"Got a feeling that I'm going under
But I know that I'll make it out alive
If I quit calling you my lover
Move on."

— Shawn Mendes "Stitches"

"A double date?"

Jihyun hummed, getting comfortable on my living room couch while I loaded up the latest episode of a drama on my laptop. I turned around after finishing my task, giving her a questioning look. She looked up from the bowl of ice cream in her hands and gave me a cheerful smile. When I only sighed in return, her smile toned down to a pleading look.

"Sorry for giving away your phone number but Youngjae actually seemed genuinely interested in you after meeting you at the club, so I thought it would be safe. He's Jinyoung's friend too, so it's not like he's a creep or anything," I was about to open my mouth to reply that I wasn't particularly interested when she held her hand up, shutting me up and continuing.

"To be honest, I want you to be there for moral support as well. I still get tongue-tied and everything with Jinyoung, it's a miracle I even managed to say yes when he asked me out the other day," She tried to reason, but I only shook my head in return, "Aw, c'mon! It would be really nice if you would go with Youngjae and enjoy the day with us. Plus, I would be a lot less nervous, and things would be less awkward."

I sighed again, running my hand through my hair and taking a seat next to Jihyun. She jutted her bottom lip out in a pout, her arms immediately linking with my own, shaking me slightly.

"Please," She pleaded when I failed to give her a response. I turned my head in her direction, giving her a meaningful look. She shrunk away at that, but the pout never dropped from her face, "I can't do this without you."

I gnawed at my lip, taking in the desperation in her voice. I really wanted to help Jihyun when it came to Jinyoung, I knew better than anyone how embarrased and shy she felt around him, but there was something stopping me from agreeing with her plan. Something that tugged at my heartstrings, a sudden heaviness that settled in my chest that made it a little harder to breathe.

The idea of going out with someone that wasn't him, was strangely bizarre and scary, even after all these weeks. 

My hand immediately flew to my necklace, fingers latching onto the smooth silver of a ring. Jihyun didn't miss this gesture whatsoever, her eyes trailing from the ring in my hand to my face, studying me carefully. I tried my best to keep my face neutral, but I knew better than to try and hide my feelings from her. She could see through me like paper, having been friends for so long. 

"I thought you told me you chose to remain friends with Suga," She started carefully, her voice gentle but there was a slightly confused tone to it, "I thought you finally got over him."

"I..." I tried to defend myself, tried to confirm her thoughts that, yes, I was over him, I had come to terms with the fact that we would never go back to how it was before, and that I was the one that suggested remaining friends instead. But then, why was I still holding the ring so tightly between my fingers, why was I so reluctant to agree with this seemingly harmless arrangement Jihyun had set me up with?

My mouth remained open for a couple of seconds before snapping shut, at a loss of words. I felt Jihyun take my free hand that wasn't holding the ring in between her own, giving it a soft squeeze.

"Hey, look at me," I slowly turned my head in her direction, feeling slightly comforted at the gentle smile on her face. She squeezed my hand again, warming up my cold hand, "Now, tell me what you want. I don't care if it involves Suga, or another guy, or no guy at all, just- tell me what it is you want."

I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, my tongue darting out and at my lips nervously. Jihyun gave me a nod of encouragement, seeing the unsure look in my eyes.

"I... I don't want to get hurt, not anymore. I don't want to deal with the possibility of being crushed and pushed away. But," I finally muttered, feeling my cheeks grow red from embarrassment, "At the same time, I want to believe in that small chance Yoongi really does care and it's killing me inside every time I see him give me that look- so full of tenderness and love, and I swear I'm stupid because I fall for it, I still fall for it after all he's done, and I-"

I caught myself then, biting my lip harshly, enough to tear at the flesh and draw blood. The taste of iron lingered on my tongue as I titlted my head downwards to stare at my lap, too afraid to look up and see a judging look in Jihyun's eyes after what I said.

I flinched in surrpise at the tissue dabbing at my lip, wiping away the blood oozing from my cut lip. A warm hand followed suit, holding my cheek carefully and tilting my head upwards. To my surprise, Jihyun didn't look mad or annoyed at all. She looked as calm as she had before I had spoken, maybe even a little sympathetic. 

"You're not stupid," She started, her words careful and gentle, "It's alright to be confused about everything, it's alright to be hesitant and unsure about your feelings and your wants."

"I'm not going to think you're stupid for still having feelings for Suga. I don't think you're stupid for thinking he feels the same about you," She hesitated then, probably running words a couple of times in her mind before saying them outloud. She nodded to herself, and continued on.

"That night, at the club. I saw the way he held you like you were his lifeline when you passed out in his arms, the way he shouted at Seokjin oppa to get the car ready. He refused to let anyone help him carry you, even me, for god's sake."

Her words surprised me for some reason. I knew Yoongi had been concerned, but not to that extent. I couldn't help but let a small feeling of hope form in my chest, at the possibility that he wasn't lying.

Was this really okay? Was it okay to trust him?

"I... really?" She nodded her head, her lips growing into a teasing smile at the look of hope in my eyes, "But, I'm not even sure about my own feelings."

"Which is where the double date comes in!" She clapped her hands together enthusiastically, but simmered down once she caught the confused look I was shooting her way, "See, if you go on the date with Youngjae, there's two things that could happen. You either don't like it or you do like it, and from there we can work out why that is exactly."

"Who knows, maybe dating someone else will help you get over your feelings for Suga, or help you realize that maybe you should work something out with him, give him another chance. Think about it."

I nodded slowly, processing her words slowly in my mind. I guess what she was saying did make sense. I was still a bit skeptical about this, but the look of hopefulness she gave me made it hard for me to say no.

"...Okay," I mumbled, clearing my throat and giving her a small smile. Her eyes widened with disbelief, the smile on her face streching even wider, "I'll go on that double date."

A high pitched squeal of excitement filled my apartment. I was suddenly enveloped in a tight hug, being pulled to jump up and down on my couch. I yelped as we tumbled down onto the floor, but soon joined my friend in her fit of giggles.

"You know I'll be there for you every step of the way, right?" She voiced after we sat back down on the couch, finally settling down to watch the long forgotten drama on my laptop. I turned my head towards her after pressing play, and returned the warm smile that was permanently set on her face.

"Of course. And I'll be there to catch you in case you fall in front of Jinyoung again."

"Hey, that was a one time thing!"

To: Youngjae

Hey Youngjae! Yeah, I'm free this Friday

Jihyun told me about the plan and I'm down if you are

Please take care of me ^^;

"The part when the guy kicked the gang's was totally epic!"

"And the part when the girl kicked him with her heels? Hilarious!"

I laughed along with the others, finding their enthusiasm catchy. So this is what happens when you have two adventure movie enthusiasts together. I watched Jihyun and Jinyoung chat animately back and forth, giving Jihyun a tiny little smirk when she made eye contact with me. She blushed and looked away quickly, trying to pay close attention to what Jinyoung was saying.

What happend to my stuttering, nervous friend? Did her confidence inflate overnight? I laughed quietly to myself, shaking my head and trying my best to keep up with the two as we made our way to a nearby coffee shop.

"Wow, those two are so loud," A voice suddenly said beside me, making me jump slightly. I whipped my head to my right, my eyes landing on Youngjae who was casually strolling along with his arms behind his head. He cocked his head in my direction, shooting me a big grin. I smiled back, slowing down a little to match his pace. We remained quiet for a while, enjoying each other's company while watching the couple in front of us.

Youngjae was what I would call the definition of sunshine and rainbows. He was a very cheerful person, constantly finding something to smile and laugh about. I often found myself smiling along with him, his happiness strangely contagious. That being said, he was also very observant as well as caring. He noticed the smallest gestures, like when I darted my eyes towards the cotton candy bucket at the snack bar, or was in desperate need of a napkin when my hands turned super sticky from said treat. He made sure I was comfortable before sitting down next to me at the theater, and halfway through the film, offered me his scarf when he noticed me shivering slightly from the cold. 

"Action movies aren't really your thing, I'm guessing," I snapped out of my train of thought, realizing that Youngjae had broken the silence. I widened my eyes slightly at his statement and looked away, giggling nervously.

"Is it that obvious?" I thought I had hidden my feelings well enough, but apparently not enough. Youngjae laughed next to me, ruffling my hair in the process. I whined and pouted, trying my best to fix my hair as he shook his head.

"Nah, not really. It's just that you looked kind of bored the entire movie, even when the guy was about to jump off the building."

Ah, he noticed that too? I didn't mind the movie much, but action and adventure were never my number one choice in a movie theater. My enthusiasm for the movie however, looked way worse this time around due to Jihyun's excitement. 

I raised my hands up in defense, feeling a bit guilty, "I don't mind them, it's just that..." I tried to defend myself, but failed to finish my statement when he laughed loudly, a big grin stretching across his lips.

"So what do you like to watch, then?"

I hummed in thought, twiddling my fingers absent-mindedly, "I would have to say... definitely romantic comedies."

As soon as the words left my mouth, a memory of a quiet movie night with Yoongi popped up in my mind. I could still recall the way his chest rose up and down slowly with every breath he took, having fallen asleep again. Even so, his arms never left my waist, wrapped around me securely and pressing me closer to him whenever I shifted to get more comfortable.

That had been real, right?

"Hey, what a coincidence! I'm a er for romantic comedies," I was brought back to reality by Youngjae's cheerful remark, my eyes suddenly making contact with his. I offered him a tiny smile, my brain slightly dazed and distracted, but I tried my best to stay focused and ignore the urge to reach for my ring that was hidden safely from view by my jacket.

You're on a date with Youngjae, get it together!

We talked about some films we had watched, promising to meet up sometime to catch the latest rom-com in theaters. We soon fell into comfortable chatter, talking about miscellaneous things like our jobs and interests. 

I was too engrossed in the story I was telling him that I failed to notice a giant puddle of water right in front of me. Youngjae quickly reached out for me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and guiding me away from the puddle. My cheeks immediately warmed at the contact and my head craned to look at the hand on my shoulder. He was grasping my shoulder softly, being gentle as to not hurt me and scare me. 

"Watch your step," He muttered next to my ear, making me shiver as his breath fanned my neck ever so slightly. It was then that I noticed that it had been a while since I was this close to another guy besides Yoongi. 

A strange feeling settled in my stomach, making me slightly uncomfortable and shy away a little from his touch. I chanced a look his way, only to have him smile in my direction. He quickly dropped his arm from my shoulder, settling to shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Thanks," I tried my best to return his smile, being certain that he had sensed my discomfort. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a little bad, but the strange feeling in my stomach lingered even as we continued on our walk towards the cafe.

When we were almost at the cafe, Youngjae started to hum. It was a tiny little tune, light hearted and uplifting, and I couldn't help but become engrossed in the melody. His voice was surprisingly very smooth, even if he wasn't singing, and I soon found myself feeling more at ease.

This was nice, I thought, sneaking a glance at him. I found myself scanning his features, realizing I had never gotten a good look at him this whole time. I didn't realize it when I talked to him at the club but Youngjae wasn't bad looking; his features gave him a very boy-next-door feel, but he was definitely attractive.

He must have felt me staring for he soon turned his head in my direction, laughing when I quickly looked away, the tips of my ears definitely burning.

I was caught off guard when he suddenly reached for my hand, taking it into his own. His hand was bigger than mine, and much, much warmer. Perhaps it was because his humming had calmed me, or I simply welcomed the warmth of his hand a little too much, but I let him do as he pleased.

"Your hands are so cold," He commented, swinging our hands back and forth between us. I chuckled in return, telling him about how I was very vulnerable to the cold weather. I could see from the corner of my eye how Youngjae's smile grew when I didn't retract my hand, giving it a tiny squeeze.

Jihyun, who was several steps in front of me, turned around at that moment and gave me a cheeky smile upon catching a glimpse of our intertwined hands. I could feel my cheeks burning, which only grew as Younjae gave my hand another squeeze.

His humming soon changed to a song that was very familiar, a song that I had just heard a few days. I my lips nervously, the unsettling feeling in my stomach coming back again. No, it couldn't be...

It only took the quiet muttering of the lyrics of the song from Youngjae to realize that this was one of Yoongi's compositions, the same exact one that had played at the cafe when we had that awkward exchange.

"It was actually... inspired by you."

My heart suddenly started hammering painfully against my ribcage, my hand feeling clammy in Youngjae's. All at once, I noticed how my hand didn't fit in his hand as perfectly as it did in Yoongi's, nor was it as warm as I had originally thought it had been. 

Memories flooded into my mind, memories in which we our fingers brushed shyly before intertwining together, Yoongi taking my cold hand into his warm one. He used to cup my hands in his and blow warm air at my cold fingers in attempt to warm them up. If that didn't work, he would resort to sticking them into his jacket pocket, joking about how he could use my hand as an ice pack, but never letting go the entire time. 

Don't let this ruin your date, I tried to convince myself, you're with Youngjae right now, Yoongi's no longer here. But even then, I felt the guilt eat away at my conscious.

"Thanks for walking me home, you really didn't have to."

"How could I let such a beautiful girl such as yourself walk home by herself," I blushed, looking down at my shoes upon hearing his words and seeing the little wink he shot my way, " Besides, I should be thanking you for the wonderful date today." 

After spending a considerable amount of time in the cafe (in which Youngjae and I had a little too much fun teasing Jihyun and Jinyoung being affectionate in front of us; those two were absolutely adorable together), he had insisted on walking me home upon catching a glimpse of the darkening sky from the cafe window. Although I had refused at first, the initial guilt that I felt convinced me to agree.

Throughout the entire date, my mind constantly wandered back to Yoongi. I wanted to curse myself out, wanting to shove him out of my mind so I could focus on the date. But no matter how much I tried, I couldn't get him out of my head. Although I felt warm and I had to admit, giddy from the attention I got from Youngjae, my mind did nothing but add to the guilt I felt towards him.

I could tell by the way Jihyun would glance at me every now and then that she could tell something was off. Behind that smile that I gave Youngjae, behind the laugh and giggles, something was wrong.

I felt bad. Really bad.

"Hey, I was wondering if you, um..." I was broken from my train of thought by Youngjae's stammering voice, sounding strangely nervous and unsure. I looked up, my eyes widening upon seeing him suddenly being shy in front of me, his hand scratching the nape of his neck nervously. He flickered his eyes to look at me, only to look down at the floor again. For the first time this whole day, I could clearly see the flushing of his cheeks.

"If you would like to... do this again sometime?" I remained quiet as he released a nervous laugh, looking very embarrassed, "That is, I had a really great time today, and uh- we could grab a coffee or something, maybe catch a movie..." He was starting to ramble, his eyes darting everywhere but at my face.

"Sure," I blurted out, not giving myself another minute to evaluate my choices. I gave him a warm smile as his stuttering came to a halt, his mouth clamping shut, only to open again in a tooth filled grin, "That would be lovely."

I was suddenly enveloped in a hug, making me squeak in surprise. He quickly released me, his eyes showing his excitement and utter happiness. I couldn't help but smile back, waving goodbye to him after telling him to text me about future plans.

Youngjae deserved another chance, or at least I felt like he did. He was honestly a really great guy with a bright personality, quite attractive to boot. Maybe during the second date, things would be different. Maybe then my mind wouldn't be full of a certain someone, and I could actually focus on the date.

I sighed as I finally shut the door to my apartment close, kicking off my shoes and quickly making my way to my room. After dropping my jacket and bag on the floor, I plopped down onto the bed, feeling drained and exhausted from today's events.

My eyes shut tiredly, the option of going to sleep sounding very tempting when right at that moment, my phone started ringing. I groaned against my pillow, rolling around in my bed while reaching for the device in my pocket.

I cracked an eye open to look at the caller ID, frowning upon realizing it was an unknown number. I had expected it to be Jihyun or Youngjae, so this call came as a surprise to me. I hesitated for a moment before sighing and answering the call, placing my phone next to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi noona!" My eyes immediately flew open and I shot up from my position on my bed, my ears not believing the voice I was hearing over the line.

"T-Taehyung?!" He seemed to find my reaction amusing as his deep laughter filled my ear, humming in confirmation.

"Yup, it's me! Thank God you didn't change your phone number," I could hear him sigh over the line, sounding relieved. I, on the other hand, was having a hard time processing that this was really happening and that Taehyung had actually called me.

"Um, yeah," I ran a hand through my hair, trying to make sense of the situation. How did Taehyung get my phone number? I never remembered giving it to him. Had Yoongi given it to him? For what purpose, though?

"I'm actually calling you from Yoongi hyung's phone," He explained after hearing no other words from me. My eyes widened at that, my hand unconsciously clutching the sheets of my bed. He didn't delete my number?

"Did something happen?" I questioned a little too quickly, my brain coming to a halt and my mouth growing dry upon hearing Taehyung sigh.

"Yoongi hyung, he... he needs your help."

"Needle and the thread,
Gotta get you out of my head
Needle and the thread,
Gonna wind up dead."

I feel like all I do is apologize for super late updates haha ;u; I'm so sorry again for not updating in a long, long time. Deadlines for college applications are quickly approaching and I'm literally drowning in school work during this whole process ;^; 

But one thing I can look forward to is BTS's COMEBACK ON THE 30TH !! I'm so excited for the new tracks & freakin Butterfly omfg

and may I just say

BTS's season's greeting literally killed me. who let yoongi be jack frost how dare you omfg ily&ihy

tbh bts looks damn fine in suits

*throws wallet at bighit*