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Title [7/10]

I like the title. It addresses the theme of abuse and mental illness well. That said, it didn’t come across as a very attention-grabbing title. Even saw, the title is fairly uncommon so props to you :)

Description : [8/10]

I love the description. I personally really adore short and straightforward descriptions like yours. The use of juxtaposition in your description really brought out your ideas really well. However, the last line sounded grammatically wrong. Instead of ‘Tiffany brought the end of the world’, it should be ‘Tiffany brought on the end of the world’. Even though it’s pretty much sufficient, I think it could be better – perhaps, describing the family as a whole instead of just their relations to one another. (You did somewhere in the fic, you mentioned like a chain or something. It would be good to add it into the description to show the whole family dynamics.)

Story Plot & Developement [10/30] The of this story was probably the death of Sooyeon. I actually thought Sooyeon’s death happened way too soon in the story. I felt it was a bit unrealistic too, for 11 year old Miyoung to actually kill her. I think an 11 year old would have been far too traumatized by the incident to even move. Also, I didn’t think she would have the strength to ‘viciously elbow’ away Yul, who’s a full grown male adult. Taeyeon’s reaction was unrealistic too. To have witnessed her sister stab her mother, she should have been more shocked than anything else. The of the story is too hard to believe, which made me doubt the rest. The build up to the was too quick. I didn’t detect a very strong sense of hatred from Miyoung in the first few chapters so the hatred and anger which she displayed at the caught me off guard. The biggest problem you have with the plot is the lack of indication of the time. Most of the time, I was very confused by the story because of this. There were lots of flashbacks and you kept switching between past and present tense, which made things all the more confusing. As a whole, the story pretty much gives off a complete feeling to it. It’s just that there were a lot of things that happened for the sake of plot convenience (will be touched on in character development) which made it a whole lot less believable. The themes were very clear, which is great. However, they weren’t as well communicated as I would have liked. I thought the death of Sooyeon could have been better addressed – especially its effects on the rest of the family members, Miyoung in particular, since she killed Sooyeon.

Grammar [25/30]

Grammar is generally okay, except that you tended to switch between past and present often, which confused me immensely. I’ll address the rest of the language problems under language because it doesn’t fall under grammar, vocabulary or spelling.

Vocabulary and Spelling [25/30]

I thought you used your vocabulary well. I didn’t feel