“Hello,” Taeyang said when he picked up the phone.

“Taeyang, have you seen Jiyong?” you asked. Your boyfriend was currently MIA and you were already late to your dinner reservations. He hadn’t been picking up his phone and you’d been trying to call him for the past half hour.

“No,” Taeyang replied. “Why?”

You sighed. “He was supposed to pick me up a half hour ago and now I can’t get in contact with him,” you explained. “I’m kinda worried.”

“Hold on a sec,” Taeyang requested. “T.O.P hyung just got here. I’ll ask him. HYUNG!”  You resisted the urge to laugh as Taeyand yelled to T.O.P.

After a few minutes Taeyang was back but he didn’t sound too happy. “I think he’s at the bar.”

You clenched your jaw and flexed your fingers the way you always did when you were mad. “What?” you asked through gritted teeth.

“Um, I think he went out with some friends,” Taeyang muttered, sensing your anger though the phone.

“I’m gonna kill him,” you hissed and stood up from the couch you had been sitting at. You walked across your apartment and grabbed your shoes, slipping them on as you searched for your coat. “Same one?” you asked.

“Yeah,” Taeyang confirmed. “Do you need a ride?” he asked.

You shook your head although you knew he couldn’t see you. “I’m good. It’s not that far from my apartment,” you said and slipped on your coat.

Taeyang sighed. “Okay. Be careful ______,” he requested. “You know how he can get when he’s drunk.

You chuckled without humor. “I’ll be fine,” you insisted, “it’s Jiyong you should be worried about.”

“Go get ‘em tiger,” Taeyang cheered. “_______ fighting!”

You hung up. In less than five minutes you were out the door and walking down the street to the bar that was just over three blocks away. You had been here more times than you would have liked but someone had to go and take care of Jiyong. Speaking of which…

You walked into the bar and were instantly hit with the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke. The smell never changed. It was always like this. Shaking your head you continued on to the little private room Jiyong always drank in with his friends. There were three other men with him tonight.

You walked through the door and stood there with your arms crossed over your chest, watching in disappointment as Jiyong downed another shot. Finally you had enough. “Jiyong,” you said sharply.

Jiyong nearly dropped his glass. He looked up and, in his alcohol-fogged brain, was somehow able to tell you were not happy with him.

“_____?” he squinted, still not sure why you were there. Then he eyed you up and down, taking in your slightly dressy outfit and makeup. You didn’t normally wear makeup so this really stood out to him. Suddenly his eyes widened. “Oh my gosh,” he said as he realized.

You sook your head at him and turned around, walking right out of the bar. Jiyong literally fell out of his seat to follow you and ran after you to the street. Once you were sure Jiyong was behind you, you stopped and spun around to face him.

Jiyong reached forwards and cupped your cheeks. “I am so, so sorry, ______,” he apologized. There was no doubt in your mind that he was serious but that was no excuse.

“Is that all you are?” you asked venomously. Jiyong’s hands froze. “Because I’ve never seen anything as pitiful as what I saw in there,” you continued.

Jiyong retracted his hands. “Ok I know that I messed up but that’s no reason for you to insult me like that,” he said.

“Oh so it’s not okay for me to speak honestly with you and it’s totally fine for you to insult me?” you scoffed.

“Whoa, when have I ever insulted you?” Jiyong asked defensively.

“When you stood me up for the umpteenth time to go drinking with your friends!” you exclaimed. “By ditching me to go drinking makes me feel like I’m not worth anything to you.”

Jiyong ran a hand through his hair. “C’mon you know that’s not true,” he insisted.

You sighed and looked away. “No I don’t,” you admitted sadly. “By making the choices you do it becomes very clear to me what’s most important to you and, right now, it’s not me.”

Jiyong cupped your cheeks again. “_____ I love you,” he said. “There is no one else in the world I love more than you.”

You reached up and pushed Jiyong’s hands away. “Then prove it,” you challenged.

“What?”

“I can’t be in a relationship with you if, every time you go to the bar, I can’t be sure whether or not you’re coming back,” you explained. “Alcohol is dangerous and you love it more than you should.”

A look a fear entered Jiyong’s eyes. “What are you saying?”

You looked away again. “I’m saying I’m taking a break.”

“What!?” Jiyong exclaimed.

“I’m not breaking up with you,” you assured him, “but I think the best thing for us to do right now is to take a step back and straighten out our priorities.”

Jiyong took a step back, trying to wrap his mind around the concept. He loved you. There was no doubt in his mind about that. Couldn’t you see it? “_____ don’t do this,” he begged.

You smiled sadly and took a step closer to Jiyong. You stood on your tiptoes and placed a quick kiss on his lips but, as soon as you pulled away, Jiyong pulled you back in and kissed you again. After a few seconds you stepped back. “Let me know where your priorities are,” you said and walked away.

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“______!” a muffled voice called from outside your apartment. Then a fist started pounding on the door. “______, please open up!”

Your eyelids opened and you were met with utter darkness. What time was it? As the pounding on your door continued you slowly sat up and grabbed your phone, which was sitting on the coffee table next to the couch. You must have fallen asleep while watching TV. You unlocked your phone and looked at the time. 3:47 AM. Who the heck was at your door at nearly 4 in the morning?

The pounding continued so you heaved yourself off the couch with a sigh and made your way to the door. After struggling with the lock for a few seconds you were finally able to open the door and were greeted with the tired, anxious face of Seungri.

“______, thank God,” he exclaimed and pulled you into a hug.

“Seungri, what’s going on?” you asked and pulled away. “Why are you here?”

Seungri paused for a bit to catch his breath before continuing. “GD hyung is at the bar. He’s been drinking all night and can’t even talk normally anymore. He won’t listen to anybody!” he exclaimed. “He won’t leave.”

You’re heart clenched at Seungri’s words. Jiyong was at the bar again and was freakishly wasted. This was bad. “What happened?” you asked, “Why is he there?”

“He said something beforehand about you and needing to forget something,” Seungri said. “Please, noona, try to talk some sense into him.” he begged. “He’s been there for almost 9 hours!”

You almost said no right away. You had told Jiyong you wanted to take a break and you didn’t want to go back on that only a few days after you said it, but he was in trouble. Who knows what could happen if you didn’t try. Finally you nodded. “Alright,” you agreed, grabbed your coat from the hook next to the door, and followed Seungri.

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Jiyong’s eye’s fluttered open and was instantly hit with sunlight streaming though his windows. With eyes half closed to soften the intensity of the light he tried to take in his surroundings. Everything was still fuzzy and he was having trouble focusing. Suddenly he felt something cool being draped across his forehead. Jiyong turned his head and saw you sitting there.

“______,” he whispered.

You smiled slightly at him. “Hi,” you replied.

Jiyong shifted so he was sitting more upright, wincing at the throbbing pain in his head. “What happened?” he asked, not remembering anything.

You sighed. “You were drinking at the bar and wouldn’t listen to the guys when they told you to go home so they called me.” You shrugged your shoulders. “You listened to me.”

“Why?” Jiyong asked.

“I don’t know,” you said, “that was your decision.”

“No I mean, why’d you come back?” Jiyong was afraid of the answer but he needed to know.

You sighed and ran a hand through your hair. For the first time that day Jiyong saw how tired you looked. You probably stayed up the whole night taking care of him. “I came back because you’re my alcohol,” you stated softly. “You’re poisonous to me and hurt me but I’m addicted to you and need to keep coming back for more.”

Jiyong reached over and entwined his fingers with yours. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, meaning it with his whole heart.

“That doesn’t change anything though, does it?” you said not unkindly.

Jiyong bit his lip. “I promise I’m gonna change this time,” he insisted.

“Promise is a big word, Jiyong,” you said softly.

“I know, and I mean it,” Jiyong squeezed your hand.

You stood up, keeping your hand in Jiyong’s grasp. “This is your last chance, Jiyong,” you told him firmly. “If you blow it I’m not coming back.” You turned around to walk away but Jiyong pulled you down onto the bed next to him. Before you could protest he hand his arms wrapped around you, holding you securely.

“Stay,” he whispered, afraid that you were going to leave and not come back the way you threatened to do.

Your whole body was tense from the unexpected act but, after a few seconds, you allowed yourself to relax into the warmth of Jiyong’s embrace. Like him, you were afraid that you were going to have to leave and you wanted to relish this moment for as long as possible.

But, as you sadly knew, it couldn’t last.

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Three months. That’s how long the moment lasted. It was an amazing time, with Jiyong trying hard to please you and do the right thing, and you thought that, maybe, things were changing for the better. But all good things must come to an end.

Big Bang had finally made their comeback after three years and they were winning awards left and right with their new and improved music. You couldn’t have been prouder of Jiyong and the rest of the boys. They had worked so hard for this and deserved everything that was coming to them. But you started to notice a change in Jiyong. The sweet, thoughtful boy who had promised to change was slowly going back to his old self. First it was just one small drink. Then it was just a short night out with friends. At least, that’s what he told you. That was before you found out the truth.

It was a Saturday and you were off of work so you decided to do a little web surfing. You clicked on latest news stories and scrolled though, looking for something interesting. Then you saw the words “Big Bang” and got excited. You clicked on the article and immediately wished you hadn’t.

“G-Dragon claims to have drunk alcohol while recording for BIGBANG's latest album” the title stated.

Your breath caught in your throat as you read through the article. It explained that G-Dragon admitted to being drunk while recording and that he really enjoyed it. “It was really fun. During those days, overwhelming feelings of having fun had remained intact and filled.”

“Liar,” you hissed through gritted teeth. All at once you were filled with more rage than you’ve ever felt before. Jiyong had been lying to you for who knows how long and never had any intention of changing. You knew what you had to do. You printed out the article and were out the door before the paper had cooled down. Your car was in the shop so you rode the bus to the YG building. The staff recognized you right away and let you through the doors and you walked to Jiyong’s studio. You didn’t even knock before walking in.

“Babe!” Jiyong exclaimed excitedly and stood up to give you a hug but you crossed your arms over your chest. That’s when Jiyong sensed that something was up. “______, what’s wrong?” he asked worriedly.

Without saying a word you handed Jiyong the article and watched as he read. His face changed as he realized that he was caught.

“That’s what’s wrong,” you spat.

“It’s not what you think,” Jiyong set the paper down, “I promise.”

You scoffed in disbelief. “You promise? Jiyong, you promised that you’d change your habits and I thought that you did! I was so proud of you,” you admitted, “but then I found out that you had just been lying to me. I found out the truth from the internet, not from the one person who should have been honest with me from the beginning.” You shook your head in utter disappointment and turned around, walking out of the studio.

“Wait, wait ______,” Jiyong yelled as he ran after you out of the company building.

You pretended like you hadn’t heard him and kept walking until you felt a hand grip your wrist and spin you around. “Yah!” you yelled and yanked your arm away.

Jiyong held up him hands in surrender. “Ok, just listen,” he started.

“Listen to what?” you demanded. “More excuses?” Jiyong looked at his feet. He knew that he was in the wrong but he didn’t know how to make you understand. You bit your lip. This hurt you more than you could say but it had to happen. “Jiyong,” you said in a softer voice. Jiyong looked back up at you and you sighed. Here comes the heartbreak. “I’m done.”

The look of horror that covered Jiyong’s face was enough to bring tears to your eyes but you refused to let them fall. “W-what?” Jiyong stammered.

You shook your head. “I can’t do this anymore,” you explained. “I can’t keep fighting a battle that I’ll never win.” By now tears were starting to fall down Jiyong’s face but you kept going. “I told you that this was your last chance,” you took a step back, “and you blew it. So I’m done.”

You turned around and began walking away but, before you got more than a few steps away, Jiyong ran up behind you and caught you in a back hug.

“Jiyong,” you said through gritted teeth and tried to break free.

“Wait,” Jiyong pleaded, his face buried in your neck, “please. Let me hold you one last time.” You wanted nothing more than to pull away and run from the pain but you relaxed a bit and let Jiyong cry, each tear a crack in your already broken heart.

Finally, after nearly ten minutes, Jiyong spoke up. “I will never stop fighting to win you back,” he whispered. “I will never stop loving you and I swear I’m gonna change.” Jiyong tightened his grip slightly. “I promise.”

A single tear slid down your cheek. “I don’t believe you anymore,” you said. Then, with the final piece of your heart shattering into a thousand pieces, you pried Jiyong’s arms off and walked away without looking back.

It’s hard for me to be sober
I can’t do anything
I hate being sober
I can’t fall asleep without you