Amber’s POV

 

 

 

 

If there was one thing that I have successfully mastered over the years, it would be the ability to keep my feelings known to no one else but myself. It’s a skill that I take pride in for the mere fact that I am, quite truthfully, still insecure about my uality and how people think of me because I am the way that I am.

 

 

Despite the belief of the contrary, I’ve never been the shamelessly flirtatious type. Even with the unfathomable appeal that I seemed to have on women, there was this layer of reservation that hovers as a second thought whenever I’m around the same-. I may disguise it with a charming flair but there will always be that weight of self-doubt that my friendly intentions will be misconstrued as something more, even if I wanted it to be that way.

 

 

In a way, I suppose the protective wall that I built for myself after my coming out was one of the main causes for the downfall of my past relationships. The debilitating fear of rejection is paralyzing, and often times I am blinded by it that I can’t see past my insecurities to see the truth.

 

 

Would I be willing to live in blissful ignorance rather than to take a leap and risk a traumatizing, and possibly humiliating heartache?

 

 

 

 

Yes, yes I would.

 

 

---

 

 

It’s been several days since Krystal and I ‘broke up’ and still, almost everyone in school hasn’t shut up about it.

 

 

As if I need to be reminded everyday that ‘it's such a waste that I gave up the privilege of dating the hottest chick in school’.

 

 

Did I need to remind them that she was my best friend first and that ‘dating’ for less than two weeks wouldn’t change anything?

 

 

Of course, there are those who’s minds tend to go off on an imaginative tangent and rumors about this, that or the other have already cropped up. The most ridiculous one I heard so far was that we recently found out we were blood related and are continuing our uous relationship in secret.

 

 

I couldn’t even be bothered to comment on that.

 

 

Kai, bless his soul, was the easiest to convince that our break up was mutual and completely amicable.

 

 

It definitely made my job easier in helping him woo the girl of m- his dreams, which is funny to think about because before it had been Krystal who I was plotting with to woo her man.

 

 

Ah, the deal that started it all. 

 

 

If only I hadn’t agreed to it, maybe I’d still be cocooned in obliviousness instead of wanting to pull out an arm every time I helped Kai out with his courting.

 

 

It’d be the subtle things that I would aid him in, whether it be forcing him to memorize her favourite foods and drinks or warning him about her irrational hate for cucumbers just like her sister. One time I faked having to stay back in school just so that he could offer her a ride home. I told him she liked ice-cream and so they took a short detour to town for some Baskin Robbins, also a favourite of hers that I had enlightened him on.

 

 

So call me a masochistic Cupid for all I care. 

 

 

There was only one thing I cared more about than my own pride and that was Krystal. 

 

 

No argument there. 

 

 

~

 

 

"Krystal likes you, and I know it's mutual."

 

 

The kid was literally mute for the rest for the class and I didn't try to get anything out of him. It was a pretty heavy thing to process, the girl you like returning your feelings and all, and so I wasn't surprised that he only 'woke up' as I was just leaving the classroom after the bell rang.

 

 

He grabbed my arm, rather shakily I should add, and asked me to repeat what I said.

 

 

"You heard me. Now, are you ready to talk or do you wanna go back inside and process it again?" I said in a clipped tone, slightly regretting that I told him in case he turned out to be another one of Krystal's obsessive fanboys. He looked like he was showing tendencies of one judging by the dopey look he was currently having.

 

 

Well okay, I’m in no place to mock him because lately I seem to be sporting the same look whenever she’s around. 

 

 

“Talk? Wait, why are you telling me this? Aren’t you guys dating?” He asked with wide eyes.

 

 

I looked around to see some students lingering around. Motioning for him to follow me, I led him to the nearest empty classroom away from prying ears.

 

 

“We’re dating, yes, but we’re not…. right for each other. It seemed like a good idea at first, but I think we mistook our deep affection for each other to be something amorous.” I lied, hoping to that he’d buy it. There was no reason for him to know that we only went out to get him to take interest in Krystal (a plan that still baffles me at how she thought would ever work) and it would only serve to embarrass her. 

 

 

“Wow, I’m sorry dude.” He breathed out, “It didn’t seem that way though. I always thought I’d never have a chance because she looked like she was completely into you.”

 

 

Involuntarily, I blushed at the statement and I looked away to hide it, “She’s my best friend. That’s all she’ll ever be to me and vice versa.” Somehow, I managed to conceal my grimace at that. 

 

 

That’s the problem, she’ll always see me that way and pretty soon I’ll have to watch her look at you the way that I want her to look at me.

 

 

He still looked unconvinced and I had to go in for the kill.

 

 

“Look, honestly it was always you. She never liked me that way, she thought she did but, you know. I know that girl like I know myself, maybe more, and she’s definitely interested in you. She loves me and I love her. That will never change. But I honestly think that she could fall in love with you. Give it time. She's already halfway there.” I told him earnestly, and it pained me like no other.

 

 

It would all be worth it when I see her smile the way the same way that he was smiling at the ground right now.

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

I hadn't realized that my thoughts were influencing my music when an odd note resounded through the empty room. Trying to clear my head, my fingers went back to the piano and started playing. It was a rather melancholic piece and quite inappropriate to be added into Sulli's set list for the wedding but I was just playing for myself this time. I needed a moment of self-indulgence to be able to resume working on the sappy, love-filled music that I was helping to compile.

 

 

The moment the song ended, I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and I almost jumped out of my seat. I turned and was met with a familiar pair of hazel brown.

 

 

"Sorry, I didn't know how else to let you know that I was here without startling you." Krystal smiled sheepishly.

 

 

"Good job on that." I rolled my eyes teasingly as she sat down beside me on the bench.

 

 

It was an awkward silence between us for a bit. 

 

 

I know I've been avoiding her a little but that was only so her and Kai could have some space to grow closer. It wouldn't do well for a jealous best friend to be hovering in the background.

 

 

"Why didn't you come for lunch? You usually go bat cray for tteokbokki Tuesdays." She bit her lip, her palms brushing against the side of my thigh.

 

 

I resisted the urge to intertwine it with mine and answered, "Wasn't hungry. I've been holding off on compiling Sulli's set list for the wedding anyway." I mindlessly brushed my fingers along the piano keys, playing a random chord here and there.

 

 

“Sounds kind of depressing for a wedding set list don’t you think?” She commented, smiling a little.

 

 

“That’ll teach her a lesson for being rash and marrying so young.” I grunted, feeling her nudge me in a half-hearted chide. 

 

 

Before we could lapse into that weird silence, I asked her, “Did I miss anything? At lunch, I mean.” I didn’t really want to know, I just needed to hear her voice. This was the first time I’ve seen her since yesterday when I dropped her home.

 

 

She shrugged, “Jackson and Luna are debating on the true nature of sausages, again. Minho and Sulli are making goggly eyes at each other, as usual. I’m starting to feel bad for leaving Kai there now.” 

 

 

“Oh, Kai’s there huh. What’re you doing here then?” It came out wrong, like I didn’t want her here, but it wasn’t true because all I wanted today was to be this close to her.

 

 

“Stupid. Can’t I come look for my best friend who’s been avoiding me for some God knows reason?” She blurted out with a deep frown, looking away from me.

 

 

Guilt washed over me and I quickly tried to assure her, “I haven’t been avoiding you, princess. I could never.” I lied, something that I’ve gotten so used to doing as of late.

 

 

“Then why does it feel that way?” She mumbled, clearly upset.

 

 

I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know how to because avoiding her was exactly what I was doing.

 

 

“I’m just trying to ease off some of the heat on us. Remember that we only broke up a few days ago.” I reminded her. It was true in some sense, it needed to look like I was giving us space but not shutting her out of my life completely.

 

 

She hesitated, “Is there something else? Something that’s bothering you maybe?”

 

 

Yes.

 

 

“I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about, your plan not working out and all.” I said, noticing how her eyes flitted up to meet mine before she looked away. 

 

 

“No, it didn’t.”

 

 

We fell silent again and I hated it. This was not us.

 

 

I couldn’t resist the pull to wrap my arms around her and she tensed at the sudden affection, eventually molding herself to me with her arms going around my waist. We stayed like that for a while, her head tucked underneath mine and her scent clogging up my sense in the most pleasurable of ways. Her fingers were tenderly my sides and I thought in bewilderment at how such a simple gesture could make me feel so many things.

 

 

I looked down and mumbled against her head.

 

 

“What can I do to make it better?”

 

 

I felt her lips brush the skin on my neck, her warm breath igniting within me a long and slow, burning flame.

 

 

 

 

“Play a song for me.”

 

 

---

 

 

The only thing worse than being stuck in traffic was being stuck in traffic with a bickering old couple in the backseat.

 

 

“I’m not complaining. I’m just tired of being your slave, alright.” My cousin huffed, arms folded as she looked anywhere but the ice princess sitting next to her.

 

 

“This is nothing. Try being one for almost half of your youth.” Said ice princess countered, arms crossed in the same fashion.

 

 

“I. WAS. TEN.” Yuri enunciated each word slowly.

 

 

“SO. WAS. I. WHAT’S. YOUR. POINT.” Jessica responded with a growl.

 

 

“My point is is that we express emotions differently when we’re young.” She said, softer this time.

 

 

I shared a glance at Krystal from the driver’s seat, who was sitting next to me, and she looked back at me slightly wide-eyed. 

 

 

Is Yuri going to confess? Right here in my car? Though what I was really concerned about was that 50 bucks I was going to win.

 

 

“What’re you saying? That you were feeling something other than resentment towards me when you were picking on me back then?” The older Jung scoffed.

 

 

“Resentment is a strong word. I never hated you.” Yuri frowned.

 

 

“Then why did you pick on me if you didn’t hate me?” Jessica asked incredulously. 

 

 

I was betting on her revealing something big right at that moment.

 

 

“Beats me. Maybe I thought your braces made you look like a transformer.”

 

 

Nope. The 50 dollar bubble above my head deflated pathetically and I grumbled at the smug look on Krystal’s face.

 

 

“It’s not time yet, stupid. That 50 bucks is mine.” She whispered into my ear and I momentarily forgot what we were talking about.

 

 

I looked in the rearview mirror just in time to see Jessica give a hard slap to the back of Yuri’s head.

 

 

“I’m sorry okay, that was so long ago and I definitely don’t see you that way anymore! I don’t know how many times I must tell you that until you believe me!” Yuri said exasperatedly.

 

 

“Save it for someone who doesn’t look like a transformer.” Jessica fumed, smacking away the hand that tried to touch hers.

 

 

Yuri sighed and decided to keep quiet, nursing the back of her head.

 

 

Fortunately, I miraculously found a parking spot near the entrance of the Cheonggyecheon Stream and the four of us practically jumped out, relieved about getting out of the car after an hour of being stuck in it.

 

 

“Ugh, finally! I thought I was going to grow old and die in there.” Krystal groaned out at the same time that my eyes decided to look at her, body bent over in a stretch.

 

 

I was transfixed by her well-formed that she probably works her off (pun not intended, I think) to maintain from her daily jogs, that was until I heard a light cough and I turned to see Yuri smirking at me with a knowing grin.

 

 

“ert.” She said and walked ahead of me.

 

 

“I-I no ert!” I whispered harshly to her, too flustered to form a proper sentence apparently.

 

 

It was a two minute walk from our car to the entrance and when we reached the giant ice-cream/unicorn horn-looking structure, we were delightfully greeted by a vibrant splash of colour in the form of lanterns dotting the crowded plaza. 

 

 

I looked behind to see the two Jung sisters walking arm-in-arm as they talked animatedly with each other, pointing out the array of lanterns surrounding them.

 

 

The annual Lantern Festival in Seoul was always a spectacular event and both the Jungs and Lius have made it a tradition to attend every year. The adults were not here and it was a school night for Jonghyun and Key, so the remaining Jungs and one Liu decided to make it an outing with the gang. 

 

 

Speaking of, we spotted the lot in front of one of the stalls selling street food, more specifically we spotted Sulli’s giant head as she was being piggybacked by a tired looking Minho.

 

 

To his utmost gratitude, the giant baby instantly jumped off of him when she saw us. She ran over to Krystal and lot of jumping commenced. Luna and Jackson were too preoccupied with fighting over a tornado potato to greet us and Taeyeon was beside them acting as referee. 

 

 

I looked around for a bit but didn’t find the face I was searching for.

 

 

“He’s late.” I mumbled, looking at the time on my phone.

 

 

“Taengoo! How’s my favourite shorty?” Yuri said as she bumped fists with said shorty.

 

 

“Ah, you know. Busy being ing awesome. The usual.” Taeyeon blew on her nails, “Yourself?”

 

 

“Same. Babysitting llama’s too, on occasion.” My cousin nodded in my direction and they sniggered, much to my irritation.

 

 

“YOU TWO ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE FRIENDS.” I exclaimed, pushing the two apart from each other. They ignored me and continued their conversation.

 

 

“Amber, if Krystal asks, I’m gonna pick up a friend. We’ll meet up at the wish lantern place, okay?” Jessica said and walked off before I could answer her.

 

 

I wasn’t left alone for long when I heard my name being called.

 

 

“Hey, sorry I’m late. Traffic was a nightmare.” Kai wheezed a little, looking like he had ran a marathon.

 

 

“Just make sure you’re not late for any future appointments with a certain someone.” I said seriously.

 

 

“Of course not, I’ll make sure I’m the one waiting.” He affirmed.

 

 

“Don’t be a pushover too.” I said, rolling my eyes.

 

 

He bit his lips and was interrupted before he could respond.

 

 

“Kai? What’re you doing here?” My best friend asked curiously when she approached us.

 

 

His cheeks were already red from before but it grew darker at seeing her, “Amber invited me.”

 

 

“Oh?” She said, sparing me a glance with a raised eyebrow.

 

 

I nodded and nudged him a little, “Yeah, poor soul has never been to one of these things. Thought I’d ask him to tag along with us.” 

 

 

She was looking at me in an unreadable manner before she turned to look at Kai with a smile.

 

 

“First timer, eh? I’m gonna have fun with you.” She teased and pulled him with her to start the long walk along the stream. Kai was looking to me for guidance but I motioned for him to turn back around. I saw him hesitating a little but eventually allowed himself to be dragged by the princess.

 

 

“Idiot.” I murmured, not entirely sure who I was directing it to.

 

 

An arm was slung over my shoulder at that moment and the owner chuckled lightly, “Cousin, cousin, cousin.”

 

 

“What?” I grunted, suddenly in an awfully bad mood.

 

 

“You know.” Yuri winked and pulled me along with her.

 

 

---

 

 

About 10 minutes into our waking, we managed to cover a good length of the stream, which was a great feat since the festival was swarming with tourists and locals alike. Over 35,000 lanterns were exhibited along the stream, each one a representation of Korean history and culture. There was no doubting that it was a beautiful and scenic walk, romantic even, but I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it as much as I used to. 

 

 

There was one obvious thing missing and that was the girl who was presently clinging onto another’s arms, her gleeful laughter standing out from the crowd as she pointed at one of the displays. She looked so happy.

 

 

“Yah! Llama! This is the eighth time that you’ve stepped on my foot. Did you leave your eyes at home or what?” Grumbled am irritated looking puppy. 

 

 

“Sorry Lun, all these lights are a little distracting.” I apologized, ruffling her hair.

 

 

“You seem to be distracted a lot lately.” Luna said doubtfully.

 

 

“Yeah. I suppose I am.” I glanced at the laughing pair ahead of us.

 

 

She didn’t see anything suspicious from that look and patted my back, “Aw, you worried about your little princess? You shouldn’t though, Kai’s a nice guy. In fact, you should be happy that she’s finally taken an interest in someone. I was worried that she’d grow old alone and end up with a million and one cats like that ancient, y neighbour of yours.”

 

 

It was the first time that I didn’t bother defending the old lady, I was just too lost in thought.

 

 

When we arrived at the wish lantern part of the stream, Jessica and I assumed a friend of hers were already there and releasing their lanterns into the river.

 

 

Taeyeon and Yuri were aimlessly walking towards the two without noticing them and it so happened that when Jessica’s friend stood up, the shorty who was busy talking to my cousin walked right into her. The girl would’ve toppled into the water had it not been for Tae’s fast reflexes in catching her and she ended up being pulled into her small arms.

 

 

There was a short lull in the area at the almost accident and Jessica’s friend blushed at both the attention and contact before taking a step back.

 

 

“I don’t know whether to be mad at you for making me almost fall, or thank you for preventing it.” The raven-haired beauty said, laughing lightly to let her know that she was joking, mostly.

 

 

For the first time since I’ve met her, Taeyeon was stumped for words as she stuttered uncharacteristically in front of the woman.

 

 

“I-I’m sorry. I’m usually not this c-clumsy.” She managed to utter, and the woman smiled at how adorable she looked at the moment.

 

 

“Yuri-ah, you’re lucky it wasn’t you who did that. I would’ve dragged your sorry out of this river and thrown you over a bridge.” Jessica said simply without looking at her. Yuri swallowed audibly.

 

 

“I’m Tiffany.” The woman who’s smile was as blinding as the lit lanterns offered a hand to Taeyeon.

 

 

My partying buddy seemed to have lost all of her usual, self-assured cockiness. She looked like she was in a half-conscious state as she shook hands with the slightly taller woman.

 

 

“Taeyeon. Kim Taeyeon.”

 

 

I smiled amusedly and walked over to a stall selling lanterns where the rest were.

 

 

“Am! You slow poke, I was waiting for you to do this with me.” Krystal pouted, holding out a lantern to me.

 

 

I chuckled, instinctively slinging an arm over her shoulders.

 

 

“Princess, we’ve been doing this every year for the past past six years and every time, you wish for the same, generic list of things. World peace, good health, lasting happiness, and bountiful mangoes.” I said, taking the lantern from her.

 

 

“I still want all of that. But I wrote something different this year.” She said, eyeing the Korean alphabets written on the paper object. 

 

 

I was about to read it when a tall figure walked up to us.

 

 

“Krystal can I talk to you? I’ll make it quick, I promise.” Kai said, looking obviously nervous and he shoved his shaking hands into his coat pockets.

 

 

I looked to him and he gave a slight nod, signifying that he was going to do what I asked him to right now. Oddly, I started feeling nervous myself but for very different reasons.

 

 

Krystal smiled at him and that eased his anxiety and melted him into a puddle at the same time.

 

 

“Sure Kai. Just give me a sec, alright?” 

 

 

He nodded obediently and walked away. When he was out of earshot, she let out a sigh and started fiddling with her fingers.

 

 

“You know, I am ninety-nine percent sure that he’s going to ask me out.” She said, sounding much less enthusiastic than I thought she’d be at the prospect. I told her exactly that and she chuckled, much to my confusion. She shook her head, looking out into the water, “Not gonna lie. I have tried to picture it, being asked out for the first time that is.” Her head turned to back at me and I saw a  brilliant spectrum of colours twinkling in her eyes, “This is a little different than I imagined.”

 

 

“Good different?” I asked.

 

 

She didn’t answer me but asked a question of her own.

 

 

“Is there any chance at all.... that I might be making a mistake?" Krystal asked almost imploringly. There was such finality to her words that it made my heart beat into a frenzy, fearing something that I could only imagine at the moment. 

 

 

I was stumped by the sudden question, not knowing that she was harboring her own insecurities about this.Then I remembered her conversation with Sulli that I had eavesdropped on.

 

 

 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore. It’s getting tiring and the idiot is just too oblivious.”

 

 

 

“You deserve to love and be loved in return.” I replied almost automatically.

 

 

 

“Maybe it is. I don’t know Sulli… I’m in too deep already. But I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

 

 

 

“Do whatever makes you happy.” I continued, various emotions flashing through glossy lenses.

 

 

 

“I know that’s what I have to do….. but I just had to try…… I love h-”

 

 

 

“Or whatever hurts less, I suppose.” My hands went up to wipe a stray tear that fell from her eye. 

 

 

 

“Whatever hurts less.” She echoed, looking deep in thought.

 

 

Suddenly her arms were around me and soft lips lingered on the corner of my mouth.

 

 

“Thank you.” She whispered, almost wistfully. 

 

 

Then she let go of me.

 

 

I stood there and watched as she walked up to the calmer-looking man and patiently listened to him let out whatever it is he wanted to say to her. After a full minute, I saw her nod with a genuine smile on her face. 

 

 

My eyes fell down to the lantern in my hands, noticing the bold characters on one side of the paper.

 

 

 

A Sign

 

 

 

“She finally got her wish.” I murmured, brushing the words with my fingers.

 

 

There was nothing that I could write, as my wish had already come true. 

 

 

The one wish that mattered anyway.

 

 

I went to light up a candle and placed it inside of the lantern. Kneeling down on the rocky surface, I released the lit object into the river, watching it drift with the flow of the water as it passed a couple wrapped snugly in an unfamiliar, but welcoming embrace.

 

 

I spared one last look at Krystal before composing myself and returned to the gang.

 

 

I could have been mistaken, but she may have looked back to me at some point with that unreadable look of hers.

 

 

---

 

 

A/N : Disclaimer : I know very very very very little about the bootiful Lotus Lantern Festival and I may have gotten some facts wrong, or all of it maybe. Apologies if I have offended anybody. 

 

And before you say stupid Amber, she knows already. :P Good news is that the plot shall be moving on from now on and you’ll see some changes in Kryber’s dynamics. Hang in there, gotta have some obligatory angst before we get to the good .

 

Thanks for reading! Always a delight to read your thoughts, even if most of them is calling Amber stupid and wanting to commit unspeakable acts of violence on her. Lol