Thought I’d deleted them, memories of you
When I hang out with friends and get drunk
I keep thinking of you, it wears me out

I used to live such a life, always by myself
I once believed that you were my savior
Before drifting away

Can you please remember just this?
That I was once by your side
Once in a while, thinking I might bump into you on the street
I look at my shabby self in the mirror and make myself over

- That I was once by your side - Onew cover - 

While Lillie was away...

Jinki was bad at dancing. Well not exactly bad since he was better than the ordinary person but he wasn’t as good as most of the others inside the company. He didn’t mind since his passion was singing. So he was helping Min Hee with singing and she was helping him with dancing.

Or so she told everyone when in reality they were using it as an excuse to meet each other and get to know each other better. Jinki knew about her intentions, he wasn’t stupid and it was his fault since he invited her for their first date.

Now he regretted it a little not because he didn’t have fun or didn’t like her but because he knew he wasn’t ready yet. Ready to have someone call him every day, ready to have someone text him all the time, ready to hold someone else’s hand or even kiss.

They didn’t reach that phase yet but Min Hee tried to grab his hand before which made Jinki uncomfortable. She was sweet and very talented and he admired her because she was always worried with his health, she would buy him food even though it should be the other way around and she always tried to make him smile. However if he had to name what they had he would call her a friend not a lover.

Min Hee was frustrated because lately she was the one always inviting him to go out. He didn’t seem to be eager to be with her and that wasn’t a good sign. She knew she was losing her chance to catch him. If she wanted Lee Jinki she needed to be quick and make him fall into a relationship with her. It made her upset that she was acting like the girl he was using to forget the ex but if that was the price she had to pay to secure a relationship with him then she would. She was sure that once she got to love him that he would love her back too.

Hardwork always pays off, even in love.

If his ex was an idiot and left him to return back to her country for whatever reason, Min Hee wouldn’t commit the same mistake. She would take care of Jinki heart and heal it until he was in love with her.

Jinki moved his fingers in the piano a little hesitantly because he didn’t play that song in a while and Min Hee sat by his side like she often did ready to sing. Sometimes they would sing together and she liked it because it was as if their voices were making love. It was silly to think about it like that, but what else could she think about when she couldn’t stop looking at his full lips she wanted to kiss so much?

She moved closer to him and subtly he moved further away. That upset her because she knew that he was avoiding her!

He kept playing the piano and she placed her hand over one of his making him take it back as if she was burning him.

Min Hee pretended not to notice that gesture and instead she her lips smiling sweetly at him “Lets sing something else today. It’s a song I really like from my favorite singer.”

“Oh…” He wondered if he knew how to play it “Which one?”

“Let’s sing In your eyes.”

Her suggestion made him pale and Min Hee wondered what she did wrong.

“No.” He said with a blank expression even though his cheeks lost all color.

“You don’t know how to play that one?” She was a little surprised because she was almost sure she heard him play it a few times before they started their lessons together.

“I do but I don’t want to play it.”

Min Hee curled her hands on her lap a little hurt with the evasive way he was talking with her. “Ok…” He was serious about it and she knew she was losing him. “Then maybe…”

“Actually, let’s stop here. I don’t feel well and I don’t want to sing or practice anymore.”

Min Hee panicked watching him close the piano ready to stand up.

He was running away and she knew why now.

Lillie.

His damn ex-girlfriend again. There was always something making him think of her, sometimes it was something Min Hee said, something innocent; sometimes it was a place she suggested to go together, others, like that one was a stupid song. Why was she everywhere?! Inside all his memories?! Why wasn’t she going away?! She did left him! She was selfish! She could have taken all their memories together with her!

Min Hee needed to act and she did. Jinki never stood up because Min Hee leaned over him, placing her hand on the other side of the bench beside him, trapping Jinki, making him froze with eyes wide open.

Min Hee was so close that she could smell his cologne and she loved it. She could almost hear his heartbeat and she could see on his eyes how nervous he was with that situation. It was a crazy move of hers but she knew he was attracted to her. She was beautiful and y and he was after all a man.

“I really like you!” Min Hee said confessing to him but trying to do it in a very smooth way to not scare Jinki with crazy feelings like love “Do you like me?”

Jinki Adams’ apple moved before he spoke “I enjoy your company.”

He didn’t like her as much as she did like him. Ok, they could work on that. She would wait.

“Good!” Min Hee said before she leaned even further down for the decisive attack, her lips joining his on a quick kiss.

He didn’t move or answer back to the quick kiss but he also didn’t push her away or scolded her from kissing him a second time. Slowly she felt him kiss her back and she opened her eyes to peek at him. His eyes were closed!

She was winning another fight against Lillie.

What Min Hee didn’t realize was that Jinki closing his eyes wasn’t really a sign of him giving in to the kiss, to that small share of love; instead he did it because he couldn’t face the fact that the person in front of him, the one he was kissing, wasn’t the person he wanted to kiss the most at that moment.

The next morning he did a visit do Lillie’s and Jules apartment and took a decisive decision.

Jinki stepped inside the building of the dorm , playing with his car keys still thinking about the conversation he had with K.Will.

It was ridiculous how K.Will always made him feel worse about his confused feelings and still he kept searching for his help. Maybe, because he didn’t dare to speak about Lillie to the other SHINee members. He wasn’t sure if they would scold him about it or not. They told him to move on after all.

Jinki was going to climb the few steps to reach the elevator when he heard the doors of it open. He looked up and froze in place because in front of him was the person he was thinking about.

Was that even real?! Was he hallucinating?

Lillie was in front of him, her eye makeup a little smudged because she seemed to be crying, well she did cry a lot so it was normal that he imagined her like that.

His vision also seemed surprised to see him and he blinked his eyes when he saw her move and hit several buttons, a small cry of despair coming out from her lips.

Do visions emit sounds?! He wasn’t sure but before he actually wasted time thinking about it he ran to the elevator ready to try and touch that vision to see if it was real.

He was almost reaching it, his lips parting to say her name just when the doors closed.

Lillie’s eyes on him was the last thing Jinki saw and he hit the doors of the elevator wondering if he was going crazy.

That couldn’t be Lillie. She was on the other side of the world very far away from him.

He waited for the other elevator and when he finally reached his apartment he was sure that what he saw couldn’t be a hallucination. He didn’t even drink anything yet that day.

Jonghyun and Minho were inside the living room talking and they barely noticed when Onew stepped in into the room.

The silence they made when he walked into the living room was worrisome.

“Did you just arrive?” Minho asked seeming apprehensive “Right now?”

“No I’m still outside.” Onew answered, wondering what stupid question was that. “Yes I just arrived!”

His heart was beating really fast and he needed a drink so he could think. He also needed to ask to be sure.

“Did…” Jinki his lips moving his eyes from Minho to Jonghyun “Just now, did…”

He couldn’t ask anything else because Key stormed into the house panting. “WHERE IS SHE?”

All eyes moved to him and Kibum paled when he saw that Jinki was already there.

“She?!” Jinki turned back “She was really here? Right now? I’m not going crazy. It was….it was L-Lillie?” He asked to no one in special.

“Lillie is back. Jules picked her up this morning.” Kibum informed.

“She just left.” Jonghyun added.

“Did you see her?” Minho asked.

Jinki bit his lower lip. Of course she wasn’t a vision! Of course she was crying! She probably came looking for him and found out about him and Min Hee. Was that why she was crying? Avoiding him? Because she just closed the elevators doors on his face.

His heart didn’t lie. It was her and his heart recognized her quicker than his brain. However it was betraying him. It shouldn’t beat like that for her, not anymore.

“I did.” He answered back before turning around, slowly going to this bedroom.

“That was weird.” Minho mumbled “He barely reacted…”

Jinki pretended to not hear them talking about his lack of reaction and closed the door of his bedroom leaning against the door.

He would be lying if he said that he didn’t dream with that day, the day she was back to Korea, the day she was back to him. But now things were different.

She probably already realized how different they were by now. Her eyes when she saw him…The pain in them, the way she couldn’t stop looking at him but still closed the door on his face.

It was actually better that way. They were over and talking with her would be hard for him.

He groaned leaning his head against the door feeling guilty because even though his brain told him that it was better that way, his heart wished that he could have had more time to see her better, to see if she was still the same person that he perfectly draw on his head, the same one he dreamed about, the same one he wanted desperately.

He hit his head against the door going insane because he even missed her crying face.

Minseo smiled reading Jules text. Lately, ever since Lillie left South Korea they become closer. It was often for the two of them and Rin to meet to talk about men, work and Lillie.  So Minseo wasn’t surprised when she got a text from Jules. However she was surprised when she read it.

Lillie was back to Seoul!

Minseo didn’t waste any time and grabbed her bag from over the wood bench before she ran outside the dancing studio. She could practice another day. Meeting Lillie and the others was more important!

She was so happy running outside that she didn’t notice Taemin entering the building. They bumped against each other, Minseo crashing directly into his chest since she was shorter than him.

“Ah…I’m sorry!” Taemin said bowing awkwardly while Minseo blushed deeply stepping back from his embrace. He smelled nice and she couldn’t deny that that accidental crash didn’t make her heart beat faster. After all he was still her bias.

“Are you ok Minseo –ssi?” He asked gently smiling softly and she beamed back at him.

“I couldn’t be better! Lillie is back to Korea!”

“She is?” He seemed surprised and even blinked his eyes.

“Does Jinki hyung know…I mean…”

“I don’t know! But I have to go! See you later!”

She stormed outside the building and Taemin turned around a little taken aback with hat encounter.

“Hum I see…” Taemin turned to the entrance counter where Jae-Sun was clearly watching the scene that happened before.

“Ah hyung!”  He walked closer to where he was and placed his hands over the counter.

“How come you two are still weird as together?”

Jae-Sun words made Taemin chuckle. As always he wasn’t afraid to be honest. “You give her dance lessons don’t you?

“Yes. But besides that we never meet outside.”

Jae-Sun rubbed his neck “You do chat sometimes on kakao, right?”

Taemin nodded and Jae- Sun grabbed his arm pulling him closer so they could speak in a lower voice so no one could listen.

“You don’t talk about your personal lives?”

“No.” Jae-sun frowned with his answer “I don’t mind. I like it this way!”

“Damn you are a weird cute man!”

Taemin laughed and Jae –Sun grabbed the book with the contacts of the users of the gym since he had to make some phone calls.

“You know…” He said leafing through it “She has a lot of male fans around here.”

“She does?” Taemin asked a little surprised. Yes she was cute but he never actually thought about that possibility.

“Yes. I hear the guys talking about her sometimes.”

Taemin chewed the inside of his cheek in thought “So? Why are you telling me that?”

“Nothing. I just think you might find it interesting!”

“Ahhh!  I’m going to practice!”

Taemin said hitting his hand on the counter before leaving.

While he searched for a free room to practice he thought about what his hyung just told him.

He wasn’t blind and he knew Minseo was pretty. He enjoyed her company and she was beautiful when she danced but besides that he never actually thought about other guys pursuing her.

Was he jealous? He stopped in the middle of the hallway thinking about it.

He was always so jealous when it came to Melody.

No. He definitely wasn’t jealous about Minseo.

He sighed and kept walking searching for a room to practice.

Lillie wasn’t sure how long she stayed inside the dorm’s building.

Once she walked outside, her stomach growled because she was hungry, she was also suffering from jetlag and her head and eyes were burning. She probably looked awful walking around Seoul with ruined makeup and with no destination.

It was actually ridiculous the fact that she was so sure about what she wanted before, about where she needed to go and now, she didn’t know anything anymore.

She end up crossing the same park they often met in the past and she sat on the same bench where they dated, where they fought over his lost couple ring.

Lillie whimpered covering her eyes when she realized that she was still wearing the ring when he probably already threw it away.

Lillie rotated the ring on her finger like she did so many times before and then took it off.

It was still written there inside it.

J heart L

He did. He truly loved her back then and it wasn’t a lie so she put it on again. Maybe she could live in that fantasy a longer time. Maybe she could pretend that he only went overseas to work and was still dating her, that she never left Seoul.

 It was her fault. She knew it was. She was the one who left, who asked him to forget her. However a part of her still wanted him to wait, a part of her believed that he would, that their love was greater than that, that it would survive weeks, months, and years. Now she realized how stupid she was, how selfish she was for coming back and thinking that he would have waited ignoring her request to do so.  

She was paying for everything now. For every wrong decision she made, for every second she wasted fearing that love, for every minute she doubted his love, for every kiss she didn’t give him. She was paying for every stupid decision in her life and that was why it hurt so much.

Lillie stood there watching people walk by not even realizing that she existed, that she was there alone crying.

He did. He always saw her ever since the first moment they crossed paths. Every time she recalled the time they weren’t still dating she could see him stealing glances at her, offering her his sweet smiles and later his passionate ones.

And he saw something else in her that no one did. He saw that she had potential; he saw how she could be beautiful, y and talented. He saw the best in her; he saw what she couldn’t ever see in herself. And now that she knew that he wouldn’t look at her again she wasn’t sure if she would ever feel like that person anymore.

She didn’t only lose him; she also lost the person he loved.

Jinki was amazing and she lost him like she always knew she would. Something so special like what they shared didn’t belong to her.

Love is all about timing.

She had the opportunity to meet him, she had the blessing of having him fall in love with her and the luck of dating him and now it was over.

She cleaned her sticky wet cheeks, using her last paper tissue and sniffed her nose remembering their first time together. Back then, in his arms after they made love she realized that she already had won; that even if they would break up someday she would have that special memory to carry on and survive.

She needed to hold on to that now. She needed to use their memories together and believe that with time it would get easier. She could still love him from afar like she did before as a fan.

The worse part was that before she loved him as Onew and now she loved him as Lee Jinki.

He was once her Jinki and now he was someone else’s Jinki.

There wouldn’t be more dates under the stars, no more walks on the park or beside the Han River, no more wishes from their lists to do, no more kisses or making love. He wouldn’t hug her anymore and she probably wouldn’t ever see him as Lee Jinki anymore.

Could she love only Onew knowing who Lee Jinki was?!

Lillie opened the door of her apartment and walked inside. Jules immediately pulled her into a hug and Lillie eyes filled with tears again.

Minseo and Rin were there behind Jules watching, clearly knowing what happened.

“Key called me.” Jules said pulling back from the hug, cupping Lillie’s face now. “You left he dorm three hours ago. I was dead worried! You didn’t pick up your phone and...” Jules seemed to be near tears “I thought that maybe you…I don’t know…”

“That I would jump into the Han river because of a man?”

“He is your man and Lee Jinki!” Minseo said rubbing her arm and Lillie hiccupped moving to hug her.

“I missed you all so much!” Lillie said trying to ignore the hole in her heart named Lee Jinki and trying to think about the happiness of seeing her friends again.

Jules hugged the two younger girls and pulled Rin into the hug turning it into a big bear hug.

Lillie chuckled with all that love.

“Now we are complete!” Jules said cutely making the girls giggle.

They spent the afternoon together catching up and joking around, eating and drinking.

However Lillie wasn’t really there beside them the whole time and soon she used the excuse of her jet lag to hide in her bedroom.

She opened the box with hers and Jinki’s memories and picked up the tokki and penguin plushy from inside it.

They weren’t penguins after all. Jinki said that penguins only mate once, that they only love once in all their life.

They weren’t penguins!

She hugged both the soft toys against her and laid her head over the pillow with his face.

She was extremely tired and all her body begged for sleep. Her heart wanted it to, a few hours without pain.

She was ok. Jules called Kibum once she arrived home and he informed Jinki.

He was worried of course even if he did his best to not show that he was.

It was like an involuntary response since he was used to worry with her. It didn’t mean anything. It certainly didn’t mean that he still had feelings for her.

Even if he did it certainly wasn’t love. Of course it wasn’t.

He moved on.

Yet he was worried with her. Yet he waited for that phone call to reassure him that she was safe at home. Yet he still wore the ring around his neck.

She winded it for the hundred time that afternoon, the sweet melody of In your Eyes filling the bedroom. Lillie watched the cute bunny jump around the couple while they kissed and she slide her finger over the glass of the snow globe he offered moving it to the inscription below.

Always Together ~J&L

It didn’t feel like a lie since he was still there, around her, in the walls of her bedroom, on the several gifts he gave her that she placed over her desk and touched frequently, on the list of wishes she wrote to do with him and was always inside her wallet, on her finger in the ring he gave her and in her heart.

Three days passed and she was withering like a flower. It never made as much sense to her how people could die for a broken heart until that happened.

The previous day Lillie heard Jonghyun’s new song for the first time. It was called Skeleton Flower and she laughed out loud while listening to it on Blue Night, making Jules look at her with a scared expression. Maybe she was really going crazy. Maybe she was truly love sick. Maybe a part of her was really dying.

What bothered her more wasn’t even the fact that he gave up on her and was with another woman; it was the fact that she was the one who pushed him away.

She was absolutely and incredibly stupid!

However she wondered if she did ask him to wait if he would still have waited. Maybe he wouldn’t, maybe he would still be dating that other woman.

 Min Hee.

She searched her online, she stared at her pictures and videos for hours the previous day imagining that woman smiling by his ide, asking him what he had for lunch, hugging him, kissing and maybe even sleeping with him. It was torture and after that Lillie didn’t turn her laptop on again.

The song ended and she opened the small drawer of the snow globe and took the precious expensive necklace that he gave her from inside it.

Maybe he also gave one to Min Hee. She shook her head trying to scare that idea away.

She placed the necklace around her neck because he told her that he wanted her to wear it all the time. She didn’t wear it once ever since the day he offered it to her, too scared to ruin it but now she was going to.

She was admiring the way the pearlescent blue small rock shined when Jules knocked on the door and opened it. She didn’t wait for Lillie’s acknowledge anymore since sometimes she didn’t even answer to her.

“Hey, I’m going shopping with the girls. Come with us.”

Lillie raised her red eyes to Jules and her friend bit her lip pretending to ignore the pain on her face.

“I don’t feel like it.”

That was always the answer and Jules pushed the door open enough for her to walk in. She sighed deeply as if she was counting to ten and then grabbed the pillow with Jinki from over the bed and hit Lillie with it.

The younger girl barely moved and Jules groaned “YA YOU IDIOT! DID YOU COME BACK TO DIE OF SADNESS IN YOUR BED?”

Lillie didn’t answer because she knew Jules was right. However she felt so weak, she didn’t want to do anything, there was nothing else she could think about beside that pain in her chest.

“You need to stop with this Lillie. He won’t come back! He didn’t even come to visit you and that knows you are here in Seoul again. He moved on and you need to move on too! You need to find a job! You need to get up from that bed, shower and go out with us. Please Lillie….”

Lillie bit her lip watching Jules “Don’t call him that please.”

Jules chuckled “Damn! I want to kill that guy! I’m going to strangle him with my hands!”

“Don’t you dare!” Lillie said a little more energetically and Jules smiled because offending Lee Jinki always worked to make Lillie wake up.

“Come on, Lillie, come with us. Let’s buy something pretty for you to use tomorrow to go job hunting! Hum? Rin and Minseo are going too!”

Lillie eyes moved to the music box again and she cleaned her eyes. Maybe if she forced herself to smile she would get back on her feet. She did that before when Alex was in her life. Maybe she could do it a second time.

“Ok!”

“CUT!” The director said and Taemin patted Jinki back and pushed him with him to the backstage so they could monitor their performance. They were filming a cf and that was their seventh take because Jinki didn’t seem to give the feeling the director was searching for.

They joined the other SHINee members and watched the scene on the small screen.

Jinki his lip nervously until the director said that it was good enough and that they could go home.

“Are you ok?” Jonghyun asked Jinki, voicing everyone’s worries “You seem out of it.”

“I’m just tired. “ Jinki said knowing that it was an excuse and everyone knew it. “I’m sorry you had to stay behind longer because of me.”

“It’s ok.” Minho reassured him “I could eat some of the food on the waiting room while you were filming with Taemin.

Key chuckled at Minho comment and Jinki smiled thankful.

“But you know…” Minho added lowering his voice. “You probably should see her. I mean…You know!”

Jinki widened his eyes not expecting any of the members to touch that subject anymore. It has been three days now and even though he was suffering as hell, controlling his wish to see her, he was behaving.

He did drive by her apartment the day before hoping to see her outside, he did look at the window of her bedroom but he didn’t stop to visit.

“No. I won’t. It’s over between us and I’m fine like this.”

Taemin hum was the only sound that came out from the SHINee members and Jinki swallowed knowing that they didn’t believe him and could see through his façade.  “I’m fine really!”

“So you really don’t want to see this selca of Lillie that Jules took with her and sent me!” Kibum said shaking his phone in front of Jinki. He immediately grabbed the phone and stopped Kibum’s hand movement, his eyes set on the screen. The others didn’t say anything but Jonghyun smiled watching the scene. Jinki was so easy sometimes!

He took his time looking at it as if he wanted to be sure that that was really Lillie.

In reality he was just doing that. He was comparing the Lillie he printed in his heart to the one in the picture. She was smiling and yet it was a forced smile. Her eyes seemed tired and she looked thinner, her cheeks that he loved to pinch were disappearing now. Her hair was still the same shade of brown he remembered and her lips were still the same tasty ones. It was her and he couldn’t stop staring at it like a fool.

When he realized that everyone was watching him he pushed the phone back embarrassed “It’s only a picture.” He said as if he didn’t care at all about it “I should change because I have a date.”

He lied. He didn’t. Not that day at least. He also ignored Min Hee kakao message that she sent him two hours ago. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to talk with her but he also didn’t want to.

So instead of texting her like he should as a good boyfriend, once he entered the van with the others, he messaged his hyung K.Will.

Jinki frowned. He didn’t break up with Min Hee. He couldn’t do that to her. Besides he was over Lillie. All those small symptoms he was having was the same ones he had with My Young when he was dating Lillie. Just regrets of what could have been if they stayed together.

Jinki almost closed the chat upset but he could picture K.Will laughing at him while he read his message. They had that kind of special friendship.

Jinki swallowed reading what he wrote.

Jinki pondered about it. Why didn’t he visit her yet? He said he was over her, he decided that what he felt about her wasn’t love anymore and yet he was scared to face her.

That night he played with the necklace around his neck while he tried to sleep. It was a long time since he last talked with Lillie on the phone and yet he was there staring at her number on his phone ready to call her.

What would she say to him? Would she accept to see him? Would she even answer the call?

He was so absentminded that he was startled when his phone vibrated on his hand, Min Hee name showing up.

He didn’t save it with a cute name like he save Lillie as Tokki. Maybe he should. She seemed to like when he called her jagiya. She called him that all the time, maybe he should change it.

He let the phone rang lost in those thoughts feeling a little guilty, his mind elsewhere in a day far away when he called Lillie to wish her a happy birthday before they started dating; when he asked her for her phone number. Back then it was so hard to speak with her on the phone, so awkward and then it became so normal to speak with her and he wasn’t even sure when.

Even the silence became as comfortable as words. They knew exactly what the other one wanted. He still remembered as clear as day how he pulled her into his bedroom that night they had for the first time. How he didn’t have to ask her if she wanted to be his, because it was all written in her eyes. How she told him all about her past, how she opened up about how much she suffered because of Alex to him, how they become so close that even peeing in front of her didn’t feel weird at all.  He smiled remembering how embarrassed she was when he entered the bathroom during their night together at the hotel. Things felt so perfect and easy back then. He didn’t have that pain inside his chest, he was certain about what he had to do.

Min Hee called once again and Jinki stared at his phone hesitating. He should pick it up, he barely talked with her that day and she hated when he did that. He couldn’t even hide behind his schedules because she often called his manager asking them. It suffocated him a little but he knew she did it to take care of him. The members often called her Onew’s mom since she would send him food she cooked and love messages through the stylists and managers. It was sweet of her and Jinki valued it but somehow he never kept any of those love notes. He never felt the need to and Lillie’s awful fan letter was still under his bed inside a box.

He should answer the call. He should and yet that is not what he wants. And there is a big difference between what he wants to do and what he should do.

He shouldn’t call Lillie and he wants it.

Min Hee gave up and Jinki’s phone was silent again. Not for long because he inserted Lillie’s phone number that he memorized a long time ago and called her before his brain ordered his heart to stop. 

Lillie couldn’t stop staring at the clock of the living room of her apartment nervously moving her hands on her black jeans. How couldn’t she not be nervous if she was going to meet Jinki in less than five minutes?!

He called her the previous night. It was probably the shortest and most awkward phone call they ever had. She was so surprised to see his name on her phone that she almost had a heart attack. Yet she answered it and after an awkward greeting and him asking her if she was well he said that they should talk. Of course she agreed to talk with him and of course they decided that such a serious conversation needed to be at her place or his dorm. It would be weird to visit his dorm now that they weren’t dating anymore so she suggested her place.

Jules left the apartment so they could be alone and Lillie was now alone in the silence of the living room praying for the clock to change faster because she couldn’t wait to see him.

Someone knocked on her door when there was still two minutes left and she stood up from the couch fixing her purple sweater before she walked to the door with her heart beating so much that she was sure that she would collapse with a nervous breakdown pretty soon if she didn’t calm down.

It was him and she stepped back to let him enter.

He barely looked at her and they bowed slightly when he passed by her inside the apartment. Lillie closed the door slowly and turned around to face him.

Seeing him so up close was harder then she thought. All her feelings rushed in and she had to fight her will to jump into his arms and kiss him.

His expression was blank while he looked at her and she took her time moving her eyes on him. He was perfect as always in her eyes and she was right, he looked bigger. He was exercising. He seemed healthier too. That made her happy.

“How are you?” he asked breaking the silence, clearly uneasy with it.

She grabbed the back of one chair from around the round table they often ate and nodded her head forcing a smile.

“I’m fine. Perfectly fine!”

She bit her tongue hoping that he would believe her lie.

He sighed turning around to sit on the couch and she followed after him wondering why she was acting like a fool in front of him, the fool she was before they started dating.

Why was it so weird for her to be herself in front of someone she knew as well as the back of her hand?

“I’m still not sure if this is the best decision.” He mumbled and she sat facing him, by his side, their hands on the couch so close to each other that she could just grab his if she wanted to. She did want it. She terrible wanted it.

“What is?”

“Speaking with you. I mean, a lot happened while you were away, in my professional and personal life.”

“I know. I know about everything. I know about….Min Hee!”

He pursed his lips before speaking again “I just wanted to be sure that there is no hard feelings between us. I mean we once had a serious relationship and it didn’t work out so I was hoping…”

He wasn’t sure what he was hoping and she blinked her eyes noticing his confused expression as if he was debating something inside his head.

“I was hoping…” he repeated as if he was fighting to say something.

“I don’t blame you!” Lillie said quickly. “I told you to move on.”

“You did!” He said bitterly.

His accusatory tone made her upset “Well I wasn’t expecting you would do it so soon though!”

That touched a nerve inside him “Soon?” He chuckled “What do you mean? What did you want from me when you visited me at the dorm?”

She frowned becoming angrier “What do you think that I wanted? I love you!”

Her words made him flinch and his expression tightened. “You broke my heart!”

“I broke mine too! I did it for you to be happy!”

“No!” He stood up “You did it for you to stop suffering! You did it because you were weak, because you gave up on our love!”

He didn’t realize that he felt bitter about it all that time until he said it out loud.

She stood up too with tears in her eyes. “I didn’t give up! I came back for you but you are already dating someone else! You were the one who ended it for good!”

“Excuse me? You were the one who stopped answering my calls, you basically isolated yourself, who threw me away!”

“I DIDN’T!” She hugged herself because he was right. She was the one who made a mistake but she didn’t do it because she gave up on him.

“I didn’t give up on you.” She said trying to control the pain in her voice “I never did. I truly wanted you to be happy. Yes I was weak, because I wanted what we had to be preserved forever. I wanted the memories we had to be the good ones and not this. In a way I never believed that I would come back to Seoul, to you and I didn’t want to make you wait forever. Maybe I did give up. Not in our love but in believing that my dad would get healthier again!”

He moved his hand lifeless beside his legs, clearly not sure about what to say.

“I love you! I did it because I wanted you to be happy!”

“Well you made it. I am happy!”  he said firmly trying to believe his own words.

She looked at the floor trying to hold in the tears. She should have expected that. She should have expected that he would be angry with her, that he wouldn’t want her anymore. That he wasn’t there to get back together. Still she deceived herself.

“Why did you come here then?” She said raising her wet eyes to him.

“You are really special to me.” He was sincere now and it showed in his eyes “I don’t want to give up on the friendship we had. I want to keep in contact with you as Jinki.”

“You want us to be friends?”

He went there to say goodbye to her, settle everything between them once and for all but when he opened his mouth to speak he realized that he couldn’t do it. He still needed to see her, to check on her, to take care of her even if from the sidelines. Then maybe he could be her friend. The idea didn’t seem that farfetched for him. He cared about her and she cared for him. They were friends besides being lovers weren’t they?

Also he didn’t want her to be like My young, a memory of the past, he wanted her to still be a part of his life, because she was still a part of him.

“Yes.”

She chuckled realizing that he just friend zoned her. How funny!

“I need to think about it.”

“Ok. I respect that! “ Jinki walked by her and she tried really hard to not break down and grab his arm.

He stopped behind her and she could feel his gaze on her back “Don’t disappear again!” It was a gentle request without any anger. “I mean, lets talk again.”

“Yes!” she answered doing her best to be strong.

“You don’t need to walk me to the door.”

She heard him walk away and once the door of the apartment closed she sighed of relief and sat on the couch with no more energy left. 

It was like a Deja-boo and Jonghyun song run through her head when she opened the door of the familiar bar stepping inside it.

Her eyes moved to that table she sat years ago and once again last year, where now a group of friend was laughing. Years ago she was there, shyly smiling at Jinki. They met for the first time there. It all started in that place.

“Lillie?” A voice called and she turned around to see a man with a tray filled with dirty glasses looking at her “You are back?”

“Yes! I’m living here again.”

“That’s really good. I’m happy you are back. Did you come alone?”

Alone. She was there before with either Jules or Jinki, never alone.

“Sit at the counter so we can chat!” Chul, the bar’s owner, suggested and she nodded her head before turning to look at the table.

Why was she there? Why did she walk there even if she didn’t plan it?

She knew why. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Jinki as a lover but she also didn’t want him to be unhappy. He wanted her in his life, as a friend and she knew she couldn’t only be a friend.

She never needed a drink as much as she did at the moment.

And Lillie got one and a couple more. Soon she was completely drunk playing with the several paper tissues over the counter as a little girl.

“You should go home! “ Chul suggested moving his eyes to his wrist watch. It was near 2 am and he was sure she never drank so much in her whole life. He also didn’t have many costumers left and wanted to close.

“I don’t want to!” Lillie said frowning cutely before she raised a paper tissue using it to cover her face to do peek a boo and failing miserable.

Chul sighed knowing that it was probably better to let her stay and then take her home when he closed. She was in no state to go home alone.

Lillie’s phone rang a few times during the night and once again it vibrated over the counter.

Lillie used one of the tissues to make a mustache and then moved her eyes to the phone.

“It’s probably Jules again. You need to answer or I will!” Chul said leaning over the counter to peek at it.

“Nooooo!” Lillie grabbed her handphone as if it was a baby “She will scold me…she can be such a scary sometimes!”

Lately she was always around her, spoiling her with affection and monitoring her every move as if she was worried that she would go back to her country. That night she wanted to be alone. Do something crazy. Forget the silly innocent Lillie.

Chul chuckled “If she knows that you called her a she will be very upset!”

“MERDE!” Lillie said out loud mimicking Jules cursing and Chul shushed her, his eyes on the few costumers he had.

Lillie grabbed her phone but it wasn’t Jules, that called her three times already. It wasn’t also Rin or Minseo that tried to call her too. It was Jinho.

She smiled remembering her coworker and friend that she hasn’t seen yet since she arrived in Seoul.

She picked up the call but let the phone fall on the floor before she was able to say hello.

Chul saw her almost fall from the bench too, to pick it up, but she quickly recovered standing up with the handphone, that was sadly upside down when she said some drunken hello’s to it.

He helped her and she finally answered to the several “hello, is anyone there?” that Jinho already said from the other side.

“JINHO!” She screamed on the phone “I MISS YOU!”

“Lillie? Are you drunk?”

“YES! I’m absolutely drunk! I drank soju…I’m a full Korean now!”

“Are you ok? Jules called me; she is dead worried with you. Everyone is since you left without saying where!”

“I’m fine! I’m a grown up! I even drink now!”

“I can see that. Where are you? I can pick you up!”

“NO WAY IN HELL.” She screamed in English forgetting her Korean “I’m having so much fun! Come drink with me instead!”

“Lillie where are you?” He asked more urgently.

“I’m fineeeee. Come drink with me! Let’s have fun! Let’s go clubbing! Maybe I can dance now too! “ she laughed with her joke ignoring his pleas to tell him where she was.

Chul snatched he phone from Lillie’s hand making her hiccup with the surprise.

“Hello? I’m Chu, I’m the owner of the bar. Can you come pick her up please? She is scaring my costumers away and being extremely cute!” he smiled and Lillie pouted hearing Chul tell Jinho the address.

She grabbed the glass sipping the liquid in one go once again. “I want to try it with beer next!” She said placing the glass on the counter ready to fill it up again.

The taste was awful at first but now she didn’t feel it anymore. Sadly it didn’t work like that when it came to the pain she felt.

Min Hee moved her hand on Jinki’s thigh and he swallowed nervously, his eyes on the screen of the movie theater. It was a late movie date and the theater was dark and almost empty, perfect to make out. He did it several times before with Lillie but that was his first time with Min Hee.

She kissed his cheek and he pretended to be more interested in the movie than he actualy was.

Her hand was approaching his crotch dangerously and he was having some weird feelings about it. Yes it was arousing, yes her scent made him dizzy with the memories of their last encounter. She was y and he was needy but Lillie’s face from earlier that afternoon was still in his mind and he couldn’t simply ignore her expression when she said that she loved him.

I love you. As in that moment, as in the I-still-love-you kind of way!

It made him very confused to see her and now he regretted it a little. Maybe he should have kept himself away from her.

Min Hee hand caressed his crotch and he flinched on his seat completely surprised because somehow he completely forgot about what she was doing.

“Are you ok?” She asked widening her eyes at his reaction.

“No. It’s too hot in here. Can we go? I’m sorry!”

He stood up awkwardly and she followed after him wondering what was wrong.

He walked to his car and she followed after him hiding below her snapback worried that someone would recognize her.

He only stopped once he reached his car and Min Hee sat by his side confused with his actions.

“Are you feeling better?” She asked watching him while he fanned himself.

“Yes. I’m better now. I’m sorry that we didn’t get to watch the movie!”

“It’s ok, you must be tired!” She kissed his cheek and moved to his lips. He kissed her back caressing her cheek, trying to drown himself on her so he could stop having silly thoughts.

She was a little surprised whit his passion now and moved back with a cocky smiled.

“Ow…You wanted to be alone with me. That’s why you felt hot!” She said seductively completely mistaking his actions for desire.

She caressed his chest and Jinki kissed her again making her wrap her arms around his neck.

I love you. Those words made him all tingling inside.

Kissing Min Hee wasn’t working and he pushed her away after a while. He couldn’t stop thinking about Lillie and it was freaking him out.

“No one is at my dorm tonight.” Min Hee whispered “They are all out on schedules or home for the day.”

He knew what she meant. .

Jinki his lips tempted to accept it but it wasn’t fair for Min Hee to do it in that state, thinking about someone else.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I-I have to go practice!!”

“No, you don’t. You said you were free. That’s why we went to watch a movie that we only watched for like 10 minutes. So we still have the remaining time.”

“But I need to practice more…I…” He froze when she caressed him over his pants.

“You need to practice more with me!” She climbed over his lap and Jinki pushed her back.

“Not here. It’s dangerous.”

“Then your dorm or mine.”

She wanted to go to his dorm. She asked him several times before but he always found an excuse to not take her.

“Jinki. Are you avoiding me?” Min Hee asked because he was taking a long time to answer her.

“No!”

She crossed her arms over her chest.

“This morning I asked you to run with me and you said you were busy when I know you weren’t.”

“What? How?”

“I called your manager.”

He hated when she did that. He simply wasn’t the running type, he preferred going to the gym but he couldn’t say it to her with fear of being ungrateful because she was doing her hardest for that relationship to work.

“I hate when you control my steps like that!”

“I’m not. I’m sorry Jagi!” She pulled at his arm and he sighed with the cheesiness even though he was getting used to it. “I only want to know you better. I worry about you. Sometimes you are weird.”

“I’m not weird!” He pouted cutely and Min Hee smiled leaning forward to kiss his lips.

“Let’s go to my place then.”

“Ok! But I can’t sleep there. I have to wake up early tomorrow.”

She frowned because she really wanted to sleep with him but still that was better than nothing.

Jinki the engine of his car.

Maybe being with Min Hee was the best solution to his heavy chest. 

Jinho opened the door of the bar and entered it, his eyes settling immediately on Lillie.

His cousin, Do Joon, gave him a ride there and he followed after him with a bored expression that quickly changed when he saw a woman at one of the tables checking him out. He gave her his best eye smile making her giggle. Maybe helping Jinho with his princess wasn’t that bad of an idea!

Lillie didn’t spot Jinho at first and only when he stopped by her side she turn her head to him, a huge smile brightening her face.

That was the smile that made him and Jinki fall in love and yet it had a mysterious sadness behind it like it did back then.

“JINHO OPPA!” She said hugging him, falling from the bench into his arms. Do Joon laughed surprised with that crazy girl that he heard so much about before. He was expecting her to be a beauty since she snatched his cousin and an idol heart and yet she seemed very ordinary, a foreigner with brown hair, a small nose, cute cheeks and innocent puppy eyes.

“Are you ok?” Jinho asked pulling her away from him, holding her arms.

“IM FINE!” She raised her finger in the air and then grabbed her glass filled with soju. “Look!” She drank it in one go and Jinho and Do Joon stared at her. One worried and the other impressed.

“Wow. Your princess is good at drinking!”

She hiccupped once she was finished and Jinho helped her sat on the bench again.

“Hi!” Chul greeted them getting back to the counter. “She is completely drunk.”

“I can see that!” Jinho remarked watching her play with the paper tissue. He grabbed her arm “Let’s go home Lillie.”

She shook her head negatively. “No! This is the new and improved Lillie! “She stood up from the bench and swayed, losing her step for a while making Jinho grab her. “The new Lillie is fabulous and she is having fun by herself!”

Do Joon chuckled with her cute expression and Lillie froze noticing him for the first time.

Her eyes locked with his and he raised an eyebrow wondering why she was looking at him as if she saw a ghost.

“YOU!” She said pointing at Do Joon making him flinch. He had the same eye smile as Jinki.

“Me?” He asked confused before she poked his chest.

“WHO ARE YOU?” She asked in a very rude way.

“I’m Do Joon, Jinho’s cousin. It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you but this side of you I didn’t know about!” He smiled amused and Lillie stepped back.

“STOP!” she screamed making Chul frown because his few costumers were making fun of her by now and he worried about someone actually filming her to post the video on SNS “STOP SMILING LIKE HIM!”

“Like who?” Jinho asked confused.

“Jinki…” She giggled moving her hand on the counter knocking her glass down. “My prince!”

Do Joon laughed at her cheesy answer and at Jinho disappointed reaction too. Even drunk and broken hearted she was thinking about another guy beside his cousin.

His chuckle made Lillie upset and she walked to him and hit his chest with her fist.

Do Joon laughed even more grabbing her wrists and Jinho pulled her away from his cousin.

“You need to take her home. She is out of control.” Chul asked Jinho. “Can you?”

“NOOOOOO!” Lillie complained grabbing the counter “I want to sleep here. I want to sleep at that table!” She cried cutely, her cheek against the counter. “I want to stay here. We were together here!”

Jinho groaned realizing that that was probably a special place for her and Jinki. He pulled her by her waist but she stubbornly hold into the counter.

“Com’on Lillie. You can’t stay here. Chul-ssi will call the police.”

“He won’t. He is my friend!”

Chul shrugged his shoulders and then tried to push her head away from the counter.

“Why don’t you call her ex-boyfriend to pick her up? She clearly wants him!” Do Joon suggested. “She will go with him!”

“No way!” Jinho said stubbornly.

“You have a girlfriend!” Do Joon remind Jinho that ignored him, still pulling Lillie.

She groaned and Do Joon crossed his arms watching the scene amused because clearly Jinho seemed afraid to actually touch her body.

“I can call Jinki!” Chul suggested.

“That is the best solution. He made her like this he should deal with it and take care of her! Let’s go hyung!”

“NO!” Jinho said stubbornly releasing Lillie and leaning forward to talk with her “Let’s go Lillie. Let’s go home!”

“I DON’T WANT TO!” She screamed back closing her eyes firmly.

 “What a princess she is!” Do Joon remarked.

Jinho raised his eyes to his cousin upset “Just help  us here.”

Do Joon sighed. “Why are you acting as if she is heavy?  She looks like she is going to break in half if we grab her.” He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and pushed Jinho aside. “I’ll do it since you clearly don’t know how to hold a woman.” He placed his arms around her waist and pulled her with strength against him.

Lillie complained but he successfully pulled her away from the counter. She fought like a little girl trying to get back to it but Do Joon grabbed her by her shoulders and turned her around to him.

“STOP THAT!” He ordered firmly holding her “You are not filming a drama here so get back to your senses!”

Lillie stopped struggling and for a little while they thought she was giving in, instead she fall towards Do Joon falling into his arms unconscious.

Do Joon move her body to one side making her fall against his arm, her face facing his.

She wasn’t extremely beautiful or y even thou she clearly had a nice body under her clothes. Her nose was small and cute, her skin had better days and he could see the bags under her eyes, however her  parted lips were extremely attractive and very kissable, her eyes were as prettier closed as they were when she had them open, she had big eyelashes and pink cheeks. She reminded him of the occidental princess like figures that his grandma had on the old paintings of her living room.

“Cute…” he mumbled admiring her lips. They weren’t filming a drama but she could actually be the main actress of one if she looked cute like that when she was drunk.

“Don’t you even dare!” Jinho warned Do Joon making him laugh.

Lillie moved in Do Joon arms and tried to straighten her body, her face twisting in pain, her fingers pulling at Do Joon sweater in despair. “I need to throw up…”

“!” Do Joon cursed pulling her up on her feet and sliding an arm around her waist.

Chul showed him where the bathroom was and he pulled her into the bathroom as quickly as he could.

“Don’t even think about seducing her!” Jinho warned Do Joon before he reached the bathroom.

“I don’t seduce girls in love with other guys that are too drunk and ready to puke!”

Jinho grabbed his wallet from his pants pocket watching Do Joon disappear inside the bathroom with Lillie.

“I’ll pay her bill.”

Chul collected Lillie’s glass and the bottle before he turned back to Jinho. “It’s ok. It’s on the house. She is an old special friend! Besides this was amusing! I even filmed a little bit of it!”

Do Joon step inside the women’s bathroom with her and she immediately kneeled on the floor in front of the toilet.

He grabbed her hair up, brushing it away from her face and looked away while she puked everything she drank and probably ate before.

He waited closing his eyes, ignoring the sounds she made and the smell and then flushed the toilet when it seemed like she was finished.

“Are you ok? Can we go back now?” She raised her eyes to him, sitting on the floor exhausted and he released her brown hair letting it fall around her face.

“Jinki?” She mumbled smiling softly and he crouched on the floor in front of her.

“I’m Do Joon. Are you seeing things now?”

“Jinki!” She smiled so much at Do Joon that he raised an eyebrow. It was actually adorable the way she smiled at him as if he was a Christmas present.

“I miss you so much!” She mumbled leaning forward closer to him. Do Joon didn’t move back, amused with her delusion and big bright eyes. If Jinho saw her look at him like that he would be so upset. “I love you so much my chest hurts!”

She seemed to be near tears and he felt sorry for her. In a way she made him think of Rin that was so scared to lose her precious person. Lillie lost hers already.

He caressed her cheek brushing her hair away and she grabbed his hand closing her eyes. That reaction touched him.

“It’s ok. I’m here. I’ll be your Jinki for the time being. Just throw up again if you have to. I’ll take care of you.”

As if it was a cue she kneeled on the floor again and he stepped back while she coughed and puked again.

He waited for a while and then searched inside his pocket for a tissue to clean .  She raised her arm to flush the toilet but failed to do so and he did it for her.

Once she sat back on the floor he cleaned her lips with the paper tissue which for some strange reason made her smile as if she was remembering her ex-boyfriend doing that for her before. She probably was!

Do Joon was going to stand up when she hold into him, kneeling over his legs. That scared him a little. Not because he wasn’t in that position with other women before. He was, he was a playboy and had his share of ual encounters inside bathrooms but that woman wasn’t interested in him, she thought he was someone else. It felt wrong!

He gently grabbed her arms ready to push her back if she tried to kiss him, but she didn’t, instead she leaned her head against his chest and hugged him, her floral perfume invading his space.

“Lillie?” He asked after she didn’t move for a while and he wondered if she was unconscious again. She wasn’t because her shoulders started to shake. She was crying.

“Damn” he cursed blaming himself for accepting to give Jinho a ride. Now he was siting inside a small bathroom at 2 am in the morning with a crazy drunk crying woman that thought he was her ex-boyfriend.

“Don’t stop loving me please!” She begged against his shirt and Do Joon caressed her back while she cried.

“I won’t! Stop crying!”

Lillie looked up at him with teary eyes and he sighed moving his head back, afraid of what she would do next. He wasn’t a creep; he wasn’t going to take advantage of a drunk woman like that.

“I think I’ll die if you stop loving me. You didn’t right? You still love me right?  You saved me!”

“I did?” He asked smiling “Wow I’m pretty amazing!”

She completely ignored his teasing tone too lost in her delusion that it was Lee Jinki in front of her, even if he smelled differently and sounded differently. Maybe she knew that it wasn’t him but still needed to say those words to him.  “I thought no one would ever heal me but you did and I miss you so much. You were always so nice to me!”

“I was!” Do Joon agreed trying to push her away from him.

“You said I deserved to be loved. That I was beautiful and talented! You made me believe in it.”

He stopped trying to push her from his embrace and stared at her eyes instead listening to her talk about another man.

“You are beautiful! But we need to go!”

He struggled to stand up and pulled her with him.

“I love you!” Lillie said once again “I’m sorry that I hurt you! I was an idiot and no one will ever love you like I do. I told you that, that night when I was drunk! I remember it, I remember all and you?”

He threw the paper tissue into the toilet and tried to pull her from the toilet with him but she didn’t move and he didn’t want to hurt her too.

“I do. I remember!” He said what she wanted to hear. He was going to play along and push her into Jinho’s arms to get read of her because that was becoming uncomfortable. She was acting more and more passionate and he felt as if he was doing a wrong thing by listening to that intimate confession that wasn’t meant for him.

“You remember what we promised each other?” she asked pulling at his black sweater her eyes looking at him but clearly not seeing him “That you would never leave me? That we would find a way back to each other again…we promised…”

Do Joon hand on the bathroom door hesitated, his eyes looking at hers. No woman ever looked at him like that. It wasn’t desperation, it was love and it made him a little confused. That idol was extremely lucky to have a woman look at him like that. It was actually….special to have someone that admires you so much, that loves you that much.

Lillie raised her pinky “Promise it again!”

He his lips and then hooked his pinky with hers.

“Go for it Lillie! Don’t give up on it and find a way back to him…I mean me!”

She smiled glad that her Jinki was still in the same page than her and then fall against him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Do Joon took a deep breath and grabbed her in his arms bridal style. He struggled to open the door with her in his arms and groaned because he felt as if he was really inside a lame melodrama. He managed to open it and then looked down at her in his arms. Her hair was covering her face so he moved her in his arms so he could see it. She had her eyes closed and probably passed out again.

He walked outside with her and Jinho immediately run to them.

“What did you do to her?” He asked pulling her from his arms.

Do Joon pushed his cousin away and sat her on the bench instead, carefully placing her head over the counter.

“Nothing.  She was the one who terrorized me! She passed out.”

He brushed her hair away from her face and then stepped back slowly admiring his work. “Done. Ready to pack back home!” he joked panting a little, not because she was heavy but because he felt weird.

“Why did you sit her? We need to take her to your car.”

“No!” Do Joon said crossing his arms before he looked at Chul. “Call her ex to pick her up!”

“What? You got to be kidding me!” Jinho complained.

“We need to go!” Do Joon announced pushing his cousin.

“I will take care of her until he shows up!” Chul offered and Jinho incredulous looked at Do Joon while he followed after him,.

“What are you doing? What if he doesn’t come to pick her up? They broke up!” Jinho asked outside the bar making Do Joon hesitate.

Then he remembered his conversation with Lillie inside the bathroom. “He will. He promised he would find a way back to her.”

Jinho frowned wondering what his cousin meant.

“Let’s go. Let’s go for a drink. I think I need one after this drama!” Do Joon said trying to cheer up Jinho that just lost an opportunity to woo his princess. 

Min Hee lied on top of Jinki kissing him. They were over the couch of her dorm, her hand inside his pants caressing him, his under her sweater drawing circles on her back.

She hummed against his lips and kissed him down his chin and neck to his chest.

“I want you !” She said with a husky voice pulling at his sweater and Jinki watched her while she caressed his stomach.

He was trying to so hard to focus on what was happening that he wondered what the hell he was doing?! wasn’t supposed to be like a math equation….

That wasn’t fair for Min Hee but it wasn’t also fair to ask her to stop now. It actually felt nice to have her kiss him and love him. Was he selfish?

Minho and Minseo came to his mind and he brushed it away. Taemin would judge him if he knew about what he was going to do, like he judged Minho.

She kissed his stomach and then downwards to his happy trial.

Jinki closed his eyes knowing what would follow. Lillie did that to him before and it was amazing. The image of her, in her bed on that day she dressed up as a school girl came to his mind. She was so lovely that day and he did all he could to pleasure her. The way she moved against him when they made love. He moaned with that image.

And that freaked him out.

Jinki grabbed Min Hee before she reached her objective and pulled her back to his lips, rolling with her on the couch so he stayed on top of her instead. The last thing he wanted was to think about Lillie when she did that to him.

She smiled appreciatively against his lips while he rubbed his body against hers and tried to be more passionate.

His phone rang and he broke the kiss immediately raising his head to see it over the small table on the corner of the room.

“Forget it!” She said kissing his neck but he kept staring at it as if it was his life ring.

“I need to pick it up. It might be important!” He said standing up almost tripping on the  carpet.

Min Hee sat on the couch disappointed and Jinki buttoned his pants before picking the phone.

“Oh its Chul…He is my friend. He owns that bar I told you about!”

Min Hee nodded and sighed before taking off her sweater.

Jinki looked away from her s to somewhere else and picked up the call.

“Hey!”

“Jinki? Were you sleeping?”

“No. Is everything ok?”

“Sort of, I need your help. I’m sorry I called you!”

“Ah what is wrong?” Min Hee took off her bra too and Jinki brushed his sweaty temple.

“Lillie is here.”

That made him freeze and he turned his back to his girlfriend. “What?”

“She showed up hours ago. She has been drinking none stop. A friend of hers was here, Jinho- ssi I think, but she didn’t want to go with him. She is wasted Jinki. You either pick her up or I take her home. You choose.”

“Ah…How wasted?” he asked worried. She was terrible with alcohol.

“She drunk two bottles of soju,  mistook Jinho- ssi cousin as being you and is unconscious.”

“!” She could barely drink one glass before with him. “I’ll meet you soon!”

“Thanks!”

He turned off the call not even realizing the he could have accepted Chul offer to take her home instead.

“Where are you going?” Min Hee asked completely only wearing her .

Jinki completely forgot about her and he felt awful. “I need to go pick up….a friend at Chul's bar.”

“Why?”

“He is absolutely drunk.”

“Who?” She asked clearly disappointed.  Who was more important to him than her?!

“Ahh…Jonghyun! You know how he is awful with alcohol!”

“Cant one of the others pick him up? I don’t know, maybe Taemin-ssi?”

Jinki pulled the zipper of his pants up and placed his phone over the table.

“No. Everyone is busy and he is heavy to carry so they need me!!”

“I can go too!”

“NO!” He said quickly. Too quickly for her taste “You can stay here. I’m going alone. I don’t want a girl to see him like that. I mean, he would hate it.”

“He got drunk at the company parties before!” Min Hee said grabbing her bra and putting it on again.

“Yeah. He is a weirdo!” Jinki said fixing his sweater. “I need to go to the bathroom!”

He had to. His hair was probably a mess and he didn’t want to show up in front of Lillie looking like he almost had . Why was he even thinking about that?!

He frowned cutely lost in thoughts, pouting his lips and Min Hee watched him walk to the bathroom.

She was suspicious. Everything about him lately was weird. It all started after they had . Maybe she was too pushy, maybe she should have waited but she wanted to love him. She hoped that the great they had would made him love her a little more. He had pleasure. She was sure of it. He reached his , he seemed satisfied after it. Yes he wasn’t the sweetest after, but he still hugged her against him, before he got mute and decided to go back home as if he forgot to turn off the hoven.

She wasn’t stupid. She knew he was avoiding doing skinship with her ever since that happened and it was all Lillie’s fault!

However things got even worse lately and now he also avoided her phone calls. And now this!

She stared at his phone, forgotten over the table and stood up picking it up.

She wasn’t that kind of person. She trusted him and she knew he wasn’t cheating on her but she needed to understand why he was behaving like that. Why would a man not want to have with her?! That didn’t make any sense. She was hot, she was good in bed and she was sure she didn’t disappoint him on their first time. Then why?!

Min Hee battled for what to do and decided in the end to not read his messages.

That was until a new one arrived and she opened it by mistake.

HyungHyungK.ute was the name of the chat and she frowned wondering who that was. Then it made sense when she remembered how often Jinki called K.Will silly things like that.

Min Hee peeked at the hallway, hoping that Onew was still busy inside the bathroom and quickly scrolled over to read the last messages they exchanged and then she saw it.

Everything made sense now and Min Hee closed the chat placing the phone over the table again. That could explain his behavior. That actually explained everything and their relationship was now in danger more than ever.

“Are you ok?”

She turned around and Jinki was there watching her, oblivious to the fact that she knew that he was lying.

“I’m sorry that I have to go!” He said grabbing his jacket, fixing the collar of it before grabbing his phone.

She bit her lip wondering if Jonghyun was really the person he was going to save.

“Jagi?” She asked forcing a smile.

“Yes?”

“Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

Maybe explain why he didn’t tell her about his ex-coming back.

He seemed lost thinking about what he forgot until a cute smile illuminated his features.

He leaned forward kissing her cheek and then walked to the door.

“See ya!”

He barely even looked back and Min Hee crossed her arms upset and frustrated. He clearly didn’t see her as his girlfriend. He didn’t love her yet and he was still using that stupid necklace with the ring around his neck. Lillie was still his woman like K.Will said on the chat and Min Hee needed to act quickly or she would lose him for good.

Jinki stumbled like a storm inside the bar that was now empty with chairs over the tables.

Chul was mopping the floor and he smiled when Jinki entered.

“Hey! Finally you visit!”

Jinki bowed slightly, his eyes everywhere but on his friend looking over the tables and seats.

“She is at the counter!”

“Thanks!” He quickly run inside and only stopped when he saw her, head over the counter, closed eyes, pink cheeks and unconscious.

“I was going to lie her down on one of the couches but she looked so cute that I didn’t dare to move her until you arrived. Makes your heart flutter right?!” Chul elbowed Jinki and he closed and opened his mouth wordless.

“No…there is nothing cute about that!” Jinki said clearly lying, stepping closer to her.

He leaned forward so he could see her face better, her familiar scent entering his nose. He loved that scent, her scent, and he raised his fingers to caress her cheek.

She didn’t move and he wrapped an arm around her waist and the other under her knees. She complained a little when he grabbed her in his arms ready to take her to his car to drive her home.

He didn’t move though because she slightly opened her eyes looking at him.

The scent was right this time.

“Lillie?”

The voice was right too.

She smiled before closing her eyes again and let her head snuggle against his chest, her arm rising to wrap around his neck.

He almost forgot about that, how her body was like a magnet, being attracted to his. It was always like that and he loved it.

She was less heavy now too and he couldn’t help but notice. Her cheeks weren’t chubby like before and she looked so tired.

“Jinki?” Chul asked making him divert his eyes from Lillie’s face. “Are you going to stay there swooning over her? I need to close down.”

“I-I’m not swooning!” he said quickly.

“Right! I’m going to take the trash outside so you have five minutes to swoon over her if you want.”

“I’m not!” Jinki complained but Chul completely ignored him and walked outside.

His eyes fell on her again. She was so beautiful and his heart was beating like crazy. Her lips were red and it wasn’t from the lipstick. They were so tempting to him that for a moment he wanted to kiss her again. He had to look away to control those pestering ideas.

“I can’t!” He mumbled. He couldn’t! He couldn’t think about kissing her, or about how much he missed her and wanted her because he was over her. He was!

Those weird ideas and feelings were all because he didn’t see her in a while.

It needed to be that because he couldn’t accept the fact that that warm feeling inside his heart, that tingling sensation inside him, that was back now that she was in his arms, could be motivated only by her.

He couldn’t accept that his hyung was right, that there was something different about her, that she was his “woman”. He couldn’t because he had someone else now, because he was supposed to have moved on. 

You aren’t sick, are you? I’m very worried
Though you must be happy, I will pray for you
Remember, even when you meet someone else
That I was once by your side

I was able to smile, when I was looking at you
You had became my little shelter
Before drifting away

Can you please remember just this?
That I was once by your side
Once in a while, thinking I might bump into you on the street
I look at my shabby self in the mirror and make myself over

Hello! ^^ 

I'm back!

Hum...I had to cut lots of scenes, mostly other SHINee members scenes.

Lots of angst here and on following chapters...so get ready!

Do you like my chat images? kyaaa lol I was being creative ahahah. No actualy I needed to make it in a way that you understood who was talking and I end up trying that.

Ah Do Joon. He was introduced on Click Enter Love. Read it to know more about him. He will also be in this fic. Both actualy! ^^

Aaaah and of course I would write a drunk scene....every drama has one! ^^ 

What do you think of Jinki and Lillie first real encounter?

What would you do if you were on Lillie's shows? Would you try to be his friend?

What do you think of Min Hee?

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