"Why did you appear in my dream again?
Even I think I’m so pathetic
It doesn’t matter whether I erased you or forgot you
My hands, my head still remembers you
No matter what I try, I can’t empty you out."

— Damiano Feat. Minah "Skyfall"

Yoongi's POV

"Yoongi-ah, did you eat yet?"

"Look Yoongi, it's a kitten! Can we keep it, please?"

"You're too sweet, jagiya."

"Do we have to go out today? I just want to lay in bed with you."

"Can we stay like this for a little longer? You're so warm."

The sound of bags rustling and footsteps filled my ears, interrupting my sleep. My eyes remained closed, my hazy mind vaguely aware of my surroundings. All I knew at that moment was that I wanted to go back to sleep, to go back to my dreams where she was still there in my arms, where we exchanged affectionate words and held hands, where we whispered "I love you" to each other quietly before drifting off to sleep.

For a moment, my mind hung on the thin thread between dreams and reality. My eyes cracked opened slightly, only to flutter close as my mind finally chose to plunge back into its dream state.

I dreamt of shooting stars and her eyes that reflected them, blinking silently before turning to stare at me, crinkling slightly and smiling in my direction.

"I love you."

"Oh, hey Taehyung. Did Seokjin hyung send you again?"

I was woken up from my sleep at the sound of the door opening and feet shuffling inside, quiet murmuring filling the room. I remained in my position, my eyes still shut, too tired to get up, but I was finally aware of where I was. I had fallen asleep on the couch in the studio, feeling exhausted and under the weather. My neck ached from having been bent for so long in my position, my arms numb from having been layed on.

The voices grew louder and louder, and I felt the slight shift of the couch, a body barely grazing my arms.

"Kind of. Hyung told me Yoongi hyung was feeling... down again," I immediately recognized Taehyung's and Hoseok's voices as they chatted about, the sound of plastic bags rustling and styrofoam containers filling the room, "So I brought some mandu over. He hasn't been eating, huh?"

I could feel their eyes being trained on me, the delicate touch of one of their hands on my hair, ruffling it slightly. There was a sigh, definitely Hoseok's, and more sounds of chopsticks being split, preparing to eat. 

"Well, no, not much anyway. He seemed fine a couple of days ago, but I just- I don't know," There was a pause, Hoseok's voice suddenly growing very quiet, as if contemplating what to say, "I tried asking what was wrong, but he won't tell me anything."

There was another pause, and soon, the sound of chewing and swallowing filled the empty space. They stayed like that for a few minutes, and I wondered if they knew I was awake. I cracked my eyes open just the slightest, taking a peek at Hoseok's face, whose cheeks were stuffed with food, and glanced at Taehyung's back, sincerely hoping he wouldn't lean back and squish me even more against the couch. 

"Do you think it has to do with his ex?" All of a sudden, a lump formed in my throat, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Hoseok stopped chewing, looking up from his food to stare at Taehyung, his mouth opening in surprise. Taehyung gagged at the sight of half-chewed food and threw his chopsticks at Hoseok. He put his food down quickly and grabbed a napkin, wiping his mouth before whining, "Ew hyung, and Yoongi hyung calls me disgusting. I think I just lost my appetite."

There was a short laugh, Hoseok covering his mouth with his hand in an attempt to not flash anymore, shaking his head, "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I was just surprised you brought her up. I mean, they broke up about... more than a month ago? Yeah, I think it's been nearly two months."

Hoseok furrowed his brows, placing his food on the table, and bringing a finger up to his chin, seemingly deep in thought. I felt the couch shake slightly as Taehyung shrugged, leaning back on his arms and looking up at the ceiling.

"Has Yoongi hyung ever told you the reason they broke up?" He started quietly, a hint of sadness in his voice. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to shut them out and to go back to sleep. The last thing I wanted was to hear this conversation, to have old wounds split open again at the topic that was about to be brought up.

"Mm, no he hasn't. You know how he is, he keeps everything bottled up inside- I wish he didn't, though. I hate seeing him like this," Hoseok spoke softly, and I suddenly felt guilty; they were always worried about me, but I always pushed them away, not wanting to bother them with my problems, "...Do you really think it has to do with her?"

Taehyung remained quiet, clearing his throat, before speaking again.

"I asked him once... if he loved her, back when they were still together. The look he gave me, oh my God, you should have seen it, hyung. I literally saw his eyes sparkling, and for a literal second, I could have sworn he softened up and became a marshmallow. He looked so happy and sure of himself, when he said "yes," like, I haven't seen Yoongi hyung that happy in a long time. It made me really happy, you know, seeing him like that."

I remembered that day. Taehyung had come over when she was about to leave, and they exchanged a few words before continuing on their ways. There was a teasing grin stretched across his lips as he cooed at my flaming cheeks, but soon stopped and stared at me seriously, biting the inside of his cheek nervously. I was taken aback by his sudden question, but it was thanks to him that I realized, yes, I love her, I love her so much you have no idea. 

My heart started thumping in my chest almost painfully, too fast and too erratic, that I feared Taehyung would turn around at any moment and realize I was awake, and I was listening in on their conversation. To my relief, he didn't, still staring at the ceiling, a bit lost in his own thoughts.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't know if you've ever seen Yoongi hyung talk on the phone with her, but man, his mood instantly changes from "I hate my life," to "I hear angels singing," and it looks like he's literally flying," Hoseok grinned, a look of delight crossing his face, but it didn't take long before his face fell, his lips quirking into a frown, "They were so happy and in love... And then, I don't know what happened. If it wasn't for Seokjin hyung, I don't think Yoongi would have been able to eat or drink the week they broke up."

There was a short pause, and silence filled the room. I took a deep breath, about to open my eyes and sit up to let them know that I was awake and end the painful silence when Taehyung spoke up, his voice a bit shaky and uncertain.

"Can... can people fall out of love?"

"I wish I could." Without thinking, my eyes shot open, and I sat up, startling the both of them. Taehyung shrieked rather loudly, jumping up from the couch and turning around to face me, his mouth agape. Hoseok choked on his own spit as his eyes shot in my direction, widening in an almost comical way.

"Y-Yoongi hyung, you- you're awake?" Taehyung spluttered, still standing up. I blinked for a couple of seconds, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness of the room, my eyes drifting from him to Hoseok, who was still looking at me with a surprised look on his face, "Were you- were you awake this whole time?"

I nodded again and sighed, running a hand through my hair. I hadn't meant to say that outloud, but my lips had moved on their own at his words. Taehyung and Hoseok shared worried looks, the former plopping down on the couch next to me.

"What do you mean, you wish you could?" Taehyung was suddenly close, too close, his eyes looking into mine, filled with curiousity and surprise. I averted my eyes, not comfortable with the direction this conversation was taking, "You- you still love her?"

I stayed quiet as Taehyung spoke, mouth moving a mile a minute, suddenly looking quite determined to get something out of me. I groaned at his stubbornness, knowing he wouldn't shut up until he got an answer. I really didn't want to talk about this, and my patience was wearing thin with every word that left his mouth. 

"But if you still love her, why would you break up? I thought- isn't love about staying by each other's side, no matter what? To love their imperfections, to lift them up when they're feeling down, to put aside your differences-"

"It's none of your business, Taehyung," I snapped, having heard enough. He cowared slightly at my words, his determination wavering as I glared in his direction, my hands clenching into fists, "What do you know about love, anyway?"

A look of hurt crossed his face, and my stomach twisted into knots, regretting my words slightly. However, he shook his head quickly and looked determined once again, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Don't you dare say I don't know love," He started, eyes never breaking their gaze with my own. I swallowed, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"Taehyung-" Hoseok warned, rising from his seat, but I put my hand up, stopping him from doing anything. No matter how much I wanted to shut my eyes and push them out, I knew I needed to hear this.

"I know love enough to say that it's a magical feeling, like you're absolutely soaring, and there's only you and them flying in your own world," Taehyung took a deep breath, words tumbling out of his mouth too fast, his voice filled with wonder and admiration, "I've seen love in your eyes, Yoongi hyung. Whenever you look at her, talk about her, it's written all over your face. Hell, I even see it when I catch you daydreaming sometimes. So why- why would you stop something so wonderful and beautiful?"

"You were so happy, hyung. Why are you hurting yourself?" His eyes grew teary, and a feeling of panic settled in my stomach. He took a shaky breath, "Please don't shut me out, hyung. Tell me... tell us what happened. We're all worried about you, we- we just want to help."

I finally averted my gaze, turning my head to stare at the ceiling. I refused to look either of them in the eye, knowing I would only feel guiltier. I finally opened my mouth, deciding that they needed to know, at least this much. There was no turning back.

"Love also means letting go," I muttered quietly, my eyes shutting tiredly, "Love means promising the impossible. Love isn't breaking promises, it's wishing for and doing what's best for the other."

I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. In my mind, I imagined her smiling face, her hand tugging on my own, a giggle bubbling from her lips. It hurt knowing that I was able to take that smile away, to cause tears to form in her eyes.

"Hyung?" I heard a voice on the other side of me, and turned to face Hoseok, who looked quite confused. He took a seat next to me, his eyes dropping to his hands on his lap, "I don't understand."

How do I explain this? I always had a hard time putting my thoughts into words, and quickly felt a lump forming in my throat. I turned my head to look at Taehyung, who gave me a reassuring smile and nodded his head, urging for me to go on.

"I... I don't deserve her. I love her, but I don't deserve her. She makes me so happy, and she's always so understanding, but I'm-" Another deep breath, my nerves getting the better of me, "I'm selfish, so selfish. It pains me to see her cry, but it hurts even more once I realize I'm the reason for those tears. I'm the one who robs her of her smile everytime I'm too busy and I reject her. I want her to be happy, but how can she be if I'm the one seperating her from that happiness?"

"Is that why... is that why you let her go?" Taehyung voiced his question quietly. I simply nodded, feeling a huge weight lift off my chest. It felt nice to finally tell someone these things, having kept everything to myself for too long.

"But the funny thing is," I let out a dry laugh, my mind having gone haywire, not believing the situation I was in, "I want her to forget me, to let go, but at the same time, I'm the one who can't get over her. I'm stuck on an infinite loop of "what if's" and wants and wishes, and it feels like I'm literally drowning, like I can't breath."

A silence fell upon us, neither of us knowing what to say. I could feel my heart thundering in my chest, a feeling of defeat settling in my stomach. I felt frustrated at myself, frustrated at the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about her, her smile, her laugh, the shape of her hand that fit perfectly against mine, her everything.

"Hyung," Taehyung cleared his throat, catching my attention. I turned my head in his direction, watching as his face changed from looking uncertain to sympathetic, a small smile stretching across his lips, "I don't think... I don't think that's love."

I gave him a confused look, about to ask him what in the world was he talking about when he cleared his throat again, "Love isn't making decisions by yourself. Don't you think- isn't it more selfish to think that she'll be happy without you when you've never talked to her about it? What happened to working things out together?"

I stared at him blankly, at a loss for words. It took a while for his words to sink in, to really wrap my mind around what he had just said.  Just when I was about to open my mouth, Hoseok got up from his position on the couch and headed towards my desk, picking up something and sprinting back. He tugged at my hand, a gentle smile on his face, and placed said object in my palm.

My fingers came in contact with a smooth, cold ring. I unconciously spun the ring in my fingers, feeling the bumpiness of the heart engraved in the interior of the band. Flashbacks to the day I had given her an identical ring flashed in my mind, and I couldn't help the small upward quirk at the corner of my lips.

"You're always staring and playing with it in your hands when you're having a hard time composing, or writing lyrics. It doesn't take a genius like Namjoon to notice that you miss her," He smiled again, exchanging looks with Taehyung before giving his attention back to me, "I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit- I mean, with one glance, I can tell that both of you really do make the other happy. And to me... that's enough, I think."

"You may think that she'll be happier without you, but are you sure? And what about your happiness, hyung?"

"I..." I opened my mouth, only to close it again. No matter how I looked at it, her unhappiness was caused by me, by my actions and my words. Not once had I thought about her thoughts on the matter, having convinced myself that she would be better off without me. 

I didn't mind sacrificing my own happiness, even though the mere thought of seeing her with another man sent a searing sensation throughout my whole body, starting from my chest. If it meant she could smile and laugh all she wanted without shedding a single tear, I would do it. I would live every single day of my entire life wallowing in this endless loop of despair if it meant she could be happy.

Which is why I pushed her away. I gave her the cold shoulder, ignored her, acted like an absolute , anything to give her a reason to hate me. Surely, that would make things easier for her, giving her a reason to get over me, to let me go. I wanted her to curse me out, to yell profanities in my face, to rip everything and anything we ever had into shreds and pieces. She would move on with her life, and I would move on with mine.

Except, I couldn't. I couldn't, not anymore, not after the I learned that she still, after all I had done, after the way I had treated her; she still loved me.

And I did too. 

"It's okay, Yoongi," Taehyung placed a hand on my shoulder, rubbing it in a comforting way. For once, I didn't send a glare in his direction for not calling me hyung. Hoseok followed right after him, placing his hand on my other shoulder. They both gave me comforting smiles, never letting go. Which, for some odd reason, I was grateful for.

"We're here. Not just Hoseok and I, but Jimin and Jungkook, and everybody else. You don't have to do this alone; whatever it is you need help with, you know you can tells us, right? Don't keep everything to yourself; it's bad for your health, as Seokjin hyung likes to say."

I looked back and forth between their eyes, full of warmth and kindess. I averted my eyes to the side, suddenly feeling embarrassed and strangely comforted at the same time. 

"Thanks, guys," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say. They kept on smiling in my direction, nodding their heads simultaneously.

"What are friends for?"

"Freedom!" I covered my ears, shooting Hoseok a glare as we walked home, having finally finished our work for the day. He ignored me, continuing his very loud cheering without a care in the world, stretching his arms high up in the air. I scooted away when he started dancing rather strangely in the middle of the street, and covered my eyes.

"I don't know him, I don't know him, I don't know him," I mumbled, speeding up my pace and walking ahead of him in hopes of not being associated with him. He's definitely been hanging out with Taehyung too much. 

Finally looking up, I jumped at the sight of a very familiar face in front of a flower shop. I stopped in my tracks, taking my hand out of my pocket, only to place it on said person's hair, ruffling it in the process.

"Hey Jungkook," I grinned at the way he whined and pushed my arm away, hands going up to fix his hair. He looked at his reflection on the window display of the flower shop, hands going up to pat down a few stray hairs, "Haven't seen you around for a while. Wow, you sure are taller now."

"You're the one who refuses to leave the studio, Yoongi hyung." Jungkook sighed, finally having fixed his hair and turned around to face me. For a second, he eyed me worriedly, hand going up to pat me in the head. I shot him a strange look, not really knowing how to react. Suddenly, he broke out into a smile, his hand continuing its motion, "But it's nice to see you too. I see you're feeling... better now?"

I stared at him blankly, trying to choose my words carefully. I didn't know how much the rest of the gang had told him, but he probably knew enough to figure that I hadn't been in the best of moods lately. Before I could respond, he squinted his eyes past my head, his hand lifting off my head to point at something behind me, "Is that Hoseok hyung I see, flailing his arms like an idiot?"

I groaned, not bothering to turn around as I was suddenly pushed forward by someone barreling into me, succesfully sandwiching me in a hug with Jungkook. I huffed, jabbing Hoseok hard in the ribs with my elbow, successfully releasing his grip on me. He whined, a pout forming in his lips, but soon lighting up and clinging onto Jungkook. Poor child, I wish I could help him.

"Hoseok hyung-" Jungkook wheezed, finally pushing Hoseok away. He took a deep breath, probably getting air into his crushed lungs, and gave the other a wary look, "Did you eat something funny this morning?"

The older just grinned, shaking his head and resuming his weird dance on the sidewalk, "Nope! Well, maybe but- I'm so happy, Jungkook! Our boss gave us a week off from work. Can you believe it?" He laughed, placing his elbow on my shoulder. I pushed his elbow off, not very amused by his actions. That didn't change the fact that I was happy, well, extremely delighted for our mini vacation, "Anyway, what are you doing in front of a flower shop?"

Jungkook blinked, and a look of realization crossed his face as if he finally remembered something. He pointed his thumb at the flower display at the front of the shop, taking out a camera from his bag.

"I'm doing a project for my music class," He started, uncapping the lens and turning on his camera. There was a sudden flash from his camera and I blinked quickly, willingly the white spots to go away, "I need to compose a song, and I was looking for inspiration."

I turned my head in the direction of the window display, my eyes sliding through the many blooming flowers until they landed on a few roses at the side of the window.

"She loves roses," I muttered quietly to myself, not being able to tear my eyes away from said flowers.

"Did you say something, hyung?" I finally looked up, meeting curious eyes peering at the roses of the window display. I shook my head quickly, turning around to block them from view.

"No, I didn't say- Actually Jungkook, why don't I help with your composition?" I tried to change the topic, pushing both Hoseok and Jungkook away from the flower shop. To my relief, the younger bought it, nodding his head enthusiastically.

"Really hyung? But, aren't you super busy all the time?" I froze for a split second, not expecting to hear those words. They sounded so similar to hers, words she would often say to me. I quickly regained my composure, willing the sudden ache in my chest to go away.

"Yeah, it's fine. Just tell me when you need help, and I'll invite you to the studio," Hoseok nodded, offering his help as well. Jungkook looked delighted, a big smile stretching across his lips, and quickly agreed.

As we made our way towards a random restuarant ("Yoongi hyung never treats me to food," I groaned into my hands, not being able to resist the whining of the youngest. Jungkook grinned cheekily, sprinting a few steps ahead of me, my wallet somehow finding its way into his hands. Stupid brat), I heard a loud grunt beside me. Turning my head, I stared at Hoseok stretching his arms in the air, a gentle smile on his face.

"I heard that roses are beautiful this time around," He said nonchalantly, his head slowly turning to give me a teasing grin, his eyebrows wiggling up and down. I stared at him for a few seconds before turning away, feeling my face flush in embarrasment. , he caught me staring back at the flower shop.

He laughed rather loudly at my reaction, his grin only growing bigger and bigger, and soon jogged away and joined Jungkook up ahead, "Ah, I'm so hungry. Jungkookie, you should treat Hobi hyung to food!"

"Yah, that's my money!" I watched as they both started running faster, widening the gap between us. I huffed, not having the energy to chase after them, and settled on just walking.

I made a mental note to buy flowers later.

"Your voice still spins around me
Your scent still spins around me
I love you I love you I love you."

fghjkldfl this chapter!! got me!! going crazy!! like in a goodway cuz I can finally start explaining stuff!! so now we know Yoongi's reasoning for the break up, so we can finally get the story moving along :^)) sorry if the pacing was a little slow, but things should be picking up from here!

half of this chapter probably wasn't necessary but like I really like writing about the bangtan members?? like omg taehyung, cinammon roll, I finally wrote about him!! And jungkook!! ermergerd!!

a little heads up for y'all: next chapter will be... the confrontation!! *dun dun dun* (i am so lame im so sorry) omg will I have fun writing that! no but seriously, I've been wanting to write it for so long and now I finally can! ; u ;

prepare your tissues, dear readers; you'll need them