"Rachel, what are you doing?" He gasped, voice on edge with a hint of desperation as he moved to block me from the door. I stayed silent and froze in my steps, eyes not leaving the spot on the wall behind his shoulder. We were standing in such close proximity that I could feel the tension radiating between us, filling the already dense air, like adding more fuel to the flame.

It was suffocating; anxiety the only thing I could feel, threatening to take over as my heart pit-patted weakly against my ribcage.

I didn't dare meet his eyes, instead, looking everywhere but his face when I answered. "I'm just saying that I don't want you to be so stressed out, always having to deal with me on top of your schedules, your dance practices, even dating..." I shifted slowly to make a move and step around him, but he stopped me, placing his hands on my shoulders. Electric shocks coursing through me from where his grasp was, light but sturdy.

Hesitant, reluctant.

"Wait, please don't leave," he said, his voice low, contrary to his usual melodic tenor notes.

Don't give me any more hope, Chen. "But I'm not doing anything except for causing you more trouble. Isn't this what you want?"

"What do you mean? Why would--" His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, making me sigh in defeat.

"Your personal life is yours, I mean, why did I even think for a second that I had the right to know where you were going that time? I--"

"Rachel, I really don't know what you're talking about," his eyes were soft, pleading as he tried to understand me through my babbling.

"It's okay, Chen. It doesn't matter now, I guess." An attempt at a smile, probably turning into an awkward grimace. "Well then, I should probably go."

"Please don't leave, don't ever leave," he paused, the room around us seeming to ring in high frequencies, filling the air. "Rachel-ah, don't you even know how much I care about you?"

I froze at his words, definitely not daring to look up or move at all.

"Aish, this is so...not the right time." He let out a sharp sigh of defeat, releasing me and slouching back against the door behind him. I watched as he ran a hand through his hair, seeing just how tired he was.

"W-what do you mean?" I managed to get out, voice barely over a squeak. I could feel my heart rate increasing exponentially just like how the temperature seemed to rise as well, leaving me craving the cool airflow outside despite my ice-cold fingers.

"Ah," he hesitated, thinking hard about what he wanted to say, "never mind, it wasn't..." Chen trailed off, shrugging his shoulders but making no attempt to change the subject.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything if you're uncomfortable with it." I said, finally looking up at his face.

He looked so tentative, so uncertain. I had never seen him without his usual confident and cheerful demeanour before so this was a totally different side. And yet I still couldn't be completely sure if he was just pretending or not, as it was still possible to just a lead up to another prank of his. I searched the depths of his murky eyes for the truth, something that would prepare me.

"No it's not that." He shook his head, sighing a bit before continuing. "I didn't know when to tell you this, or how, or if I even should at all, but it's just that I really like you, Rachel."

He looked straight at me as he said those words, searching my face for a reaction, but then shyly dropped his gaze after.

I couldn't believe what I just heard; it was as if I just completely zoned out.

What did he just say?

I remained speechless for a few seconds until I realized that he was probably expecting a response.

“W-what?” I finally squeezed out from my closed throat. "Ha-ha being such a troll as always." I tried to sound normal and ended up faking a bit of a laugh, very uncertain of exactly where his joke was headed.

Then I noticed his reaction. He wasn't laughing with me at all.

"Rachel, I'm not trying to trick you," he said quietly, looking straight at me again. I moved my gaze off him swiftly, afraid of what he might find in my eyes. "Being your friend and mentor meant a lot to me, Rachel-ah. You're so kind and smart...and I really want to be something more to you than just that."

"P-please don't joke about these things, Chen." I whispered, my heart thumping in my chest. "I-I know that I probably shouldn't have taken up so much of your time, shouldn't have been so obvious about my feelings towards you when they were selfish, but you don't need to joke about-"

"Stop," he said softly, so inaudible that I shouldn't have caught it at all. "Rachel, I would never- no, why would you ever think-- wait, what did you say?"

"Chen, quit playing," I sighed, eyes tracing the pattern on the wall behind him. "You heard it right," I shrugged, "and I'm sorry for burdening you with my feelings this whole time."

"No, Rachel, you don't know how happy I am to hear that, so very happy," he smiled weakly, "but why don't you believe me?" He took one of my hands gently and placed it on his own.

"Because... because you can't like me," I stated stupidly. I felt like breaking down again, completely overwhelmed. "But y-you're dating Minnie though, and-" 

"What?" He gave me a genuinely surprised look.

"What, aren't you and Minnie dating..." I pulled my hand back slowly, looking away as I felt my cheeks reddening with every moment.

"What? What, no, we're just good friends; I-I never thought of her that way. Is that what it looked like?" Then his gaze dropped, and along with that, his voice dropped to a much lower volume as if he was talking more to himself than me. "Is that why you've been avoiding me for a while?"

They're not dating?

I let out a shaky breath that I didn't even realize that I had been holding. Is that why he never mentioned her in front of me? It wasn't that he wanted their relationship to remain private, but the fact that there never was a relationship?

"But you're so close to Minnie, I thought you guys were dating this whole time. And besides, you always keep your distance, you don't seem to even like talking to me...and I feel like such a burden already." I exclaimed, tears in my eyes. I was so tired of this confusion.

"Rachel...I didn't know you thought of it like that. I-I didn't mean anything that way, I thought it was much too obvious so I merely gave false excuses." He chuckled a bit. " I thought you were the one who never wanted to talk to me. Rachel-ah, I-I've liked you this whole time." 

I closed my eyes, processing this information. I suddenly felt a bud of hope spring up inside of me, but I pushed it down so that I won't be disappointed later.

“But Minnie's so pretty and talented. She's just...perfect. I-I'm just lacking so much.” It was like I was trying to convince him of all the reasons why he shouldn't like me. Like it would save me from the pain later, when he found out that I'm not all that. That I don't even have anything to offer, that I don't even belong here.

“Sometimes, it's not about looking for perfection,” he thought wistfully. “It's about looking beyond the imperfections. Rachel, you're so different from anyone that I know, and you intrigue me. I really want to get to know you more."

"Y-you even ignored me on my birthday." I whispered.

He looked down, not meeting my eyes. "Ah, that wasn't supposed to happen. I had planned out a big surprise for you but then our flight from China got delayed, and when I got back, you were already so busy." He looked away bitterly, then pulled out something from his pocket. "Will you still accept late birthday presents?" It was a little beige box with a slim ribbon tied nicely around it.

I took it from him slowly, still feeling like all this was just a dream that I would wake up from soon. I opened the jewellery box, unveiling a thin silver bracelet with a tiny heart charm. 

"Wow, it's beautiful." I said in awe, touched by his gesture. Not really knowing how to react, I didn't look up at him until later, where I met his unsure, asking eyes.
My heart skipped a beat as I realized what he was asking.

"I-I'm just a trainee though, Chen. Not just any trainee, the worst one here. H-how could y-you possi--" I stuttered as I felt ready to break down a second time. 
He silenced me as he softly cupped my face with both hands and looked straight at me. His eyes were soft, compassionate, but there seemed to be an intensity in them that caught me. My eyes widened and my heart was thumping crazily in my chest as he gradually leaned closer. 

"Remember this?" he whispered, the warmth of his breath on my cheek, oh so close.

It did indeed remind me of the first time, when we were in that scenario during the variety lesson. The teacher had praised us on our acting but...it hadn't been just acting right? Was what I had felt real?

I started to close my eyes, preparing myself as he gently brushed his lips against the corner of mine.  

"Believe me," he said, sincerity in his eyes.

I didn't- couldn't- answer as I just stood there, fixated in place. My stomach was flip-flopping with butterflies as the hope in me started to resurface. My mind flashed back to those special moments we shared in the past and I realized that they were in fact real. It hadn't been acting, and he really hadn't been dating Minnie.

"Pinch me." I said, heart fluttering too fast that I had to break the charged atmosphere to try to calm down.

"What?" He chuckled, pulling back to carefully search my face for a reaction.

"So that I know I'm not dreaming." I said seriously, finding myself absorbed into his affectionate gaze. 

"Oh, so you've had dreams like this before?" Chen raised an eyebrow, an almost cat-like expression on his face with his dancing eyes and the slight curl of his lips.

"Yah, Kim Jongdae. Wow, even in dreams you still come with your sassiness." I rolled my eyes but felt relief flood through me as we were back to acting normal.

"It's not a dream, girl, and I can do so much better than pinching you." He flashed a smile as he cupped my face with his hands and gently brushed a tear from my face that I hadn't even realized was there. I leaned in to his touch before he pulled me into a hug that felt all too real to be a dream. I could feel the rapid drum of his heart  that reminded me of the speed of my own. It was a strong and steady rhythm that was much like what he presence had become in my life. Strong and steady, securing me, sheltering me, protecting me throughout the strong undercurrent of hardships that threatened to tug me under. 

eNJOY GUise <3
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