"First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth is when you admit you may have ed up a little."

— The Script "Six Degrees of Seperation"

It wasn't until a few weeks after I met Yoongi on that fateful snowy day that I realized how much of an impact he had in my everyday life. At first it was the small things, like the lack of forgotten headphones on my kitchen counter, the disappearance of hand-written messages on sticky notes posted on my fridge. But then I started noticing the bigger things, and that's what tore me down the most.

He used to send me demos of songs that he was working on, and I would listen to the beautiful melodies flow out of my phone as I brushed my teeth and prepared breakfast. Now, my mornings were eerily quiet, having no music to fill the apartment with life. 

On weekends, Yoongi would occasionaly spend the night at my place, usually after watching a corny rom-com in my living room. He would never admit it, but I knew he always fell asleep during the first fifteen minutes of the movie. I didn't mind though, since I knew he was really tired after a long week of work, and just cherished the fact that he had come over in the first place. After we, well I, finished the movie, I would gently poke his cheek to wake him up. When that didn't work, I would attempt to tickle his sides, and the face he would make as he was abrubtly awaken was one of the cutest things I had ever seen. Eyes slightly puffy from sleep, nose scrunched up, cheeks flushed from having fallen asleep, slighty grumpy while letting out a short huff. 

Usually, this would be followed by us moving to my bed to get a good nights sleep. I would snuggle against his chest, his arms would wrap around me protectively, and I would fall asleep to the sound of his steady breathing. I would then wake up to the soft pecks he would leave on my cheeks, my nose, my eyelids, my forehead, and finally my lips. The smile he would give me as he murmured "good morning," into my ear made me feel like all was right in the world, and my heart would swell with love.

Waking up alone in my bed on the third week left me feeling cold, despite the many covers I was buried under. My arm reached out to the empty space beside me, skin coming in contact with the cold sheets. 

Then there were the random talks we would have over the phone. I used to tell Yoongi all sorts of strange things, ranging from facts about ice cream to random statistics about dog lovers. I was a bit embarrased to talk to anyone else about these things, but he would just chuckle and listen to my rather enthusiastic speech about bananas being berries. Although he would tease me (which secretly made me blush as he would always follow his remark by "why are you so cute?"), I could tell he genuinely enjoyed listening to me, and that alone was enough for me to fall in love with him again and again. 

Now, when I hung out with my friends, I would feel myself wanting to blurt out a random fact, but then stopping myself, being too embarrased to say something so randomly. This resulted in me being awfully quiet during most of our conversations, but most of my friends dismissed this as "being blue." Which was true, in a way. 

Although rare, I would sometimes have nightmares that left me feeling vulnerable and afraid, as I would wake up with a cold sweat in the middle of the night, my vision slightly blurred due to my tears. I would reach for my phone and dial Yoongi's number, and every single time, he would pick up, muttering a sleepy "hello?" into the reciever. He always tried his best to comfort me, whispering "it's okay, you're okay," once he heard me whimpering through the line, and would stay up with me until I felt better. 

When I had a nightmare the fourth week after we broke up, I could do nothing but clutch my pillow tightly and will myself to calm down, eyes shut tightly. 

His presence alone had always made me feel safe and secure. When he left, he yanked a big part of me along with him, leaving a gaping hole in my heart. Everywhere I went, be it work or the park, I felt like there was something missing, that something wasn't right. Although I tried to brush it off as much as possible, the same feeling would keep creeping up, constantly edging its way into my mind.

To put it simply, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I felt helpless, utterly broken. I tried to convince myself that I would get past this feeling, I would get over it, over him. But alas, life is not that easy and my heart was too weak to let go of my feelings. 

Jihyun tried to help me, she really did. She constantly visited me, bringing sweet treats, books, movies, even bringing flowers once. She tried to bring life to my dead apartment by buying new curtains, a new table cloth, and placed tiny silver figurines of animals everywhere around my house (when I had questioned her about them, she had replied with a slightly whiny tone "they're cute, okay?") She even tried to help keep my mind off of things by convinving me to take up new hobbies. Although some were outright strange ("I swear, flamingo dancing was listed as a really great way to relax," she tried to defend herself as I once again tripped), she had somehow convinced me to try coloring books and to my surprise, it was actually pretty relaxing. A typical Saturday night now consisted of us laying on our stomachs on my living room carpet, color pencils sprawled out like rainbows all around us, soft piano music that would play from Jihyun's phone filling my apartment. 

It was moments like these that I really thought that maybe everything would be okay. And somewhere along the way, I had convinced myself that I really was okay.

"Hey Jihyun," I said one Saturday night, grabbing a blue color pencil, coloring the wings of an exotic bird. She hummed, indicating for me to go on, her eyes never leaving her work as she carefully shaded the petal of a daffodil. I sat up, having finally finished coloring the drawing, and admired my work. Hues of blue, green, and yellow made the bird almost come to life, its wings spread out in mid-flight. 

"Thank you... for everything," I murmured shyly, twidling my fingers on my lap. She looked up at my sudden confession, but soon broke out into a smile so big, it stretched across her face, and I found myself being tackled by her. I huffed as I landed on my back, having the wind knocked out of me, but couldn't help but smile as her giggles filled the air. She sat up, placed her hands on my cheeks, and began to stretch them in an almost comical, but painful way.

"You're too adorable, you know that?" At her words, I felt a sudden pang in my chest, having heard those exact words from him before, but I quickly brushed it off as Jihyun continued to stretch my cheeks. She suddenly stopped, and gave my cheeks one final pat, "But honestly, no need to thank me. I mean, what are friends for, right?"

"Jihyun..." I sat up as well, and quickly wiped the tears that were forming in my eyes. A look of panic crossed her face as I proceeded to cry anyway, but instead of sobs, little laughs escaped my mouth. 

"Oh my God, sorry, I made you upset- it's just, you were too adorable, I couldn't help it, sorry- um, you know what, let me go get you a glass of wa-" Before she could get up, I reached out and wrapped my arms around her frame, shaking my head.

"No, it's just... Seriously, Jihyun. Thank you, so so much," And I meant it. Jihyun really did care about me, and I couldn't help but cry in happyness at her words. Without her, I would still feel broken, helples, lost. She managed to fill the gaping hole in my heart, although slowly, but surely, with warm thoughts and memories. Soon, I felt her arms wrap around me, and we both laughed.

"Anytime," She quipped, smile never leaving her face.

The tiny voice inside my head that used to shout why and how, grew quieter and quieter until it became a soft whisper that I could easily ignore. And eventually, I stopped hearing it altogether. Or so I thought.

"No way!" I exclaimed, laughing at Jihyun as she groaned, her face growing beet red from embarrasment. We were at the mall, shopping for a birthday gift for her cousin. I hadn't gone shopping in a while, and jumped at the opportunity to maybe buy some new clothes.

"Ugh, believe me, it happened," she groaned again, attempting to hide her face behind her multiple shopping bags. I felt a little bad for laughing at that, but couldn't stiffle my laughter for long. Just the mere thought of Jihyun walking into the men's bathroom was enough for me to almost double with laughter, if it wasn't for the glare that I recieved. "How was I supposed to know 'hommes' means men in French? I know it's a French restaurant, but this is Korea! Shouldn't they at least have pictures or something? and you know what the worst part was?"

"That wasn't the worst?" I questioned her, trying my best to keep a straight face, but failing in the end. She huffed as I let out a loud laugh, earning strange looks from the people nearby as we continued to navigate through the mall.

"Nope. The worst part was that when I literally screamed and tumbled out of there, Jinyoung, of all people, was standing right outside the door, and he saw me come out of there. I wished the ground could have just opened up and swallowed me whole, ugh I can't even think about it anymore," She wailed, her ears flaming with embarrasment. I patted her back, trying to comfort her, a knowing smile growing on my lips. Jinyoung was a longtime crush of hers but Jihyun was, suprisingly, too shy to ask him out. 

"He probably thinks I'm an idiot now and won't even want to go near me out of embarrasment," Grumbling, she looked down at her shoes pitifully and a pout formed on her lips. I shook my head, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Nah, I'm sure he doesn't think you're an idiot. Besides, aren't you all going to Busan this weekend? You can explain what happened to him on the way there, and you know, hit it off or something," I tried to reason, but at my words, a furious blush stained her cheeks. "Um, Jihyun? You okay?"

"Oh my God, I'm going to be in the same vehicle as Jinyoung for over two hours. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my Go-" She sputtered, and started taking deep breaths. If anything, that only made her face flush deeper. "I-I can barely look him in the eye for more than five seconds, how the hell am I going to talk to him. What if I start stuttering in front of him? What if he thinks I smell bad? Am I even ready for this trip, holy , I wish you would come with me!"

"Girl, calm down," I made sure to drawl out my words, afraid she would start hyperventilating. Despite being so outgoing and energetic around me and our other friends, when it came to Jinyoung, she was a blubbery mess, becoming as quiet and shy as a mouse. "Look, you're going to be fine. This is supposed to be a fun trip, remember? You're a naturally friendly person, there's no way he can hate your quirky charm. And I really wish I could go, but I already took too many sick days off from work. If anything, you can always reach me by phone."

"Yeah, I guess your right," She looked slightly better, looking slightly less red. I nodded, and gave her another reassuring smile. "Gosh, I wish I wasn't this antsy around him, it would make things so much bette-" She stopped mid-sentence, freezing on the spot. Her eyes widened to the point that they looked like they would bulge out of her sockets. I gave her a quizzical look, almost tripping over my feet at the sudden stop.

Before I could turn my head to look at what had caused her to freeze up, and arm was hastily thrown around my shoulder. I yelped as I was suddenly being pushed to go the opposite way that we were facing.

"What the hell?" I tried to turn around but to no avail, her grip on my shoulder was too strong. I grew a bit annoyed as she avoided my eyes and tried to pick up the pace. "Jihyun, seriously, what's wrong?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" She squeaked in a high pitched voice, obviously nervous about something. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't turn my head around. I huffed, my curiosity getting the best of me as an idea popped into my mind.

"Oh hey Jinyoung!" I waved at no one in particular, but it worked. Jihyun froze again, her head swiveling to where I was waving, and loosened the grip on my shoulder. Using this opportunity, I ducked underneath her arm and finally got a look at we were walking away from. 

Curiosity killed the cat, as they say.

At first, my eyes scanned the crowds of people that were behind us, and tried to pin point what exactly Jihyun had freaked out about. That was when my eyes landed on him.

Yoongi. He was here. Immediately, my heart started thumping louder and louder until I could hear it ringing in my ear. Everything around me faded as I focused solely on him. Flashbacks from the snowy day whizzed through my mind, and I found myself studying his features, my eyes sliding from his milky white cheeks, to his nose, his pierced ears, his lips. Even with the blonde hair, which I still wasn't accustomed to, he still looked the same. 

He looked disgruntled, but nevertheless looked slightly amused, taking a swig from his coffee cup. My eyes followed the cup to his lips, which were forming into an adorable gummy smile. Butterflies began to dance in my stomach at the sight and I fell into a daze as I tried to engrave his smile into my head. I missed it. Too much.

I was broken out of my daze when Yoongi teasingly slapped someone in the shoulder, a laugh erupting from his throat. That was when I realized, he was with someone else. My eyes quickly snapped to the person next to them, and I suddenly felt my heart drop.

It was a girl, a pretty one at that. Her hair sat perfectly styled on her head, even as she swiveled her head to smack Yoongi back, a cute pout gracing her features. That pout sooned turned into a smile and she let out a laugh. , even her laugh was cute. 

I didn't know if I was more jealous or angry at the situation at hand. It had only been a little over a month since the break up, yet, here he was with another girl, a beautiful one! Did he get over me already, even though we dated for a year? 

Didn't you get over him too? A tiny voice whispered in my head, and that was when I started panicking. , , , .

"Yah!" Someone had taken ahold of my shoulders and was shaking me violently, as if trying to snap me out of my trance. I was suddenly brought back to reality, and realized the person shaking me was Jihyun. Her eyes were filled with worry, glancing at my blank expression. Wordlessly, I broke out of her grip and shoved here away gently, before making a run for it. 

"Where are you going?!" I heard her shout after me, but didn't slow down as I swiveled past the many people of the mall, some who were shooting me curious looks. I ignored them, my eyes darting around until they landed on the exit a few feet away from me. My heart started pounding quickly in my chest, my breathing getting heavier, but I didn't stop. I had to get away from there, from them, from him. 

No wonder he broke up with you. 

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

You're so weak, all you do is cry and cry and cry. What a crybaby.

My feet pounded heavily against the pavement, unshed tears stinging the back of my eyes. The ringing of my heart beat in my ear didn't stop, neither did the voice in my head. 

Look at him, he's already over you.

My feet finally stopped, having run into a dead end. I suddenly broke away from my trance and looked around. I found myself in the park, the same park where I bumped into Yoongi that snowy day. I breathed heavily, warm air escaping my mouth in forms of puff clouds, making the snowflakes in the air dance around it. The adrenaline that had previously been coursing throughout my entire body was now gone, and I felt myself collapsing to my knees, my legs too weak to hold me up. My heart continued to pound wildly in my chest, distracting me from the sudden dampness of my pants, the snow starting to soak through. 

I tried to blink back the hot tears, but it was no use. I buried my face in my arms, bringing my knees close to me, and let out an angry sob. I didn't know how long I stayed like that, but my sobbing ceazed almost immediately as I bit my lip harshly, to the point where I almost drew blood.

"There you are!" Jihyun's voice sounded in the distance. I didn't look up, even when I heard footsteps coming closer and closer to me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, only to let out a choked sob in the process. .

I didn't react when a pair of familiar arms wrapped around my shivering frame, and pulled me close. We stayed like that for a while, Jihyun shifting to rub soothing circles on my back, but the tears didn't stop.

"I'm a ing crybaby," I finally choked out, causing her to stop, seemingly to say something, but she stayed quiet, returning to her actions. I continued, "I'm so weird, and my feelings get hurt easily. I'm surprised he didn't break up with me earlier."

I heard her take a sharp intake of breath. "Don't you dare say that about yourself-"

"But it's the ing truth!" I shouted, feeling another wave of tears overcome me. I was becoming hysterical, I could tell. "All I do is cry and cry- look at me! I'm a ing mess, while he's practically prancing in the flower fields. Why am I the only one that's breaking down? Why can't he? It's because I'm weak, that's why!"

A slap resonated through the park. My cheek throbbed with pain as Jihyun got up, pulling me up with her. She put both her hands on my shoulders and gave me a hard glare, and I felt so tiny and vulnerable in that moment. Her eyes softened a little at the sight before her. My hair was a mess, my eyes still glistening with tears, a huge red hand mark imprinted on my right cheek, but at least I wasn't crying hysterically anymore. 

"Look," She started, her voice firm, eyes never leaving my own. "Stop putting yourself down. Just ing stop it. You may be a crybaby, but you're not even close to being weak. You always put others before yourself, and no one who is weak can do that. Believe me, I've known you long enough to know this."

She slowly led me to a bench and sat me down. Never letting go of my hand, she continued, "You may not believe me, but I think Yoongi is hurting too. From the few times I've hung out with him, I know that he's not one to express his emotions easily. He may look okay on the outside, but who knows, he could be breaking down inside. There's no way he's not hurting after spending a year with this sweet, caring girl who's in front of me right now."

My heart swelled at her words, relief washing over me. Jihyun was right, he could be hurting too. Key word could. My spirit deflated a little, and I bit my lip. Although it was only a chance, it was comforting to know that I wasn't the only one suffering. 

I brought my eyes back to Jihyun's face, and gave her a grateful smile. Where would I be without this girl? She smiled back at me, but did not let go of my hand as she spoke in a gentle voice, afraid I might break.

"I know it may be hard but," She paused, giving my hand a gentle squeeze, "I think it's time you get over Yoongi."

holy guys this is the longest chapter yet lol okay so first off, sorry for all the cussing but sometimes I feel like its necessary?? (or maybe it's just me :> I curse alot when I'm frustrated). Sorry it took so long for this chapter to come out, believe it or not, I got hit with a tiny writers block , so I struggled to write the beginning of this chapter. Idk what happened, but during the second half, wow, I was on fire :^)) inspiration hit me like a bullet( ha get it, bullet proof, BTS ?? okay i'm not funny). Also, i may or may not be making things overly dramatic but ehh hopefully that doesnt bother anyone?

Just a heads up, next chapter will be a double POV cuz the song is a duet yay!!!(?)

Enjoy the sweg Suga as I cry over the fact that i didn't get to go to trb in nyc OTL (the struggle for tickets was real) 

creds to @baekseolgi