Because of you, I’m becoming ruined…

I wanna stop, I don’t want you anymore…

I can’t do it, this …

Please don’t give me any excuses…

How had it come to this? Why had things happened this way? You ran a hand through your messy hair and turned around so you were facing the mirror wall. Your reflection scared you. The attire was normal for a day in the dance studio but something about your face didn’t seem right. You looked, felt, empty. It had been nearly two months since you and Jungkook broke up but you were fine. Weren’t you?

“No,” you told yourself, “I’m not.” Jungkook was your best friend. He had been for years even before you started dating. Not having him there to talk to you, laugh with, or at, you, or to just be with you was like missing a limb. It was unnatural after being attached at the hip for so many years. Not that it mattered. You and Jungkook were both stubborn and hot-headed, meaning that neither of you was going to apologize first. That’s why you broke up in the first place.

You shook your head, trying to clear those events out of your head, and walked back to the center of the empty dance studio, ballet slippers padding softly across the floor. You pressed play on the remote and let the music take you over, your emotion pouring out of every step. Even though you tried, the thoughts of that day two months ago filled your head.

“You are so selfish!” you yelled at Jungkook who was standing in the middle of your apartment.

“Oh, I’m the selfish one?” He yelled back. “I gave you everything I could and asked for nothing in return.”

You threw up your hands, exasperated. “That’s not what I wanted. That’s not what I needed!”

“What are you talking about?”

You took a step closer to Jungkook, anger blazing in your eyes. “All I needed was for you to be here with me!”

Jungkook stepped closer too. Now you were toe to toe. “You think I don’t want to be with you?” he asked. “It’s not like I try to miss things.”

“That’s not what I’m saying!”

“Then what are you saying?” Jungkook challenged.

“I’m saying that you could try a little harder to be there when I need you,” you said.

Jungkook scoffed. “You say that as though I actually have free time.”

“Don’t you dare say that as though you work nonstop,” you threatened, pointing a finger at his chest.

“I have other important things that I need to do,” Jungkook looked away, not willing to be made the bad guy.

You sneered at him. “Oh, so I’m not important?”

“Not when you’re like this!” Jungkook yelled, making you flinch internally.

Anger filled you like a fire. “Fine,” you spat through gritted teeth. “If you’re so content not seeing me ever, I’ll just make it easier for you.” With that you spun around and walked out of the apartment, leaving Jungkook standing there.

“Dang it!” You cursed when you missed a step. The music kept playing as you walked back up to the mirror and leaned into it, your breaths coming out short and choppy. This was driving you crazy. “Dang it!” you yelled again and pounded your fist against the glass. Then you turned around and slid to the ground.

You needed to concentrate. You needed to think for a second. You needed to breathe. You needed…

“I need to talk to Jungkook,” you whispered to yourself. Your break up argument was over something stupid and both of you were blinded by anger that you didn’t really mean the things you were saying. You needed to make things right with him.

Reaching into the front pocket of your bag, you pulled out your phone and dialed Jungkook’s number.

I’m sorry, I hate you…

 I love you, I hate you…

 Forgive me…

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“I’m an idiot,” Jungkook said to himself for the seventh time that day.

“Dude, you’ve said that already,” V pointed out. Jungkook barely acknowledged the older boy as he continued to pace around the dorm.

“GAH!” Jungkook yelled and threw a shoe across the room, shattering a picture frame in the process.

“Hey!” Rapmon ran into the room, followed closely by Suga, Jin, J-Hope, and Jimin. “What the heck, Jungkook?” he said when he saw the mess the maknae was making.

Jungkook gripped his hair in his fists and squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t freaking know what to do!” he exclaimed. “I am such an idiot!”

V looked up at the rest of the boys. “He’s been saying that for that past few hours,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Jungkook,” Jin said softly, stepping forward, “maybe you should go talk to ______.”

Jungkook dropped his hands and looked at Jin as if he just asked if they lived on Mars. “Are you insane?” he asked incredulously. “She doesn’t want to see me.”

“How do you know?”

Jungkook glared. “Because I do. I know her better than any of you.”

“But Jungkook,” Jin persisted, “if you’re missing her that much maybe she feels the same way.”

“Hyung, stop acting like you know everything,” Jungkook spat, turning around.

“Yah!” Suga raised his voice and grabbed Jungkook’s arm, spinning him around again. “I get that you’re going through something right now, but quit acting like a complete jerk to us!” he ordered. “We’re trying to help you.”

 “Well maybe I don’t want your help,” Jungkook yanked his arm out of Suga’s grip.

“Fine,” Suga said calmly. “Then act like a jerk somewhere else,” he pointed to the door.

Jungkook grabbed his hoodie that was laying on the couch armrest. “Fine, I will,” and with that, he stomped out of the dorm.

“Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea,” Jimin said, looking worriedly in the direction Jungkook had left in.

Suga shook his head. “He needs to cool down and this place is just going to choke him,” he explained. “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was pouring rain outside but Jungkook trudged on, not looking at where he was going and not looking back. The rain had soaked through his hoodie and he was almost shivering but it felt good. He needed to get out.

There weren’t many people out. It was raining, after all, and those that were out were walking quickly to get indoors. Jungkook walked past them as if they weren’t even there. He was alone with his thoughts. Why had he been so hot-headed with you? You were right; he had been careless with his time with you. He expected you to always be there with him so he began to take you for granted. He let you slip though his fingers.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Jungkook yelled at the top of his lungs, trying to expel some tension. It felt good to scream, but it didn’t help anything.

He was so consumed with his thoughts that he didn’t see that he was walking in the direct path of two other pedestrians. He slammed into the shoulder of a man wearing a black hoodie underneath a black leather jacket.

“Hey, kid,” the man said menacingly, “watch where you’re going.”

Jungkook was in no mood to be messed with. “Maybe you should follow some of your own advice,” he shot back. He tried to walk away but his path was blocked by the other man who was wearing similar attire to the first.

“I’d say you should apologize,” he sneered, stepping closer to Jungkook.

“And I’d say you should let me pass.” Jungkook knew he was just digging his own grave but he couldn’t stop himself. He wasn’t himself.

The first man cracked his knuckles. “I guess we’ll just have to teach you to apologize.” He grabbed Jungkook’s collar and pulled him off the street and into a little alleyway where he slammed him against the wall. He grabbed Jungkook’s throat and pushed him into the wall. “Apologize,” he ordered in a dangerous voice.

Jungkook smacked the man’s hand away. “No.”

The man smirked, as if he were hoping Jungkook would refuse. Then, as fast as lightning, he reached up and grabbed a fistful of Jungkook’s hair. He slammed Jungkook’s head down into his knee, causing Jungkook to fly back into the wall. He tasted blood. Before he could even think about collecting himself the man grabbed Jungkook and swung him around into the opposite wall. The two men then began raining kicks and punches as Jungkook slumped against the wall, trying to protect himself but to no avail. He cried out in pain and tried to fight back, but he was too weak against them. Throughout all of this Jungkook was unaware that his phone was lighting up with a caller; you.

Finally they stopped. The first man, the one Jungkook had run into, pulled Jungkook up to his feet and held him against the wall. “Apology accepted,” he said and let go with a shove. Then he and the other man walked off.

Jungkook slid down the wall so he was sitting. His entire body radiated with pain and he could feel his lip bleeding. The rain stung the cuts on his cheek and made his whole body shiver with cold.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Jungkook screamed again. Everything was falling apart and it was all his fault.

Suddenly Jungkook felt his phone give a single vibration. With every muscle aching, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone and saw that he had one missed call. It was from you.

“_______,” Jungkook whispered. Had you really called him or had he taken one too many blows to the head? He ran this thumb over the screen, trying to get the raindrops off of his screen. Your name was still clearly lit up. You had called him. “Oh my gosh,” Jungkook said.

Though every limb protested, Jungkook pulled himself up so he was standing. If you had called him and gotten his voice mail, you would probably think that he was ignoring you. You would think that he didn’t want to talk to you.

As fast as he could, which wasn’t very fast considering the slick phone was trying to slip out of his hands, Jungkook called you back. Each ring was agony. Three rings. Four. Jungkook closed his eyes and prayed silently that you would pick up. Seven rings. Eight.

“Hello,” Jungkook’s eyes darted open at the sound of your voice. He was about to beg for your forgiveness when you cut him off. “This is ______. Sorry I’m not here right now but leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”

Voicemail.

“Dang it!” Jungkook cursed, nearly throwing his phone. He needed to explain. He needed to tell you he was sorry. He needed to just talk to you but how could he find you? He had no way of contacting you. Wait, it was a Friday. Jungkook his phone again and checked the time. 6:30 pm. You were at the dance studio. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 5 to 7 you went to the dance studio. Jungkook used to come and visit as often as he could before he got busy. Before he started taking you for granted.

Jungkook limped out of the alley and turned in the direction of the dance studio. If he hurried he could get there before you left. Jungkook took off running. The rain blinded him and the pain was excruciating but he didn’t slow down. He needed to get to you.

I need you girl…

 Why am I in love alone, why am I hurting alone…

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Hi, this is Jungkook. Sorry I missed you but leave a message and I’ll get back to you.” Stupid voicemail.

“GAH!” you yelled and, in your anger, spun around and threw your phone as hard as you could against the mirror. The phone clattered to the ground after leaving a decent sized crack in the mirror. You would pay for that later but you didn’t care. You were too angry.

The song that had been playing finally ended and a new song started; “Hush, Hush” by the Pussycat Dolls. How appropriate. Needing to let off steam, you walked back to the center of the studio and began dancing. “I never needed you to be strong. I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs. I never needed pain, I never needed strain. My love for you is strong enough you should have known…” Your graceful movements were accented by the anger that flowed out of you. Your feet moved deftly across the floor, your arms swayed gracefully, and your hair flowed around you. You didn’t need Jungkook. If he wasn’t willing to even talk to you then you didn’t need him at all. “I don't want to stay another minute. I don't want you to say a single word. Hush hush, hush hush, there is no other way; I get the final say…” Your movements were getting more and more reckless as you let out all of the anger you had been holding in for the past few months. An outside observer would have been awed by the beauty of the dance but they wouldn’t be able to see the hurt and frustration pouring out of you.

Suddenly your foot got caught on a turn sending you crashing to the floor. You cried out as pain shot through your ankle. Reaching into the hidden waistband pocket of your leggings you pulled out the remote and stopped the music as you sat up. Your ankle seemed to pulse as you tried to rub the pain out of it. It was nothing more than a twisted ankle but it hurt like no other.

The sound of a door swinging open and banging into the wall behind it made you look up. Jungkook stood in the doorway, soaking wet and covered in cuts and bruises. Too stunned to say anything you just stared as Jungkook made his way over to you and bent down to give you a hand up. You accepted.

Jungkook pulled you to your feet and you were careful not to put too much weight on your ankle even though you knew just by looking at him that Jungkook was in far more pain than you.

“What did you do?” you asked.

Jungkook shrugged. “Something stupid,” he replied.

“Well I guessed that but it usually doesn’t end up this badly.” Jungkook chuckled slightly at this and you felt the urge to smile. Jungkook looked over your shoulder at the mirror behind you.

“Did you do that?” he asked, pointing to the crack in the glass.

You turned to see where he was indicating and nodded. “Yeah,” you confirmed, looking back. Jungkook smiled. Sometimes he forgets how similar you two really are. Your temperaments, your stubbornness, your bad anger management, everything. You two were so alike.

“How are you?” Jungkook asked after a few seconds of silence, eyes worried. He hoped you hadn’t been having as hard a time as him.

You sighed and looked down at the floor. “Not that great,” you confessed.

Jungkook nodded. “Me either,” he admitted. “Gosh, I am so sorry,” he burst out, making you look back up. “This was all my fault and I didn’t want to admit it because I’m so stubborn and stupid.” It was a crappy apology, but it was an apology.

A small smile graced your lips. “I’m sorry too,” you said.

Jungkook let out a sigh of relief as if he had been holding his breath. Maybe he had. “So, can we go back to the way things were before?” he asked.

You bit your lip. This was something you had thought long and hard about and you needed to say it, no matter how difficult it was. “Actually, I have something to say.” You took a deep breath. “I don’t think this is going to work,” you started. Jungkook froze. “I don’t think we’re ready. Look, I love you so much. You are my best friend and I care about you more than anyone else in the world and I don’t want to lose that by getting into a relationship that neither of us is ready for.”

Jungkook looked at the floor. The silence between you was so thick you could almost feel it. It stretched out for what felt like hours when, finally, he spoke up.

“I know,” Jungkook said. You blinked. That wasn’t what you were expecting to hear. Jungkook sighed and looked back at you, understanding written on his face. “There is no one else in the world I love being with more than you. I didn’t want you to get taken away by some other guy and leave me so I was selfish. I knew we weren’t ready to be in a real relationship but I didn’t want to lose you because I need you here with me.” Tears filled Jungkook’s eyes as he confessed. “You are the most amazing friend in the whole world and I’d give anything to keep that. I need you. It might not be as a lover yet but I need you nonetheless. Please,” his voice was barely over a whisper, “don’t leave me. Be my best friend again.”

“Oh, Jungkook,” you reached up and wrapped your arms around Jungkook’s neck, not caring if his wet clothes soaked though yours, “you don’t even have to ask that.”

At first Jungkook just stood there, stunned. Then he wrapped his arms around your small frame and held you so tightly it was as if he was afraid you were going to slip away. He buried his face in the crook of your neck. “I need you,” he whispered, tears leaking out of his eyes and wetting your shoulder.

You just held him tighter. “I know,” you said. “I need you too.”

I need you girl, you’re beautiful…

 I need you girl, you’re so cold…