So, basically this is the first time I've updated this in a long, long time. Back when I started I really did my best to try and make it all fancy for you guys, but nowadays I don't want the fancy layout to distract readers from the point. This is meant to help people write better. I'm not an English major, nor am I a super genius who knows everything. Some of this is based upon my knowledge of grammar and whatnot combined with my personal preferences (such as writing with double quotation marks instead of one to indicate dialog).

This tutorial I think is what will really help cut down on run-on sentences. Sentences with adjectives are great and can really add to setting the scene in a story, or in this case, fan fiction, but it's important not to overdo it.

"I don't understand why Mary felt the need to correct me in the middle of class. It was unnecessary and unneeded." Jill fumed to her best friend with a roll of her eyes.

Technically, there is nothing wrong with this sentence. What is really unnecessary and unneeded is actually the use of both words. Both have very similar definitions (or exactly the same definitions) depending on what kind of dictionary you use as a reference. It's fun to add some fancy words to your writing but they aren't always good. By using both words, you're being redundant.

"I don't understand why Mary felt the need to correct me in the middle of class. It was unnecessary and rude." Jill fumed to her best friend with a roll of her eyes.

Instead of repeating yourself, you could actually add another words instead that still makes sense. Also, if you do like using fancy adjectives that almost nobody has ever heard of or used before, make sure that you understand what it means as well.

For example, if I'm writing a horror themed story and I want to describe my main character being scared out of their wits but I think "scared" is too bland of a word and I want to replace it, I do have a lot of options. What I want to do is to try and figure out what age group is reading this first off. Secondly, figuring out what age group I'm writing this for is important too. It's fine if you're writing for an age group around your own (say, high school or instance) and someone in middle school or college is reading it. That is fine. You don't have to simplify or make your writing any more complicated than it already is just for a few people who are more than likely, silent readers.

Instead of "scary" I see the word trepidatious. I can deduct that it sounds alike or similar to trepidation. I know what trepidation means already and if my readers are thinking on the same level as I am, they should be able to figure that out as well. Now, another word that can fit in place of scared is daunted. It isn't as common of a word either. Both are fairly unused but you're trying to make your writing seem better and avoid using simple words like "scared" all the time in the story. In a situation like this, you could always just go ahead and use either. If your audience doesn't know what it means or doesn't look it up, it isn't your fault that they may have missed out on what you meant.

deter
1. discourage (someone) from doing something, typically by instilling doubt or fear of the consequences

To me, deter is a more common word and I would choose to use that in my text. When you look for a synonym, the one that may actually fit best may not be the first one you see. I did a bit of looking around to come to this one. There's a reason why sometimes authors take years to come out with new books. Writing is a process that may take longer than you want it to. Plus, it's always a good idea and go back and check for typos because you may spell a typo right and it could be wrong, which is why it's a typo.

Each room in the house seemed more gruesome than the last but that didn't deter Ravi from continuing on. He was going to get through this nightmare no matter what.

Depending on context, of course, some examples that I've probably given in the past, and now, even, may not always fit perfectly. That's basically why this is a tutorial and not a textbook. For the second part of this tutorial chapter goes all the way back to my original point: adjectives are great as long as you don't overuse them. I don't really think I can phrase it any other way, really. The gist is, don't use words simply to have a larger word count. Use words that you understand and are sure your readers can also understand. Flowery vocabulary is great but it has to make sense to more than one person.