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Title [6/10]

I think your title is quite unoriginal for certain reasons. Life is Beautiful is used quite a lot as the title of the story and you just add when to it. To be honest, it sound kinda weird, because as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t really resolved around the story as of now. Well, since your story is still ongoing, I couldn't really pointed out the connection of the title with the story line.

Description [5/10]

To be honest, your description didn’t really intrigued me. It was nice to see the excerpts from the story there, but it didn’t really summed up the whole story. For this part especially: I looked up at him staring at me. Let me help you. I scowled at him. I fight my battles alone, I spat. I’d prefer if you actually put the quotation marks, or inverted comma, or whatever you’d prefer to call it. I’d rewrite it as something like this : I looked up at him staring at me. “Let me help you.” I scowled at him. “I fight my battles alone.” And for the other part, I think if you focused more on Alex’s romance with Kai, I guess the quotes part is better for description. Just make sure to use proper punctuation because it does bother me a lot.

Story Plot & development [18/30]

Your plot haven’t been really developed yet. I guess the story still have a long way to go. Even after the four chapters, you haven’t sum up the whole day yet. That’s what I can point out. The development of the story is kinda too slow in my opinion. You’ve describe everything in a very detailed manner, but too much details is not that good either. And even though, you describe most of the thing in detail, you missed out another more important thing. It was kinda too descriptive rather than narrative. And another thing to point out, I know your story is in the first person point of view, which would be