Kris was quiet.
That was his thing. At least among people he didn't know. Or didn't know well. Or knew too well.
It's not like Kris was shy or anything. Well, his confidence might be less impressive than Kristen Stewarts latest acting performance, but he wasn't necessarily shy.
"Kris? Can you go and change the earrings?"
Now if Kris would have actually said what was on his mind, it would be something whiny along the lines of 'But I'm allergic to nickel and these are the only silver ones!'
Since this wasn't an option, the model chose to shoot the stylist an unimpressed look instead. The tiny girl sighed in exasperation, throwing her hands up.
"Fine, if you like them that much! Let's get you on set. Just take them out after half of the shooting."

In more than fifty percent of the scenarios he found himself in, Kris chose to let his appearance do the talking. Because, and his younger friend Tao never failed to remind him, as soon as he opened his mouth, the spell was gone and the truth surfaced like a kid wearing a shark fin in a pool.
Wu Yifan -aka. Kris- was the lamest person in history.
And by 'lame' we're not talking about the 'staying at home on a Saturday evening in favor of playing video games'-lame, but rather the 'inviting friends over on a Sunday to watch darts on TV with no other snacks but cut vegetables and orange juice'-lame.
The guy who forgets his wallet on a date.
The guy who walks face first into a shopping window next to the automated doors.
That one annoying guy in your group of friends who'd never stop complaining because he'd be either afraid or allergic to anything even remotely fun.
Yes, that's all Kris.
The incarnation of lameness.

So as long as he merely shut up and let his imposing looks speak for themselves, the spell was holding up. The spell that turned dorky, boring Yifan into hot supermodel Kris.
And as long as Tao followed the lead, they'd be the type of guys to canalize all the female attention as they cooly strode through the streets. Kris saw no problem with that. No one had to see them giggling over 'Easy A' while hugging stuffed animals.

When Kris one day met Suho through a photographer on their set, he didn't think a lot into it. Sure, he was kinda handsome, but Kris was surrounded by models all day long so that hardly caught his attention. When said one off-handedly asked him out for a coffee, the world was still completely alright. Lots of people asked him out on a regular basis (the courageous ones, anyway) and Kris never agreed to someone even remotely related to his business in fear of the rumors or truths that might come up. Suho was close to overstepping those borders and if Kris hadn't felt his hypoglycemia acting up, he'd probably denied him. But as it was, they found themselves in the coffee shop downstairs where Kris had went up to the counter and struggled with the waiter until they found a snack that included neither wheat (he had gluten intolerance) nor too much milk (and light lactose intolerance) but still a certain amount of sugar (cue the hypoglycemia).
Unfortunately, Kris wasn't only clumsy but also prone to having bad luck and when he turned around, he found Suho standing right behind him, having heard the whole embarrassing, nitpicking exchange.
There really wasn't any way out, so he gave up and dropped all the pretense.
It was kind of a shame since Suho was a friendly and welcoming man but they could always become platonic friends. Really unfortunate, considering that Kris had been single for so long, he'd stopped counting the months - he'd resulted to counting years instead. And while he wasn't too picky regarding the gender, he'd love to find someone who wouldn't give him a hard time. Just someone who didn't expect the world from him; knowing himself, his clumsy fingers would drop it anyway.
Now imagine his surprise when Suho not only exchanged phone numbers out of pure politeness but actually contacted him, asking whether they could meet up again.
Surprise turned into astonishment turned into a low simmer of continuous disbelief over the following weeks he kept meeting up with him. They went for coffee, met up for brunch, occasionally ran errands together in the city and even went to the cinema together to watch the latest action flick. Everything just happened naturally and the only thing stressing Kris out was the tiny pang of disappointment he felt once in a while. Because no matter how close they were, Suho had made it very clear that he was straight. He'd told him about his previous relationships over a piece of cake, and Kris reacted in the most casual manner he could - by nodding in quiet acceptance.
Really, he thought, it's a shame.
And while Suho had no trouble admitting that he was quite the boring guy in most people's eyes, his self-depreciating smile made Kris wanna hug the breath out of him. A hug that tells him that no, you're not boring! You're an individual but responsible person with many hobbies and interests who values a stable life and works for it, how could that be boring?
Alright, maybe actually voicing these thoughts would be more effective. But whenever Kris opened his mouth things went downhill, so he kept most of these thoughts to himself.
By now it was clear that even though he really didn't want to, he was slowly but surely falling for the dorky brunette.
Maybe crushing on someone straight wasn't the brightest idea. But while Kris wasn't necessarily unintelligent... he could be pretty dumb at the same time.

"If you got jack in your cup, go raise it up!"
It was kind of adorable, the way Suho's face scrunched as he tried to look y (or dramatic? wild? ...constipated?) while throwing his empty glass into the air, singing from the top of his lungs.
"If you ain't got enough go fill it up~!"
His working colleagues made no move to stop him, being either too drunk themselves or too amused; mostly the latter. How Kris ended up at this party of Suho's working colleagues was a good question. How and why Suho ended up being this wasted was another one altogether.
"If you had too much, go throw it up!"
By now it was obvious why Suho had always avoided drinking too much alcohol on gatherings. Light-weight wasn't even beginning to cover it - he was lighter than the plastic bag from American Beauty.
"And if you ain't got - throw your hands up!"
With this, Suho prove his light weight by enthusiastically throwing his hands up and tumbling off his chair with a yelp. Kris jumped after him in a pitiful attempt to save him from hurting himself like the prince Charming he'd always dreamed himself to be. He failed miserably and hit his own head instead.
 

"Does it still hurt?" Suho slurred next to him, pawing at Kris hands to coax him into showing his face. He mumbled something intelligible into his hands but gave up on the attempt to hide himself when another bump in the road made him almost poke out an eye. Stupid taxi drivers. And then they'll go around and accuse people for puking into their car. Kris wouldn't even be surprised if Suho would do just that, considering how the taxi driver's personal hobby appeared to include street races.
"No, I'm fine."
"You think that now but you gotta see a doctor tomorrow regardless!" Suho gave back, tumbling into his side with every bump and holding on to Kris' upper arm for support. His face showed earnest worry out of glassy eyes.
"You know, there are tons of concussions that can inflict permanent damage and it'll only really hit you days after? I mean, after you take the first hit. Like, the literal hit. You know what I mean, riiight?"
"Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'll do that." Kris quickly agreed. Always agree with drunk people. Suho nodded a last time and when he bumped into his side again, he didn't bother to withdraw anymore. Instead he snuggled himself against him, awkwardly cuddling his upper arm. And by awkward, mainly Kris was addressed. Suho was obviously very comfortable. He asked himself whether it was appropriate to lay an arm around the drunk guy but it was not like he even had a choice with the way the other held on to him.
"You're such a cool guy, Kris." Suho rambled mindlessly and this statement was so out of this world, it could have just as well been spoken in an alien language, meaning something entirely different.
Kris was seriously contemplating that.
"You're this popular supermodel but still such a nice person, you know? Like, you have a lot of values and care about stuff. You're not one of those typical, shallow hot guys who are all pretentious and proud of being an -"
Alright, so on top of a wild drunk, a touchy drunk and a talkative drunk, Suho also was a swearing drunk. Maybe Kris shouldn't find those tendencies this adorable.
The brunette cut himself off and for the longest time, Kris assumed he'd finally fallen asleep.
"Kriiis?" a muffled voice finally slurred out and he hummed in question, still careful not to appear like he was making a move on him.
"IthinkIlikeyou."
And now he'd add confessing drunk to the list... wait.
"W-what?!" Kris spluttered in a voice several octaves too high as he ripped himself free from Suho's vice grip. The latter flinched as if he'd gotten scolded and instead of backing off, he leaned in close, steadying his weight on both hands to stop swaying from right to left.
"Is this weird? It's super weird, right? You think that makes me gay?"
He looked slightly panicky and while Kris would have loved to tell him that no, this statement was completely heteroual, it really wasn't.
"Uhm. Kind of? I mean, it depends. I guess." Kris stuttered, elaborate as he was.
"On what?" the brunette asked skeptically.
Now Kris felt like the drunk one, all the words slipping through his fingers like a school of fish mocking him.
"Uhm. I mean. It's. If you really like me, as in more than a friend, like a lover- I mean a potential lover and- or no, wait. If you are physically attracted to men and- maybe you just wanna experiment and yes. Yeah. It's possible you're not gay." Kris ended and while the speech was pretty lacking in the middle, he tried to sound especially convincing towards the end to make up for it.
After a scrutinizing stare, Suho snorted and shook his head.
"Alright, please stop talking. You're not making any sense, Kris. That totally makes me gay."
His facial expression changed comically towards the end, as if the revelation of his own words hit him just then.
", I am gay. I'M GAY. Oh my gooood..." he winced, his voice trailing off into a desperate howl as he buried his face in the backseat.
"Is it that horrible? Y-you could be biual, too." Kris muttered helplessly.
"What does that change? I'm attracted to a man right now!" he replied almost hysterically and wow, Kris really wasn't the go-to guy to discuss ual disorientation.
"I'm... sorry?"
But it appeared as if Suho didn't actually need anyone to keep the conversation going.
"Yeah, that's what I'm gonna tell my parents, too. Oh goood... they've been nagging me for years about all the grandchildren they want- they'll have to turn to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo's gonna hate me for that since he's been single forever and my grandma, she'll freak out-"
"What's so terrifying about this? Are you religious or anything?" Kris threw in warily and Suho momentarily paused his rambling to stare at him.
". I AM. Oh my god. Being gay is wrong but god loves everyone, right? I've always tried to be a good person, why is this happening to me-"
"You know, this does sound kinda condescending," Kris added carefully, unwilling to show his hurt over the fact that Suho was this disgusted by the idea of being homoual, "if I was into guys, would you stop talking to me?"
Suho paused again to stare at him, looking taken aback, in a... hopeful way?
"You are into guys as well? I mean. I mean that's totally fine! I'm not thinking of homoual people as something lesser, god forbid no! It's just... it's a lot to take in, sorry. I was being an , right? I'm sounding like such an ignorant person right now-"
"Can you continue your coming out speech elsewhere? I still got other customers for the night." the taxi driver, an exasperated female, suddenly cut in gruffly.

Suho hadn't shut up the whole way into Kris' apartment and was currently rambling through the closed door after having turned away far too late with a blush upon realizing that Kris wanted to undress. By now the string of incoherent ramblings went right through him and he just went around to gather some blankets and cushions, not minding the way Suho trailed after him like a lost puppy.
"You can sleep on my bed, it's more comfortable." he called after him and while the never-ending string of panicky exclamations and worries didn't cease, he just generously assumed that Suho had taken notice of this.
"Do you want some pajamas?"
"And then my ex girlfriend's gonna ask whether that's the reason for our breakup-"
He placed two heavy hands on the other's shoulders.
"Pajamas? You want some?" he asked slowly and Suho contemplated it before shaking his head.
"I'd rather not. If I wake up in your clothes tomorrow I'll just freak out, assuming we'd had ."
Kris choked on air at the blunt words and quickly turned away to leave for the living room.
"Fine then. C-call me when you need anything, there's water and a bucket next to the bed, just in case."
"Okay."
And with this, his ears were finally blessed with silence and with a sigh he burrowed his far-too long limbs under the thin blanket, lazily snuggling himself into the cushions to let all the happenings sink in. He wasn't sure what to make of this situation, but before he could even start listing the pros and cons, Suho's voice carefully called out to him.
"Kris?"
He half sat up, looking over the headrest at the shadowy figure of Suho standing in the doorway.
"Yeah?"
"I know I won't remember a thing tomorrow. I never do."
One hand was evidently lying on the door frame to steady himself, but otherwise he sounded nothing but completely honest. Well, Kris internally corrected himself, Suho was always earnest, in everything he did.
"And I'll be too much of a chicken to ask you out. I'm sorry..."
His heart rate picked up in this stupid way where you get all hopeful for a split-second and your heart beats faster, never-minding the obvious impending disappointment.
"I want to, though. Even if you're not interested, I wanna give it a try and really ask you out; even though I'm a man and you're a man. So... I'll try to pull myself together. I hope you're still single if I do. I mean-" he quickly changed directions, realizing how bossy this sounded (and not realizing how much of a turn on it was), "no pressure or anything. Just. Good night, Yifan."
And with this, he padded back into Kris' room and closed the door. He heard him crash into something before throwing himself on the bed and leaving Kris alone to mull over the way his given name sounded coming from Suho's mouth. It sounded nice, even with the accent. Especially with the accent.

Suho really didn't remember a thing the next day and Kris caught him trying to sneak out when he tumbled over the shoes he'd thrown into the hallway the night before.

And he really did ask him out, a few weeks later. With his fingers tightly clasped together and a nervous smile grazing his lips but also a firm and determined gaze.
Kris didn't hesitate a second.
He was quiet, but sometimes you didn't need a lot of words.
Or any at all.

 

Ah, some higher entity is really trying to stop me from writing lately!
But I won't give in!
Here's a little something explaining why Kris is such an incredible pain in the at work.
Though I promise, their relationship is far more amusing from Suho's point of view... but that's gonna come in later~
The song Suho's singing is called "Comin' in hot" from Hollywood Undead, the ones who already inspired Baek's solo.
(To be honest  it's not their best song but I've went to their concert and this popped up in my mind - it's just the thug song Suho needs.)

Thanks for being so patient with me!

Love,
Sugar-and-Salt ♡

P.S.: I hope this is a sufficiently cute drunk Suho, texturedjeans ;D