"I’m alone on the sofa where you used to be
I’m here, waiting for you
So far from my side, you’re so far away
I’m still not over you, only dust remains
As I wait for you."

— Crush "Sofa"

"Sorry Jihyun, I have plans with Yoongi tonight."

"Aw, are you serious? Of all days, you had to have a date today?" I giggled as she whined over the phone. I made my way to the kitchen, placing a bag of popcorn kernels in the microwave, and set the time. I hummed in reply to Jihyun's whines, watching the bag grow bigger and bigger with each pop, the smell of butter filling the air, "So, is the great Min Suga finally taking you to that restaurant near the Han River?"

I bit my lip, my cheerful spirit slightly deflating at her words, "Um, no, he's not. Actually, I wouldn't really call it a date..." My eyes slid to timer on the microwave, and I started to drum my fingers on the kitchen counter top, "We're just hanging out at my place. You know, watching a rom-com movie, the usual."

The line suddenly went quiet, and I felt myself grow slightly fearful at the silence. Jihyun was never silent, and when she was, it was either when she was deep in thought, or trying to choose her words carefully. I secretly hoped it was the former, and pressed my phone closer to my ear.

"Jihyun?" My head turned towards the microwave as it beeped, indicating that time was up. I grabbed the steaming bag inside of it, cursing underneath my breath at the way it burned my fingers. I quickly tossed it onto the kitchen counter, and grabbed a nearby bowl, starting to empty the contents of the bag into it.

"When was the last time he took you on an actual date?" Her sudden question startled me, causing me to tilt the popcorn bag a little too far from the edge of the bowl. Popcorn dropped onto the counter and onto the floor, but I stood frozen in place, "Not to be nosy or anything, I was just... curious."

I sighed, my happy mood from before long gone. I grabbed the broom at the corner of my kitchen and began to sweep the mess I had created, placing my phone down and putting it on loud speaker in the process, "Um, I would have to say... three weeks? Maybe four, I'm not really sure, to be honest."

"Four weeks?!" I jumped at the sound of Jihyun shouting over the phone, and sincerely hoped my neighbors hadn't woken up because of the noise, "He hasn't taken you anywhere in about a month?"

"He has a very busy schedule," I tried to defend, feeling knots form in my stomach. But even then, I could still feel the disappointment building up in my chest, the slight burn of my heart everytime Yoongi had told me that he had a deadline to meet and wouldn't be able to make it. I finally finished cleaning the spilled popcorn and took the bowl, as well as my phone, to the living room, plopping down on the couch and checking the time.

9:26 P.M. He should be here soon. I made my way to the shelf near the T.V., scanning the many movie titles. 

"So busy that he can't take his girlfriend out for a simple date?" She seemed awfully baffled by the absurdity of the situation, and although I really didn't want to agree with her, since I knew music was very important to him, a voice in the back of my mind silently agreed, and I wanted nothing more but to crush that little bit of uncertainty.

Not knowing what to say, I stayed silent, my fingers skimming through the DVD boxes absentmindedly. I chose a movie from the middle of the selection, and put it into the DVD player, not bothering to look at the title or the description. I walked back to the couch and assumed my previous positon, turning my head to stare at the clock above my T.V.

"Hey," Jihyun's voice called out softly, so soft that I almost didn't hear her through the thick haze of thoughts that had suddenly developed in my mind. I hummed in response, my eyes never leaving the clock, watching as the minute hand moved to indicate one minute had passed, "Sorry, that came out wrong. I just don't understand his priorities, I guess."

"No, no, it's okay, I- I see where you're coming from," I said quietly, tearing my eyes away from the clock to stare at my lap, my fingers playing with the hem of my shirt, "But I don't want to be too clingy, you know? He has work that has to be done, and I understand that. I'm perfectly fine with our little movie nights."

I couldn't help but feel like I was lying through my teeth, as if I didn't understand why we couldn't hang out more, as if I wasn't fine with the occasional movie nights. I did understand, I really did... or so I tried to convinced myself. After two weeks without seeing each other much, I started feeling a little unsure, a little more disappointed, a little frustrated at the same words that came out of his mouth everytime I asked to hang out.

No. I'm sorry. I have a deadline. I wish I could go. I'll call you later.

I hated feeling like this; it made me feel selfish and desperate and it always left a sour taste in my mouth. I tried to push such thoughts to the back of my mind, willing them to go away and to never appear again. But they always came back, every single time I was rejected. 

"You know what," I was snapped out of my train of thought, and focused on Jihyun's voice, who seemed to have noticed the change in my mood. She let out a sigh, pausing for a short while before continuing, "Forget I said anything. I mean, you know him way better than I do, so I really don't have the right to say anything. Have fun with Suga tonight, and don't watch any dirty films, alright?"

"Jihyun!" I whined, but felt a smile tug at my lips at her attempt to make me feel better.

With that, the call ended. I glanced at the clock again, sighing before getting up and walking around my living room. I picked up the random laundry thrown on my couch and dumped it in the corner of my room. I threw out the empty food wrappers on the table, and even whipped out my vacuum cleaner to get rid of any crumbs on the carpet.

By the time I was done, my living room was spick and span, not a single piece of litter in site. I smiled to myself, hands on my hips, my eyes scanning the room, admiring my hard work and looked at the clock.

10:04 P.M.

My hands quickly fell to my side and my lips quirked into a frown. Yoongi was usually here by now, if not earlier. I whipped out my phone and checked for any new messages, but there were none. Growing slightly worried, I dialed his phone number, biting my lip as the call went straight to voicemail. That was weird, he usually never turned his phone off.

I plopped down on the couch, staring aimlessly at the blank T.V. screen. My eyes slowly drifted to the clock again, unable to tear my eyes away. 

Where was he? My mind soon started wandering, trying to come up with an explanation. He did say that he had a deadline coming up in a few days, as usual. He also mentioned that Hoseok had gone on vacation ("That lucky bastard," He grumbled and I laughed, quietly agreeing) so that meant he had a lot more work than usual, and that his compositions weren't going as well as he had planned. 

Did he ditch me?

I almost slapped myself at that thought. Yoongi would never do such a thing; even if he had to cancel plans, he would have called me hours beforehand, apologizing profusely. But the thought drifted back to my mind, and I felt my heart clench painfully at the prospect of it.

It seemed very plausible, given the circumstances of his workload this week, and how tired he sounded over the line when I called him yesterday. I didn't want to admit it, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. If he ditched me, he would have more time to compose and write his songs, and would probably make the deadline.

"But it's movie night," I grumbled, bringing my knees to my chest, and rested my chin on my arms. I hadn't seen him in so long, and was looking forward to tonight for a long time. He knew it too, so how could he even think of canceling without telling me?

Maybe he didn't care anymore.

"," I squeezed my eyes shut and willed such thoughts to go away. But they wouldn't stop. 

He's too busy for your silly movie nights.

It's too much of a bother to come here after work.

You're way too clingy and he finally grew sick of it.

I felt tears sting the back of my eyes, a huge lump forming in my throat. I hated how I doubted him, hated how far away he seemed lately everytime I gave him a call, hated how I was the only one who seemed to miss the other.

I suddenly felt tired, really and utterly exhausted, my mind finally coming to a halt, as if I ran out of steam. I glanced at the clock before closing my eyes, too tired to be aware of the painful clenching of my heart in my chest, the feeling of my stomach twisting in knots.

I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep until I heard the ringing of my doorbell, once, then twice, and then repeatedly after that. Groaning, I sat up from my position on the couch, yawning loudly and stretching my arms. The ringing continued, and I sighed, making my way to the door of my apartment, taking a quick glance at my phone.

I cursed underneath my breath, realizing it was almost midnight, and squinted my eyes in the direction of the door. Who the heck could it be at such an ungodly hour?

I quickly unlocked the door and swung it open, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I jumped at the bouquet of red tulips that were suddenly ed in my face, and hesitantly took it, eyeing it warily in my hands. Silently, I placed the bouquet behind me, muttering a confused "okay?" and turned back to the doorway. My eyes widened upon seeing a mess of pink hair sticking out of a beanie, soon drifting to the teasing eyes that stared right back at me. I felt myself gape at him, taking in the flush of his cheeks and the quick rise and drop of his chest, as if he was taking deep breaths from having ran too long.

"Hey," He said breathlessly, bringing his hand up to tug at his beanie that was about to slide off his head, "Sorry I'm late, I ran into a few problems and-"

Wordlessly, I stepped towards him and wrapped my arms around him, ignoring the chilly air that was tickling my skin, making me shiver slightly. I buried my face in his chest, refusing to look up, and shut my eyes tightly. He placed his hands on my back hesitantly, but soon wrapped his arms around my frame, pulling me closer. I sighed at the heat radiating from his body and snuggled closer, a wave of relief washing over me.

Yoongi. He's here. This is real.

"Hey," I heard him whisper quietly, placing his hand on my chin and tilting my head to look up at him. My breath caught in my throat as I stared at him, his gaze warm and loving, but soon turned into one of worry, the corner of his lips tilting slightly downwards into a frown, "Is everything okay?"

"I thought you weren't coming," I mumbled, averting my eyes from his gaze. I clutched his sweater tightly, my throat becoming dry and my vision getting blurry with unshed tears, "I know it's stupid, but I thought you grew sick of me and I-"

I was suddenly shushed with a simple press of his lips on my own. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as my eyes drooped close, enjoying the warmness of his lips, the smell of his cologne filling my nostrils. He held me gently, one hand on the small of my back, the other on my cheek. For a split second, I forgot about the cold wind rushing past us, the fact that it was almost midnight, and I was outside in only my pajamas. There was only us, lost in our own little world, where everything was magical and wonderful. It was warm, incredibly warm, but it was a warmth that was loving and tender, and I never felt safer in my life than I did in his arms.

"Let's go inside, okay?" He whispered, nuzzling his nose against mine after we parted for air, sliding his hand into my own, interwining our fingers together. I nodded numbly, letting him tug my arm in the direction of the door. My cheeks flushed bright red as I stared at our interwined hands, feeling my heart flutter with every squeeze he gave them. 

He closed the door behind him as I finally remembered the flowers and knelt down, picking them up off the floor. Taking a closer look now, the tulips were beautiful, having been freshly cut and wrapped, and smelled really nice. A huge smile spread across my face and I made my way to my closet, searching for a vase. Having found one, I quickly filled it with water and placed the tulips in the vase. 

"Do you like them?" I jumped in surprise at the sound of Yoongi's voice behind me. Whirling around, I giggled at the nervous look on his face, his hand scratching the back of his head, causing a few hairs to fly up. I quickly pecked his lips and smiled at the way his face grew bright red, and patted the few stray hairs down, nodding my head in the process.

"I love them," A look relief washed over his face at my words, and he looked down at his shoes, mumbling some incoherent words under his breath. I dragged him in the direction of the couch, plopping down on it. I looked around a bit nervously, not knowing what to say, soon realizing I hadn't offered him anything to drink, "Um, do you want a drink?"

He shook his head quickly, his hand reaching for my own again. I watched as he spun the ring on my finger absentmindedly, caressing my hand in the process. He took a deep breath, causing me to look up, only to be caught in his intense gaze. I gulped, fighting the urge to tear my eyes away.

"I probably owe you an explanation," He started, his fingers still playing with my ring. I nodded, urging him to go on, "Okay, so the reason I'm so late. I know we haven't gone anywhere lately, and I even had Namjoon rub in my face that I was the "tiest boyfriend ever," which is true."

I opened my mouth in protest, but stopped when Yoongi brought his hand up, telling me to stop. I grumbled for a couple of seconds, but stayed quiet, letting him continue.

"So, feeling like absolute , I decided to order a bouquet of roses for you, since I know you love them so much. So after work, I was going to the florist to pick up the flowers and hopefully surprise you tonight, you know, take you on a date, something like that. But little did I know," His face scrunched in distaste, his eyes narrowing in an almost comical way, "Some couple was getting married that day, and I'm not even joking, they ordered every single rose in that goddamn shop. Every single one."

"Anyway, after yelling at the florist for even accepting my order if he knew that he wouldn't have any roses, he offered me some alternatives, and I ended up with red tulips. I didn't know if you would like them or not, so I was a bit nervous and decided to search up the meaning of red tulips, since I know you're into flower language, but of course," He was almost fuming at this point, and I tried to pat his back in a soothing way, trying to bite back a smile, "Of course I had to have a kid bump into me, causing me to drop my phone onto the pavement. And that's not even the worst part. When I picked it up, the screen was all cracked and it wouldn't even turn on."

"I spent the next two hours trying to not explode at the kid and his mom, who offered to pay for the repairs for my phone. Which is how I ended up in some random shop nearby, only to be told to come back tomorrow to pick it up. Anyway, my point is, I'm really sorry for not coming on time for movie night, but," He suddenly went quiet, causing me to tilt my head in confusion. Our eyes met, and I gulped, feeling a bit nervous at the way he gazed at me.

"Don't ever think that I would ditch you. I don't even think I could ever grow sick of you, to be honest," His tone was quiet but sincere, and my heart soared at his words. Again, I felt myself getting lost in our own little world, the butterflies still fluttering wildly in my stomach, "I don't think I say this enough but... I love you. I love you, so so much."

A huge smile spread across my face and I held his hand tightly, "I love you, too. I can't even put into words how much you mean to me."

I meant it. Every single word.

I groaned, my eyes fluttering open at the sound of the doorbell ringing. I took a glance at the clock and sighed, getting up from my position on my couch and heading towards the door.

To be honest, I felt like . Getting over someone you loved, and secretly still did, was not easy. How was I supposed to get over Yoongi if everytime I closed my eyes, all I could see was his face, smiling warmly at me, only to have him turn around and give me the cold shoulder? Memories still flooded into my mind, despite having cleaned my apartment of his things and other similar belongings. 

I shook my head, trying to steel my resolve. I had to do this. There was no more turning back. I was going to get over him, no matter what. I had promised myself, promised him.

I ignored the huge box in the corner of the living room, recalling moments in which I had to force myself to not tear it open. 

I unlocked the door and swung it open, only to frown in confusion. I stepped out of my apartment and peeked around, looking for whoever could have rung my doorbell. That was weird, there was no one in sight. Deciding that I had to get my doorbell fixed, I made my way back inside, but stopped at the sound of my foot crunching on something.

Looking down, my eyes widened at what I had stepped on. It was the stem of a fully bloomed rose, having been freshly cut based on the color. I picked it up, only to hiss as one of the thorns pricked my finger, causing me to let go of the stem. It fell with a silent thud, some of its petals spilling out onto the floor. It was then that I noticed more flowers on the floor. Picking the bunch up and examining them, I soon realized it was purple hyacinths.

My breath hitched in my throat and I made my way back into my apartment, shutting the door behind me. I grabbed a vase from my closet and filled it with water, placing the hyacinths into it.

The rose remained where it was outside my door, my mind having long forgotten it.

red tulip — declaration of love

rose, singular fully bloomed — I love you (still)

purple hyacinths — I'm sorry; please forgive me

"I try closing my eyes and covering my ears
But the memories come back to me
Will my heart stop if I hold in my breath?
Only my longing for you comes back."

for once I didn't update at 4 am omg ; u ; anyways, sorry if I confused any of you again, omg I always do this: the first part is a flashback/memory and the second part is present time. Also, I included a little bit of flower language in this chapter, which is actually pretty cool in my opinion ^^ Sorry if the last part seemed a bit rushed, but tbh it was ;^; 

idk if any of you noticed, but I linked Jungkook's cover to Sofa as well as the original. The Jeon got me feeling a type with this cover omg his voice, literally melting?? it's so beautiful please listen to it :')

i would also like to give a shoutout to all the subscribers/upvoters and all the wonderful people who have left comments so far ;u; you guys literally make me blush gahhh thank you thank you thank you~ especially those who were so understanding of my college situation (sobs)

i would also like to thank min yoongi for appearing in my dreams twice wat

creds to forjimin