Kyu Jong paid the driver and hurried to the door to see it half open, Kayla’s purse on the floor. He frowned, reaching out to carefully push it further open.

“Kayla ssi?” He called softly, pushing the door completely open now.

He looked in to find Kayla on the floor in the middle of the room, staring out blankly. Kyu Jong frowned deeper, reaching out to pick up her purse and making his way inside, shutting the door before slowly and carefully making his way over to her, setting the purse down on the couch.

As he got closer, his heart broke when he saw tears steadily making their way down her cheeks. Kyu Jong came up beside her, slowing sitting down beside her, his gaze on her gentle as he saw the quiver of her chin. He looked around to see her phone by her, seemingly forgotten, but open to a screen. Kyu Jong looked down to see an open thread and Terrance’s name. Reaching out, he turned the phone to him and read the messages, the anger flaring up fast. That was fifteen minutes ago and Terrance had never responded again. Letting out a breath, Kyu Jong pushed the phone away before looking back up at her.

“Kayla ssi…” He whispered, carefully.

“Terrance said he can’t come by, he…he has a meeting,” she said suddenly, still staring ahead.

Kyu Jong shook his head, “Kayla…”

“I knew something was wrong, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was, that’s why he…” she stopped.

He just listened, not wanting to interrupt.

“A brain tumor, which means he’s known about it, he knew and he didn’t tell me. That last time he was here, he could’ve told me then, but he didn’t, he wad tired, so tired and the headache. I should’ve gone last night to see him, something felt wrong, but me being selfish as usual, I was too busy thinking of myself and acting in that damn play when I could’ve been spending time with him…he came to see me, Kyu Jong he saw the performance, he finally came to see me…now he’s gone,” she said, finally turning her head to look at him.

Kyu Jong’s heart dropped, she looked utterly devastated, but also stunned, the dilation of her eyes, her skin, usually a warm tan, was now peaked and pale, she looked as if she were desperately trying to hold it together. He could see she was on the verge of an emotional breakdown, he had to take it easy with her.

“You are not selfish Kayla, you had no idea this was going to happen,” Kyu Jong said carefully.

“I should’ve pressed, forced him to tell me what was going on! How could he do that to us?!” She cried suddenly, tears steadily streaming down her cheeks as she looked at him, anguish in her eyes. “He knew! All that time he knew, and he said nothing, not a damn word and then he just leaves? After we finally made up, he leaves me?! Just when I get my Dad back, he leaves me Kyu Jong! Why?!” She yelled, her eyes rimmed with tears, her body shaking violently. “Why don’t I get to have him be a Dad to me again?! Why would he just leave me?” She screamed, her voice breaking.

Kyu Jong felt the tears welling up as he watched her helplessly, “Kayla ssi,” he whispered, sliding closer to her.

“What am I supposed to do now Kyu Jong? What do I do without him?!” She yelled again, choking up hard, the anger quickly dissipating once she’d said what she’d been holding back as she seemed to collapse in on herself.

The sudden, heart wrenching sob that escaped her, tore at his soul as she buried her face in his hands. Kyu Jong bit his lip, reaching out to put his hands on her shoulders, trying to hold her violently shaking body still, but to no avail as he felt the absolute despair radiating from her and seeping into his skin.

For the last four months, Kyu Jong had held back, never doing, never allowing himself to think of what he wanted, what he truly wanted out of respect for her and her relationship. Afraid to cross that invisible line that both him and Kayla both knew was there, the line that would bring his eventual demise where she was concerned.

Kyu Jong looked back down at her phone for a split second, at the message telling her not right now and he reached out, pushing the phone further away before looking back up at the sobbing woman in front of him. He decided then and there, his days of being respectful were over and Kyu Jong reached out and did what Terrance couldn’t seem to, pulling Kayla into his arms finally, holding her tightly against him and he felt that wall he’d put up for her crack and crumble to pieces, he was doomed.

This was further proven as she leaned into him heavily, her body shaking as her cries grew louder, more agonizing. He managed to pull her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her again, he pressed his lips to her temple.

“I’m so…sorry jagi…so sorry,” he whispered.

She cried harder still and he thought of what she’d told him that time in the kitchen. The story of him making her sandwiches and then of the time they’d spend together and then when Kyu Jong had met him, how proud he’d looked of her and the effect it’d had on Kayla and now she wouldn’t get to benefit from that, after all that time they’d come together, only to have him cruelly ripped from her. Kyu Jong could only imagine how it felt.

Her arms came up around him weakly and he whispered to her in Korean, not knowing how to say what he felt in English, but he knew she’d understand somehow. Kyu Jong carefully pressed her head into the crook of his neck, closing his eyes as her sobs ripped through him, tears streaming down his cheeks as well. He felt the wetness on his shoulder and his breath caught, his heart pounding suddenly as she tightened her hold on him, clinging to him as if he were her lifeline as he ran his and up and down along her back soothingly.

~~~

Kayla took a breath, staring at the coffin, her eyes welling up again, it never seemed to stop, all she was cry and it’d only been a day, but she couldn’t help it. Shane gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Dad wanted me to tell you, he really enjoyed your performance and that he hopes you continue with it and do whatever makes you happy, he said…he could tell how happy it makes you and that he was proud of you,” Shane whispered, his voice fading at the end.

Kayla turned her head to look at him, giving him a soft smile, “Thanks Shane.”

“One more thing, this wasn’t his first time seeing you perform, he said he knew that’s what you thought, but it wasn’t true. He’d been to several, just never told you.”

Kayla nodded, she was surprised, but was fast learning her Dad had been full of secrets.

“Take your time, I’ll be waiting in the car,” Shane said, leaning in to kiss her forehead before walking off.

She wiped at her eyes and felt someone come up on either side of her.

“How ya doing honey?” Chanile asked, hooking her arm through hers and resting her head on her shoulder gently.

“T-terrible,” she smiled shakily.

“You know how proud of you your Dad is right now right?” Lillian said, giving her arm a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah,” she nodded.

Kayla looked at her four friends, giving them a grateful smile, things would’ve been ten times worse without them. Lejna had taken care of things with the play for her, letting her understudy and the director know what was going on. Lillian and Liz were going to take care of things at work while she was off for a few days and Chanile had helped to get everything organized for the funeral fast, pulling some strings with some connections she had.

“Have you…heard from Terrance?” Liz asked softly.

She shook her head, “No, not since I texted him. No call, no messages, nothing,” she whispered.

“ him,” Chanile spat, reaching out to rub her back.

Kayla shook her head, “I shouldn’t be surprised, I thought just this once he would…” she sighed, wiping at her eyes. “Oh well, doesn’t affect him or the business directly so…”

The ladies stayed with her a bit longer, leaving her after a few minutes to give her some time alone. She was by herself at the gravesite and she really didn’t know what to say, she just stared at the coffin. After a moment, she shook her head, a harsh chuckle escaping her lips.

“You told me you would come visit me, that it would take a while, but you’d come by, now what?” She whispered, wiping at her eyes. “I’m not sure how to feel or what to do. I had this whole thing mapped out in my mind of what we’d do together now that…” she stopped again before starting. “I’m not gonna whine because we had that one great day and the hugs were amazing, I never told you, did I? How great it was to be able to hug you like that again? Made me feel like a little girl when you used to sweep me up in your arms and hold me so tight, you made me feel so safe, you were my h-hero you know?” Kayla smiled shakily, “It’d been so long since you hugged before that, I used to long, ache for your hugs, no one hugged like you. It was o-overwhelming, and it was how I knew you were serious and how I knew you meant everything you’d said,” she whispered, wiping at the tears.

Now that he she started; she didn’t know how to stop.

“I had a great time, I s-shoulda told you a lot of things that day, I was so hurt and angry. If I’d known it…it was gonna be the last time I was going to see you…Why did you keep it to yourself? Me and Shane had a right to know! I wanted to spend more time with you! You had no right to leave!” Kayla screamed at the coffin before burying her face in her hands. “J-just when I get you back, you leave again,” she cried.

It took her a few minutes to compose herself, wiping at her eyes again.

“Sorry, sorry Dad, that was pretty crazy for me, always an actress huh?” She joked lamely, wiping at her eyes yet again, suddenly feeling very tired. She wanted to go home and sleep.

The thought of going on with the day seemed so overwhelming, Kayla knew she needed to move on, but she couldn’t right now, she just felt so lost suddenly. She truly didn’t know what to do in a world without her Dad in it. Her Mom had been super supportive, coming to the funeral and helping out. She’d had to go back home quick though due to work but had let her know she’d always be there for her if Kayla needed her.

Kayla looked at the coffin again, closing, she shook her head in sorrow, she didn’t want to keep doing this, but the pain, oh man the pain, it was too much. Tears started streaming down again, when she felt another presence come up behind her and she stiffened, thinking for a moment it may be him, but as the presence got closer, she relaxed, no it wasn’t Terrance…

She felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Are you ok?”

Kayla let out a breath, turning to give Kyu Jong a small smile and a barely perceptible nod. He came up beside her, his arm slipping around her waist gently and she was immensely thankful for his support. He’d been a rock throughout, she didn’t know what she would’ve done without him.

“Thanks for…coming today. I know have everything going on with your album, you didn’t have to co…”

“Shhh, yes I did. We are friends Kayla ssi, why wouldn’t I do this? This is where I should be,” Kyu Jong said softly.

She took a calming breath, thinking that not everyone felt that way, that there was noticeably one person missing. The questions, the reactions from those who knew Terrance and had asked about him, were embarrassing. Kayla shook her head, taking a step back and then another.

“Are you ready to go?” Kyu Jong asked softly.

She took one last look at the coffin.

“See ya later Dad,” she whispered before turning to Kyu Jong. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

They turned and Kyu Jong led them away from the gravesite.

~~~

Four Days Later

Wednesday

Kyu Jong bowed and shook the mans’ hand before heading out, things were progressing nicely. His song was steadily making its’ way up the charts, the stream counts were improving, slow, but steady as well. Airplay was going well also; he’d done a few radio interviews as well as a couple quick TV interviews. He was starting to get back into that familiar rhythm and it felt good after so long. He also noticed he started gaining more fans which was always nice, it was good to see the fruits of his labor. Kyu Jong also made sure to check in with his Japanese and Korean fans regularly, the words of his friend still ringing in his ears. He’d gotten the approval back home to release his album in in Korean too, but it wouldn’t be for a little while yet, still he felt better knowing it was going to happen.

He made his way into the an and turned his phone on, there were no new messages, it worried him. He hadn’t heard from Kayla since the funeral and of course he knew she was still grieving, but he hoped for a message to see how she was doing. He didn’t want to do it, wanted to give her time without coming off too pushy, but he was growing antsy. It’d been four days, he’d heard from Shane hyung and he was doing the best he could, trying to come to grips with everything as well. He advised him he would be back tomorrow while Kayla would be out until the end of the week as she seemed to be having a hard time, that’d been two days ago when he’d last heard from him. When he was home, he heard and saw Shane coming and going, but he hadn’t once seen Kayla, he was starting to get worried truth be told.

Several hours later Kyu Jong made his way home and up the stairs and into his townhouse. He’d seen that Shane’s truck was gone, but that Kayla’s car was still in the parking lot. Part of him hoped they were out together trying to take their minds off everything.

Once inside, he showered and started dinner, when his phone rang. Grabbing it, he looked at the caller Id, feeling a bit sad to see it wasn’t Kayla.

He smiled a bit, answering, “Hello hyung,”

“Hey Kyu Jong, how are you?”

“I’m ok, how are you more importantly?”

Shane sighed softly, “I’m ok, getting there at least. How did things go today?”

“Hyung, you don’t need to worry about that now, you’re…”

“Please Kyu Jong, I need the distraction trust me...please?” Shane implored softly.

Kyu Jong frowned, “Sure thing hyung,” he said softly.

They discussed how things had been going over the last few days and what Shane had missed while he was out. By the end of the call, he could hear the difference, Shane almost sounded like his old self, the conversation was obviously something he’d needed.

“Well, I’m gonna let you go, but before I do, can I ask another favor of you? I’m sorry to keep doing this but…I’m out of ideas.”

“Sure hyung, I’ll help if I can always,” he said, sitting down with a bowl of cereal.

“Well I hope I won’t have to take advantage of your kindness too much more.”

“It is fine hyung, really. What can I do?”

Shane hesitated a moment, “Kayla.”

Kyu Jong stilled, his spoon halfway to his mouth, “Kayla ssi?”

“Yeah, I just…we’ve tried everything. Chanile, her friends from work, the theater, they’ve all tried to reach out to her, but she won’t respond. She’s barely been out of her room in three days. She stays in there all day, lights out, under the covers. I’ve tried, tried to get her to open up, to talk to me, to talk to someone, do anything, but she doesn’t respond, I’m worried. I even tried texting Terrance, he still doesn’t respond, not that I thought he would, the er, but I was desperate. Then I got to thinking, maybe she’s waiting…”

Kyu Jong who’d been listening intently, blinked, “Waiting? Waiting for what?”

There was silence for a moment before Shane spoke again.

“You.”

Kyu Jong’s eyes widened, “Me?”

“I think so, not that she realizes it, but emotionally, mentally, I think you may be able to draw her out.”

He let out a breath, apprehension sneaking in. What if he couldn’t do it? What if it didn’t work? He didn’t want to let her down if she really was waiting for him.

“Hey Kyu Jong, I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean to freak you out. It’s ok, you don’t gotta go, I’m sorry really, this isn’t your…”

“I’ll go,” he said suddenly.

“You don’t…”

“I’ll do it,” Kyu Jong said, firmer this time. “She is my friend; I’d do anything for her.”

Kyu Jong unlocked the door and made his way inside the quiet townhouse. He took his shoes off and made his was way inside. It reminded him of a time before when he came to take care of her while she was extremely sick, it felt like ages ago now. He was back, back to hopefully help her out, but the stakes were much higher now. Shane stated he would be out for a bit, staying home caused him to think too much and he needed to stay occupied.

He made his way down the hall, stopping by her door, he hesitated. What if she threw him out? Despite the fact that his wasn’t about him, he’d be lying if he said he wouldn’t be extremely hurt. Taking a breath, he knew she’d do it for him. Reaching out, he knocked on the door.

“Kayla ssi? It’s Kyu Jong, I came by to see you…Kayla?” He called out softly. “I’m coming in…” He said, and waited a moment to listen for protest, but there was none.

Carefully he turned the knob and opened the door to find the room dark, the curtains drawn, the air cool and there was silence for a few seconds before he heard a soft sniffle coming from the vicinity of the bed.

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

Kyu Jong’s heart dropped as he looked over, she was curled up on her side, her back facing him, he could see her legs drawn up to her chest. Slowly he made his way over, stopping by the bed, he could feel the sadness radiating off her. Reaching out, he grabbed the covers, lifting them before carefully sliding under and scooting up close behind her as he got closer, he could see the gentle tremble of her shoulders and he shook his head sadly. Hesitating a minute, he reached out, sliding his arm over her waist gently, resting his chin on her shoulder.

I need some distraction

Oh, beautiful release

Memories seep from my veins

Let me be empty

Oh, and weightless, and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

A few seconds later, she turned suddenly, rolling over to face him, scooting in close, pushing her face into the crook of his neck.

“Y-you asked me before if I was ok…” she said softly.

Kyu Jong nodded slowly.

“Well I’m not, I’m not ok Kyu Jong, not at all. Why can’t I make it stop hurting? When d-does it stop…hurting?” She whimpered, sliding her arm over his waist as she pressed closer to him. “I was…w-waiting for you,” she whispered.

In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here

From this dark, cold, hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

She hurt, she hurt all over, her body and her heart ached. All she wanted was to be held and not by just anyone, by him and him only. She’d been crying out, not just for her Dad, but for him as well, for him to come and take the pain away, hoping he would come and take her in his arms and hold her as she fell apart and now…

There he was.

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There's vultures and thieves at your back

The storm keeps on twisting

Keep on building the lies

That you make up for all that you lack

She thought she could do it on her own, cope with it, but she wasn’t that strong, not nearly as strong as she needed to be. She’d heard the pleas of her brother, pulled herself out of her bed to see the messages of her friends begging her to respond and to get up and keep going, but she couldn’t, she just couldn’t do it.

All she thought of was him and how she was no longer going to see him, and she just wanted to go away, be away from it all. The little things that would always remind her of him, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, the smell of his cologne, his favorite kind of hat, all of it, she didn’t want to be reminded of it, it would be all around and she simply wasn’t ready.

It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness

Oh, this glorious sadness

That brings me to my knees

He slid his arm around her waist fully, pressing her right up close to his body as he held her tightly. At the press of his body against hers, she cried harder, the pain just didn’t stop, but part of her was relieved that she didn’t have to suffer alone anymore.

In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here

From this dark, cold, hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

“I-I w-was…wa-waiting for…you,” she whimpered again through her sobs, holding him tightly, letting the warmth and comfort of his arms soothe her.

“I’m here Kayla…jagi, I’m here,” he whispered, wrapping her in his arms protectively.

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

Song: Angel - by Sarah Mclachlan

Lyrics from LyricFind

Video from YouTube account : The Offical Sarah Mclachlan

__________________

A/N: A lot of readers had called it and I didn't want to say they were right, but it's happened. Kayla's father's visit was intentional it turns out, a goodbye from him to her, a means to clear the air so he could go in peace so she could find closure and while it doesn't seem like it'll happen she feels, it will. The last time I wrote this kind of scene was probably close to about ten or eleven years ago roughly, give or take, when another one of my characters had lost her father, shortly after my Dad died, it was just as hard then as it was now, probably harder since it was so close to my Father's death. It's something to put yourself back into that moment, the feelings, the loss, it is profound and in some ways crippling, so why do it over and over? Because such is life right? Since then, I've lost two more people and the pain is always the same, the loss and sorrow, how to move on and keep living life knowing physically they aren't there, that's always the hardest. Going back with Kayla was hard, it's always hard. I gave her closure, something I never got with my Dad. My relationship with my Dad was similar to Kayla's as I've said before. He rarely told me he was proud of me, he was controlling and domineering and I did what I could to make him happy at the expense of my own happiness. I didn't want Kayla to not have closure and gave her the gifts I wish I'd gotten before my Dad passed away abruptly. I always usually write my characters with some kind of Dad issues because sadly, it's what I know, and there's always heartbreak and I try to give these characters what I didn't have, it is my catharsis I suppose you could say. Maybe I can find my closure through them, I wait. 

I wish I had my own Kyu Jong at the time, but it wasn't to be lol! I had my friends though and of course my amazing Mom. 

I think the song fits perfectly, don't you??

Until next time!

MO~