I woke up with smile on my face, remembering the events that had happened last night. A beautiful morning glow was lighting up the city, peeking through the curtains in vibrant shades of gold. Cars filled the streets as usual, but it was a peaceful scene contrary to the stressful overflowing traffic on a weekday morning.

I got ready quickly, skipping around the apartment. Saturdays consisted of training in the morning followed by a few afternoon lessons when there wasn't a special event like a variety lesson. It was quiet outside too, the bus even seeming emptier than usual, maybe because it lacked the usual chatter of the fan-girl who usually sits behind me.

When I arrived at the company building, it too was filled with a strange sense of stillness so different from the usual bustle. Maybe because it was the weekend? I brushed it off from my mind with a smile. I went upstairs to the floor where my Korean class would be. 

As soon as I took a step forward when the elevator doors opened, I was suddenly blocked by someone. 

"What-" I blurted in English on instinct.

"Rachel, the boss wants to see you right now." It was my manager, expression set in a serious manner, uncertainty flickering behind his eyes. I swallowed, trying to calm my increasing pulse and think about why the boss would possibly want to see me so urgently. I stepped aside as my manager came into the elevator, pushing the button to the top floor where the offices were.

"What is this about?" I asked slowly, the heavy thumping of my heart audible over the humming of the elevator. Curious, yet not really wanting to hear the answer.

His tone was undistinguishable, when he said a quiet, "You'll find out soon enough." The rest of the ride was in a suffocating silence, and I was so grateful when it was over.

My manager speedily walked out towards the office and I struggled to keep up behind him. He then opened the door directly without even knocking.

Which meant the boss was definitely expecting me. And that he would've just recently told my manager to find me.

"She's here," he said, standing in front of the boss's giant desk. He was facing the large window, sitting in his giant chair that was turned away from us.

"Good. You may leave now."

My manager flashed me a sympathetic look before retreating and closed the door behind him on the way out.

The silence immediately set in the room, bringing a heavy tension along with it. It was then when I noticed the silent figure standing in the room a few feet away from me. Although his head was down, I could recognize him anywhere, in any way. Why was he here too? What could this mean? This wasn't a coincidence was it...

I walked up to the desk where my manager had stood a second ago. Chen's head snapped up and he looked at me, sadness and worry clouding his eyes, the usual twinkle gone. That's when the pieces suddenly clicked in my head as I realized why we were here, and I stifled a gasp. 

"So you figured out why you guys are here?" The boss said, slowly turning around to face us. I swallowed nervously, looking down, barely noticing that he was speaking Chinese to us so that we could both understand.

"Looks like a little surprise came in this morning." He put a couple of tablets on the desk, showing us. 

I froze, my eyes widening and my mouth gaping. I already had a feeling of what it was even before seeing the photo, but actually seeing the photos just made it a thousand times worse. 

Chen and me. Our date last night. Hands intertwined, arms around each other. 

That flare that had lit up the night sky in front of us, the one that we had seen last night...it wasn't lightning, was it?

It had been the flash of a camera, the flash of everything we had in front of our eyes. In front of the world's eyes.

And in that one frame, that one-hundredths of a second, that one blink, everything had changed.
I snuck a glance at Chen, panicking on the inside. He met my eyes briefly, mirroring the anxious look I felt. What was going to happen now? I felt lightheaded, the world spinning around me, crashing down on me.

"Did you guys really think you wouldn't be caught?" The CEO asked calmly, words sounding more like a statement than a question. Somehow it seemed even scarier than if he were shouting at us. "What were you guys thinking, going out there together like that? What was going through your minds? Have you never considered the consequences of being caught? Have you never thought of all the people you'd hurt, all the people you'd have disappointed?" The look in his eyes told everything.

He turned to me. "Do you not know the amount of sasaeng fans EXO has to deal with already, and the amount of paparazzi out there just waiting to find a scandal? You're just a trainee; do you know what people will think if they find out that such a popular idol is dating a trainee? You should be focusing on your training and school, and not doing other things. Don't take your time here for granted; you're lucky enough to have gotten into this company without multiple auditions like everyone else." His voice was sharper than before without having raised the volume at all.
I tried my best not to tremble, not to let the tears slip out. Why didn't I think of all this before? My trainee status would definitely do no good to EXO's reputation. I should have thought everything through before doing this.

But instead I only thought of myself. 

He turned to Chen. "And you, how could you break your dating ban? You've just had your comeback and now you're going as far as dating already?" This time he raised his voice. "How can you forget that your career can end just like that?" He snapped his fingers. "Kim Jongdae, what were you thinking? Rachel's just a trainee; she doesn't know any better. She's young and inexperienced in this world; she doesn't know the language or the culture here, or how easily celebrities can get completely crushed because of a simple rumour or misunderstanding. But you, you know all that, you know that it's very risky to go out anywhere with so many sasaeng fans, and yet you think you can go out so freely with her and now get caught? EXO has just made a comeback; shouldn’t you be focusing on practicing and working hard to make this as successful as possible? But instead, you go out and have fun, and now look what has happened! Do you want to end your career already?" I hadn't seen him this angry before, face flushed and the vein at his neck pulsing. He loosened his collar and cleared his throat, trying to calm down. 

"You're risking this status that you worked so hard to achieve, not just your whole reputation, but also the reputation of all of EXO. You're hurting your members, disappointing all of your fans worldwide, and risking Rachel's future career as well."

The little drops of saltwater finally dripped down silently, hitting the velvety carpet beneath my feet. It was all my fault, and now Chen was getting scolded for it. Not just that, but in front of me.

"You know better than that, Kim Jongdae, I'm very disappointed in you." The CEO whispered, spinning his chair away from us again, facing the window. "You guys are dismissed." 

Pausing for a few more seconds, I let this whole situation sink in, etch itself into my brain.

It was so numbing, like a bucket of cold water suddenly dumped on me, the suddenly loss of ground beneath my feet. I didn't even remember walking to the door, having my cheeks stained with tears. Chen followed me closely, closing the office door behind him as we stepped into the lobby of this floor.

"Rachel, are you okay?" A barely audible murmur, echoing almost too loudly on the tiled walls.

I stopped walking but didn't dare turn to him since I was afraid to meet his eyes. He was famous, and it was his career in danger, and yet he was here, asking me if I was alright. 

"Hey, don't cry," he quickly came to my side and gently brushed the tears away with his thumb. Tilting my chin up, making me look at him. I searched his eyes for anger, coldness, anything at all, but all I could see was the same affection as before, unchanged, unwavering. And somehow it made me feel all the worse. I sniffled, trying to hold back another wave of tears that were threatening to fall. 

I've done nothing but hurt him.

"Chen...what are we going to do?" I whispered, feeling helpless. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

It almost felt like any other time, as if his career wasn't about to be ruined, as if we were never exposed. 

We wordlessly clung to each other, cherishing each moment together since it might just be the last. Then the sound of the elevator cut through the silence and we broke apart reluctantly, entering the elevator.

As the doors closed, I suddenly remembered something. I had to take a look at that article; had to take a look at the comments.

"Rachel..." Chen said as I quickly pulled out my phone, fumbling with it. "Don't do it."

I scrolled through the pages of my phone, looking for the small internet app.

"Rachel!"

I pressed the internet icon. 

Chen suddenly grabbed my wrist, getting the phone farther away me. I struggled against his grip, trying to get a look at the screen. 

"Rachel!" He shouted.

I froze, finally looking at him.

"Don't do this; please don't do this to yourself." 

"But I have to know." 

"No, you don't. Please, that will do nothing but hurt you, trust me, it won't be of any use to you. It doesn't matter what they say."

"I'll be fine." I said desperately, on the verge of panicking.

"Please, Rachel, listen to me. You shouldn't care about what those other people say; they don't matter okay? You don't need to read those comments. Promise me you won't do it!"

I could see it in his eyes; he was pleading me, worried about me. 

And yet I've done nothing but hurt him.

We arrived at the floor where I had to get to my Korean class. The elevator doors opened.

"I'm sorry." I whispered as I turned to leave. He let go of me softly, sighing heavily before giving me a final look of despair. 

I'm sorry for everything.
 

I'm sorry for this angsty chapter OTL