"The eyes that are too late, the eyes that lost you
I’m becoming more and more sorry, looking at you with these kinds of feelings
Eyes looking at each other
One pair of remaining eyes, eyes that have lost its way."

— EXO "시선 둘, 시선 하나 (What If...)"

**Note: In order to avoid confusion, the first part of this chapter will be in Yoongi's POV; after the stars (***), it will be back to the main POV

Yoongi's POV

It was cold.

The icy wind whipped harshly against my cheeks, snow falling around me in flurries, showing no signs of stopping. It settled around me in small heaps, covering everything in their path.

I was boiling.

My fists were clenched tightly in the pockets of my jacket, my feet kicking up whatever snow was in my path. A man stared at me strangely as I passed by, but I didn't care. I didn't ing care anymore. I ignored the burning of my ears from the cold, the slow numbness that was overtaking my feet.

No matter how many breaths I took, the cold air filling my lungs, my mind was nowhere near clear; my chest was still heavy, my emotions in a turmoil.

I eventually came to a stop at a crosswalk, watching as the crossing light flashed red in the dark.

My eyes wandered around, settling upon a familiar looking coffee shop. Images of sweet smiles and bright laughs over coffee filled my mind, my heart, suddenly feeling heavier than it already was.

I could still feel her fingers on my skin, her soft lips against my own, the sweet sounds rising from . And then, the pushing, the denial, the look of utter despair on her face.

It was all a ing mistake.

All of a sudden, I was running, my boots pounding against the snow covered sidewalk, my breath coming out in great puffs with every step.

Before I realized it, I was pounding against a door, my knuckles red by the time someone finally opened up.

"-Yoongi is? Is he with you!?" 

Hoseok stared at me, eyes wide with surprise, mouth agape as I stormed past him and went straight to the couch, untying my boots messily.

"... He's not with you?" I could tell he was trying his best to not change the tone of his voice, confusion overtaking his face. He gave me a nervous side glance once a broken sob resounded throughout the apartment from the phone on his hand, put on loud speaker.

My heart clenched painfully, but I ignored it.

"N-no. He stormed off j-just now and- oh God, it's midnight, I don't know what to do. Hoseok, I don't-" I put my index finger against my lips when Hoseok gave me another nervous glance, signaling him to not say anything. He stayed quiet for a second before releasing a long sigh, debating on what to do.

"Hey, hey, listen... I'll let you know if I hear anything. I wouldn't worry too much, though. Yoongi can handle himself just fine, he's not a baby," I almost rolled my eyes at the way he tried to cheer her up, but was nonetheless thankful it was Hoseok she had called. He was trying his best to comfort her, and it seemed like it was working, her sobbing turning into quiet hiccups.

"Y-yeah, I guess you're right..." She was quiet for a moment, clearing before speaking up again, "Thanks, Hoseok. Really."

He laughed out loud, the sound of it oddly comforting to the ear, "No problem. Now get some sleep, alright?"

They shared a brief goodbye before hanging up. The apartment was dead silent afterwards, save for the light footsteps making their way towards me.

"Care to explain what in the world is going on?" The couch sunk as Hoseok sat down next to me, but I didn't even spare him a glance. I slumped further into the couch, leaning my head back to rest it against the cushions. I stared at the ceiling of his apartment, briefly flicking my eyes to the clock before shutting them tiredly.

Sensing that I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk, he patted my knee lightly before making his way to the kitchen. I soon heard the flicking of the stove being , the rustling of bags and mugs being pushed around.

Before I knew it, there was a cup of tea in my hands, warming up my frozen fingers. I sat cross legged on the couch, watching the tea leaves bob up and down with every sip I took. Hoseok sat right next to me, blowing and sipping at his tea.

I knew he wanted me to tell him what happened. I knew he was trying his best to remain indifferent, being nothing but comforting right now. He didn't urge me, he didn't whine in my ear like he usually would.

And I was grateful for that.

"Well, you look a lot better- That is, health-wise," I turned my head in his direction, raising my eyebrow questioningly. He merely shrugged, giving me a cheeky smile, "You really need to redo your hair though, your roots are starting to show again."

My hand unconsciously flew to my hair lifting up a limp lock and letting it fall. I stared at him for a few seconds before giving him a small smile, "Yeah, I guess so."

"Oo, make it a mint blue! So you can be Mint Yoongi. Haha, get it? Mint because Min is your last name, but your hair would be a mint color so Mint Yoongi."

I couldn't help the snort that came out of my mouth, bringing one of my hands up to my face, "Oh God, you did not just say that."

Hoseok huffed, mocking shock and disbelief, "Hey, hey, it was good pun, if I do say so myself. C'mon, wasn't it at least a little clever?"

He jutted his bottom lip out in a pout, and I almost choked on my tea. From the corner of my eye, I saw the slightest upward twitch of his lips in a little smirk.

Dammit, he knows how much I hate his aegyo.

"Alright, fine, it was... a little clever, I guess," I muttered eventually, not wanting to face a pouting Hoseok anymore. He laughed whole-heartedly, givng me a pat in the back at my defeat.

It was quiet again, the atmosphere lighter and calming. All that could be heard was the ticking of the clock on the wall, signaling that it was already 1 A.M.

"I honestly can't believe you didn't step foot in the studio even once after you were discharged from the clinic."

I paused mid-sip, my fingers tightening their hold on the cup handle, "...Yeah, I can't believe it either."

"Tae was right; you really do listen to her," His voice was light and gentle, "I guess that shows how much you care."

Setting my cup down, I sighed, my mind once again preoccupied with a million thoughts.

"Sorry, did I say something wrong?" I turned to face him, his smile slowly turning into a frown.

"Hoseok."

"Hm?"

I thought for a few seconds before speaking again, my voice much quieter, "Do you think I should just... give up?" 

"What do you mean give up? Give up on what?"

I watched his face contort into one of confusion, not getting at where I was going with the topic. I felt my lips move before I could stop myself.

"She has a boyfriend."

It was quiet. Then...

"What?! She has a boyfrie- How do you know?" He set his cup down with a loud clank, eyes as wide as saucers.

I debated with myself if I should tell him or not, biting my lip hesitantly. Seeing the expression on his face though, I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it if I didn't speak up, so sighing in resignation, I continued. 

"We were watching a movie and all of a sudden this scene comes along... I don't know what overcame me, my hand just reached for her face and I... I kissed her Hoseok, and she- she kissed back."

"Things were getting a little heated, and then she gets this call from this... guy that she's been seeing for about two weeks now."

I took a deep breath, my mind flooded with millions of thoughts. I didn't realize my hands were tightly clenched together until Hoseok placed a gentle hand on top of them. It was a comforting gesture that spurred me to go on. 

"And I stormed off. I was so pissed off- like she was playing with my feelings or something. Why did she kiss me back if she was seeing someone? Do we feel the same way about each other? Why is everything so ing complicated- I-I don't understand anything anymore."

"...It doesn't have to be complicated, you know."

"...Huh?" I looked up to see Hoseok giving me gentle smile, eyes warm.

"What do you want, Yoongi? What does Yoongi want, not the one that puts others before himself, that stays silent watching from the sidelines; What do you truly want, deep inside your heart?"

I was still. Then, images of her smile, her beautiful eyes blinking at me, her hands that fit perfectly with my own filled my mind.

"I just want her to be happy, I want her to be happy- together with me."

"Then I don't see a reason why you should give up. If that is what you truly want, then wouldn't giving up mean giving up on yourself?"

He had a point. But still, my mind and my heart fought over what to do, debating back and forth with no signs of stopping.

"I guess..." I my lips tiredly, smiling wryly in defeat.

"To be honest Hoseok, I'm tired of hoping that she'll take me back one day."

"These feelings I have for her... are just a burden in the end," He was about to speak up, but I put my hand up, stopping him, "I think the best thing I can do in this situation is just swallow my feelings and step back. Let her live her life with someone else."

"Yoongi..."

"I'm going to bed, Hoseok. Good night."

I was working at my desk, my fingers aimlessly typing on my keyboard. Everything felt automatic, bland, tasteless; since when was making music so boring?

Namjoon and Hoseok were at their desks as well, quietly jotting down notes, and occasionally typing something onto their computers. The atmosphere at the studio hadn't been too good for the past few days, mainly due to the douchebag that was our new boss. After buying off our company, he had us working tiredly without break, rejecting and frowning at whatever work we handed in.

I told Jungkook to stop coming over for now, afraid that he would be reprimanded for no reason. I didn't want him to experience what it was like dealing with my boss's nasty personality. 

My fingers stopped moving, my ears registering the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Yoongi, I would like to speak to you," I slowly turned around, coming face to face with my new boss. He looked unfriendly, as always, but there was a certain air around him today that made me nod my head silently.

I got up from my chair and followed him to his office, the bad feeling in my stomach growing bigger and bigger with every step.

He switfly opened the door, watching as I entered quietly and sat down on one of the plush chairs situated right in front of his desk. My eyes wandered around the once filled office of my old boss, now barren and lifeless.

He made his way around his desk, taking a seat in his chair. His hand reached for a very familiar folder not far from him, picking it up and suddenly slamming it down onto the table without care. Countless of papers flew out of the folder, music sheets and notes, red, scratchy pen marks written all over them.

"What is this?" He spat, adding a usb to the messy pile on his tabletop. I blinked at him, picking up a crumbled music sheet and taking in the big red "X" marked across the paper.

My music.

"This is unacceptable. You call this music? It's all bland and boring," He sniffed in disgust, picking up one of my music sheets with the tips of his fingers, like he was holding trash, "Did that whole week you took off do nothing to help you? Tch, I swear even Hoseok makes better songs than this."

I tried to even my breathing, attempting to calm my nerves. I ignored the sudden burning sensation at the pit of my stomach, and gave him a polite smile.

"Sir, I don't think you should be comparing our songs in that way. Everyone has different taste, and whether a song is good or not is subjective to opinion."

He placed his elbows on the table, folding his hands together near his face, "Subjective you say? Hoseok creates garbage half the time. The only reason I'm keeping him is because the boy seems desperate; he has to work two jobs to make ends meet. What a tragedy."

I clenched my hands into fists underneath the table, my nails digging onto the palm of my hand. It was one thing to insult my work, and it was another to insult Hoseok's or Namjoon's work. Something within me was beginning to boil, and I knew this wasn't going to end well. I had to stay calm, even if the only thing I wanted to do was punch this guy square in the face, maybe kick him in the nuts for good measure. 

Keep cool, Yoongi, just keep it cool.

"Hoseok's songs are beautiful. They're simple at first, but beneath the surface are all these intricate grooves and surprising pleasant beats and tunes-"

"Ah, trying to defend your friend now?" He snorted, rolling his eyes and refolding his hands, "It's not like you write any better, Yoongi. You're not as good as everyone says you are. You write about love and passion and dreams- that's not going to sell in this day and age."

"Excuse me? Music is about expressing yourself, your thoughts, having a connection with the listeners," Now I was really pissed off. Who the was this guy to insult everything I lived by when making music?

"Music is something we use to make money. If it doesn't sell, it's trash. Simple as that," He looked pleased with his words, taking one of my music sheets and folding it in various ways.

I stood up, practically seething, "You take those words back right now."

I wanted nothing but to wipe that stupid smug look off his face.

"Aw, is the "genius" Suga mad that I called his work trash? Well it is. It's complete garbage. The only song I would consider decent is the one about... your ex girlfriend I believe? And how you felt after you broke up?" A dirty smirk spread across his lips, his fingers drumming against each other, "I bet you used her just to write the song. Just a little prop that you threw away. Maybe you should go get yourself another girlfriend and break her heart too. Maybe you'll write something worthy then."

I snapped.

Before I could think twice about what I was doing, I swung my fist towards his face, punching him right on the nose. He groaned at the hit, falling off his chair from the impact. Blood started trickling from his nose, making its way down towards his lips.

"Don't you dare speak of her like that. Don't you ing dare."

I slammed my fist down onto the table, making him jump, "And you know what?"

"I quit," I barked out, my blood boiling. He looked at me with wide eyes, hand flying up to hold his nose.

"W-What?" He sounded so startled, and I enjoyed the satisfaction I got from the sudden desperate tone in his voice, "You can't quit-"

"Well I just did. I ing quit," With that, I my heel and stormed out of his office, making my way through the hallways towards the exit. I passed by Hoseok and Namjoon on the way, not missing the shocked look on their faces. The air was dead silent as I put on my shoes and ran out the front door.

***

My feet pounded against the pavement as I ran towards the bar near the park. I ignored the puddles of slush that had developed from the snow that were splashing with every step I took, wetting my pants and my boots. My heart was hammering against my chest, my pulse was too fast and my head was starting to get dizzy, but I pushed everything aside as I got closer and closer to my destination.

Hoseok's words from earlier rang in my head, desperate and confused.

"What? He quit his job?! Where is he?"

"I'm not sure. But if it's my guess, he probably went to a bar. There's this one bar that he goes to when he wants to be alone..."

This was the fifth bar on the mental list I had made in my head, the previous ones all proving futile as I couldn't spot Yoongi anywhere inside. I was praying that he would be inside this one, the sky getting darker and the wind growing chillier with each passing minute that I searched.

Finally entering the bar, my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the place, blinking as I turned my head left and right, looking for a familiar blonde head.

I tried not to cry of relief upon finally spotting him bent over the counter of the bar, martini in hand. His eyes were unfocused, his cheeks flushed, and shot glasses surrounded him. He was drunk, no doubt about it.

I quickly made my way towards him, ignoring the gazes of strangers that flew in my direction, their eyes following me with every step.

"Yoongi?" I called, once I was by his side. He stayed unresponsive, hand swirling the martini in his hand. I shook his shoulder after a few seconds, biting the inside of my cheek nervously, "Yoongi!"

He finally looked up from his drink, turning his head to face me. I gulped as his dark gaze pierced right through me, eyes never leaving my face. 

"What are you doing here?" He muttered, his voice suprisingly calm and composed for the drunken state he was in. My eyes followed his every movement, watching him tilt his head back and down his glass in one go.

"I'm here to take you home," I took the glass out of his hand, setting it down on the counter.

"...I don't need you to take me home," He turned back towards the bartender, raising his hand lazyly, "One more shot, please."

I looked at him incredulously, "What? Yoongi, you're drunk out of your mind right now. C'mon, you cant stay over at my place for now-"

"Your place?" He suddenly snorted, rolling his eyes, "Are you going to call your little boyfriend too?"

"No, why would I- do you even know what you're saying right now?"

Something told me this conversation wasn't going to end well. I wrapped my hands around his arm and tried to pull him away from the bar but to no avail. He shook me off, downing another shot. 

"Hah, this is a ing joke. Everything's a ing joke," He hiccuped, face redder than before.

"Yoongi, please. I'm," My mouth turned dry as I tried to search for words to say, anything to avoid what was coming, "I'm so sorry. To tell you the truth, I-"

"Yeah, yeah, you're so sorry you can't be together with me, you have a boyfriend now," He shook his head, chuckling lightly to himself, "You just used me, but no hard feelings- I get it. I should have expected this."

My heart clenched painfully at his words, tears welling up in my eyes, "Wait, no-"

"Leave," He said with an air of finality, not even sparing me a single glance.

"But-"

"I said leave!"

It was quiet for a few seconds, the murmuring around us quieting down at Yoongi's sudden outburst, all eyes suddenly on us. My hands clenched the sides of my coat tightly, letting the tears fall freely. 

After awhile, the bar became loud again with the sound of glasses clanking and idle chatter. I quietly stepped away from Yoongi, turning around slowly and making my way towards the exit. I furiously wiped at my tears with the sleeve of my coat, my lips trembling with every step.

"Well, well, look who we have here?" A hand suddenly wrapped around my arm and yanked it away from my face, making me stumble away from the exit. I yelped in surprise, barely catching myself before I fell. I glared at the guy in front of me, his grasp on my arm not loosening.

Why did this guy seem so familiar?

"Oh, I was right. You're that businessman's daughter, right? The one who works at the coffee shop," He laughed in my face, his breath reaking of alcohol. I scrunched my nose up in disgust and tried to shake his hand off, "Haven't seen you in a while. Remember me?"

"Um... Junsu was it? Junmin?" Something in my mind clicked, flashbacks to the time I had to meet that of a son because of my dad suddenly appearing. I squirmed even more under his hold. 

"Junho," He corrected, giving me a lazy smile, "Well, aren't you still easy on the eyes, princess? Haven't changed a bit since I've last seen you."

"Don't call me that," I murmured, repulsed at the sudden nickname, "... And I see you haven't changed either. Hey, do you mind taking your hand off of me? Thanks."

"Nah, I like holding on to pretty ladies," He smirked, pulling me even closer with a rough yank. I stumbled forward, smacking right into his chest. He smelled of cheap cologne and sweat, "Why don't you and I go have a little fun, hm?"

"No thanks," I huffed, pressing a hand against his chest and pushing myself off, "I was just about to leave, actually."

"Oh, why is that? Is it because you had a fight with your little boyfriend over there?" He nodded in the direction of Yoongi, letting out breathy chuckle.

"...He's not my boyfriend," I murmured, biting my lip to mask the uneasiness in my words, "Not anymore."

"Aw, did you guys break up? Well, good for you then!" I resisted the urge to punch the smile right out of the guy's face, his smirk and his demeanor rubbing me off in the wrong way. Why couldn't he leave me alone?

"I still can't believe you chose composer boy over me. After your dad told me you were dating that little shorty, I was really down, you know that? Another pretty lady lost to a loser like that," He continued, eyes suddenly racking over my figure, "Why don't you date someone like me instead? You were too good for him anyway."

"Excuse me?" I finally yanked my arm away from his grasp, my eyebrows furrowed in anger, "Yoongi is anything but a loser. He's caring, passionate about his music, hard working, and has a big heart. If anyone is a loser here, it's you."

Junho barked out a laugh, the smirk back on his face, "A little feisty, I see. I don't see why you have to defend him. I'm sure his music was pretty ty anyway. I could probably write better songs in my sleep."

Something snapped within me at his words, my hands immediately grabbing for the nearest glass and splashing the contents in Junho's face. He yelped in surprise, wiping at his face frantically as the alcohol dripped down to his shirt and the rest of his clothing.

"Don't you dare insult Yoongi like that," I placed the glass down on the table with a loud thud, practically seeing red, "Unlike you, he worked hard to get to where he is now; unlike you, he wasn't spoon fed to get to the top. It's the passion and the hardwork that I really admire, and you will never, ever, come close to being that dedicated to anything in your life. And that's just really ing sad."

Junho stared at me with wide eyes, finally having wiped the alcohol from his face. Before I could process what was happening, he grabbed my hair and pulled harshly, bringing me dangerously close to his face. His other hand grabbed my hands and held them together in place by my waist.

"How ing dare you," He spat, yanking my hair harder and smiling as I yelped in pain, "I thought we could take things a little easy, but I guess not. If you want to play rough, I'll play rough too."

"Hm, now how shall I play with you, princess?" He whispered in my ear, his tongue giving it a slow . I cringed in disgust, my heart suddenly hammering at the reality of my situation.

"Get your ing hands off of her."

"I made a big mistake, I made a mistake
The dream that grew inside of me
Was that time would bring you to me like the wind."

hey so sorry I haven't updated in a while. my grandma recently passed away and things have been a little rough

but not worries, I'm doing a lot better now ^^ hopefully this chapter wasn't too blah for you all

as always, thank you all so much for your constant support, it really means a lot :^))

and before this day ends (3 minutes left!) I just want to say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUNG HOSEOK AKA SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE AHHH

creds to jung-koook