"I held you, I trapped you,
because my love became more venomous
Yeah I know it’s all my fault but
I couldn’t let go."

— Beast "12:30"

Yoongi's POV

*note: this is a memory/flashback

"Remember to take your medicine daily, okay? And don't skip out on your meals!"

I nodded my head, and let out a breathy cough, wrapping my scarf tighter around my face. Seokjin gave me a soft pat in the back and ushered me out of his office, leading me to the front desk. I bowed to the nurses and made my way out of the clinic, already regretting my decision of not wearing something warmer, the chilly air blowing against my face rather harshly. I let out another cough and started on my walk towards the studio, hands shoved deeply inside my coat pockets.

Stupid cold, stupid deadline, stupid Kim Taehyung and his stupid sneezes. Why did I have to catch a cold four days before I had to turn in a song to my boss? Couldn't this have happened next week? I made a mental note to smack Taehyung in the neck the next time I saw him. That's the least he deserved for literally sneezing in my face the other day, which is probably how I ended up like this.

I groaned, not looking forward to staying up until 4 AM again to finish my work. All I wanted to do was lay down and sleep my life away, but I knew that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. I glared at the bags in my hands containing cough medicine, which swung back and forth almost teasingly. I hated medicine with all my heart, since it always left a nasty, bitter after taste in my mouth, and also made me insanely drowsy. But after being convinced by Namjoon that seeing a doctor (or more specifically, Seokjin) would probably be the best idea, seeing that I wasn't getting better anytime soon and that my sickness was affecting my work, I grumpily made my way to visit our doctor friend in his clinic for a check up. 

Seokjin had almost laughed in my face when I showed up at his door, scarf pulled up as high as possible, coughing up a fit as if my lungs were about to give out. I glared at him, though it did little to affect the teasing smile on his face, but he eventually moved aside to let me in. 

"So the great Min Yoongi has finally come to visit the doctor's. It will be a pleasure to grace you with the wonderful power of medicine," He teased, getting his tools out. I groaned, knowing full well that I would never live this down. After confirming that I had a cold ("Isn't the fact that I almost coughed one of my lungs out enough to tell that I have a cold?" I whined after having Seokjin stick a tongue depressor down my throat,  having a little too much fun in my opinion), and was on my way to developing quite possibly the flu, I was given two bottles of cough medicine, as well as a long lecture about drinking plenty of water, eating healthy food, and getting plenty of sleep (the three things I was terrible at). 

"Let me know if your symptoms get worse, or if you get a high fever. I'll prescribe you some antibiotics," Seokjin chuckled, seeing the look of relief on my face when he finally started to scribble some notes on a piece of paper, indicating that the check up was over. "It was a pleasure to help you, Yoongi."

I let out a small laugh, followed by a fit of coughing, as I made my way back to the studio. It wasn't often that I got to see Seokjin, seeing that he was always busy, so it was quite nice to see him again. The enthusiastic and amused look that was plastered on his face the whole time was a clear indication that he felt the same way as well.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar laugh in the distance. My ears perked up, and I stopped walking, listening closely. I knew I wasn't imagining things when I heard the laugh again, and soon found myself turning in the direction of the sound, a smile already forming on my lips.

There she was, bundled in her oversized coat, her nose and cheeks red from the cold, a smile adorning her features. Despite how ty I felt because of my cold, I felt my mood already lifting at the sight of her being so happy and delighted, despite the cold weather. I hadn't seen her for a while due to my constant deadlines, only ever talking to each other through phone calls and texts. 

"Jagi-" I lifted my hand, about to call out to her, only to stop when I spotted who she was with. My eyes narrowed and I squinted at the guy next to her, a hollow feeling already developing at the pit of my stomach. He was tall, taller than me, and from what I could tell from the outline of his coat, definitely worked out a lot. The hollow feeling only grew as I watched him take his scarf off, only to carefully wrap it around her neck. His hands remained on her shoulders a little too long for my liking, and I found myself glaring at the way her cheeks flushed pink with embarrasment.

I felt my hands clench into fists inside my coat, but I remained where I was, watching their interactions. I finally tore my eyes away when he pulled her by the hand to a nearby shop, my mood already sour. I my heel and continued on my original path, silently seething.

To say I was a little pissed off was an understatement. I was boiling inside, my whole body growing hot. At this point, I didn't know if it was because of how angry I was, or if it was because of my cold. Either way, I felt like punching a wall (or in this case, Park Jimin, who just happened to bump into me minutes after what I had seen).

"Uh, sorry Yoongi hyung, didn't mean to bump into you," He squeaked, his eyes darting frantically from my face to his shoes. I softened at the look of fear painted on his face, and settled for cursing underneath my breath, kicking a nearby pebble off the sidewalk. He scratched his head, clearly uncomfortable with the way I was glowering at the ground, "Is something the matter?"

"No," I replied curtly, my head snapping up to meet his eyes. He squeaked again as I let out a frustrated sigh, bringing my hand up to rub at my temples, feeling a headache forming. I had to get back to the studio as soon as possible and take this stupid medicine and be done with this stupid cold. WIth that thought in mind, I grunted a quick "bye" at Jimin, who only gave me a quizzical look but did not question me further when I walked away from him, knowing full well what I was like when I was angry.

"Bye hyung- wait, isn't that your girlfriend over there?" I stopped in my tracks, but didn't bother turning around as Jimin's voice was now filled with confusion, "And what is she doing with that guy? Do you know him?"

"Mind your own ing business, Park Jimin," I growled, finally turning around and glaring harshly at the younger. I felt a little bad when he flinched at my suddenly harsh tone, backing up a few steps away form me. He had nothing to do with this, yet I was about to blow up on his face for no reason. He was only trying to help, I tried to convinced myself, he's only worried about you. I took in deep breaths, feeling the cold air filling my lungs, providing a sort of relief to my very heated body, "Just leave me alone, please."

He stayed quiet, watching as my shoulders slumped and I cocked my head to stare at the ground, my mind whirring frantically in my brain. Why was I so pissed off? Why did I feel so frustrated and angry?

"Hey hyung, are you perhaps... jealous?"

My head snapped up so fast, I could have sworn my neck almost suffered from whiplash. I stared at Jimin with wide eyes, a bit baffled by his suggestion. Did he really just ask me if I was jealous?

"No! Why would I be jealous- I mean, she can do whatever the hell she wants, it's not like she's twelve; she's an adult, it's not up to me who she hangs out with. I'm just a little surprised is all, yeah just surprised-" I found myself rambling, trying to convince the younger that I was not jealous, that there wasn't a hollow feeling inside of me growing bigger and bigger as I talked. I suddenly stopped, falling into a fit of coughing, my lungs desperately filling with much needed air after my nonstop rambling. I felt my eyes getting watery from all the coughing, and secretly thanked Jimin in my mind, who patted and rubbed my back in a soothing way.

"If you say so," He said after a while, and offered to walk me back to the studio after I was finally able to breathe normally. I shook my head, wanting to be alone for a while and continued on my way, waving goodbye to Jimin.

Me, jealous? I was never jealous; jealousy to me meant doubt and uncertainty, that there wasn't trust between us. Which wasn't true at all, I trusted her, I trusted her more than anything. But then why was there a burning sensation in my heart, as if someone had taken a hold of it and was squeezing it tightly in their hands, never letting go? 

Must be the cold, I tried to convince myself, it must be the stupid cold.

"Woah Yoongi hyung, you're almost done with your song? No way," I heard Namjoon say in a surprised tone, looking over my work as I leaned back on my chair to relax my stiff muscles. I simply nodded, letting out a short cough and reached for my water bottle, sighing in relief when the cool liquid slid down my parched throat. Hoseok shot up from his desk and headed in my direction, eyes wide in disbelief, his mouth agape in a comical way, "And I thought your cold was slowing you down; guess I was wrong."

Hoseok leaned over my desk and whistled, his eyes glued to the screen of my computer, clearly impressed, "Holy crap, how did you even do so much in so little time? Give me some of your brain juice, hyung!" He whined, his lower lip jutting out in a pout, still looking at my work. He suddenly stopped his pouting, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion, and pointed at my screen.

"Hey, these lyrics sure are deep. They're all about love and jealousy- which isn't bad," He defended, holding his hands up in my direction, and I gave him a questioning look, slightly nodding my head, urging him to go on, "But they're really different from the lyrics of most of your previous songs."

I turned my head to survey my computer screen, my eyes quickly scanning over what I had written. I hadn't realized at the time that I was typing away how the lyrics were indeed very different from my previous songs. I usually wrote about the struggles of life, and dreams, among other things, very rarely writing about love. As I continued to read over the lyrics, I was a bit confused at how satisfied I felt with my work. The words on my screen screamed anger and love, each sentence dripping with deep emotion, and I wondered where the hell had that even come from.

"I would love to discuss the meaning behind lyrics and all that," Namjoon started, finally getting our attention away from my computer screen. We both turned to look at him as he made his way to the door, keys in hand, "But it's getting late and I'm starving. Who wants to go grab some takeout with me?"

At the mention of food, Hoseok jumped up from his position, his hand high in the air, a wide grin spreading across his face. He quickly dashed in Namjoon's direction, laughing gleefully (and almost tripping over the carpet in the process.) Namjoon look quite amused at his enthusiasm, and soon turned his head to stare in my direction. I shook my head, still feeling pretty bad because of my cold, finally feeling the exhaustion set in after typing nonstop for a couple of hours.

"We'll be back with food soon," He promised, turning to glare at Hoseok, who shoved him aside in his excitement and was already out the door, shouting "food, food, oh my God, food!" at the top of his lungs outside the studio. A chuckle escaped my lips as Namjoon shook his head and rolled his eyes, shutting the door quietly behind him. Even after years of being friends with him, one could never quite get used to Hoseok's energy.

I spun around in my chair, deciding to take a break, feeling a bit bored and run down from constantly working. I sniffled, reaching for a nearby tissue when my eyes landed on the bottle of cough medicine on my desk. My nose scrunched in distaste, reaching for the bottle, the plastic seal on the cap still intact. Seokjin would totally be kicking my right now if he found out I hadn't taken my medicine yet.

Sighing, I reached for the plastic, deciding to finally open it, when there was a knock on the door. Looking up from my task, I stared at the door as someone knocked again, this time more urgently than the last. I grunted, getting out my seat and slowly making my way to the door.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming, sheesh," I grumbled, unlocking the door and pulling it open. My eyes widened, realizing who it was, and a smile began to grow on my lips. She giggled at the look of utter surprise on my face, and quickly waved her hand in the air, eyes glinting and cheeks stained red from the cold, "Hey babe."

"Hi Yoongi!" I stepped aside to let her in, shivering as a cold breeze came in, and quickly shut the door. I quickly turned around and wrapped my arms around her frame, pulling her close, enveloping her in a hug. She squeaked at the sudden action, but soon sighed in content, her head coming to rest on the crook of my neck, her arms sliding around my waist. We stayed like that for a while, trying to engrave the moment into our minds after not seeing each other for so long. She nuzzled her head even closer to my neck, her nose tickling my skin.

"I missed you," I pulled back and stared at her tenderly, my hands coming up to brush the hair out of her eyes. She smiled warmly at me, her eyes twinkling in delight, and leaned up to press her lips on my own. I stopped her, placing my hand over and pushed her away slightly, feeling a bit guilty at the way a pout soon formed on her lips. "I'm sick, remember? Don't want you catching anything."

A slight whine escaped her lips, but soon formed into a bright smile once again as she buried her face in my neck, "I missed you, too," She breathed, and my heart started thumping wildly in my chest at the way she clung to me (kind of like a koala, only probably ten times cuter.)

We finally pulled away, grinning cheekily at each other. I made my way to the couch, trying to clear up some space for her to sit (Namjoon really had to learn how to be neater with his papers, they were literally everywhere.) I finally sat down, reaching for the hot water boiler and filling an empty cup.

"So, how was your day?" I asked her, pushing the cup in her direction. She smiled thankfully in my direction, and began to take off her coat, followed by her scarf- wait.

My eyes studied the scarf in her hands, realizing with a start that it definitely did not belong to her. Memories from earlier on in the day suddenly flooded into my mind, memories of her pink cheeks flushing as a guy wrapped said scarf around her neck, memories of her figure being pulled by the hand to some shop. The hollow feeling in my stomach came back again, followed by a strange pang in my chest. I watched her fold the scarf carefully in her hands, placing it next to her on the couch.

"It was okay I guess," She started, taking the warm mug into her hands and began to blow softly at the steaming water. I nodded my head absentmindedly, my eyes still glued to the scarf next to her, "I bought some stuff, like a few socks and a new pair of shoes... oh! I also bought this-"

"So you had fun with that guy, I presume," I suddenly blurted out, my eyes finally sliding from the scarf to stare at her face. She gave me a blank look, clearly confused as to what I was saying. I continued, a bit more harsher this time, "Sure seemed like a fun time to me."

A look of realization soon crossed her face, and her brows knitted together, suddenly looking very confused, "Wait, how did you know-"

"I saw you," I interrupted, my hands clenching into fists in my lap. I turned away from her and stared at my knuckles, growing contrastingly white compared to my pale skin, "With that guy, around Seokjin hyung's clinic."

"Wooyoung's just a friend," She interjected, setting her cup down. She placed her hand on my shoulder, but I didn't react, my eyes never leaving my lap, "I saw him around the area, and we decided to catch up."

"Are you sure he's just a friend?" I found myself saying, surprising the both of us. Why was I questioning her words? Didn't I trust her? But I didn't stop, my mind not registering the words coming out of my mouth, "I mean, you were holding hands, and he even let you borrow his scarf. Which I see you haven't returned to him."

My eyes finally slid to her face, and I felt my heart drop to my stomach at the pained look she was giving me. She retracted her hand, growing quiet at the sudden accusations I was throwing at her. I bit my lip and looked away, not liking where this was going.

"...I told you, he's just a friend. Nothing more, nothing less," She said quietly, her eyes falling to her lap, her fingers playing with the hem of her sweater, "He's just very touchy, okay? I was cold and he insisted on giving me his scarf. There's nothing going on between us. Do you... do you not trust me?"

My heart clenched painfully in my chest at the sound of her wavering voice, and I shook my head quickly, "Of course I trust you, it's just- I don't know, you could have given me a call or something, telling me that you were out shopping with Woohyun, or whatever his name is."

Her head snapped up at my words, and a baffled look crossed her face, "Since when do I have to tell you what I'm doing at all times? Yoongi, I'm not a little kid, I can handle myself just fine."

"I didn't say you were," I defended, my voice growing louder, "But you never know what can happen out there. I know you're friends with this guy, but what if he doesn't think that? What if he takes advantage of your kindess and, you know, makes a move on you?"

"I can't believe you're accusing Wooyoung of such things!" She suddenly shouted, getting up from her seat, growing frustrated by the minute, "He's my friend, for the last time. And don't make this about him, this is about you. I don't see why I can't hang out with other guys. I don't have a problem when you hang out with girls."

"I never said you couldn't hang out with other guys, I just said to be more careful! For God's sakes, you guys looked like you were out on a date. You can't convince me he doesn't see you as something more than a friend," I shouted back, rising from my seat as well. I was growing a little dizzy from all the shouting, the room growing hotter and hotter, my throat burning as if it was on fire, but I didn't stop, "What kind of guy holds a girl's hand, with the intentions of just being friends? Touchy my ."

"Well, at least he doesn't turn me down every single ing time, unlike someone I know!" My eyes widened, suddenly realizing the quiver in her voice, the frustrated tears shining in her eyes, "At least he doesn't reject me when I want to go somewhere, and is actually there when I need him to be. At least, at least-"

She bit her lip harshly, her tears threatening to fall at any second. She took in a shaky breath, eyes never leaving my own. I tentatively reached out for her, but she backed away from my hand, her hands clenched tightly at her sides.

"At least he trusts me, unlike you." Her words tore through my heart, ripping a large gaping hole in my chest. She threw a package at me, and I watched as she ran for the studio door, slamming it behind her. I remained frozen in my position, my blood boiling, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. The room was hot, way too hot. I made my way to my desk, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down, only to fall into a fit of coughing, my lungs burning from the lack of air. 

Her words rang in my ear continously, stabbing me every single time. I silently seethed once I was in my seat, and started to spin in my chair, the spinning of the lights a welcoming distraction from the headache that was suddenly aching painfully. I let out another breathy cough, and suddenly remembered the fallen package near the couch.

I forced myself out of my seat and picked up the package, grasping it in my hands. It was a bottle from what I could tell, almost the size of two of my fists. I ripped open the package, too angry and frustrated to care about being careful, and took the bottle out of it's packaging.

It was a bottle of multivitamins, the kind that were sweet and chewable. There was a sticky note attached to the side of the bottle, which I carefully plucked out. My eyes widened as I began to read the message, and I suddenly felt very, very sick.

"Sweet Jagiya~ This is for you! I hate it when you're sick, you're a lot grumpier, and you're even more tired than you already are. I know you hate medicine, so I got you the sweet kind; hopefully they're not too bad, but Seokjin oppa recommended them to me. Hurry and eat these vitamins and get better! That way you can finish your song faster and we can finally hang out again. I miss you lots and lots!"

A rush of emotions rushed through me all at once, making me feel dizzy. I stumbled my way to my desk, leaning my head against the cold wood. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind, and a large lump formed in my throat.

I don't deserve her, I really don't deserve her.

"Oh my God, it's already 12:30! Why am I still here?!" Hoseok groaned, slamming his head against his desk tiredly for the nth time. I didn't look away from my computer screen, my eyes heavy with fatigue, my fingers cramping, but I continued my work quickly. I'm almost done, I thought, I'm so, so close.

"Because we have deadlines to meet, that's why," I heard Namjoon say in a tired voice, not bothering to turn away from his work. We fell into a silence, the only sound in the room being the clicking of our mouses and the tapping of our keyboards.

"But only ashes remained." I typed out, and a tired sigh escaped my lips. With a quick click of my mouse on the save button, I shot out of my seat, reaching for my jacket and my shoes. Both Namjoon and Hoseok looked up from their work with looks of surprise as I tied my shoes sloppily and grabbed my keys.

"Don't tell me you-" I quickly nodded my head, already on my feet and racing for the door, "That is so not fair, Yoongi hyung! I knew I shouldn't have gone for takeout. Why'd you have to tempt me with food?"

"First of all, I did not-" Their squabbling voices faded quickly as I shut the studio door behind me and started on my walk towards her apartment. I took a quick glance at my watch and sighed again, letting out a small cough in the process. She's probably sleeping, I really don't want to disturb her. But my feet continued on their path, never coming to a rest. I shivered slightly, shoving my hands deep inside my pocket, suddenly wishing I had brought my scarf. But I had to see her, I had to see her right now. 

I started sprinting halfway, my mind racing with millions of thoughts. What was I even supposed to say? What if she just shut the door in my face? Which was probably going to happen, I reasoned, after what I had said to her.

My breathing grew heavier, and my feet ached, but I didn't slow down, only speeding up at the sight of her apartment in the distance. I ran up the few steps to her door, and pressed on the doorbell once, twice, three times. I felt slightly panicked when there was no response, and I quickly realized that there were no lights illuminating from her window.

Of course she's not awake, who stays up so late anyway? I coughed as strong breeze hit my face, knocking the wind out of me. My hands fell to my knees, coughing and wheezing at the same time, suddenly feeling very feverish and heavy. I weakly pressed on her doorbell again, my movements sluggish and slow, and I hissed at the sharp jab that I felt in my head. I rubbed at my temples and leaned against the apartment door, the cold wood oddly soothing against my forehead despite the chilly weather outside.

I heard the clicking of the door, and I suddenly lurched forward, the door no longer there to support me. I heard a yelp of surprise and my body collided with her's, causing the both of us to fall to the ground. I fell into another coughing fit, both my throat and my lungs burning, my eyes starting to water.

", Yoongi, are you okay?" She patted my back in a soothing way, not at all bothered by the fact that I was practically coughing into her night shirt. So much for not getting her sick. I took in a shaky breath and nodded my head, my arms reaching out in an attempt to sit up at the sudden realization that I was pressing her down against the cold floor. 

She gave me a worried look as I finally moved away from her, giving her room to sit up. She reached for my forehead, and I found myself leaning into her touch, the cold of her hand feeling extremely nice against my burning hot skin.

"You're burning up. Did you take your medicine?," She hissed, giving me another worried look. I shook my head slightly, feeling a bit guilty as she gave me a disapproving look. She knelt down and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, helping me up. We carefully made our way through her dark apartment, her voice quietly telling me to watch my step. I nodded absentmindedly, my head growing dizzier by the second. She flicked on the lights, and I soon recognized we were in her room. I couldn't help but smile at the giant teddy bear that was situated on her bed, at the random pictures that lined the wall.

She plopped me down on the bed, taking off my jacket and shoes. I soon found myself buried underneath the covers of her bed as she tucked me in, her eyes filled with concern. I tried to tell her I was fine, that she didn't have to worry, I was the stupid one here, but my throat burned and no sound came out even when I opened my mouth. I watched her leave the room, coming back a few minutes later with a glass of water, a bottle of pills, a small bucket and a wet cloth.

"How are you supposed to get better if you don't take your medicine, you dummy," She mumbled, helping me sit up and handed me a couple of pills. I shoved the pills into my mouth and reached for the glass of water she held out to me. I took a sip of water and willed myself to swallow the pills, and sighed with relief as I felt them slide down my throat.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, lying down on her pillow again, feeling slightly better. The corners of curled into a small smile at my words, but she just shook her head. She pressed a wet cloth against my forehead, her fingers tickling my feverish skin.

"You're so stupid," The feeling of the cloth disappeared and I felt her fingers flick my forehead. A whine escaped my lips at the harsh treatment, and I shot her a glare, which almost melted away as she gave me a teasing grin, placing the wet cloth back in its original position, "Who the hell walks outside in this cold waether in the middle of the night, not only sick, but also dead tired from work?"

"I wanted to apologize," I blurted out, feeling very sleepy but willing myself to stay awake. A look of surprise crossed her face at my words, and I took the opportunity to reach for her hand, my thumb rubbing aginst her knuckles, "For what I said today."

"I was- I was jealous, okay? I know I have no reason to be, but I was. I wanted to be the one to wrap a scarf around your neck, to pull you by the hand into all those shops you like, to put a smile on your face," I took a deep breath, my eyes scanning her face for any sort of reaction, but she remained quiet, her fingers wrapping around my hand, "You're right, I'm always busy with work, and- , I can't even remember the last time we went on a proper date."

She nodded at my words, and my heart started to beat wildly in my chest, "I'm sorry for doubting your words, for doubting whatever the hell his name was; I just want you to know that I really do trust you, I trust you more than anything, and I don't want you thinking otherwise."

I took a deep breath, coughing weakly in the process, "That's why I... I- oh for 's sake, why am I'm so bad with words," I groaned, and I heard her giggle slightly. However, that little giggle was music to my ears, and I couldn't help but smile, "Once I'm finally get better from this goddamn cold, I'll take you out on a date, wherever you want. I'll even go feed the cats in the park if it'll make you smile. But before then, I think I deserve a slap in the face for being a jerk. So go ahead, lay it on me."

I shut my eyes, and jutted out my face expectantly, bracing myself for the slap. But instead of a hand, I felt a pair of lips press against my own. My heart almost leaped out of my chest, having not kissed her in so long. I made a noise of surprise at the back of my throat, and my eyes flew open as I felt her pull away, smiling sheepishly in my direction.

"There's your punishment," She quipped, and giggled at the dazed look on my face. I sputtered, trying to form a coherent sentence, only ending up coughing in the process.

"Yah, you're going to get sick now!" I gave her a disapproving look, ignoring the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. She only smiled cheekily in return, shrugging her shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal.

"I'll kiss you a thousand more times if it means you'll get better faster," She reasoned, placing the wet cloth that I had failed to realize had fallen back on my forehead. My eyes turned away from her face at her words, suddenly feeling very embarrased and shy. I muttered some curse words underneath my breath, my face flushing bright red.

"Actually, I have a confession to make," She said quickly, catching my attention. I turned to stare at her nervously play with her fingers on her lap, and she bit her lip hesitantly, "Wooyoung called me about an hour after I left the studio, asking for his scarf, and decided we should meet up. And, uh, you- you were right. He was trying to hit on me."

I remained quiet as her eyes darted from my face back to her fingers, gauging my reaction, "He tried to kiss me as I was leaving, and I may or may not have told him that you were a body builder and would beat him to a pulp if he ever tried that again."

"Damn right I will," I hissed, but then stopped to stare at her as her face became red with embarrasment, "Wait, you told him I was a body builder?"

"...Yeah. But that's not the point!" She tried to reason, and I laughed at the pout that formed on her lips. How cute, " What I'm trying to say here is you were right, and I'm sorry."

I shook my head, a laugh erupting from my lips, "You don't have to apologize. I told you already, I trust you. Just, be more careful, okay?"

She quickly nodded her head, her eyes twinkling with delight as I slid over, patting the empty space next to me. She slid into the covers besides me and I wasted no times wrapping my arms around her waist, bringing her closer. She nuzzled her face into the crook of my neck and closer her eyes. I pressed a kiss against her forehead, feeling very drowsy, and my eyes shut tiredly.

Although she was right there in my arms, I couldn't shake off the feeling that this wasn't right. I didn't deserve her, didn't deserve her warm smiles, didn't deserve her forgiveness. She deserved someone better, someone who could be there for her, who would never make her cry.

That someone wasn't me.

"Your bright smile (bright smile)
your warm embrace (your face)
It feels like I can’t see it or touch it now,
it scares me."

what even is this word vomit lol; First of all, I'm sorry for not updating in so long, but I had an incredibly difficult time writing this chapter for some reason. I know where I want the story to go, but I'm having a hard time reaching that point, if that makes sense omg.  Second of all, I'm sorry that this chapter is so so long, I don't even know how it happened it just did??? Also, sorry if it the chapter turns a little weird near the end, I was kind of running out of brain juice(?) and yeah, mian ;-;

For the first time, the whole chapter is a flashback! Which is weird, I actually wanted to write about the present too, but this chapter was already way too long for my liking, so I stopped. Honestly, I hope I never write a chapter this long ever again (JHOPE LEND ME SOME HOPE ;^:)

Updates may be infrequent after this ( not that they weren't already), cuz I have to start studying and preparing for college applications but I will try my best to update as much as possible before I get really really busy! I swear to Jimin's jam-less self and Taehyung's elephant moles and Jungkook's love for Iron Man sobs !!