Jessica: Tiffany, I am more than an online friend right?

Jessica: You said so.

Tiffany: Yes of course you are

Jessica: I wish I could hear your voice.

Tiffany: Do you really want to?

Jessica: Your voice would put my heart at ease.

Tiffany: You really want to meet in real life?

Jessica: No, not meet up. Just

Jessica: It’s too early for that. I was thinking along the lines of a phone call?

Tiffany: Oh, yeah sure give me your number I’ll call you

Jessica: But I don’t want you to hear my voice.

Tiffany: WHAT?

Tiffany: IT’S CALLED A PHONE CALL FOR A REASON JESSI

Jessica: I have something to tell you and I don’t think I have the strength to say it out loud. I just want to hear your voice.

Jessica: I know it’s unfair to you but I really, really want to do this.

Tiffany: ...

Tiffany: Okay.

Jessica: Really?

Tiffany: Give me your number. I’ll call you.

///

Jessica typed in her phone number and pressed enter. Her heart clenched. She wasn’t lying to Tiffany. She really wanted to do this. She really wanted to take a step further with Tiffany in their friendship but the issue she was going to address – she didn’t think she could talk about it properly. She was afraid her voice would tremble and she might cry. She didn’t want Tiffany to hear her voice like that.

She bit her lip anxiously, glancing at her phone. It would ring any time now. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart.

Calm down, Jessica.

The phone rang.

.

 The screen displayed an unknown number and she knew it was Tiffany on the other line. With shaking hands, she accepted the call and pressed the phone against her ear.

“Hello?”

The voice was low and smooth, albeit husky and it was everything Jessica imagined Tiffany’s voice would be like.

“Hello?” Tiffany sing-songed and instincts almost led Jessica to speak, but she managed to stop herself from blurting a hello and she typed in a reply on the chat messenger.

Jessica: I hear you.

“Jessica.” Tiffany breathed and despite the unstable connection and static noise in the background, just hearing Tiffany say her name made her heart clench. It was an unfamiliar feeling, her chest felt strangely tight and she felt like crying.

Jessica: I wanted to tell you something.

Jessica: We had a promise, didn’t we?

“We had a lot of promises, Jessi. Which one?” Tiffany laughed lightly. Her voice was like a warm blanket on cold rainy days.

Jessica: Our first promise. I promised to tell you everything.

Jessica: And so I will.

“Are you sure, Jessi? You can take your time, you know. My patience isn’t up yet.”

Jessica: You sound exactly like you do when you type.

Jessica: You’re the same online and offline. I’m different. I’m not like you. That’s why I don’t want you to hear my voice. I don’t think I can stop myself from crying if I actually talked.

“It’s okay, Jessi. For now, at least, this is enough. We have all the time in the world anyway. You don’t have to say it now.”

Jessica: But I want you to know.

Jessica: Besides, I can’t let you wait forever.

“As long as you’re fine with it, Jessi.”

Jessica unconsciously exhaled, which Tiffany managed to pick up.

“Take it slow, Jessi. Don’t sigh.” Tiffany laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood.

Jessica: I need some time to type. It might be a little bit awkward. But please wait?

“Don’t worry. I’ll be right here.”

Her words eased Jessica slightly and she started to type. It was silence, save for the tapping sounds Jessica made while typing. After a while, Jessica heard Tiffany starting to hum a song on the other end of the line. She recognized the song – flashlight, it was one of her favourite songs too. Jessica tried to type faster, not wanting to keep Tiffany waiting. Tiffany’s humming soon turned into singing and Jessica was very impressed by Tiffany’s voice.

“I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight...Jessi?”

Jessica tapped the microphone twice, trying to signal to Tiffany that she was listening.

“You don’t have to reply. I just want you to know that you’re my very own flashlight. You listen to my troubles and you make them go away with your words. You mean a lot to me. You’re not just there when I’m happy and burden-free. You’re there when my heart is heavy and when I feel upset. You can trust me, Jessi.”

Jessica wanted to cry.

She felt her eyes sting and she really, really wanted to reply Tiffany but she seemed to have lost her voice. She pushed the enter button and sent her message.

Jessica: I’m not who you think I am. I’m not warm and friendly. I’m cold and I don’t talk much. I’ve been bullied before. Even though I’m no longer bullied now, I am no longer as warm as I was before I got bullied. My words never come out right. I’m blunt and heartless, that’s why nobody ever comes close. I told you I dated a few but nothing ever comes out of these relationships and I think it’s because of me. I push away everyone who can possibly care about me. I know that but it’s hard to change. I’m not someone you should look up to. Maybe you were right, my username should be realisticdreamer. I’m not that good a person. I am scared. I am terribly afraid. I don’t want to talk because I’m afraid you would be able to hear my weakness. You mean a lot to me too. I trust you, Tiffany. I trust you even though I am so very afraid. Please don’t break my heart.

A few minutes of (terrible, suffocating) silence passed and Jessica was biting her lip, waiting for Tiffany to speak.

“Jessi...” Tiffany trailed off and there was a lot of shuffling on the other line before Tiffany spoke again. “You’re a good person, no, you’re a great person. You’re not cold at all. I think you’re warm. I- I don’t think you’re heartless at all. How can you be heartless if you’re afraid of someone breaking your heart?” Tiffany inhaled sharply, almost as if she couldn’t get enough air.

“I don’t get it, Jessi. I cannot fathom the reason why you think you’re a horrible person. You’re my flashlight, Jessi. I mean, what did those idiots say to you that you actually think like that? I feel like beating them up right now. I want to slap everyone who bullied you, oh my god.”

Jessica chuckled despite the bitterness in her heart. Tiffany really was good at making people smile.

“And it’s okay to be scared. If you’re not scared of anything, then I don’t think you’re a human. I have my fears and weaknesses too. You can tell me all your fears and doubts, Jessi. I will protect your heart.”

Jessica: You sure are quick to declare that.

Jessica: I am rather burdensome.

“You’re not a burden, Jessi. Even if you are, the burden isn’t too heavy to carry.”

Jessica: Will you ever break my heart?

“No. I definitely won’t.”

Jessica: Daring. Promises are usually broken, you know.

“I cross my heart, Jessica.”

Jessica: Really?

“Yes.”

And in that moment, Jessica found her voice.

“Thank you.”