"My heart is just like the first time
but now it’s filled with scars because of you
We keep changing, at your cold voice,
I cool down too."

— G-Dragon "결국"

"Hey, you've reached Min Yoongi's voicemail. Please leave a messa-" I hung up, sighing for the nth time. It had been about two weeks since I had last seen him. Since I had last seen his pink tresses, his milky white skin, his smile. After a week of no messages or calls, I had succumbed to temptation and had finally dialed his number, hoping he would pick up. I should have known it was futile. He didn't want me in his life anymore, it was obvious. 

This thought brought a fresh wave of frustrated tears, which I quickly wiped with the back of my sleeve. How could he just leave me without an explanation? Didn't I at least deserve that? Did I mean that little to him?

I shook my head. Stop thinking about it. It'll only make you feel worse. Thankfully, I was suddenly distracted by the growling of my stomach. Bringing a hand to hold my stomach, I glanced at the clock on my kitchen counter. 2:39 PM. Perfect, just in time for lunch.

Grinning slightly at the thought of food, I quickly dialed Jihyun, leaning against the kitchen counter and placing my phone against my ear. Soon, I heard her pick up.

"Hey Jihyun. Do you want to grab a bite to eat? I heard a new shop opened that sells really good soondubu," I spoke into the reciever, pushing myself off the counter and heading towards my room. Soondubu sounded wonderful during a day like this, I thought as I looked out the window. Flurries of snowflakes fluttered in the wind, covering everything in their path. I shivered at just the thought of walking in the cold. 

"Yeah, I would love to! It's just... are you okay?" I paused at the doorway of my bed room, biting my lip at the sudden question. Truthfully, I wasn't. But I was tired of staying cooped up in my apartment, and I really wanted some soondubu. Plus, I figured some fresh air would clear my mind and help me think. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, hoping I sounded as affirmative as I wanted to sound. I heard her pause for a moment but then replied, "Alright then, great! I'll meet you by the soondubu shop in thirty minutes." After we both hung up, I sighed, heading for my closet. I better bundle up. 

I had been ignoring Jihyun, well everyone, ever since my breakup with Yoongi. I just wasn't ready to talk to anyone, my emotions too raw and sensitive. To be honest, the only one I wanted to talk to was Yoongi himself, but the odds were really slim with him never picking up my calls. 

But eventually, after endless missed calls from Jihyun, I finally called her back. As soon as the call went through, her voice shrieked over the phone, bombarding me with questions like, "Where have you been? Why haven't you been picking up my calls? Did you eat? Are you ever going to pick up your imported coffee from my house? It's been sitting there for like a week, and I swear, there's a thin layer of dust on it," and so on. I hadn't realized I had started sobbing into my phone until she suddenly stopped and went quiet.

"You get your here, right now- no, actually, better yet, I'll go to you. Don't you dare hang up, you hear me? I'm bringing ice cream, and your stupid imported coffee." I heard her say, suddenly hearing her shuffle through the line. For the first time in a while, I smiled through my tears, even if it was a slight tug of the lips.

She came in a record of fourteen minutes, carrying bags and bags of ice cream in her hands. As soon as I opened the door, she tackled me to the floor, giving me a hug so tight, I had to beg for her to let me go, being unable to breathe. She giggled, letting me go and promptly shoving a bag of coffee in my face.

"Delivery," She smiled, giving me another bear hug. We both grabbed all the ice cream we could and plopped down on my couch. After a few minutes of Jihyun chatting about random things, she looked me in the eyes and held my hand.

"So, what happened?" Before I could even get a word out, she held her hand up. "Wait, it's Suga, isn't it?"

At the mention of his name, I froze. Swallowing thickly, I nodded, tightning my grip on her hand. My heart squeezed in anguish as well, and started thumping loudly. 

"How'd you-" I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath. She placed her ice cream down, now holding both of my hands in her own, and gave me a reassuring smile. "How'd you know?" I finally said, biting my lip. 

"Well, I'm no detective, but you're wearing his favorite black hoodie, not to mention his beanie as well," She spoke a bit teasingly, eyeing me up and down. I looked away, a bit embarrased that she knew. Somehow, Yoongi's scent was very comforting, I had concluded, after I had dug through my closet and pulled out said hoodie.

"That, and I saw Hoseok the other day. When I went up to him, he seemed very flustered when I brought you up," I frowned at the mention of Hoseok. Testing my luck, I had actually given him a call, almost letting out a scream when he actually picked up. However, when I asked about Yoongi, he had seemed very... panicked? I couldn't put my finger on it as he sputtered, "Yoo-Yoongi hyung? No, no, I, um, I haven't, um no, I haven't uhh- actually I'm kinda busy right now, sorry, bye!" and hung up. 

"Yeah, it uh, has to do with Yoongi," I confirmed her suspicions, squeezing my eyes shut in the process. Was I ready to tell her? What if I broke down sobbing again? I took a peek at my best friend, only to have her give me a comforting smile and a pat on the back. Just from the look on her face, I knew she didn't want to force me to speak. But I had to. She, of all people, deserved to know. Breathing deeply, I steeled my resolve and told her what had happened between Yoongi and I.

By the end of my story, Jihyun looked a mix of angry and sympathetic as she stood up and started pacing around the room, muttering profanities along with Yoongi's name under her breath. It would have been a comical sight, as Jihyun never did like Yoongi, often finding herself butting heads with him whenever we hung out together.

"He's so lazy and way too straightforward, what do you see in him?" She complained the day after she had met him, both of them getting off on the wrong foot with each other. I giggled as she continued ranting about Yoongi, but soon stopped when she saw me smile while talking about him.

"Well, he's actually very kind. He might not show it on the outside, but he really does deeply care for others. He is a big sloth, I'll admit that, but I find that part of him really cute. Oh, and he also produces music! His commitment to it is so admirable and-" She held up a hand, interrupting my soon to become ramble about Yoongi. I blushed and looked away, as she gave me knowing look. 

"Alright, as long as you're happy. I swear, if he makes you cry, you let me know, and I'll throw him down the stairs," She said after a while. I smiled, hugging her tightly.

With the way she was pacing around my living room, I was afraid she would actually throw him down the stairs. As she passed me, I grabbed her hand, and pulled her to me. Yelping, she toppled on top of me, flattening me against the couch. We both sat up, looked each other in the eye, and burst out laughing. It felt good to laugh after a long time of crying and moping around.

"You deserve way better than him. The ocean is big, I tell you, big! I say we go to a bar and get drunk and find some hot guys to make out with. In fact, let me invite every-" My eyes widened as Jihyun reached for her phone. I snatched it away from her, looking a bit guilty as she gave me a questioning look.

"Um, I don't think I'm ready to meet anyone," I told her honestly, clutching her phone tightly. I looked up at her, and cleared my throat. "Yoongi, he... he's still in my heart. And as much as I try to push him away, he keeps coming back and I-" I chocked back a sob, suddenly dropping Jihyun's phone and hugging my knees to my chest. "I can't let go. I can't."

I was then enveloped in a warm embrace, my best friend's arms wrapped protectively around me. All of sudden, I found myself sobbing into her, closing my eyes tightly as my tears soaked her sweater. My heart clenched painfully in my chest, and my clutch on her sweater tightened. She held me close, patting my head and rubbing my back soothingly. My sobs soon quieted down to small hiccups, but I still held on to her. 

"No, it's my fault. I'm sorry for making you say that. I should know that he means a lot to you. I can tell just by looking at your face when your with him that you really do care for him. It's just, I don't want you to hurt anymore. Am I being too selfish?" She whispered, wiping away my remaining tears. I shook my head, really glad that I had called her. Her presence was just what I needed to get back on my feet, even if it was just mere baby steps.

I hummed to myself as I walked throught the park, enjoying the snowfall that was still going strong. I hated the cold, but I found snow beautiful; it was delicate, yet strong at the same time. It made the busy city a little more quiet as not many people liked to travel in this weather, which I was grateful for. Sometimes, the hustle and bustle of the city became too much.

That being said, I still hated the cold. I wrapped my scarf tightly around me, pulling my coat closer to my body. Even with my many layers on, I was still freezing. Suddenly, I felt a sudden urge to run to the shop as fast as possible. The thought of sitting down and enjoying a nice hot bowl of soondubu fueled this urge, and I started to awkwardly sprint my way to the shop.I must have looked funny, as a few little kids nearby started snickering. I turned my head in their direction, giving them a questioning look.

"What's that ahjumma over there doing?" I heard one of them say, laughing as he pointed his gloved finger at me. I raised my finger in protest, about to give them a piece of my mind, because I was most definitely not an ahjumma, when suddenly I felt a strong force push me to the floor.

I fell with a yelp, landing on my on the snow covered sidewalk. The wind had been knocked out of me at the fall, and it took me a few seconds to collect myself. My cheeks were flushed pink from the cold, and now my was slightly soaked from the melting snow. I glared at the boots that had stopped right in front of me, and soon found myself staring at a hand as the stranger offered to help me up. I took it, still a bit bitter but nonetheless grateful, and said stranger pulled me up to my feet. I patted the snow off my clothes, but soon realized it was futile as my clothes were already soaked. Great, now I was going freeze in this weather.

"Sorry for making you fall, but you should really watch where you're going-"

"Great, I'm freezing now, no thanks to you-"

We both stopped. My heart started to thump widely in my chest as I realized who the stranger was. Butterflies started to dance in my stomach and I slowly slid my eyes to his face. I gulped, my eyes raking over Yoongi's features. His hair was covered in a beanie, but I could clearly see blonde locks spilling out of it. When did Yoongi bleach his hair? I gulped, engraving his face into my mind. His cheeks were a light shade of pink, but were a huge contrast to his pale skin. Snowflakes kissed his eyelashes as he blinked, staring straight at me. Soon, our eyes met and I felt sparks fly between us. 

My wet clothes and sore all seemed distant as we stared at each other, never breaking eye contact. My heart rate picked up again, not believing my eyes. Yoongi, he was here. Three measly steps away from me. Before I could stop, I felt myself speak.

"Yoongi," I started tentatively, my voice barely above a whisper. He didn't react to my calling, so I continued, "You... you haven't been picking up my calls." I stepped closer to him and reached for his arm.

As if broken from a trance, he jerked backwards, finally breaking eye contact. I retracted my hand and bit my lip, feeling slightly dejected at his actions. But I continued on.

"Yoongi, we need to talk-" I was interrupted as he sidestepped and walked past me, hands buried in the pockets of his jacket. I widened my eyes, realizing what was happening. "No wait, Yoongi, please."

He stopped a few feet away from me, but did not turn around. After a few quiet moments, he spoke up.

"There's nothing to talk about," I flinched at the sudden icyness in his tone. He had never spoken to me like that before. Although I was freezing on the outside, I was now cold on the inside as well as he continued to speak in a cold tone, "We're over. It's as simple as that."

"No, it's not!" I found myself shouting, feeling angry tears stinging the back of my eyes. It wasn't simple. At all. "You didn't even give me an explanation. For god's sake Yoongi, did you really think our relationship was that simple? Does a year mean nothing to you, at all?"

He stayed quiet as I continued to shout questions at him, too emotional to stop. I felt my breath hitch in my throat, and I struggled to fight back the loud sobs that were screaming to be let out. I felt my voice start to crack, my vision blurring with tears.

At the sound of the slight shake in my voice, Yoongi took off, running at a very fast pace. My tears finally fell as his figure appeared smaller and smaller until he turned a corner, and then he was gone.

Despite the many layers of clothing I had on, I had never felt so cold in my life.

"I’m tired and I fall asleep
Barely, barely, barely,
is this point barely our last?
In the end, in the end, are we becoming strangers again?"

okay wow what a chapter. I honestly had trouble writing this chapter for some reason idk lol anyway it is slightly longer than usual but I hope that doesnt bother any of you. umm this gd song literally pops into my heads at really random times, even after weeks of not listening to it, so I guess that shows how awesome(?) it is? If any of you are wondering, no I'm not doing just korean songs, even if the first three have been, i just use the songs that inspire me to write :^)) with that in mind, i think the next chapter will feature an english song (or maybe not, i might possibly change the order hehe). omg why do I always write stories in the middle of the night I think I need help lol (its 4AM wtf) Again, thanks to everyone who's subscribed or commented you guys are the best :')))