"I’m doing so many things, I’ve become a tree
Why am I getting weirder in front of you?
I’m not a pre-schooler but
why is everything
so childish?"

— BTS "이불킥 (Blanket Kick)"

"Jihyun, I'm so bored," I whined into my phone, rolling around in my bed. I let out a giant huff, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Sorry girl, I'm busy today," Jihyun sounded a little tired, her voice slightly worn down, "Work's been crazy today and I think I'll have to work over time."

I sighed, closing my eyes, "Ah, it's alright. Maybe I'll hit up Sooyoung or Sojin..."

"Why don't you call up Suga?" My eyes snapped open, my hand suddenly bringing a pillow close to my chest. I hugged the pillow tightly and rolled to my side, biting my lip nervously.

"I don't know, I don't want to bother him," I tried to reason, but Jihyun just snorted in disbelief.

"Bother him? You're his girlfriend, why would you be a bother to him? I bet he's just waiting for you to give him a call," She hummed thoughtfully, "Actually, I'm surprised you two aren't all over each other, now that you're back together."

"Um, yeah I guess you're right. Alright, I'll give him a call. Thanks Jihyun," She shouted a goodbye in return before I hung up. I buried my face into my pillow and groaned loudly.

"How in the world..." I mumbled, bringing my phone to my face. I scrolled through my contacts until I landed on Yoongi's name.

How was I supposed to explain to Jihyun that I felt sort of awkward with Yoongi nowadays? 

At first, it wasn't very noticeable. We were enjoying each other's company whenever we could, laughing and chatting idly like we used to. 

But then I noticed it. The way I reached for his hand while we were walking, but hesitated at the last second and drew it back to my side. How I stared up at him sometimes, finding his face so angelic and wishing to just lean up and kiss him. But I would always shake my head and look away at the last second.

There were so many moments where I hesitated and didn't go through with my thoughts, always retreating and shaking my head.

It didn't go unnoticed by Yoongi either. I saw the fleeting looks he would give me from the corner of my eye after I turned my head away from him. It always made a pool of disappointment develop at the pit of my stomach, but I couldn't do anything about it. 

To be honest, it felt strange being with Yoongi again. Of course, it was wonderful and I had to rub my eyes to make sure that this was real, he was there, and he wasn't going anywhere. But at the same time, I felt... distant. Like my head couldn't wrap around the fact that we were together. Maybe that was why I kept hesitating so much. I didn't know how to act around him anymore, after being separated for so long.

Was I suppose to act like we were in the beginning of a relationship, before we had broken up? Were we picking up from where we had left off? Was he expecting me to be more mature now, a whole new me?

It was really bothering me.

"Okay, c'mon, you got this, you can do it," I gave myself a little pep talk before tapping on Yoongi's name and calling him. I brought the phone to my ear and prayed I wouldn't back out once he did pick up.

"Hello?"

I squeaked upon hearing Yoongi's voice all of a sudden, slamming my phone flat against the mattress of my bed and scurrying underneath my covers. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart and ignoring how pathetic I felt.

"Ah, this is so frustrating! Why am I so nervous?!" I wailed loudly, sinking my head further into the mattress. A few seconds passed before I realized that Yoongi was still on the line and was probably wondering what the hell was going on.

I shot out of the covers and looked around for my phone, finally finding it underneath my pillow. To my relief (and utter horror) he was still on the line. I took a deep breath and placed the phone back on my ear.

"...Hi?" I managed out, mentally slapping myself in the forehead. All this time and all you could get out was a measly "hi"? 

"Is everything okay?" His voice was unusually deep, sounding a bit groggy, but nevertheless, worried. I realized with a start that he had probably been sleeping, "You made a really strange noise and didn't respond to me calling your name, so I thought you hung up or something happened."

, "Um, no, everything's okay. Uh, so what are you up to?" Way to make him feel better. Real smooth.

"Hm? Oh, I'm just taking a nap," He yawned loudly, "I went to pick up some things from my old studio earlier today, so now I'm resting."

I opened my mouth only to shut it quickly after, my mind reaching a blank. I had almost forgotten about Yoongi's whole quitting his job because his boss was an fiasco. By the way he had mentioned it, it sounded like he wasn't all that bothered anymore, but I knew better. No amount of breezing over done by his voice could convince me that he wasn't affected at all.

He missed it, composing that is. I had snuck enough glances at his notebook to know he was itching to make music, most of his pages littered with notes of keys and lyrics and melodies. 

"So what's up?"

I was shaken off my train of thought, my mind scrambling to come back to reality. Finally remembering the reason I called, I was about to ask him if he wanted to go get some food when my throat closed up and no sound came out.

Realization dawning on me, I sunk down on my pillow, suppressing a groan. Yoongi loved napping; I would hate to interrupt him now. I tried to shake away the thought that maybe I was an inconvenience to him.

"I- I just wanted to hear your voice. Yeah, your voice!" I fumbled around for words, suddenly feeling embarrased. Really? Is that the best you can think of?

"...Okay?" Was his confused but amused response, as he chuckled lightly, "Didn't know you liked listening to me that much."

My cheeks heated up at his words, the room suddenly hot. Yoongi had a certain raspyness in his voice whenever he woke up, and it would be a lie if I said I didn't find it very attractive.

"Are you sure you're okay? You sound troubled," His tone was still light, but there was a hint of concern evident in the way he spoke. I my lips nervously, not wanting to bother him any longer. 

"Me, troubled? No, no, never," I giggled excessively to prove my point, hoping it would be enough to convince him. I started to roll around in my bed, trying to calm my nerves, "Don't worry about a thing. I'm perfectly fine! You can go back to napping or whatever-"

I yelped as I suddenly rolled too quickly and fell of my bed, landing on the floor head first with a loud thump. Groaning loudly, I massaged my nose before letting out a string of curses. Why did this have to happen to me?

"Ah this," I grunted, picking up my phone from the floor and hauling myself back onto my bed. I peered at my phone, sighing in defeat upon seeing Yoongi was still on the line.

"H-Hey," I managed out, wanting to sound as calm and collected as possible. Although, truth be told, it was sort of hard when my nose was burning and throbbing like there was no tomorrow.

"I heard you shout. Are you sure you don't want me to come over-"

"No!" I interrupted him quickly, my voice higher pitched than I would have liked, "Continue on with your nap, I'll be fine!"

"But-"

"Bye Yoongi!" I hung up and threw my phone across the bed, face planting onto my pillow.

"That went well," I huffed exasperatedly. Why couldn't I just tell him that I wanted to hang out? Why did my stupid brain always manage to convince me otherwise?

 Wincing upon touching my nose, I got up from my bed and made a beeline towards the kitchen.

"I better get an ice pack on this."

"Why are these bags so heavy?" I groaned, readjusting the grocery bags in my hands, "Oh yeah, it's because I bought ice cream."

Sighing, I looked around and spotted the park nearby. Cutting through the park would certainly save a lot of time. Might as well enjoy the nice weather we were having after months of cold weather.

Thankfully, it was finally starting to feel like spring in the city of Seoul. The days grew warmer and flowers were blooming all along the park, making it vibrant and colorful. The trees slowly grew back their leaves, now providing much needed shade for days where the sun was a little too hot. I smiled to myself, taking in the mild floral scent in the air and the slight breeze that was making its way around.

Before I knew it, I had reached the basketball courts, smiling upon seeing the children laughing while playing with each other. Everyone was taking advantage of the lovely weather it seemed, having been sick of the cold that had stuck around for too long. 

My eyes suddenly focused on a particular head bopping in the distance. His hair was a striking platinum blonde, standing out amongst everyone around him, immediately drawing my attention. I watched him take his position, his friend throwing the ball in his direction. I squinted; his posture was awfully familiar.

"Watch out!"

I looked up a little too late as a basketball headed straight towards me and collided with my head.

"Ah, -"

I wobbled for a bit before tumbling to the floor, the world spinning and my vision getting blurry. The ball had ricocheted off my head so hard that I was having trouble even blinking, my mind in an absolute mess from the hit.

Shutting my eyes with a groan, I waited for my head to stop pounding so painfully. I couldn't find the energy to get up and move, barely managing to open my eyes when I heard someone calling my name.

It was way too bright, but nevertheless, my eyes tried to focus on whoever was talking to me. I saw a bright yellow blob in front of me. I squinted my eyes again, finally focusing on the voice that had been talking for the past minute or so.

"Yah! Pass me that bag," Something cold was suddenly pressed against the side of my head. I flinched away immediately, but was stopped from raising my head by a hand gently pushing it back to the ground. I tried not to cringe as the cold package (I was assuming it was the bag of frozen peas that was in my grocery bags) continued to rest on my head. After a while, the pounding in my head lessened and I could finally clearly make out who was the person in front of me.

"Yoongi? Is that you?" I groaned out, bringing a hand up to shield my eyes from the sunlight blinding me. A flash of pearly whites in the form of a smirk was all I needed to know that it was him, "Holy , it is you- Oh my God, my head is killing me."

"Good afternoon to you too, princess," He chuckled, taking the now melted bag off my head. He carefully helped me sit up, resting his hand against my back in case I felt weak again. I smiled gratefully in his direction, holding onto the front of his shirt for support.

I reached a hand out to touch my head, but he immediately stopped me from doing so. I gave him a questionable look before sighing, "That bad, huh? What exactly happened?"

He hummed in affirmation, offering me the melted bag of peas. I rolled my eyes and weakly shook my head, not missing the little smirk that appeared on his lips.

"Well for starters, you should really be more aware of your surroundings," He bonked my forehead playfully with his own, laughing as I glared at him, "Also, I don't know which one you care about more: the fact that there is a huge red bump on your head because a kid accidently threw a ball at you, or the fact that your ice cream is melting on the floor right now."

"My ice cream!" I wailed out, turning around to see my tub of ice cream flipped over on the concrete, its contents spilled out of the carton. I frowned, letting out a disappointed sigh. So much for the ice cream and drama marathon planned for tonight.

"Of course you would care more about the ice cream," I could practically feel Yoongi rolling his eyes as he placed a hand on my cheek and turned my head to face him. I gulped, suddenly noticing the proximity of our faces. He gazed at me for a second before a smile stretched out across his lips.

"So? Where's my thank you?" He drew closer, eliminating the few inches that separated us. I looked away, unable to handle the sudden heat from his gaze.

"Thank you?" I managed out, feeling extremely shy for some reason. I quickly peaked in his direction, catching him shaking his head.

"Mm, I'm afraid that won't be enough," The smile on his face only grew, "What about a kiss?"

At his words, my face immediately heated up, my heart started hammering in my chest, and I could have sworn that for a moment I had stopped breathing.

"R-right now?" I cursed myself for stuttering, feeling my ears burn. He seemed amused by my reaction as he let out a chuckle, his breath fanning my face. He knew that if I turned my face just a little, I would grant him his wish.

That strange feeling of unsureness suddenly bubbled up within me, making me hesitate from doing so. I bit my lip nervously, glancing at him. His eyes were focused on my face, my lips to be exact.

C'mon, it's just Yoongi! Your boyfriend. Why are you hesitating?!

Seeing me make no move whatsoever, he grabbed my chin and tilted my head in his direction, brushing his lips softly against mine.

"Yoongi-ah! Is she okay?" A loud unfamiliar voice stopped Yoongi from pressing his lips closer to give me a proper kiss. I immediately pushed him away, feeling guilty as a sense of relief flooded my system.

I didn't even have to look at his face to tell that he was more than a little dejected at me pushing him away. He gave me a fleeting look while I turned around and saw a guy, probably my age, standing in front of us, looking concerned.

"Yeah, she's fine," Yoongi sighed, ruffling his hair. He was definitely frustrated, and knowing I was the source of it only made the guilt within me grow.

At his words, the guy immediately brightened up, a look of relief crossing his face.

"That's great! For a second there, I thought I would have to call an ambulance or something," He laughed to himself, not noticing the sudden tension between Yoongi and I.

Yoongi stood up, dusting his pants off before offering me a hand. I took it gratefully, but couldn't help but immediately remove my hand from his grip once I was up. Before I could process the look Yoongi was giving me, another hand latched onto my own, shaking it vigorously in a handshake.

"Hey, nice to meet you. Yoongi's told me so much about you!" I raised my eyebrows in confusion, giving Yoongi a questioning look. His face remained stoic, completely ignoring me. I pouted slightly, knowing he was pissed off.

"Hi, um... sorry, who are you-"

"Oh, right! Sorry about that- I'm Yoo Kihyun, a friend of Yoongi's from college," He waved enthusiastically, his grin growing eve wider, if that was possible. I tried my best to return it, but honestly my mood was sour at this point, "I actually called him out today to catch up, but wasn't expecting to meet his girlfriend. What an honor."

"Oh, well, um, nice too meet you too, Kihyun-ssi," I tried to copy his enthusiastic tone to no avail.

"Man, Yoongi sure has changed a lot since college. You know, he used to be so badass with like ten piercings on one ear-"

"Kihyun, that's enough," Yoongi brought a hand up to stop him, looking embarrased. The corner of my lips quirked up at this, not having seen an embarrased Yoongi in a while. 

"Aw, Yoongi, don't be like that- I know! Let's all grab some dinner together and talk about Yoongi's college life! Wouldn't that be great?" Kihyun smiled cheekily, loving the reaction he was getting form his friend. Yoongi rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat, but still looked at me, waiting for my response.

"I would love to, but um-" Upon hearing my words he grabbed my arm, startling me. I looked up, only to meet his hard gaze, although there was a hint of worry in his eyes.

"Grab dinner with us," He insisted, never breaking eye contact with me. I shook my head quickly, not liking where this was going.

"Yoongi, I can't I have to-"

"You don't have a night shift today," He interrupted me, his grip on my arm tightening, "You don't have any plans with Jihyun either, do you?"

I gulped, scrambling my mind for something to say. I opened my mouth, only to close it shortly after.

"Something tells me you two need some time alone," Kihyun suddenly interjected, looking back and forth between me and Yoongi. It seemed he finally got the message as he slowly walked backwards, "I'll be by that basketball court over there. Let me know when you're done."

As soon as Kihyun was out of earshot, Yoongi pulled me closer. I squeaked in surprise, my hands immdiately flying out and gripping the front of his shirt.

"What's wrong?" He started quietly, his gaze softening, bringing a hand up to caress my cheek.

"Nothing's wrong," I insisted, trying not to melt into his touch, "Everything's fine-"

"Then why are you avoiding me?" I flinched at his harsh tone, not liking the way he worded my actions.

"I wasn't avoiding you..." He looked unamused at my response. Even I knew I wasn't telling the truth as soon as the words had left my mouth.

He snorted, "Alright, so you weren't avoiding me. Then why won't you," He grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers together, "Let me hold your hand?"

"I..." My mouth felt dry, completely dry. I swallowed loudly, no longer able to meet his gaze.

"When was the last time we even saw each other?" He brought his face close to mine, his body even closer. He wrapped his arms around my torso, hugging me while resting his head on my shoulder. His touch was warm, so warm, that I just wanted to melt in his arms, "That I held you this close?"

I hesitantly brought my arms up, about to wrap them around him as well when that feeling of uneasiness came again, crashing through all my thoughts.

"Yoongi, I..." I took a deep breath, trying to find the words to explain to him. How could I even explain it to him? I was the one who was having trouble in this relationship, not him. Would he even understand?

"There's nothing wrong, I swear," I lied through my teeth, my spirit deflating at the sharp look Yoongi gave me. He didn't believe me, not even for a second. My eyes darted everywhere, avoiding his face, guilt gnawing at my gut.

Seeing my obvious discomfort, he sighed, detaching himself from me. He was quiet for a second before leaning in and murmuring into my ear softly. I shut my eyes tightly, ready for him to call me out on my bull. I had to strain my ear to hear him, but as soon as the words left his lips, I flushed hotly, my eyes shooting open.

"Alright, since you insist that nothing's wrong," He paused, his breath fanning my face, sending chills down my spine, "Then why don't we continue our kiss from before?"

I finally turned my head to face him, meeting his gaze. I gulped, my eyes trailing to his lips and back up to his eyes. They were mesmerizing, and I soon felt lost in them. So lost that any rational thought in my head flew out the window and the only thing I could think of was kissing him.

"Oh, this," I muttered, grabbing his collar and bringing his face down to mine, crashing our lips together. He seemed shocked at first, not expecting me to actually kiss him, but soon smiled and kissed me back with equally as much vigor. I swung my arms around his neck, bringing him closer. It was like my body had a mind of its own, yearning for the heat and the passion that was exchanged through our lips.

His hands that had found their way to my waist slid down slowly until they reached my hips, pulling me in even closer. I pulled away to catch my breath, only for Yoongi to swoop down and kiss me again, not letting me go now that I was in his arms. The kiss grew more intense, Yoongi's lips pressing closer almost desperately, latching on like they were his lifeline. 

There were fireworks going off in my head, popping louder and louder with every second. I felt overwhelmed all of a sudden, blood roaring in my ear, my heart beating like it was about to jump out of my ribcage. I couldn't keep up with his pace, everything moving a little too quickly. I felt his teeth bite down softly on my bottom lip, on it slightly before my mind finally registered what was happening.

The anxiousness came back full force, hitting me like a bullet train with no brakes. I broke away quickly, this time pushing him away before gasping loudly.

I brought my arm up to my sleeve, immediately covering my lips as Yoongi snapped out of the trance he was in and finally processed what had happened. 

"I have to go," I whispered more to myself than to him, turning around and picking up whatever was left of my groceries.

"Wait-" Not even daring to look back, I sprinted away, my mind all in a jumble, unable to think.

"I was too shy to become your sun
so I became a cold moon
But afterwards, I keep making
a wave of blankets on top of my ocean bed."

ok hi pls dont kill me ; u ; this update is long overdue and i dont even have a reason besides writer's block lmao (well before it was school but I graduated a month ago so um) but anyway to make up for it ill be posting another chapter in 2-3 days (kinda sorta double update aha) so stay tuned for that! I'll talk more about what i've been up to lately in the next chapter (hint: KCON NY!!! GOT7 FLY IN NYC!!!)

and yeah somehow someway i got into monsta x too many groups i cant

also thank you all so so much for subscribing and sticking around for my ty updating and for all the support you've given me, whether through comments or upvotes or whatever!! bc "Love is Not Over" HAS REACHED 200+ SUBSCRIBERS!!! HOLY SHIETU!!! i never would have imagined that this story would gain so much support and to that thank you all ヽ(´▽｀)ノ

creds to haru-haru10