"The promises we made disappeared
with the time we spent together
The dominos have fallen with our breakup
Like Juliet and Romeo
Did I like you too much?
The heat between me and you won’t cool down."

— BTS "Let Me Know"

I was falling.

My breath hitched in my throat as I felt the ground give out beneath me, my body soon following right after. It was dark and cold, the sound of the wind whooshing past my ears and the painful pounding of my heart in my chest overwhelming me. No matter how much I blinked, how much I tried to cry out, no sound came out of my mouth, and I could see nothing but pitch black darkness around me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, no longer able to take the burning of my eyes, nor the endless darkness that filled my vision. Panic rose within me as I continued to fall, the fear of hitting the ground growing bigger and bigger, my arms and legs thrashing helplessly in the air. 

"No!"

My eyes flew open and I shot up from my position, clutching the sheets of my bed tightly in my hands. I blinked in the darkness of my room, tears blurring my vision, my body visibly shaking as I attempted to take deep breaths, trying to calm down.

It was just a nightmare, I tried to assure myself, you're not falling. But even so, I couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop the fear and vulnerability that was settling in my chest, the beating of my heart ringing in my ear.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my shaky frame, bringing me close to their chest. My body tensed and I almost jerked away in fear, but soon relaxed upon having the smell of a familiar cologne fill my nostrils. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, allowing a shaky sob to escape my lips.

"I-I was falling, and everything was dark and- and-" I choked out, my heart racing, my nerves getting the better of me. I let myself melt onto his figure, taking in the warmness of his skin and the soft material of his shirt.

"Shh," Yoongi whispered soothingly into my ear, his hand rubbing my back in a comforting manner as I continued to whimper helplessly, my tears soaking the front of his shirt, "It was just a bad dream, you're okay, everything's okay."

He slowly lowered himself back onto the bed, pulling me along with him. A welcoming warmth soon surrounded me and I released my hold on the sheets, only to clutch the front of his shirt and pull him in closer. He continued to rub my back with one hand, his other hand traveling to my hair, his fingers running through my locks gently. I found the action strangely calming and soothing, and I suddenly felt protected, like there was nothing to be afraid of. 

He continued to hold me close, not releasing his hold on me until I had stopped shaking and my breathing had finally returned to normal, my lungs no longer gasping for air. I finally tilted my head up, my eyes immediately locking with his. Despite it being so dark in my room, I could clearly see that there was a certain tenderness to them, and couldn't help but feel slightly dazed as he leaned in and pressed his lips against my forehead.

"Feeling better?" He mumbled, his lips grazing my face ever so softly. He pulled away when I nodded, allowing a small smile to grace his lips. Still feeling dazed, I unconsciously leaned in, my lips ghosting over his jaw line. Clearly, my mind was having a hard time registering if this was dream or not.

I was never a lucid dreamer, but there's always a first time for everything, right?

I snuggled even closer to him, pressing my ear gently against his chest. In my position, I could hear the beating of his heart, the sound of it thumping very calming. Maybe this wasn't a dream, the gentle touch of his fingers on my skin and the smell of his slightly musky cologne a little too real for it to be my imagination.

Did it even matter at this point? Pushing all my hazy thoughts away, I basked in the warmth that radiated from his body, our legs tangled at the foot of the bed. We settled into a comfortable silence, my eyelids growing heavier and heavier with each beat of his heart.

My eyes finally drooped close, and I drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the painful throbbing of my head and the almost blinding lights coming from my window. I groaned, bringing a hand to cover my eyes in an attempt to block out the sunlight, stars suddenly filling my vision.

Of course I would get a hangover. Great.

I titled my head to the side, away from the sunlight, and felt my mouth go dry as my eyes immediately landed on the face of the one and only-

Min Yoongi.

I slapped a hand across my mouth, my eyes growing wider with each passing second. A million thoughts raced through my mind all at once, already feeling the pain of my headache turning into a migraine. My breath hitched in my throat upon realizing his face was merely inches away from mine, a look of peace etched onto his features, blonde locks falling over his closed eyes.

Suddenly, the events from yesterday played through my mind, and I felt my face flushing more and more. I groaned, bringing a hand up to cover my face. I vaguely reacalled what had happened, my mind too intoxicated to take in the details, but I remembered the way he had kissed me, had pulled me close and had taken me home.

I peaked through my fingers to stare at him once again, my eyes unconciously traveling to his lips, which were slightly parted. Even now, I could not deny the wild butterflies in my stomach when our lips touched, the spark that had seemingly coursed through my veins as our kisses grew more and more desperate.

I tried to squirm away from him, my heart suddenly racing, when I felt a slight tug at my waist. I looked down, only to have my eyes bulge out of their sockets when I realized he had his arms around my waist, and was attempting to pull me back into his embrace. He scrunched his nose in his sleep, his tugging becoming more persistent, his grip on my waist never loosening.

I attempted to sit up, only to hiss as the throbbing of my head grew worse and I felt even more dizzy and light headed. A sudden wave of nausea washed over me then, and I swallowed hard, willing for the taste of bile rising up in my throat to go away.

But of course, it wouldn't.

I immediately tore Yoongi's arms from my waist, not caring in the least bit if I was being gentle or not. The only thing that mattered was getting to the toilet. Now.

I attempted to climb over his figure, only to stumble over him and land on the floor with a loud thud. Ignoring the throbbing pain of my legs from the fall, I shakily got up and sprinted in the direction of my bathroom, which was thankfully connected to my room, and quickly the lights upon reaching the door.

I had just barely lifted the toilet cover before I vomited into the bowl, my body shaking violently with every heave. I was too busy emptying out my stomach that I didn't hear the quiet footsteps from behind me, and almost jerked away in surprise when a hand gently held up my hair away from my face.

I gave one last dry heave into the bowl before I finally leaned back, my throat burning and my mouth parched, but at least the throbbing of my head had reduced to a dull sting. Turning around, I sat cross legged on my bathroom floor, looking up to meet Yoongi's gaze.

"How are you feeling?" His voice was laced with concern, but I didn't miss the slight teasing in his tone. I huffed, crossing my arms across my chest, turning my head away.

"I think it's pretty obvious," I grumbled, my voice slightly cracking. I could really use a glass of water right about now, "I feel like . I smell like alcohol and vomit and I'm dying to take a shower."

As if he was reading my mind, he turned around switftly and walked away, only to come back with a glass of water. I took the glass from him, murmuring a short "thanks," before downing the water, my throat immediately feeling better.

I watched as he opened a cupboard near the sink, taking out a bottle of pills and handing them to me. Painkillers, perfect. I shook two pills out of the bottle and popped them into my mouth, quickly swallowing them.

"I'm not surprised, with how many shots you took yesterday," He crouched down to the floor, his face now level with mine. Although his tone was a bit harsh and chiding, his gaze was gentle, making me squirm uncomfortably on the floor. I tried to ignore the sudden rapid pulsating of my heart, "You should really watch how much alcohol you drink if you know you can't handle it."

I couldn't help but feel like a child that was getting scolded by her parent, and jutted out my bottom lip in a pout. I hated to admit it, but he was right, "I know, I know," I mumbled, downcasting my eyes to stare at my pajama pants. My face immediately heated up upon remembering that I had actually been half in front of Yoongi last night.

He chuckled and I looked up, a little whine escaping my lips as he ruffled my hair, finally getting up and making his way out of the bathroom. Probably giving me space to shower and clean up. 

However, I stayed seated on the floor for a few minutes, my mind replaying the sound of his laugh. The way his eyes crinkled slightly at the corners, the corners of his lips turned upward slightly. I hadn't heard him laugh in such a long time, and I had honestly missed it.

I shook my head, a frown making its way to my face. This was all temporary, I reminded myself, he doesn't actually care about me. I shouldn't be missing him anymore. Before I know it, he'll be gone... again.

At that thought, my heart throbbed painfully in my chest, my stomach twisting into knots. My hand immediately reached for my chest, my eyes widening in panic upon not feeling the familiar shape of my ring. Where was it? I patted my body a few times in hopes of finding it, only to come out empty handed.

I got up from my position on the floor and made my way to my room, my eyes searching frantically for the shiny object. I spotted my jacket and my dress in a pile at the corner near my bed, and quickly sprinted in its direction. I yanked my jacket from the pile and shoved my hands into the pockets, a huge wave of relief washing over me when my fingers came in contact with smooth metal. 

I dangled the ring from its chain, watching it glint in the light of my room. Without any further thoughts, I clasped the chain around my neck, making sure the ring was hidden from view by my shirt.

I bit my lip, hating the way I felt so dependent on the ring. Whenever I missed him, or I was reminded of one of our warm memories, just the simple grasp of the ring in my hands was enough to calm me down, to slow down the fast beating of my heart.

It was weird how the silver band that used to hold so many promises was now a source of strength for me to get over those promises.

I soon found myself back in my bathroom, stripping off my clothes and getting into the shower. I turned the knobs of my shower a couple of times before I sighed and basked in the warm water, letting it wash over me.

I took a deep breath, trying to sort out my thoughts. I had to figure out what exactly was going on right now, between Yoongi and I.

For starters, what exactly were we? We weren't lovers, we weren't friends, we were merely... what? For starters, Yoongi's behavior yesterday was contrastingly different from how he had treated me when we had first broken up. Instead of ignoring me like usual, he had actually stopped me from drinking anymore. He could have left me to get wasted, but no; he had taken me home and put me to bed, even agreeing with my request for him to stay. And just this morning, he was concerned about my well being.

I felt something a small crack forming in my resolve to accept the fact that we were over, no more. Did he actually care about me?

A part of me wanted to believe his words, the part that was still hanging on desperately to him. But a bigger part of me didn't, convinced he was spewing lies. After all, he was the one who had left me. He was the one that had said that we were over, and that it was as simple as that. He pushed me away, and made sure I stayed away. How could he start caring all of a sudden, as if it was nothing?

I wanted to trust him. I didn't know why, but I wanted to give him a chance. It was stupid really, to give my heart up to someone who had torn it to shreds before. That was when I realized.

I couldn't trust him, not anymore. Somewhere along the line, I had lost faith in his words, his actions, everything. His promise to stay by my side, our interwined fingers when we held hands, his soft kisses that left burning marks across my hands, my cheeks, my neck, my lips, the "I love you," that he whispered quietly into my ear before drifting off to sleep with me in his arms. It all seemed fake now, all an act, an act that I had fallen for. Hard. 

The more I thought about it, the more it pained me. I looked up, letting the water hit my face, washing away the tears that had sprung up in my eyes.

I was tired of everything. Tired of having to think about what Yoongi wanted, what I wanted. What did I even want? 

"I don't know what I want," I whimpered to myself, letting the sound of the shower drown out my words. I shut my eyes tightly, my lip quivering, my hand reaching for my ring and clenching it tightly.

Yoongi's POV

I ed up.

My resolve to stay away and forget her completely. It was smashed into smithereens when I saw her at the club, drinking her life away.

It was like my body was on autopilot. My body moved on its own and made its way towards her, yanking her away from the bar and that stupid shot glass.

She knew she couldn't handle alcohol, what the was she doing?

As soon as my hand came in contact with her cold skin, I realized I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't distance myself any longer, not when my dreams were still filled with her, not when I longed to hold her hand and kiss her to sleep.

Not when I saw her breaking down right in front of me, tears streaming down her face as she shouted at me.

Not when she woke up from her nightmare last night, shaking and sobbing like she was all alone and there was no one there to comfort her. 

I want her back. I'm so selfish for thinking this, but I want her back.

"Hello?" I spoke into the reciever of my phone, menu in my hand. I scanned the many items on the pamphlet and continued to speak, "I would like an order of seaweed soup, as well as a simple bowl of bibimbap."

I hummed a few times, confirming my order as well as the address. I thanked the man and hung up, sighing afterwards. Thank God I was still on my mini vacation. I wanted to make sure she ate well, nothing too heavy like Seokjin said. Knowing her, she would go out to eat bulgogi with Jihyun within two hours of waking up. 

I could hear the water running in the background, meaning she was showering now. Hopefully the delivery man would come before she came out, so she wouldn't have to wait to fill her empty stomach.

I plopped down on her couch and looked at the screen of my phone, reading the various text messages I had received.

Hyung, is she okay?

How is she doing right now?

Tell noona I hope she feels better.

Don't forget: nothing heavy! Drink plenty of water!

I heard eating fruits like bananas help. Something about potassium and vomiting. Oh and sweet potatoes.

Fighting Yoongi hyung! Now's your chance~

I rolled my eyes at the last text, having received it from Taehyung. Chance for what? I honestly didn't know what was going to happen at this point, but I secretly thanked him for the encouragement. 

I looked up from my phone and let my eyes wander around her apartment, the sunlight streaming in through her windows casting a soft glow on her furniture. The first thing I noticed was the lack of pictures hanging on her wall; more specifically, pictures of us. The curtains had changed, and I could see a tiny silver pig figurine on her bookshelf. Even so, everything seemed barren now. 

I didn't miss the box in the corner of the living room, tucked behind her couch. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was inside, having spotted the sleeve of a very familiar sweater peeking out of the box.

She had cleared the apartment of me. A mix of feelings washed over me: relief, since she had started erasing me from her life, like I had wanted, and a hint of sadness, since I couldn't get rid of the things in my apartment like she had. 

The doorbell rang, snapping me out of my thoughts. I made my way towards the door, thanking the delivery man as he handed me the food and I gave him the money. After bidding him goodbye, I closed the door and placed the food on the table.

I set up the food on the table, and grabbed a few utensils from her kitchen. I was mixing the bibimbap with a spoon when I heard the floor boards creaking, and I looked up, my eyes landing on her figure, all cleaned up and in a new set of pajamas. Her eyes were slightly puffy and red, and a feeling of concern washed over me. I ignored the urge to brush her hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear, still damp from her shower.

A chuckle rose up in my throat as her eyes widened in surprise upon seeing me, her eyebrows knitting in confusion. After a few seconds of just staring at me, I laughed again, waving her over.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to eat?" At the mention of food, she broke out her trance and carefully made her way over to the table. I didn't miss the slight flush of her face at my words, and felt a tiny smile tug at my lips. 

"...I thought you left already," She took a seat across from me on the table, her eyes immediately landing on the bowl of soup in front of her. I tried my best to keep my face indifferent, but couldn't help but feel hurt at her words. She had expected me to leave, not even thinking about the possibiIity that I would stay.

I diverted my attention back to the bowl of bibimbap, continuing to stir all the vegetables and meats together. A few silent seconds passed, strangely making me feel uneasy. I looked up and grew slightly worried as I found her just staring at her food, her arms glued to her sides.

Before I could ask her what was wrong, she spoke up, finally lifting her spoon from the table, "You remembered."

My eyebrows knit in confusion, and I titled my head to the side, a little puzzled, "Hm?"

"...That I prefer seaweed soup over hangover soup," She mumbled, not looking up from her task of stirring her bowl of soup. I chuckled slightly at her words, recalling the time she had practically spit on my face when she had a taste of seonji haejangkuk*.

"How could I forget?" I questioned lightly, trying to light up her mood. She seemed unfazed by my question and brought a spoonful of soup up to her lips.

We stayed quiet for a few seconds, my eyes constantly traveling from my bowl of food to her face, trying to read her expression. Was she mad? Annoyed? Glad? I couldn't tell as she kept her gaze down at the soup in front of her, taking tiny sips. 

My eyes suddenly caught sight of a vase perched on her kitchen counter, holding a bunch of purple hyacinths. My mind immediately flew to the day I had bought the flowers (Hoseok kept wiggling his eyebrows at me as I dragged him back to the flower shop) and placed them in front of her door, in which I proceeded to run away as soon as I rung the doorbell.

"I'm glad you liked the flowers," I suddenly blurted out, my mind not thinking twice about the words coming out of my mouth. She looked up from her food and glanced at me, biting her lip in the process.

"...Yeah, they're beautiful," She said after a while, and managed to offer me a little smile. I fought the urge to ask her about the rose and smiled back at her, glad that she had finally showed me a little sign of how she was feeling right now. At least she didn't seem angry.

I ate my food slowly, not having much of an appetite. Without thinking, I scooped up some rice and stretched my arm across the table, bringing the spoon up to her lips.

"Here," I said simply, until I realized what I was doing. It was sort of a habit back when we were together, sharing food that is. I bit my lip, preventing myself from cursing. The last thing I wanted was for her to retreat back into her shell because of my actions.

To my surprise, she hesitated a little before opening tentatively, taking the spoon into . She looked down right after, her cheeks slightly dusted red.

Our conversation ceased after that, too busy with our food to talk. The atmosphere was a little awkward, to say the least, having not eaten together in a long time. I finally looked up from playing with my food when I heard the clank of her spoon on her bowl. She looked tired and a little nervous, playing with her hands in her lap.

"Thanks... Yoongi," I felt a smile spread across my face at her words, but it soon dropped when she spoke again, "You can stop pretending that you care now, I'll be fine."

"You keep saying that I'm pretending," I cut in, growing a little tired of the way she brushed away the mere thought that I could care about her, "As if I stopped caring about you."

"But didn't you?" She blurted out, finally looking up to meet my gaze. Her voice came out higher pitched then usual, but there was a certain firmness to it, like she was sure of herself.

I sighed, trying to collect my thoughts. I hated doing this, speaking my mind. But I would have to do it, if I wanted her to believe me.

"... I never stopped caring. I told you, you were never a game-"

"Yoongi, please don't lie to me anymore," My eyes widened as she interrupted me, her voice quiet and weak. She cleared , trying to keep her voice steady.

"Your actions, they contradict your words. If you cared, why did you ignore me? Why didn't you talk things out with me before our break up? You pushed me away and made sure I stayed away. That time at the park, I... it was the first time I had seen you since our break up. Yet you just ran away, not caring that I was shouting questions at you. You didn't look back, not even once."

Knots formed in my stomach as she spoke, her eyes slightly glazed over. I wanted to reach out to her, but I felt like if I did, she would only retreat back. Like I was a flame she wasn't supposed to touch, lest she get burned. 

"Sometimes, I dream... of you. But in my dreams, all you do is run away, even as I call out for you to comeback. You became so cold to me Yoongi, that I- you can't possibly expect me to believe that you care about me, still."

"That's the thing," I finally spoke up after she stopped speaking, having finally spoken her mind. She stayed quiet as I continued, "I did all that because... I do care about you. I care about you more than I care about myself," A dry laugh escaped my lips at my words, remembering how I had almost starved myself to death in my studio when I left her.

She gave me a confused look, her eyebrows knitting together, "What? I-I don't understand."

I wanted to hold her. I wanted to take her hand in mine and interwine our fingers together. Not even thinking twice about my actions, I got up from my seat and made my way around the table. She continued to give me a confused look as I approached her, and gasped out in surprise when I gently took her hand which was resting in her lap, and helped her stand up. 

I slowly led her towards the couch, my hand never letting go of her. She squirmed slightly at my touch but said nothing as I sat down, pulling her down to sit next to me.

I took a deep breath, my mind searching for the right words to say. How was I supposed to explain this?

"I can see why you have a hard time believing me, after all I've done. If I was you, I wouldn't trust myself either. But what I'm saying is the complete truth. I," I cleared my throat, preparing myself for what I was about to say, "I hate seeing you hurt or in pain. I hate seeing you cry even more. I... I've thought about it, for a while now. I realized that, well, I'm the cause of your pain and your tears. Maybe not all of them, but most of them."

"Everytime I can't hang out with you because of my work, I can hear you crying across the phone, and it actually pains me, cause I know I ed up, again. I... want you to be happy. I care about you so much that I would rather tear myself away from you so that you could be happy with someone better, someone worth your smiles and your laughs."

I paused for a second, my mind now racing with words I wanted to say, but being unable to say them. I tried to gauge her reaction, but she refused to look at me, choosing to look down at her lap instead. However, I felt her hand give me a tiny squeeze, urging me to go on.

"Which is why I broke up with you. I pushed you away from me, and I ignored you. I knew you would get angry at me, would shout at me, curse me out, all of that. I wanted you to hate me, hate me so much that you would get over me and move on. That was my plan."

She finally looked up, clearly shocked at my words. I rubbed her hand gently in mine, my thumb tracing small circles across her skin. She was probably baffled and a little overwhelmed by my words, but at least I had finally gotten everything out.

"...Then why are you here?" She voiced her question quietly, tone slightly unstable. 

Ah, the million dollar question. A dry laugh escaped my throat, and I shook my head in defeat, "Because I'm a selfish bastard who dreams of the times we were together and I miss you."

"I thought I could move on as well. But I couldn't. I still can't. I guess distance really does make the heart grow fonder, cause I can't stop thinking about you.

"I know I'm being selfish when I say this, after all I've done. But I... I want to be with you, again."

She stayed quiet after that, and I didn't dare to speak as I waited for her response.

"Sorry, Yoongi, I," She started, her eyes suddenly red, her voice cracking, "I don't... I don't trust you anymore."

She quickly retreated her hand from my grasp, choosing instead to clutch at the hem of her shirt, biting her lip harshly.

"You should have talked to me about this instead of deciding by yourself that I would be happy without you. I kept wondering what I did wrong, what did I do to drive you away. I," I watched as she blinked and tears fell from her eyes, running down her cheeks slowly. She choked up for a second, but cleared and continued on, "I loved you, and maybe I still do, but I can't do this anymore Yoongi. I just can't."

I could feel my heart breaking, shattering like glass. But I gave her a soft smile, trying my best to hold my own tears back.

"I understand," I finally said, trying my best to keep my voice indifferent and neutral as possible. She couldn't know how much her words broke me down, how a feeling of despair settled in my stomach.

"We can be friends though," I watched as she wiped at her eyes with the sleeves of her shirt, a tentative, small smile growing on her face, "...Right?"

"Yeah, we can be... friends." I replied, nodding my head.

Even if I wanted so much more.

*seonji haejangkuk is basically hangover soup with coagulated cow blood

"Your hand, your body, your body heat
that was hotter than the equator
I’m still here, on repeat on top of the disappeared tune
I’m turning by myself on top of this music that has ended."

*bows deeply* I know it's almost been three weeks since the last update and the only reason I didn't update sooner is b/c I had writer's block and school started up again for me. I've been trying to figure out the plot from here on out, and I think I know where I'm going with the story now hopefully

btw yes I used a BTS song; yes, the fact that Yoongi composed the song makes this 1000x better

I would also like to say... "Love is Not Over" has reached 100+ subscribers!! holy!! I can't thank you all enough for the constant support, whether it's in the form of subscribing, upvoting, commenting ; u ; you guys make me so happy ahh

creds to sughyun

Although updates will be slow, and my life is going to get even busier( i hate you college essay), I'll never drop this story bc of you guys !! I just ask for your patience in the coming chapters ^^

technically my author's note has ended now; everything below this line is me spazzing about BTS hehe :^)) (which you don't have to read, but if you want to go ahead~)

I don't know if any of you noticed but I linked 3 different videos of BTS performing "Let Me Know," cuz lemme just say. Let Me Know is literally my favorite song of BTS', if not then at least top 3. I you not I literally die whenever I listen to it or watch them perform it like my heart just like breaks;; the lyrics, the song arrangement, the raps, the chorus, Jimin's high note, everything is so beautiful and I'm just dead dead dead. All the performances I linked are kinda different (reasons why I couldn't link just one hehe), the first vid has a beautiful orchestra thing going on and IT'S MAGIC I SWEAR!! the only thing that pisses me off is that the cameraman didn't film Jimin when he was hitting his high note :'( the second vid was during their showcase for Dark&Wild and tbh my fav out of all three idk why prob bc it's the first Let Me Know performance I ever watched aha;; i particularly like the rapping in the third one heh there's something about it and you can also hear the crowd singing along it's so precious alfkdjdlskf ; u ; 

ok sorry, got a little too carried away there

i know it's been a while but omfg did all of you see the prologue video?? i am dead i tell you dEAD !! Like I can't explain in words what I felt like when I watched it, all I know is that I cried when Taehyung jumped cuz i cannot okay and "Butterfly" is the epitome of angels singing in your ear tbh