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Title [8/10]

First of all, hello^^ My comments might be strict but it is only the way to help you. Also, I am not that perfect so I am sorry if I also have any mistakes^^ Okay, about the title.. it is appealing and also it has some relations with the story plot but the title seems to refer to Hyukjae the most because he is the owner of those fake smile, sad eyes. The title also refers to Donghae but it's only a little. If you want to refer to Donghae, why don't you use 'The Twisted Life'? Donghae's life is ruined, right? Also, if you want to refer to the both of them (Donghae and Hyukjae), you could use 'There Is Rain In The Sun'. It's because Donghae's life is always falling down like the rain and Hyukjae is mostly like the sun, full with flames and when he meets with Donghae, there is rain in his life. So, your title isn't that bad.. yeah.. I like it too..

Description [8/10]

It is awesome! Your description is awesome yet creative! It is short but it attracts people or readers. Your description trap me. Only that it has one problem in it. It has a mixture of both past and present tenses. You can choose either one of them but mostly other stories use past tense.

Plot & Development [27/30]

It is hard to find your mistakes here but still, I try my best in order to help you with it. Some parts of your story are confusing me especially when Donghae is going to kill himself. It's the time when he looks at his wallpaper and right away he wants to jump but Hyukjae saves him. It just happens so quickly. You should add more parts in it like telling that Donghae has turn off his phone and is ready to jump off. Also, try to use some combination words or symbols like 'and, then, after that or next' or the ',' symbol. I get confuse at this thing, the police told Donghae's family that they already capture the but it just stop there. Who is the and did Donghae's parents already go and see the ? Oh, yes. It is this part- "Im not in mood to talk, Lee Donghae." Her voice so stern that it scared me. Who is me? This, if you are trying to tell about some flashbacks like Hyukjae's old moments and the time when Donghae is dating with Wonnie, try to put some words like "A few years ago..." so it won't confuse me. After all, I like how Donghae and Hyukjae slowly become a good husband and wife. I really like it and I also like the idea that Donghae is marrying h