☎Leejlicious : Phantom of the fang

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Title [3/10]

The title doesn't catch my attention, at least to me it doesn't. It's creative, give you props for that, yet it doesn't match the story entirely nor the description.

 

Description [10/10]

The description is well written and there you had me, but it plot doesn't connect completely with the description. Maybe its because it isn't finished yet.

 

Story Plot & Development [10/30]

The plot is very interesting and I see what are you trying to do but the development is really poor. I don't see it going anywhere. All I see are characters taking action between each other but no actual story development.

 

Grammar [14/30]

Is not that bad but you really need to get your game going on the punctuation marks, some of the

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Author's Thoughts
Hailyrain
11.1.2016 : Calling karmachameleon, kooshii. Review ready for pick up!
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Comments

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Jaeeunie #1
I sent a review request^^
Snowcakie #2
Chapter 3: How do you apply as a reviewer?
Sweetmusic6 #3
Hi! Are you looking for reviewers? I have a lot of time on my hands and i would like to help in any way i can~^^
Please let me know when you see this.
kooshii #4
Chapter 28: Thank you very much for the review! :)
I agree with you about everything. This is the first time I'm trying to write a story, for real, and your tips helped me a lot. I've been stuck on how to continue my story for a while, and how to improve it, so it was nice to hear from someone else.
I've been editing the current five chapters lately, and I'll definetely go back and edit it more. There's always room for improvement. ^^
Personally, I'm not a fan of writing too many lines for, actually, any of the characters in my story. Maybe it's because I'm so used to writing short stories. Although that's my preference, I agree with you that I should make my main characters come to life with a soul. Again, I agree with you on everything.
Thank you again, and I'll credit you. :)
JaeKnight #5
Chapter 24: HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP! I WAS LIKE SCREAMING (internally) WHEN READING THE REVIEW! HAHAHAHAHA And what made me screamed louder (internally) is when I read you're a psychology major?! Like wtf?! It's such an honor, man. I can't even.

will credit you asap :) Thank you for the review, pandalaxic<3
karmachameleon #6
Chapter 16: Thank you so much for the review :)

The thing with me is that I tend to be really impatient, so I was kinda in a rush to finish the story XD and I ended skipping a few things. I agree with you, I should have probably elaborated more on their feelings.

About the semi-colon thing it is all MS word's fault XD It's always auto-correcting my punctuation and I usually just let it be. :D

Anyway, I at grammar coz I had to learn only communicative English back in school and I ended up picking dentistry in college...so yeah that explains my lack of skills in writing.

Your review was rather helpful. Thank you :)
twosuns #7
can i still apply for reviewing? :)
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