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Chapter 5: Unsaid words

“Obviously it’s- !” -i said instinctively but covered my mouth.

What a stupid question. Of course it’s his kisses! Who could even beat his? When all i think about is him and him and just all about him; who abandoned me, apparently. 

“It’s?” -Seunghyun prompted.

“You’re crazy!” I shouted at him and stomped out of the room, of course, unsuccessfully.

“Yes, crazy to get you back! Is that wrong?” He shouted back at me, “But all i’ve been seeing is you having fun with another guy! A guy i treat as a little brother and close friend” -he paused, “And then you guys kissed and hugged, and laughed happily like i don’t mean a thing to you at all. Is that your plan to get me jealous? Because it’s working, now stop doing it!” He glared at me distastefully. 

“Stop,” I put my palms up, “Don’t mean a thing to me at all?” -I scoffed-laughed at hearing those words coming from him, “Who’s the one who abandoned me like our relationship don’t matter at all? You might be okay with the on and off relationship but i don’t. I want a stable and solid relationship where i don’t have to deal with this kind of that we’re having right now.” -I glared at him, “ So don’t, and never, put your selfish thoughts and shove it right in my face as if it’s for my own good.” -I took a deep breathe from all the frustration that was building inside me, “why are we even talking? Why are you even trying to chase me? Why are you acting like you’re my lover who’s protective and jealous just because i did it with other man? The moment you ended us, we are over. Even if i still can’t get over you, i still have the rights to get to know someone else and it shouldn’t be a problem to you at all” -I sobbed lightly from the rush of memories that suddenly replayed onto my mind, “It’s for my own happiness after all, like what you said” -I mocked.

“Does the kiss we shared earlier mean anything to you?”

“It still meant everything to me” -I rolled my eyes as if he’s stupid enough not to know.

“Then why are you not accepting me back into your life?!”

“I do not want a love that’s uncertain.”

“Don’t be a coward”

“I am protecting my heart, Seunghyun-ah. I gave us a chance the last time and i thought we were good, but i was let down. How much of a courage must i possess to give both of us another chance?” - I admitted, “I don’t have that much courage” -I looked down.

Suddenly, no words were said, yet instead, i was caught in an embrace. A warm hug that’s tight, but not too tight  that it suffocates me. It felt gentle, but when he turned me around, it was also rough. I thought crying would help me out a little but this hug, was something i probably needed.

“You are so silly, so stubborn, so-” -He nuzzled his head with mine, “I guess i do owe you an apology for leaving you behind. I’ve always thought it’ll be better for you to have someone physically around with you. But at the rate of my tour dates… i didn’t have the confidence. I started losing it. I am a lonely person and i’ve always thought it should stay that way cause which girl will stay for long when their man is not around? I was scared you might leave me one day…” -He confessed.

“So you left me behind selfishly? And told me your real hidden feelings only now? You thought i couldn’t handle it? Yah…. I’m [Y/N]. Can’t you trust me a little? You pabo [stupid]” 

“I’m sorry” -He said instinctively, and paused for a moment,

“Wait…. did you just scold me? Yah… I’m still older than you” He slammed me down with his words and that shut me up, definitely.  He chuckled a little. 

“Watch me. I’ll make you trust me again. Just watch me…”

To be continued...