Today I'm seventeen and this is my first day at my new school :

 I'm standing in front of the gate as if I would take one more step I will fall, except that all the student passing through it didn't. I felt like if I went there it's would be over, no turning back, my father would be really gone and now I would have to leave a new life. I was feeling Bobby's gaze on me, probably asking himself what kind a weirdo I was. I sight, took a deep breath and crossed the invisible line in front of me. Usually I'm a lot more talkative but today I walked in the corridor as if I was a real ghost and that even if I said something I would probably never been heard, but once again it's all in my mind, because when I replied to the homeroom teachers questions, he heard me quite well so did the other students of my new class when I was asked to introduce myself in front of all of them. They were all nice, trying to make me feel comfortable, even the girls with who I usually have hard time to connect, but it wasn't it, I felt like they had pitiful smile on there face since I'm the poor girl who just lost her dad, or was it in my mind again ? 

Yeah because I have to admit that I kinda grew a weird imagination in my previous school. I had a little hard time going along with the girls at first so all my friend were boys, and because of that rumors about me being a wh*** started. I've never been the kinda silent girl who let people bullied her so I had to defend myself, and by defend I mean kicking the a** of all the bi***** who dare take me down. So yeah I needed to protect myself physically so I took taekwondo courses and morally by closing myself to unknown people, so during this time I was often by myself reading a lot. It's actually funny when I think about it now, I was a book loving delinquent. Of course everything wasn't that bad back then, I still have contacts with some of the friends I made there and because it was just the two of us (and occasionally a girlfriend of him), my dad an I become really close, probably as much as I grew apart from my mother. I even by solidarity didn't go to her wedding pretexting an important tournament. I wasn't the happiest girl back then but my life was good and it made me stronger.

So to came back to the main topic I think too much but I know how to pretend, so even if  I feel uneasy with them I will smile back and try to get along with everyone. Since I was always fighting I had to keep good grades in order to not being expelled so I won't have any hard time catching up with the courses. Bobby is also here if I need some explanation so I don't feel so lost even if I'm not at the right place. The day goes on and I still have this feeling of insecurity, because I know that he is here. I haven't spoke to him since that day but I heard from Kibum, one of my old neighborhood friend that he was here. I tough about it a lot, should I talk to him or ignore him ? Should I be like my old me, cheerful or be more calm ? Would he even remember me ? If he don't can I punch him ? Because if he don't it would be like the old time, me over thinking everything and him, well just being him.

It started again, it's been 3 years and even before seeing him I react like a crazy person. I was fine during those years away, I only thought about him a few time, but now that I am so close I just don't know. I was in the main lobby wondering about all of this in front of the billboard looking at the various announcement like I was actually rea