Rin wondered how long he would be able to talk with her before falling asleep.

“What about your sister?”

“Ren is an idiot. Dating a guy that is also dating yours…” Rin covered in panic but Jonghyun didn't seem to notice. He only frowned slightly, his tiredness numbing his thinking.

“I mean...she is dating this guy I don't like.”

“Hum…” He hummed breathing deeply and Rin caressed his hair again, scratching his scalp softly hoping that he wouldn’t notice her mistake and let it slide.

Lucky for her he didn't speak anymore and she said nothing also, letting that matter go. He would be so upset when he found out. She couldn't understand what Dojoon was thinking.

Rin’s predictions came true and soon Jonghyun was sleeping on her lap, his breathing steady, his body relaxed. She almost laid over the floor to grab a pillow beside her laptop and carefully raised his head to place it under it. He released a deep breath when she pulled away from his body placing the pillow with his head on the floor instead, but he didn't wake up so she silently walked to the kitchen rubbing her neck.

She took all the ingredients she needed from inside the fridge and stopped to peek at him. Rin was very lucky to have Jonghyun, a really great and good man who didn't resemble Dojoon in any way.

Will raised his glass and drank it in one go while Mei was singing. Much to Lillie's horror her goodbye dinner became a karaoke session. Of course, none of her new friends knew that it was a place that was triggering to her ever since what happened with Alex. That's also why Lillie end up drinking more than she probably should. It helped though because she felt way less nervous and didn't think of Alex anymore, blocking all her bad memories of places like that.

Mei finished Mamamoo’s song perfectly and Seo-Joon stood up and clapped as if he has watched the best performance ever. Jimin chuckled and shared a knowing gaze with Will but Lillie didn't even notice it, too busy drinking her soju and grabbing snacks to eat.

“That was amazing!” Seo -Joon said sitting beside Mei, so close that she barely had any space between her and Lillie. “You are truly a star. You need to debut soon!”

“Well, I hope I do. Lately, my week evaluations weren't the best.”

“You will.”

“I might give up like Lillie.” Mei said looking at the girl beside her with a sad expression. In her mind, Lillie gave up on being a trainee because she never managed to debut and she was too old already. Made total sense but Lillie wasn't trying to be an idol at all.

“I’m sorry you never got to be an idol.” Mei gently caressed Lillie’s arm and the older girl looked at her clueless as if she didn't understand what she meant.

Why would she want to be an idol?

“You can still sing to friends and maybe try being a singer at another company. A solo singer!” Mei suggested and Lillie frowned.

“I sing so badly though!”

Jimin grabbed Lillie’s glass from her hand worried about what she might say now that she wasn't thinking clearly.

“No, you don't!” Mei contradicted her.

“Now that I think of it, I never saw you sing.” Will remarked.

“I haven't either.” Seo - Joon added and Mei frowned realizing that she hasn't either which was weird since they usualy rehearsed or had vocal lessons with other trainees.

“Because I don't sing!” Lillie said drunk “I only wanted to be with my boyfriend!”

Jimin grabbed Lillie’s glass and this time gave it back for her to drink.

“Aish she is so drunk and has no idea what she is saying.” She patted Lillie’s back “Aigo… she must feel down that she is leaving the company.”

“I don--”

“Aigo….eat some of these too!” Jimin grabbed one of the plates on the table and placed it on Lillie’s lap before she got up and pulled Will with her.

“Why don't we all sing a song for her?”

“Oh, I like the idea!” Mei stood too and Jimin sighed with relief when Seo - Joon followed her.

She just saved Lillie from having her secret exposed.

“I’ll give you a ride home.” Jinki’s manager offered. His practice was done for the day and he was going to take Minho and Taemin home also. Kibum and Jonghyun left earlier that night and they were the only ones left with some of the dancers.

“I’ll go to the bathroom real quick before we go.” Jinki excused himself and immediately walked down the hallway to the bathroom. He didn't want anyone to wait for him. He knew how everyone was tired and he hated when he was a bother to others. As quickly as he went Jinki hurried to leave the bathroom but he wasn't able to run back to the practice room because Min Hee was waiting for him outside.

She was probably also practicing until late since she was wearing leggings and her practice clothes, her hair caught on a ponytail. Jinki wasn't sure but he did hear she was preparing for a comeback.

After the awkward greeting and the silence that followed since Jinki didn't know what to say back to her, Min Hee finally expressed the reason she wanted to speak to him.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to call you but I think it’s best if we talk about this personally. Besides I missed you.”

He glanced around the empty hallway confused about what she expected him to say. However, she didn't wait for an answer.

“I wanted to ask you if you can forget the misunderstandings that happened between us and focus on our professional relationship and our friendship instead.” He wasn't sure that he could call what happened as misunderstandings though “I need help with my singing. I improved so much when you were giving me vocal lessons. I need more, so I was wondering if we could have them again. Once a week at least.”

Jinki wasn't expecting that and rubbed his neck “I’m really busy right now.”

“I know. After the comeback.”

“I- I don’t know.”

“Why? You know how great we are together.” He frowned wondering if she meant in singing or something entirely. Were they great? He remembered that night together that they shared. It was good for sure but… “Remember how you used to play the piano while I sang? Our duets were special.”

Jinki bit the interior of his cheek. He also remembered how awful he felt during that time, how much he missed Lillie, and how Min Hee pressured him into a relationship he didn’t want at the time.

“I don't think it's a good idea. My girlfriend wouldn't like it. We have a story together and it's probably uncomfortable for her to know that we meet alone.”

“Then ask her.” Jinki blinked his eyes not expecting that. It was true that Min Hee was very pushy but he never thought she would actually suggest that. “You are an artist and she needs to get used to seeing you working with other female artists. If she can't accept that then she can't be in a relationship with you, right?”

Jinki stared at Min Hee speechless until his phone rang in the pocket of his pants. He took it out and Lillie’s name was the caller’s id.

“I need to answer this now.”

“Sure. Think about it.” Min Hee walked away and Jinki sighed before answering the call. It was very late for Lillie to call him and usualy by that time she was asleep but he knew she had a gathering with friends from the company so she was probably back home now and wanted to hear his voice.

However, the person that answered on the other side didn't sound like Lillie.

Lillie saw the floor move under her feet and giggled before throwing her arms in the air in a futile try to grab the wall that seemed to move away from her also. Luckily to Lillie Jimin grabbed her before she fell and hit her forehead on the closeby table.

“I’ll take her home.” Jimin told Will that suggested taking her instead. He was usualy a good guy but Jimin didn't trust him completely. Mei wasn't around anymore since her admirer accompanied her safely home a few minutes earlier.

“Are you sure? I really don't mind.”

“I’m sure. I know where she lives.” Jimin lied helping Lillie walk slowly to the exit. Will bid them goodbye and Jimin helped Lillie sit outside on a bench before she grabbed her phone pretending to call a taxi to pick them up.

She waited for Will to leave and then sat beside a drunk Lillie that had her head dangerously swaying from one side to the other.

“Aish...you need to be more careful. First, you almost spill the beans about you not being a trainee, then you almost tell them who your boyfriend is, and then you almost end up as easy bate for a playboy that is interested in taking you to bed in ages.” Jimin searched Lillie’s bag for her phone and then the bench and shook Lillie slightly until the drunk girl opened her eyes and looked at her with a small hint of recognition.

“You need to unlock your phone so I can call someone to pick you up. I have no idea where you live.”

“My home is…” Lillie laughed pointing out a random direction “The heart of the most handsome man in South Korea!”

Jimin sighed and placed Lillie’s phone in front of her. “Unlock it now and I’ll help you get home!”

“Wait!” Lillie grabbed Jimin’s arm and pulled it away “Not South Korea…” Lillie’s lips parted into a huge grin “In the whole world!”

“Right, I agree with you but please unlock it.”

Lillie leaned back on the bench ready to take a rest but Jimin pushed her away from it again.

“Unlock your phone and you can talk with your boyfriend.”

“Really?” Lillie asked more interested.

“Yes. Let's call him. You want to see him right?”

Lillie’s eyes shined and she grabbed her phone. Jimin watched her impatiently while she took her time unlocking the phone and then took it from Lillie's hands and searched her calls history. Of course that the most called numbers were Lillie’s mother, Jules that was probably a friend, and Tokki prince. Clearly, that was the name she gave Jinki.

Jimin cringed with the cheesiness and called him. Her heart was beating fast and she completely ignored Lillie that fell into unconsciousness by her side, sliding to one side of the bench her head falling over it.

Soon she would be talking on the phone with her idol. She has seen Onew at the company before but she was never able to get closer to him and yet that girl beside her, a foreigner that came from the other side of the world managed to get closer to him, managed to date him and even get to kiss him and hold him. Some people were definitely too lucky.

“Lillie?” a sweet warm voice answered and even though it was the name of another woman Jimin couldn't control the way her heart jumped in her chest.

“No. It’s not her. It’s Jimin, her friend. She is really drunk right now and I don't know where she lives so…" Jimin quickly added since she had no idea how much Lillie told him about her "I know about you two. I won't tell anyone."

“Oh, I've heard about you." Of course, Lillie told him. "Where are you?”

Jimin gave him the address and waited for him knowing that by the urgency on his voice he would be there fast. She pulled Lillie up from the bench ignoring the way she was grumpily complaining about something and laid her head over her shoulder waiting for him to arrive.

In all her life Jimin always wanted to find someone that loved her like that. Someone willing to leave everything to come to her rescue, someone that would choose her in a crowd of so many other wonderful women.

Lillie seemed to be very ordinary. She wasn't a singer or a dancer nor belonged to Onew’s world. Jimin knew he dated Min Hee before, there were rumors but she was sure they weren't only rumors. Min Hee was everything Lillie wasn't and yet he was with that drunk woman and not with the idol.

It was very surprising and made Jimin curious about what Lillie was hiding. She certainly had something in her that he liked and she wished to find out what. For now, she didn't seem that interesting. In Jimin's eyes, she seemed weak, unable to fight off the attention of an abuser and an idiot letting herself get drunk like that and almost exposing her secret.

Lillie hummed in pain and Jimin peeked at her.

“You drank too much you idiot. Aigo…” She patted Lillie’s back and soon the girl quieted out falling asleep again.

At that moment a black car parked in front of them and Jimin recognized it as Onew’s. A man came out wearing comfortable clothes - so he was practicing as she thought- and a mask. Jimin was never that close to Onew and she almost stood up making Lillie’s head roll from her shoulder.

Onew quickly stepped up and grabbed Lillie before she fell. His closeness made Jimin widen her eyes and she looked at his eyes.

“Thank you.” He said smiling. Even with the mask, she could see that he was smiling underneath.

“I’m sorry. I didn't know who to call. Will our friend wanted to take her but I didn't let him and I said I would take her home but I have no idea where.” Jinki picked up Lillie from the bench easily as if she was a feather and Jimin blushed realizing how strong he was. Lillie was heavy, she knew because she had to carry her while they walked out. Jimin followed him to the car and watched while he placed Lillie carefully on the passenger's seat as if she was made of porcelain, he truly seemed to care for her and not think that she getting drunk was an inconvenience. He was truly gentle and soft. The porcelain girl didn't even notice it though, her body sliding on the seat until she found a good position to sleep.

“I saw that she calls you a lot so I…”

Jinki turned to Jimin and nodded “It’s fine, you did well. I’ll take her home now.”

“Good.” She placed her hands in her coat pockets looking around and Jinki frowned realizing he wasn't being a gentleman.

“Do you need a ride? I can leave you home before I drive her.”

Jimin’s eyes lit up and she nodded thankfully “That would be perfect. Thank you.”

The ride to Jimin’s house was very silent. Jinki didn't turn on the radio because of Lillie that was still sleeping now with the seat belt safely hooked around her serving as a pillow. Jimin was on the back seat silently looking out of the window and occasionally peeking at Jinki. He noticed her looking once in a while and tried to make small talk.

“So...how long are you a trainee?”

“Not long. I might give up soon also.”

“Why?”

“I’m not getting younger and I didn't debut yet.”

Jinki didn't say anything and instead peeked at Lillie that was sleeping peacefully as if nothing happened. He smiled and looked at Jimin again through the rearview mirror. She was watching him too.

“Thank you for keeping our secret.”

“Lillie is a good friend besides, I’m your fan.”

“Oh really? That’s great!”

“You must truly like her.” Jimin remarked “All you are risking for her…”

Jinki hummed knowing that she was talking about how they were going to go public soon and how that would affect his image. He would lose a lot of fans for sure.

“Well I do, but honestly this would have to happen someday. I’m a human being and I deserve to grow and date and marry as everyone else does.”

“You are getting married?” Jimin asked unable to hide her surprise.

“No.” Jinki blushed slightly. “Not yet.” He added staring at the road in front of him. After a while, since Jimin wasn't talking he peeked at her but her attention was back in the view out of her window so his eyes drifted to Lillie still innocently sleeping in the seat beside him, oblivious to the conversation happening.

Lillie’s head hurt and she now regretted how much she drank the previous night. Not only did she lose consciousness but also she didn't get to talk with Jinki. Jules told her that he was the one who brought her home and even put her to bed but she couldn't remember a thing even though Jules swore that she pestered Jinki not wanting him to leave. Alcohol was truly not a good idea. She couldn't even remember much from the previous night and hoped that she didn't make any mistake. She knew Jimin called Jinki and that was already bad. At least she already knew about their secret.

“Do you want to try my cake?” Min offered pushing her plate in Lillie’s direction but she still felt a little sick and besides coffee, she didn't feel like eating anything else.

“I’m fine thanks.”

“She barely ate lunch.” Jules remarked eating her lemon cheesecake happily. That day they had lunch together and she convinced Lillie’s boss to let her leave earlier so that they could have a small girls gathering. Do Joon surprisingly accepted everything Jules asked of him. If she wasn't with Kibum Lillie would try to set them together.

“She didn't want to come.” Minseo said after a while when she noticed Lillie looking in Rin’s direction. She was on the phone for a while now, talking with Jonghyun, smiling cutely, outside of the coffee shop.

“Why?” Lillie asked.

“She is very busy with work I guess. We all are lately. We barely have time to meet.” Jules complained.

“I have college which is insane lately and Jules is almost finished preparing her tutoring center…”

“Language center!” Jules corrected placing the small fork on the remaining of the cheesecake from it.

“Language center!” Minseo corrected chuckling “And Rin has a lot of new projects and you Lillie...You are working and acting as an undercover agent trainee.”

The two girls laughed but Lillie didn't join them. She was glad that part of her life was finally over.

“I’m done. As soon as SHINee finishes promotions we are coming out. I’m nervous.”

“I would be too.” Jules said. “But everything is going to be alright.”

“It must be good to have an attentive boyfriend like Rin’s!” Minseo remarked eating a little of her chocolate cake “I sent mine a text and he replied 4 hours later.”

Lillie laughed playing with her mug of coffee. Of course, she was dating Taemin after all. He could be even worse than Jinki.

“He is terrible!” Minseo remarked with a small chuckle “And yet I adore him.”

“Yeah…” Lillie sighed eyeing her motionless silent phone in front of her on the table “Jinki doesn't text me since morning. Sometimes I wonder if he even thinks about me during the day.”

“Of course he does.” Jules interrupted their pity party “They both do. They simply get too focused on work that forget the rest. But I'm sure they think about you two a lot. They are just bad at keeping contact.”

Jules was right and Lillie drank her coffee trying hard to remember the small memory she had of Jinki from the previous night. She was in his arms since his face was closer to hers and he was looking at something else. She wasn't sure but it was probably the numbers of the elevator going up and then he looked at her and smiled so softly that her insides erupted with love before she fell asleep again.

That was love. They were for sure in love.

She was in the middle of a cloud of loving feelings when Rin came back to the table followed by a woman Lillie had never seen before. She was a foreigner and sat at the table smiling at everyone. Her hair was black and long and fell on her back and she had a smart sparkling gaze of curiosity while she looked at every one of the girls at the table.

“This is Jess. She works with Jonghyun at the radio station. She is from America.”

“It's really so good to meet you!” Jess seemed as excited to meet them as if she was of meeting an idol or someone famous. After she introduced herself properly and she answered some questions made by Jules, Lillie excused herself to go to the bathroom and Jess followed her.

They were washing their hands in the small empty bathroom when Jess stopped looking at Lillie.

“Rin told me a lot about all of you. You are the one dating Onew right?” She asked in english.

“Yeah...I am.”

“I was a shawol before coming to South Korea. I went out of my mind when I met Jonghyun. I think that one of the greatest things that happened in my life was becoming his friend, not because he is famous but because I got to know his human side. He is a great person.”

“Yes it can be a little overwhelming in the beginning but then they are just people like us.”

“You know all of them right?”

Lillie nodded and both left the bathroom. “So are you also dating?”

“No. I’m single right now. There was someone I liked but that person was in a relationship.”

“Oh, I'm sorry.” They both sat with the other girls. “Well I don't know many guys here in Seoul but Jinki has many friends…so maybe…”

“Oh no, God no!” Jess laughed out loud covering and Rin joined her but more restrained. “I won't be interested in them. I would be more interested in you or any of you than in his friends. Even if he was Onew and damn he is hot but honestly no!”

A silence filled the table and Lillie blinked her eyes a little confused processing the information.

“Yes, I hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable but I'm gay. I like women.” No one said anything so she raised her hands “I’m not interested in any of you or anything I’m just saying that I don't need a blind date with guys because you know...”

“It’s fine!” Jules was the first one to react “It's perfectly fine!”

“Yes!” Lillie agreed and Minseo nodded too.

“I was so jealous of her friendship with Jonghyun at first.” Rin explained “When I found out about it I felt stupid.”

“We were awkward for a while.” Jess pointed out drinking her coffee “Anyway it's true that you and…” She leaned over the table speaking in a lower volume “You and Jinki are coming out soon as a couple?”

“Well, we made a contract with the company so they are the ones deciding and according to them it's happening in a couple of weeks. They think it is the better moment.”

“A contract?” Jess asked blinking her eyes and Rin quickly explained to her the basics about it and leaving the whole story about Alex to a minimum.

“So this is like a big marketing plan for them?” Jess concluded “They are smart. They are trying to turn the dating news from a scandal into a way of promoting their idol even more.” Jess hummed appreciatively “But what happens if you two break up?”

Lillie froze and looked up from her mug at the other girls all looking at her as curious as Jess. The truth was that she had no idea because she didn't think about that possibility. What if they broke up just after they came out? Then their plan would end up being a failure.

“They won't break up.” Jules answered for Lillie and the conversation took another way since Minseo got a message for Taemin and they all started joking and celebrating the fact that he took less than 4 hours now.

However, Lillie barely smiled or joined the teasing party. Her phone was still silent over the table.

Once in a while, Lillie checked her twitter account for more news about SHINee. She didn't do it as often as she did before because now she got most of the news from Jinki directly. She always knew what he was doing even if she didn't know about the other members and that turned her into a lazy shawol. That was the reason why that night she decided to check her twitter after she showered and before going to bed. She was having a lot of fun giggling and chatting with other shawols while checking new pictures of the SHINee members and even some fanacs and fancams of Jinki and the others. It was different now and she didn't feel like the same shawol she was before. Now they weren't only part of a kpop group she loved, now they were part of her life, family, and friends. Watching a fancam of Taemin doing y moves suddenly felt weird and made her blush. And seeing Jinki acting cute made her heart flutter as it never did before and sometimes it even made her laugh out loud because he looked like a dork. The y fancams were even worse since she thirsted for him in a different way. Sometimes she missed him very much even though she heard his voice at least once a day through a phone call. Once again she groaned remembering how stupid she was for being too drunk the previous night and missing the chance of hugging him and kissing him and simply look at him.

Lillie scrolled down through Twitter until she saw one of the shawols she followed share a link from a major at an art school. She opened it out of curiosity and read all the information. It was a one-year-only program for people interested in drawing and coloring. They would focus on digital drawing mostly and it was exactly what she wanted to focus on next. Lately, she bought a cheap drawing tablet that made her insane because it didn't work properly sometimes and started doing some experiments on it. She was a newbie though and still used her pencils and pens - that Jinki gave to her as a present - more than the tablet.

Lillie bit the interior of her cheek checking the prices. It wasn't that expensive and she could commute easily to the art school from work. If Do Joon let her leave earlier every day it would be perfect and she could do it.

Even though the price wasn't as bad as she thought she still didn't have the money for it. With rent and her living expenses she barely could have any pocket money and all she saved lately she spent in makeup and clothes getting ready to the moment all eyes would be on her once she became Lee Jinki’s official girlfriend.

Lillie sighed reading the fee over and over again as if it would change to a smaller number. If she told Jinki she was sure he would lend her the money. No. He would pay it for her without thinking twice but she didn't want that.

Jules sat beside her on the bed scaring Lillie that closed the laptop fast in a very suspicious way.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing!” Lillie picked up her drawing tablet and set it up “I was drawing.”

She also didn't want Jules to know. She would also offer to lend her the money and she was already spending so much money with her new business. Ignoring Lillie’s weak lying skills Jules opened the laptop and Lillie groaned knowing she was caught.

“A drawing program...oh…” Jules turned to Lillie “You draw pretty well. I think it's a good idea.”

“Really?”

“Yes and about the money if you want..."

“No.” Lillie shook her head.

“Are you sure? You can come to work with me at the Language Center. I haven't hired everyone yet and we will be opening really soon. And you will come to work with me and Junho. Do Joon can always find someone else and in a way, you still will be working for him since he is our partner.”

“It’s alright. Thanks for the offer though.”

“Do you like working with that idiot that much?” Jules asked chuckling.

“It’s not that. I don't know what to do but I don't want to go back. That I am sure.”

“Hum...you don't want to teach anymore?”

“Back home I was an English teacher. I've always done that and now I don't seem to be as interested in it as I was before. I want to find something else that I truly like. I want to find something that inspires me.”

Jules smiled giving Lillie a quick hug surprising the younger woman.

“You are truly becoming a pretty flower. I’m so happy for you. Growing up and wanting to challenge yourself.” Jules patted Lillie’s head as if she was Bummie the cat and Lillie pushed Jules away making her laugh “But don't be too hard on yourself. You are already going through a big change. I mean, soon your face will be all over sns…” Jules pointed at the laptop “Even twitter will have pictures of Lillie and Jinki.” She laughed “It's a big thing already so go easy on yourself alright?”

Lillie bit her lower lip agreeing with Jules.

“Now, come. Dinner arrived!”

Lillie saw Jules stand up and then moved the cursor of her mouse to the close button on top of the drawing classes page and sighed.

That growing dream of her would have to wait for now.

Lilie came out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body. She cleaned the steam out of the mirror and looked at herself on it. Her day was calmer than usual and she was able to come back from work early and prepare dinner for herself - Jules was out with friends - and just take a long relaxing shower. She dried her hair with no rush and only stopped when her phone rang. She ran to her bedroom and grabbed it sitting over the bed where Bummie was also sleeping.

“Hello.”

“Lillie?” Jinki’s voice was like music to her ears. Actually most of the time it was truly music to her ears. He always called his mother and then her every night and sometimes they would chat until late about nonsense. His voice was often her lullaby to sleep.

They talked for a while like usualy, mostly about their day until Jinki started making fun of Lillie and her drunk episode from the previous night.

“Do you even remember anything about it?”

“I have a small memory of you carrying me in the elevator.”

“Aaaah” He made a tired sound “You are eating a lot of junk food lately aren't you?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Lillie chuckled knowing what he was trying to suggest.

“You gained weight. It was hard to carry you!”

“You are an idiot!” He laughed cutely and she felt the butterflies fly inside her stomach. He still could do that. “I think I did gain some weight though. I'm sorry.”

“It's alright. I need to exercise more to carry you.”

“Or I need to give you fewer motives for you to carry me.”

“Well…”

“I'm sorry….” Lillie bit her lower lip “How was Jimin?”

“Hum…” He took a while to answer “Nice.”

“Nice? Just that? You didn't talk about me and what she saw?”

“We didn't truly talk about it but I thanked her for not telling anyone about it.”

“So we trust her?” Lillie asked. Jimin seemed nice and she truly helped her with Manager Kim but still, she wanted to have an opinion from someone else she trusted.

“For now…”

He didn't say anything so Lillie’s eyes and mind wandered and fell on her drawing tablet over her small desk.

“So yesterday I was on the laptop after I talked with you and I was on twitter and suddenly remembered that…”

“That we are going to visit my parents? You forgot about it?”

She hummed because she was actually going to tell him about the drawing program. “I didn’t. How can I forget that? I’m a little anxious about it.” She already started overthinking about what she was going to wear and what would she pack.

“You will need to control yourself there.” Jinki teased in a serious voice “You can't look at me in a luxurious way.”

“Are you making fun of me? I don't!”

“Oh, you do very often.”

Lillie chuckled “I really don't!” She probably did though.

“Well, I do look at you in a luxurious manner sometimes.”

“When?” Lillie felt her cheeks get hotter but she had to ask.

“When you make me really aroused...when we roleplay.”

The last time they roleplayed was when she pretended to be his student and they had wild in the living room. “We don't do it in a while.”

“You miss it?” Jinki asked his voice getting rougher and she knew that the conversation was starting to heat up his body as much as hers.

“I do...kinda.” Lillie cleared “I mean a little.”

Jinki laughed out loud on the other side of the line. “At what should we play next?”

“Hum, I don't know....” She never had many fantasies. Actually, until she met Jinki was something she feared. With him, she learned about love, about pleasure and she enjoyed everything they did until then.

“I want you to be the bad girl next.”

“I was already the bad girl!”

“No. You were a bad student. This time I want you to be mean to me.”

“What are you talking about?” Lillie let herself fall over her bed, her damp hair coming out from the towel she wrapped around it.

“I want you to dominate me...Hum maybe tie me up to the bed and cover my eyes and those kinds of things. I want to see you seduce me.”

“I don't think I can do that.” It was a very attractive image to her though, to see him at her mercy.

“I can do it to you.” Lillie gasped, not because she was surprised that he could but because it made her a little wet to picture it.

“I don't know...I mean getting tied and all.”

“It scares you.” He realized.

“I trust you but…”

“No, we won't do it.” He said resolutely “It makes you uncomfortable.”

She knew what he was thinking - Alex. He never tied her up or anything though but the idea of getting a little rougher sometimes troubled her. However…

“I want to try it.” She added in a tiny voice. With him, she could do it. She knew that he would stop if things got too triggering to her and she also knew that even though he acted roughly he was always gentle. He always put her happiness, wellbeing, and pleasure in front of his.

“Really? Then tell me what you would want me to do to you!”

She her lips thinking “Undress me and maybe kiss me all over.”

It was so weird to tell those things on the phone. It has been a long time since they talked about ual things on the phone like that.

“Really? All over, like where more specifically?”

She wondered if he was getting as as she was with that conversation.

“You know where.”

“No, I don't Lillie. to me.”

“I don't know how to .” She laughed embarrassed.

“Plastic on the ocean, dishes in the sink, laundry to do…”

“STOP!” Her laughter joined his on the other side of the line and she rolled on the bed not even surprised that he had to take it literally to make one of his silly jokes.

“We can practice it then. I'll help you. I’m not that good with it also.”

“Maybe we need some help.”

“Like a guide of talking dirty?” He asked chuckling.

“50 shades of Grey.”

“Do they in it?” He asked since he never read it.

“I have no idea. I haven't read it.”

They laughed again to the point that her tummy hurt. She loved him so much. She loved the happy person she was with him.

Her phone biped and Lillie realized she had another call. It was Jimin and she bit her lower lip. Jinki heard it too and he quickly wished her a goodnight so that she could pick it up.

Lillie took a deep breath and picked up the call knowing that it was probably related to the last conversation they had when they were alone.

She wasn't wrong because after asking her how she was Jimin mentioned Manager Kim and how she saw him that day.

“He was with one of the younger trainees. Lillie, she is only 16, we need to do something.”

“I---I already did. I complained to the company and they know about the other cases before. There isn't much I can do.”

“You can. If we have evidence they will have to fire him.”

“I’m not sure this plan will work out. It can be dangerous.”

“It won't.” Jimin said confidently “You only have to have your phone recording it while he harasses you. I will interrupt him before he gets to try anything.”

“But If I seduce him then it's not abuse, right?”

Jimin paused “There are clever ways to seduce. He seems already interested in you even though you didn't want to. You just need to be yourself.”

“No.” Lillie’s chest hurt and that whole plan seemed too crazy for her. The last time she tried to do anything to stop Alex it backfired on her and Jinki was extremely upset with her. It even made things worse. “No, I can't do it. I’m sorry.”

“Lillie, if we don't do this he will keep harassing other girls and not every trainee in the company has an idol to help her take care of it…”

After Jimin’s call, Lillie stood in her bed unable to process what she had to do next. The towel she used for her hair was forgotten over her bed and she didn't even get up to choose what to wear for bed, a towel still wrapped around her body. Her mind was burning with what Jimin told her about being somehow her duty to stop Manager Kim. The comment she made about an idol protecting her wasn't helping also and Lillie felt guilty because she didn't have the courage to go on with that plan. The problem was that a part of her was screaming that that wasn't a good plan and maybe there was another way to deal with that situation. However, she was also feeling for days that she was only the girlfriend of an idol and not more. She was putting her desires on hold for him, she was leaning on him for everything, she was waiting every day for a text or call of him...all those things and the way Jimin voiced out how “privileged” she was, made Lillie confused.

She wanted to speak with someone about Jimin’s plan but Jules wasn't home.

Desperately wanting someone to give her an opinion about what just happened Lillie sent a message to the chat she shared with her friends. Jules didn't answer, of course, Rin said she was at her parent's house and Min said she was studying.

There was no one else left besides Jinki and that troubled her because once again she would run to him for an opinion about her private life. It was true that they were a couple and that made sense that she went to him but still…

Lillie stood up and decided to call him. He was probably sleeping already and she regretted it as soon as the call started.

He answered with a sleepy voice proving that her fears were right.

“I'm so sorry that I am calling.”

“Did something happen?” he asked with a rough sleepy voice.

“No. I just need to talk with someone.”

“Come over then.”

“You have to rest.” She bit her lower lip happy with the offer but not wanting to be a bother to him.

“It’s fine. Just come over. For just a few minutes. I’ll take you home after. It will be just like the old times. Minho isn't in yet…”

She chuckled “I know what you want.”

“I swear it’s not like that. We will just talk and hold each other. Does that sound alright?”

More than alright and all she needed at the moment. Why was she so weak when it came to him?!

“Alright. I’m heading there now.”

Lillie folded another of Jinki’s sweaters while he lay on his bed only on his underwear and a tank top looking at her trying to stay awake. Even though she was depriving him of resting at least she was helping to tidy up his room. She already put away another box filled with fans gifts from their recent fansite event, organized the mess over his desk where other fan gifts rested, and was now folding some clothes he didn't put away properly.

He yawned loudly for what seemed like the tenth time and Lillie felt guilty for interrupting his rest again.

“I really should go.” She moved to the underwear pile and Jinki sat up grinning like an idiot.

“Don't we look like a real couple living together? I mean, you folding my underwear and everything…”

She threw a pair of boxers at his face and Jinki chuckled grabbing them and folding them neatly placing them over the pile she was making.

“Besides you shouldn't.” He said “I want to look at you a little longer.”

“You have time tomorrow.” They were going to visit his parents and spend the weekend there after all.

“It's different. I can't kiss you there whenever I want.” His parents would be watching so it won't be proper. Lillie swallowed hard trying to ignore how he kneeled on the bed approaching her, his hand brushing her hair away from her neck and kissing her skin softly making her melt, her hands freezing with his clothes on her hand.

“You said that I didn't come here for that…”

“I didn't say anything.” he whispered next to her ear “I'm only kissing you. Relax…”

She closed her eyes truly wanting to relax but it was hard when she couldn't forget what Jimin told her on the phone. Jinki pulled her to the bed with him and Lillie laid over his pillow with him on top his lips pressing against hers so softly that she felt all strength leave her body. That's where she belonged for sure, in his arms, her body aligned with his, his fingers and lips delivering the softest of caresses.

However, even though she tried hard to let herself go of all worries her brain wasn't stopping and soon Jinki pulled away supporting his head with his arm watching her curious.

“What's in your mind?” he asked poking her forehead lightly.

“What will happen to the contract if we break up?” Jess, Rin’s new friend asked her that that afternoon and she had no idea.

He frowned as if the question was ridiculous “We are not breaking up.”

“Yes I know but I'm curious. What happens?” She probably should have read the whole contract and not left it for Jinki to decide. It was ridiculous how she was becoming such a submissive idiot. It was true Jinki wasn't Alex and he didn't hurt her or do things with that intention but she feared that Lillie, the one that was leaving everything for a man to decide.

“Well, we have to pretend we are dating for one year at least.”

“So...if we break up tomorrow…”

“We need to keep pretending that we are dating.”

She let the idea sink in while Jinki watched her a little worried. “Why are you asking me this? Do you regret it or…”

“No.” She sat up on the bed distressed and Jinki sat slowly up too “It's just that it seems like my whole world has to rotate around you.”

“Does it?” He chuckled and she looked away hurt that he couldn't see it as she did. “It’s not a slavery contract. You just need to act like my girlfriend and since you are my girlfriend nothing truly changes.”

“It’s a paper signed where it says I have to stay with you.” She turned to Jinki and he widened his eyes wondering why she was so angry with it.

“Isn't it a bit similar to a wedding though?” he laughed “I mean it's not like you need to be tied to me forever. It’s one year and I don't get this Lillie. Aren't we in love and dating?”

“Yes…” She looked down feeling confused and he caressed her back gently, his lips touching her cheek making her close her eyes.

“Aren't you mine?” His voice was sweet and the words made her heart tingle but still, it filled her with doubts. Jimin was right. She had an idol backing her when other girls had no one.

“I'm not yours.” She turned to Jinki and he took his hand away surprised. She covered her eyes and he softened realizing that that outburst probably had to do with her past relationship.

“I know. When I say it I mean it as in a body and soul kind of thing, not because you are my property. It's a connection only…it’s love. I'm also yours in that way.”

She nodded and Jinki caressed her head softly, yawning noisily again.

“Look you seem tired and confused and I’m exhausted so maybe we should call it a day now. I'll take you home and we can talk about this tomorrow.”

She looked at him as if he hurt her deeply and Jinki blinked his eyes confused. He could never understand women ever. Lillie stood up from the bed almost knocking the neat pile of clothes she folded for him.

“Right...tomorrow. Meanwhile, I should do something for myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jimin said that Manager Kim is harassing girls at the company. Even if they changed him to another department he keeps going after the trainees.”

Jinki sighed and run a hand through his hair “I can talk to them tomorrow and…”

“NO!” She grabbed her bag “No...I’m going to get proof of what he is doing and then they will have to fire him.”

“Proof? What do you mean? It’s not like they don't believe you. They probably think they can give him a second chance since he is in the company for a while I'm sure that if I tell him that nothing changed they will…”

“I'll record him harassing me.”

“WHAT?” He stood up from the bed too almost tripping on the covers and Lilie stepped back.

“Jimin gave me the idea. I can record it and then he is out! It's the only way to make him stop!”

“No. That's stupid and dangerous, no way!”

“I can protect other girls!”

“By being the bait? By sacrificing yourself? That makes no sense Lillie. You already got hurt in the past and this isn't a damn drama.”

“I know but…” The idea was starting to sound stupid now that she said it out loud, now that she saw the despair and reluctance in Jinki’s eyes.

“No way I'm letting you alone with that guy. I won't allow it.”

He said the exact same thing when Alex asked to say goodbye to her and back then if it wasn't for the other SHINee members maybe she wouldn't have done it. However, now his words made her want to rebel even more.

“You are not my owner. I do what I want.”

Jinki groaned frustrated and stepped in her direction but Lillie stepped away so he stopped eyeing her as hurt as she was. Was she scared of him?! Was she doubting his intentions?! Did she truly believe that he would stop her by force?!

“I’m not your owner but I love you and I'm your boyfriend and I care about you. That must give me the right to voice out my opinion about this madness.”

“Just because we are telling everyone that we are dating, just because we signed a contract it doesn't mean that I have to do what you want.”

“This is insane Lillie!” He complained seeing her eyes fill with tears “You aren't listening to anything I am saying. That contract means nothing to me but my feelings do. This is dangerous. Didn't you tell me that you freaked out in his office, that you were unable to stop him? If he touches you I swear to god I…”

“I need to do this.” She mumbled hugging herself. He was right though. The thought of being with him in one room scared her immensely and Jinki didn't even know of their last meeting, of how Manager Kim threatened her.

“You are not superwoman Lillie.” He rubbed his eyes tired “Sometimes I wonder if you like to put yourself in danger!”

“What do you mean?” he said the wrong words because Lillie’s expression flared up “You think I was the one that went and seduced him? That I like to play as a victim?”

“No, I just think that sometimes you don't think twice and put yourself in danger. That sometimes you are too dense and go after people tell you. You are too naive for your own good.”

Lillie bit her lower lip realizing that Jinki was talking about Jimin. “Jimin wants to help.”

“Does she? You know her for like a few weeks and yet she already made you argue with me!”

Lillie blinked her eyes realizing that he was right but she stubbornly didn't give in. After all, Jimin stayed on her side lately. “She didn't tell anyone about us.”

“For now!” Jinki sighed “Look this is going nowhere. We are both tired and I suggest we talk about this carefully tomorrow and decide together.”

“Tomorrow because I’m granted because I need to date you for one year.”

“Damn!” Jinki cursed sitting over his bed defeated and Lillie trembled realizing she was pushing him to a limit. None said anything and she watched him while he tried to calm himself down.

“Look if you want to break up with me just say it. We can break the deal before it is revealed to the public. If the idea of being with me disgusts you this much we shouldn't go on with this.”

“You know I don't mean that.”

“I do and I think I understand why you are so frustrated but coming here and start arguing with me and trying to put yourself in a dangerous situation only to seem like you have your life in control is not the solution.”

She took a deep breath because he was right. She felt as if she wasn't controlling what was happening to her anymore. She had no idea where her professional life was going, she barely had time to rest or have a normal life and soon things would get worse when everyone called her Onew’s girlfriend, not to mention how she somehow end up being the object of desire of another awful man.

“I'm sorry.” Lillie mumbled feeling ashamed of how she was behaving with him “I just want to stop that man. So he doesn't go after other girls and me anymore.” She stepped away from the wall and left the room but didn't walk further down the hallway because Jinki grabbed her arm. The intensity he looked at her made Lillie gasp. He knew. He saw through her and her words.

“He tried to touch you again didn't he?”

She saw the fury burning in his eyes and swallowed hard. It wasn't as he owned her, she was simply too important for him to risk losing her. She didn't even have to answer because he saw the answer in her expression.

“This guy tried to hurt you, Lillie. He uses your weakness against you so he makes you terrified. Last time with Alex your plan backfired. I can't let it happen again. I might arrive too late next time…”

“I don't want you to save me. I want to save myself.”

He released her arm softly. “There are other ways for you to save yourself and stop him, so please don't do this, alright? We can do it together. Didn't we promise that from now on we would do everything together?”

Lillie hesitated, his offer being too precious to let go.

“You are right, we should talk about this tomorrow. I need to think.”

She shuffled her feet wondering if he would stop her but Jinki simply stood there looking at her as if she was traveling far away and not back to her apartment.

Even if she wanted to go she also wasn't able to move away from him and her body acted on its own, her instincts taking over. Lillie grabbed his hand and kissed his cheek speaking to him in a tiny voice.

“Can you walk me home?”

“I can drive…”

“No. You are too sleepy, it's dangerous. I don't want you to…” The words died in . “...get hurt.”

Sometimes when she jumped to judge him and failed to see how similar they were, she realized how an idiot she was.

Lillie barely slept. Jinki walked her home and even though they didn't share any word he never let go of her hand. That warm gesture and the way he patiently met the pace of her steps, respecting her mind that was drifting away made her realize how unfair she was to him that night. Once they reached the door of her building she pulled his mask away and kissed his lips quickly, her hand holding onto his firmly as if she didn't want to let go. She told him she was sorry but was unable to tell him with more words how sorry she was. He didn't say anything and only smiled from underneath his mask at her. She asked him to text her once he arrived safely home and he nodded releasing her hand. However, he didn't move wanting to see her enter, and once again her heart hurt. He was worried about her as much as she worried about him. The difference was that she always gave him a reason to worry, the difference was that she was selfishly jumping into yet another situation that would put her in danger that would worry him and mostly because she wanted to somehow punish him for the lack of control she seemed to have in her life as if he was the reason for it.

Jinki was right, they probably could do it together and think that plan Jimin suggested through. She didn't have to be a hero, she only needed to do the right thing.

Lillie refused to climb up until he left and Jinki end up giving in so she watched him from the door of her apartment building, walk away. Once in a while, he would turn back and she would wave at him receiving a wave back as if they were mimicking their first dates a long time ago when they had no idea they would be together for so long and even reveal their relationship to the public.

When she thought about how much their relationship endured, how much she pushed Jinki away she felt ashamed. He wasn't perfect of course, not like the perfect image she had of her idol in the beginning. He had his flaws, sometimes he was detached, sometimes he was too nice to other girls and that infuriated her, he was also indecisive and oblivious to things. He was definitely a free spirit and she wondered why a man like that, that couldn't decide on what type of fried chicken he liked more because that was already a big decision, decided to choose her over all others.

Her insecure and frustrating personality somehow didn't seem to be enough to push him away, even when she tried to sabotage their relationship like that, too scared of every step they took into a more serious one. Maybe he wasn't the only one that feared commitment, that feared to choose something for life, maybe she was the one who feared it after all. Because even though he said he loved her and worried about her, she feared that one day it would all end and he would walk away and she wouldn't be able to recover from it ever.

Lillie wasn't the only one who didn't sleep much, Jinki also had a tough night. He spent it analyzing what Lillie said and thinking about what to do next. He knew why she acted that way, at least the main reason behind it. It was the same that made his tummy hurt every time he thought about it. In less than one month he would tell everyone that he was dating her for years now. Once the news came out, his private life would come out on the news and he hated it as much as he feared it. He was worried about the fans' reactions, the possible hate SHINee as a group could get, and particularly how it would affect Lillie’s life. He would belittle it in front of her but in reality, it scared him very much. Jinki wouldn't be able to be with Lillie all the time, she would have to go to work alone, she would have to face the hate in sns alone and all the news about who she was and her family too. South Korea wasn't like America but he knew that fans and worst saesangs would want to know all about Lillie and knowing all about her also meant knowing about her past and Alex. He knew that once the news of her abuse was out on the news she would end up hurt and he couldn't stop but blame himself for that.

So he didn't blame her for attacking him like that, for feeling as if she was falling into a trap from where she couldn't get out. However, he believed that if they stayed together they could do it. She was his strength in the past whenever he felt like the floor under his feet was breaking. She was also the one he wanted. He was sure of it and besides knowing that SHINee was the best thing that happened to him he also knew that Lillie was all he wanted as a woman. It was surprising how he didn't dare to adopt a pet unable to accept that big responsibility, yet he didn't mind signing a contract vowing to date her for a year because he knew that he would sign it every year if it was necessary.

Manager Kim was another worry for him. He knew that if he pressured the company they probably would listen to him but Lillie didn't seem to want him to do it and it frustrated him even though he understood why she didn't.

That evening, Jinki was driving with Lillie back to his parents like they promised to. The silence in the car wasn't awkward even though they barely exchanged any words about what happened the previous night or anything at all.

He feared that if they kept going like that once he arrived at his parent's house his mother would notice right away that something was wrong. But he also didn't want to push her to talk if she didn't feel like it. It wasn't as if they were mad at each other, they were just being extra careful with anything they said, still processing the argument of the night before.

“I'm sorry you have to drive.” She said after a while, her tired eyes matching his. “You are probably really tired. If only I had my driver's license…”

Jinki smiled for what seemed to be the first time since he left work “I remember that before we started dating I offered myself to give you driving lessons so you could take the exam here.”

“True!” It was sweet how he remembered it. “I'm sorry for how I behaved yesterday.” She end up saying and Jinki tried to not smile to himself because he knew she would come around and realize how she acted like a fool the previous night. That was his Lillie. “I’m very confused lately, I’m on edge.”

“I know. I’m nervous too. I know it doesn't seem like it but I also worry a lot. The news about us won't only affect me, but the whole group and you. It scares me that I can't protect the ones I love.”

Lillie swallowed hard feeling once again guilty.

“I know you hate it when I put it like this….”

“Hate it?”

He looked at her briefly before looking at the road again. She noticed how he moved his fingers on the driving wheel as if measuring his words so he wouldn't hurt her again “When I say that I want to protect you.”

“No…” She almost cried and placed a hand on his arm “No I don't hate it. It makes me happy that you care that much about me, it’s just that I hate myself.”

Her words made him widen his and Jinki took his eyes from the road. Lillie bit her lower lip and her hand fell from his arm “I hate that I can't protect myself and I have to lean on the ones I never want to get hurt to protect me. I hate how I bring them misery because of that…”

“Lillie, listen…” he tried to interrupt her.

“I hate myself because I can't fight. I hate how weak I am, how I don't even have the courage to confront Manager Kim.”

Jinki pressed his lips together and Lillie watched him softly pull the car to the side of the road and park it there. She looked at him confused but he didn't say anything for a while his eyes still on the road.

When she was going to ask him what was wrong he turned to her with an angry expression.

“Get out of the car.”

Lillie widened her eyes in shock with his reaction but Jinki didn't seem to want to back away from his decision pointing at the door of the car on her side. She didn't move so he unbuckled her seat belt and once again firmly asked “Get out of the car.”

Lillie swallowed hard. Was that it? Did he reach the boiling point of his patience? Was that the end of their relationship?

After all, he did say it was better to break up before they revealed it to everyone.

"I don’t think I can overcome

I don’t think I can in the end

I’ve fallen under your hypnosis

And can’t forget you

The only person who can free me

Is only you, you are the only one"

I'm sorry. This took a really long time. I was busy and being lazy and this chapter was hard to write. Not because I didn't know what I had to write or where I wanted to go with it but because I had no idea how to go there. It's not one of my favorite chapters but I feel like it was necessary and we will get to more fun chapters next. I'm also trying to focus on the other members more also. So we get to see more SHINee as a group interactions and yeah...