"I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes
I see a little house on the hill and children's names
I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake."

*This is a double update, so make sure you've read the previous chapter!

I tossed and turned in my bed, ruffling my pillow and my blanket every few minutes. I shut my eyes tightly, willing my mind to turn off and shut down, but to no avail. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get to sleep.

For one, it was freezing cold. The heat had suddenly powered off at night, and with a quick call to my landlord, was deemed to not return until tomorrow afternoon. Not prepared for these circumstances at all, I was left shivering underneath my blanket, which, albeit warm, was not warm enough to put me to sleep comfortably.

Secondly...

I turned my head in the direction of the floor, my eyes quickly spotting the futon next to my bed, where Yoongi was sound asleep, his chest rising and falling steadily. 

These past few days with Yoongi were... peaceful, and surprisingly pleasant. Although conversations were awkward at first ("Yoongi, could you, um, maybe put the seat down after you do your business?"), I could tell he was trying hard to lighten up the atmosphere, giving me my space when I was reading or watching an episode of my favorite drama, not minding when I forced him to eat the food that I prepared that was probably too bland, and doing little house chores like washing the dishes and vacuuming the rug which was dirty from all the snacking I did in front of my T.V.

In return, I pretended not to notice when he would fish a small notebook out of his pocket, quickly whipping out a pen and scribbling away for a good five minutes. By the way he scrunched his eyebrows together and stopped every few seconds, I was almost certain that he was writing down lyrics.

No matter how much I wanted him to rest, I knew that restraining Yoongi from the one true passion in his life would only break him further. He practically lived and breathed melodies and tempos, and to tear that away from him...

Never once did he bring up the past, and neither did I.

Eventually, having become more comfortable with each other, we started cracking jokes, talking about the latest hits in the music industry, who was the best comedian of this era, among other things. On the days I would come back late from my shift at the cafe, a box of take out would be waiting for me in the kitchen, a bright yellow sticky note stuck to the fridge to remind me to eat before getting caught up in whatever drama was playing that day. Taking a quiet peak into my room, I would see a mess of blankets on the floor, Yoongi's blonde hair poking out from underneath. 

Without me realizing it, we gradually somewhat fell into our old routine. Except this time, we weren't together.

I sometimes questioned how wrong this was, as I continued seeing Youngjae from time to time, enjoying little walks around the neighborhood, or talking over a cup of coffee. No matter how much I tried to bring myself to tell Yoongi that I was dating someone, my mouth would snap shut and my brain would shut down, blurting out some stupid excuse, like I was visiting Jihyun or had a last minute shift at work.

And everytime, Yoongi would never question me, always nodding his head, telling me to be careful and to return home safely.

It was even worse with Youngjae. He was always so bright and cheery, not finding it suspicious at all when I told him that he couldn't come to my apartment for the time being. I hadn't told him about Yoongi, afraid of wiping away the warm smile off of his face. I wanted to give him a chance, his feelings for me so apparent, even Jinyoung about it whenever we hung out together with him and Jihyun. I believed that eventually I would fall for him, that I wasn't leading him on this whole time.

The guilt ate away at me slowly, growing bigger and bigger with each passing day.

A sudden murmuring from the floor caused me to break out of my train of thought, my eyes immediately snapping open. I strained my ear and listened carefully, afraid I had misheard or imagined the voice.

I heard it again, and this time I realized it was Yoongi... muttering my name.

I whipped my head in Yoongi's direction, sitting up from my position in my bed. The room was dark, save for the low lighting of the moon from the window casting a soft glow on my bedroom floor. I scanned his face, and sure enough, he was still asleep, eyes shut close and chest still heaving slowly.

I found myself studying his face, so calm and at peace. He looked much better than he had on the first day of his stay. He was finally putting on some weight, his features a lot softer, and the bag underneath his eyes had faded considerably. I smiled a little at that, glad that he was actually taking care of himself like I had asked him to.

I unconsciously leaned out of my bed, my arm stretching in the direction of his face. Before I could think twice about what I was doing, the tips of my fingers touched his face, soon tracing his jawline and traveling down the bridge of his nose until they landed at the tip.

He looked so... angelic. His skin was milky white, almost glowing in the darkness of the room, his hair falling over his eyes. I could finally see why he bleached his hair now; it complimented his features extremely well. It made him look like a beautiful doll.

My heart fluttered as I continued to observe him, unable to tear my eyes away. 

What would it feel like to run my hands across his hair just like I had so many times before?

I poked his cheek with my index finger, giggling silently as his nose scrunched up in a cute way, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. He mumbled some incoherent words, followed by another murmur of my name, which finally broke me out of my trance. 

What the hell was I doing?

Before I could retract my hand, Yoongi reached out and took a hold of it, bringing it close to his chest. I had to bite my lip to suppress the yelp of surprise rising from my throat, having been pulled halfway out of my blanket by his sudden pulling, my entire torso now exposed to the chilly air of my apartment. 

"Yoongi?" I whispered tentatively, wondering if he had woken up. But his eyes remained close, only stirring slightly at my voice.

"...I'm never letting go again," He mumbled softly, lacing our fingers together and tightening his grip. His words stirred something inside of me, making my ears burn and my stomach twist into anxious knots. His hand was warm, incredibly warm and familiar.

"...But what if you do?" I mumbled underneath my breath, unconsciously squeezing his hand. 

A sudden cold draft passed through my door, chilling my skin through my nightshirt and making me shiver slightly. I really had to get underneath my blanket again, but that would mean letting go...

Before I knew it, I felt my nose tingle and I sneezed loudly, pulling my arm towards my head as a reflex, jerking Yoongi's hand in my direction in the process. A deep grunt filled the room, followed by a confused huff. 

, , .

Sniffing, I slowly titled my head up, my heart hammering loudly in my chest upon noticing Yoongi's piercing gaze right on my face.

"S-Sorry, I sneezed. Um, no need to worry, go back to sleep-"

"...You're so cold," Yoongi's face immediately softened after hearing my voice, his eyes wandering from my face to our interlocked hands. He gave my hand a small tug, urging me to come out of my bed, "Come here."

I was glad it was pretty dark in the room, or else he would have seen the bright red flush that had taken over my cheeks. Of course he could tell that I was cold, he could always tell.

If we were still together, I wouldn't have hesitated to jump into his arms and bask in the glorious warmth as he showered my face with little butterfly kisses, making me feel warm all over. Even now, I could feel the ghost of his lips on my cheeks, which sent tiny shivers down my spine.

But we weren't, and the horrible, aching guilt came up again. I was so unsure of my feelings, everything inside my heart and my mind a turmoil, and to take advantage of him based on past feelings was wrong, so wrong.

I looked away, my mind racing to come up with a response.

"N-no, it's okay Yoongi, I'll be fine," I tried to insist, but I could tell he was having none of it, his eyes locking with mine and holding my gaze, while his hand continued to tug on my own persistently. 

One final glance at his warm eyes was enough to melt all rationale from my mind, all resolve to hold back and retreat to my bed gone. His hand was so warm, so inviting, and I was freezing in my pajamas.

Just for tonight.

Sighing in defeat, I awkwardly dragged the rest of my body out of the bed and fell onto the futon, my landing on the blanket with a soft thud. I quietly slipped into the blanket, making sure there was some distance between us before facing the base of my bed, trying to calm my breathing.

A small squeak escaped my lips upon feeling Yoongi wrapping his arms around my torso, bringing me close. He was warm, so warm, and I found myself melting into the wonderful feeling of his embrace.

I unconsciously scooted closer to his chest, feeling my cheeks grow warm as he pressed his lips lightly against my hair.

Right when I was about to fall asleep, my eyelids feeling heavy and my eyes drooping close, I heard a faint whisper near my ear.

"Sweet dreams."

"Hey, Yoongi."

"Hm?" He looked up from writing down something in his small notebook, quickly putting it away upon seeing me stand in the doorway of my bedroom. I bit my lip, hesitating slightly once I was finally facing him.

C'mon, you can do this!

"Would you like to watch a movie with me?" I asked, twiddling my fingers nervously. He blinked, his face blank, and remained silent. I gulped, letting out a small laugh to ease the tension, "It's just, I bought a new movie yesterday and I was wondering if you would like to watch it as well."

That was a lie, sort of. I hated watching movies by myself, and to be honest, I actually wanted to hang out with Yoongi more. To test the waters, I guess you could say. To see if this "being friends," thing could actually work out between us. Although, from the time he had started staying here, my hope that it could work out grew everyday. We were no longer awkward, that was for sure, and conversation came quite easily now. 

However, getting no response in return from him, I wasn't too sure anymore. I gulped away the feeling of disappointment that had built up in my chest and laughed awkwardly, my head lowering to stare at my shoes, "Haha, it's fine if you don't want to, sorry to bother you."

"What movie is it?" My head perked up at his question and I smiled, taking out the DVD box from behind me and whipping it out in front of his face.

"Jihyun said it's a really good movie, so I thought, why not give it a try?" He took the box from my hand, studying the title and reading the back.

"... A rom-com, huh," He looked up, curious eyes meeting mine. I nodded, realization suddenly dawning on me.

I had been so caught up with hoping that Yoongi would agree that I failed to realize that I had picked a romantic comedy movie, out of all the possible genres I could have picked.

Now this was going to be awkward.

"For old times sake, I guess?" I tried to mask my nervousness with a smile, and sighed with relief when Yoongi nodded his head slowly, a small smile finally showing up on his face.

"Alright then," I couldn't help but smile brightly at his words, the nervousness building up in my system simmering down and disappearing completely. I clapped my hands together happily.

"Great! Could you set up the T.V. while I prepare the popcorn? You don't mind the sweet kind, right?" I asked excitedly, hopping from one foot to the other. I watched him rise from his seat on the floor, dusting his pants and heading in my direction.

"Whatever you want, kiddo," I squeaked as a hand landed on top of my head, ruffling my hair playfully. I whined, swatting his hand away and pouting, my hands flying up to attempt to fix the mess he had created.

"Hey, I'm not a kid!" I huffed, but felt a smile tug at my lips. He chuckled at my reaction, walking past me and heading towards the living room.

 I bounded through my bedroom door with a skip in my step, heading towards the kitchen. I searched the cabinets, quickly spotting the popcorn and popping the bag into the microwave.

When I came back to the living room with a huge bowl of caramel popcorn in my hands, Yoongi was sprawled out across his seat on the sofa, playing with his phone.

This scene was all too familiar, and I wasn't sure if I really liked that or not. I bit my lip, the nervousness from before coming back. Everything felt like deja-vu now, and a painful aching spread throughout my chest.

This was a terrible idea.

Making sure Yoongi wasn't looking, my hand reached for my ring, still hanging safely from the chain around my neck, hidden from view by my clothes. It felt so familiar to have it there; even with Yoongi here, I couldn't bare to take it off. Unlike before, it made me feel safe now, my source of encouragement when I felt like everything was crumbling around me.

However, the fact that I was still wearing it was a clear sign that part of me yearned to be with him again. For him to call me his, and for me to be able to call him mine.

If only it was that simple.

I took a curious glance at him, my eyes finding their ways to his hands. My spirit deflated a little upon realizing his fingers were void from any sort of ring, but I shook my head quickly.

Why was I so disappointed?

Putting on a smile on my face, I plopped down onto the sofa, not quite so close to Yoongi. But even with the distance, my heart rate still picked up, thumping wildly in my chest.

"Okay, let's start," I spoke without turning to look at him, surprised at how composed I sounded. From the corner of my eye, I could see him giving me a curious glance, but he shrugged his shoulders and pressed play on the remote controller.

Throughout the movie, my mood lightened considerably, laughing at the two main characters bumping into each other constantly and fighting. I found myself taking descreet glances in Yoongi's directions, surprised when I found him awake and laughing along with me. Now this was new; normally, he would be too tired to even keep his eyes open for half the movie, but with the rest he had been getting lately, of course he would be awake this time around.

His laughs and chuckles made me feel a lot better, too busy being glad that he was having a good time to think about the mess that were my feelings.

But of course, that couldn't last forever. You can't have a rom-com without the romance.

I gulped as I watched the guy push the girl against the wall, loosening his tie in process. They stared at each other for a few seconds before the girl leaned in and smashed their lips together, laughing as the guy groaned and deepened the kiss.

The sound of wet kisses and quiet whimpers filled my apartment and I blushed, not expecting things to escalate so quickly between them. My hand reached for the bowl of popcorn to my side, but I stopped immediately upon brushing my fingers across smooth skin.

I turned my head to the side meekly, gulping once I realized my hand had touched Yoongi's as he was reaching for popcorn as well. I tried to avoid making eye contact with him, but my body refused to listen to me, finding myself taking a glance at his expression.

His look was intense, piercing right through me and sending shivers down my spine. His hand traveled up my arm, finding its way to my cheek. My cheeks felt hot, my stomach was flipping wildly, and my heart was hammering so loudly, I was almost certain that he could hear it as well. 

I found my eyelids fluttering close as he leaned in, my hands gripping the material of my shirt tightly.

As soon as his soft lips made contact with my own, butterflies practically exploded in my stomach, dancing fervently and sending my whole body into a mess. Before I could even process what was happening, my lips were moving and gliding across his, melding together in a way that felt so so right. It felt like fireworks were going off in my mind, and I was seeing lights, my whole body on fire.

My hands travled up to his chest, clutching the material of his shirt and pulling him closer. He complied, tilting his head slightly and deepening the kiss.

We both panted heavily as we parted for air. I glanced up from his lips to meet his smoldering gaze, his eyes unfocused but never wavering from my face. He crashed our lips together again, his free hand pushing my body down lightly to lay on the couch, making the bowl of popcorn between us fall onto the floor in the process, but that barely registering in my mind. 

The popcorn, the movie, everything was lost and forgotten in the moment.

Yoongi wasted no time climbing on top of me and reconnecting our lips. I whimpered slightly at the feeling of his teeth nibbling my bottom lip and it, entering his tongue into my parted lips. Our tongues danced together, fighting for dominance through the heat. In the end, I gave in, allowing a small groan to escape my lips, too lost in the passion and the feeling of his fingertips on my bare skin.

I tangled my hands in his hair, pushing him closer to me. The smell of his cologne filled my nose, so intoxicating, yet I couldn't break away. I felt drunk, drunk on his lips and the feeling of his skin. 

He pulled away, only to pepper kisses along my jaw down to my neck, kissing his way up and making me whimper as he kissed the spot right below my earlobe. I had completely forgotten that I was super sensitive around that area, but it seemed he hadn't. He blew hot air at my ear, bitting and pulling at the shell of my ear lightly, grinning while watching me squirm and whine in pleasure.

His lips soon found their way to mine again, latching onto my bottom lip and at the flesh. I whined loudly, gripping the hairs at the nape of his neck in between my fingertips.

Not wanting to let him dominate, I lowered my hands to his chest again, running them down his body until they touched bare skin at the hem of his shirt. Although Yoongi wasn't exactly buff, his body was lean and slightly built, still nice to the touch. My fingers dipped underneath his shirt and touched his stomach, eliciting a deep groan from him. Feeling spurred on by the sounds he was making, I touched his back, my fingers dancing their way up his spine, enjoying the way he shivered at my touch. Reaching the top half of his back, I pushed him down so I could attack his lips.

He was having none of that as he growled and bit my bottom lip hard, tangling our tongues together again.

A loud song suddenly blasted from my sweater pocket, but I ignored it, too lost in my own little world. However, the ringing never stopped. By the third call, I stopped moving my lips against his, the ringing of my phone pissing me off to no end.

"Let me check my phone," I murmured against his lips, trying to push Yoongi away lightly as he continued to move his lips against mine. He grunted in response, pulling away with a scowl on his face, and I grinned up at him, leaning up quickly and planting a short peck on his swollen lips.

Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I glanced at the screen, annoyed at whoever had interrupted us.

Youngjae.

Realization hit just then, falling on top of me like a ton of bricks.

", , , !" I cursed loudly, pushing Yoongi away harshly. He grunted, looking surprised and pissed off as I tumbled off the couch, landing hard on my back. I ignored the pain and stepped away from him quickly, running my hands through my hair and making my way to the kitchen.

I screwed up. I screwed up big time. I quickly grabbed a glass and filled it with water, taking a long drink from it. The water felt refreshing going down my throat, helping me clear my mind a little.

"What the was that?" I didn't even have to turn around to know that Yoongi was beyond pissed off, his voice filled with fire and bite, "Who called you?"

I counted to ten slowly in my head, taking deep breaths. It was about time I told him. Slowly turning around, I tried not to cower under his gaze, clearing my throat.

"...I've been seeing someone for about two weeks now," I muttered quietly, but it was loud enough for him to hear. His expression changed immediately, looking confused and lost.

"You've been- what?" I nodded my head, the guilt tearing at me, hard, "What, when-"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I interrupted him, rubbing my arm to keep myself from falling apart, "I just couldn't find the right time to say it, and- and-"

"Stop."

My eyes filled with tears upon hearing the hurt and betrayal in his voice, stabbing my heart in the process, "Yoongi, I swear I-"

He ruffled his hair in frustration, letting out a shaky sigh, trying to calm down. He turned around, taking a glance at the mess of popcorn all over the living room floor.

"So I guess what happened just now was a mistake," He let out a bitter laugh, heading for the door. My eyes widened in panic, following him out of the kitchen.

I watched as he slung his jacket on, putting on his shoes, and opening the door, "Where are you going? It's almost midnight-"

"Do you have the right to even ask me that?" He spat, turning around and giving me the coldest look I had ever received in my life.

"...I'm so sorry, Yoongi," I sobbed out, but it was too late. He slammed the door shut, never once turning back to look at me.

"Only fools fall for you, only fools
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall."

dun dun dun!! well , that just happened;; 

i hope these two chapters make up for not updating in over a month (im so sorry ;^;) but the college application process is finally over!! im so :'))) 

also a little happy new years gift cuz wow its 2016!!! thank you all for sticking around even after my updating turned to , it really means a lot ; u ; hehe i'll try not to disappoint with future chapters *bows*

man 2015 was such a crazy, awesome year for bts;; they released two albums (WHICH I AM A PROUD OWNER OF BOTH ヽ(´▽｀)ノ When I got the Suga photocard from pt2 I almost fainted) they were both so beautiful and meaningful (leaving me in a puddle of tears smh) i mean it even inspired this story! And not only that, but they won 1st place for the first time!! such a proud army ahhh!!!!

Rapmon released a mixtape!! AND JHOPE RELEASED 1 VERSE LIKE OH MAN HOLY

let's not forget the end of the year performances (IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MINT YOONGI PLAY THE PIANO, WATCH IT RIGHT NOW HERE I SWEAR YOU WILL SCREAM SO MUCH IF NOT BC OF THAT THEN BC OF JEON FREAKING JUNGKOOK WHO IS AN ADULT NOW omg we will not survive)

also perfect man omfg

and park jimin's beautiful butterfly dance alfkjslfdlks

forever jamming to bts ╰(◡‿◡✿╰) 

i would spazz some more but its 1 am and school is starting again tomorrow ahaha what am i doing;; anyway thank you all for such a great year!! Let's hope for another crazy beauitful awesome year with bangtan!! and that i can update this story regularly omg

if you ever feel like spazzing about bts with me, here's my tumblr!! feel free to shoot me a message or an ask :^))

until next time~

creds to yoonkooks