Banner #1 

Banner #2

Title [7/10]

"Demented" doesn't make me feel anything, so while I'm not turned away by it, I'm not exactly drawn in by it. This is possibly because these types of stories don't typically appeal to me, though. Dementia is a mental condition, that I'm guessing refers to Hani, but unless Hani is really affected by dementia, you shouldn't be using it as a plot point. Mental illnesses aren't things to use flippantly and should be taken seriously. It's pretty ableist to paint Hani in this picture and just go "oh, she's demented."
 
Description [7/10]
The description section of the first page could use a little work. It gives almost no information other than that someone new is entering your main character's life. Obviously that character's life is going to change, so the "how will it turn out part" is what you're going to answer in your story, and that's all good and all, but it's not enough to actually draw a reader in. Get them interested, maybe, but not to the point where they /need/ to find out what happens.

The foreword part is different. It gives slightly more information - it introduces us to the main character whose life is going to change, and her fiance, as well as shows us that Daehyun is worried, so we have a reason to be as well.
 
Story Plot & Development [22/30]
This is the best place I could think of to put this, but there are some parts of the story that you could do to kill. When you explain something, a lot of times it could be explained some other way, like through the characters, or the plot, instead of you saying it outright ("That’s one of the ways to make the hot mood Daehyun to the super cool one. Just call him something nice like hubby or baby or whatever it and he will be super fine," and that blurb about Hana's school life later on in the first chapter.)

Your cuts are a little sudden, too. The sections in between are vital to the story, but not long enough to justify cutting off so soon. You should try to flesh out those parts, or combine two (or more) into one - and consistency! If you don't use line breaks between all of your scenes, don't use them at all.

As for your actual plot, it could start sooner. The first two chapters feel like exposition, when that should be limited to the first chapter at most - things can be explained later, you can use those scenes to fluff later chapters, just make something happen before the end of the second chapter. In the first chapter, Hani moved in and of course that's arguably the biggest thing in your story- it's what the plot build on - but nothing happens in the second chapter that warranted a chapter separate from the first.

This is really just a small point, but you started chapters four and five the same way, with Hani asking for clothes. I don't know if it has relevance to the story, since it's not complete, but if it doesn't then you should go straight into the action or something relevant to the story.

But honestly, for the most part I really like your plot! I've personally never read anything like it before.

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter