It's Okay
Tell Me You ExistIndex:
(YJ) – Young Jae speaking
(DH) – Daehyun speaking
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why was life always so cruel to those who don’t deserve such cruelty? A month had passed since the incident. The doctors said that she had a and that she had survived, but… not everything was as happy as it seemed. A few weeks later, Grandma Yoo had passed away.
With the help of a few relatives, the funeral had successfully made it through. With the funeral hall empty after the procedures had finished, Young Jae was the last one left in the room. Tears were streaming down his face, his hands gripped on his grandmother’s recipe book as he stood in front of his grandmother’s portrait. He didn’t want to believe that his grandmother had passed away. He didn’t want to believe that he would never be able to talk to his grandmother, hug his grandmother, or hear her voice ever again. Young Jae wished that his grandmother was still alive, but… life didn’t work that way.
So he stood there, crying and waiting for any sign of hope that this was just a sick joke that life was pulling on him. What was he supposed to do now? Life was never going to be the same without his grandmother. Yes, people come and go, but Young Jae had hoped that his grandmother would be around much longer. No matter what he thought of though, he… couldn’t help but blame himself.
If only he had called the hospital sooner. If only he had managed to figure out what was wrong with his grandmother instead of waiting for her to show obvious signs. If only he had managed to save her, then… she would still be here. She would still be around to enjoy life the way that she wanted. Young Jae knew that she had wanted to attend his graduations, but now… that had been taken away from her. It just… wasn’t fair and thus, Young Jae continued to cry.
Over by the door, it slowly slid open before someone peeked in. When his eyes landed on the crying teen, Daehyun sighed before digging into his pocket and pulling out a handkerchief. He had taken it from his father’s drawer for just in case situations and… well, this happened to be a just in case situation. With his mother out of town still, Daehyun knew that he was probably one of the few people who could directly help Young Jae.
Walking up to Young Jae, Daehyun covered his entire palm with the handkerchief before lightly swinging it around covering Young Jae’s entire face with it. Young Jae had instantly leaned his head back as he let out a few whines here and there, but Daehyun had held Young Jae’s head in place while he used his other hand to wipe Young Jae’s face as clean as possible. Once he was certain that Young Jae’s face was clear of his tears, that’s when Daehyun finally went down to clean Young Jae’s nose. More whines escaped from Young Jae, but he stayed still nonetheless.
“Standing here crying isn’t going to help you know…” (DH) Once Daehyun finished cleaning Young Jae up, he folded up the handkerchief before putting it back into his pocket. Turning Young Jae to face him, Daehyun frowned when he saw how puffy Young Jae’s eyes were and how red his face and nose was. Young Jae had been crying practically nonstop ever since his grandmother passed away and it broke his heart to see Young Jae like this. Plus, he hadn’t been eating as much as he should have, so it was slowly becoming evident that Young Jae’s gotten skinnier. “Will you eat? You didn’t even eat with your relatives.” (DH)
Young Jae lowered his gaze before slowly turning his head towards his grandmother’s portrait. He remembered the day she had taken this picture. She was so excited to be able to dress up for a picture that it made even Young Jae happy. The tears were about to fall once more, but Daehyun had pulled Young Jae into an embrace, surprising Young Jae was he found his view filled mostly by Daehyun’s neck. “Come on… Let’s get something inside of you. You’re going to faint at this rate. Would you want your grandmother to see you this way?” (DH)
Biting his bottom lip, Young Jae tightly closed his eyes as he reached up and grabbed onto Daehyun’s jacket. The tears within him only seemed to escape once more as he buried his face into the crook of Daehyun’s neck. Daehyun frowned, rubbing Young Jae’s back in an attempt to console him. “I-I know… b-but… I miss her…” (YJ)
“It’s alright… but you have to eat eventually. Come on… We’ll cook her most favorite foods and make her happy to know that you’re doing okay.” (DH) They stood there like this for a few more minutes before Young Jae finally pulled away, wiping his face with his hands as he nodded. Daehyun smiled a bit, patting the top of Young Jae’s head before pulling the handkerchief out once more and wiping Young Jae’s face. “That’s the Young Jae I know… Let’s go.” (DH)
“O-Okay…” (YJ) Daehyun held out a single pinky towards Young Jae, whom stared for a brief moment. Just as he reached out with his own pinky, Young Jae paused for a moment before sticking out his ring finger as well. This surprised Daehyun for a brief moment, but he couldn’t help but smile as he stuck his ring finger out as well. The two wrapped their fingers around one another before they began walking.
Before they completely left the room, Young Jae took one last look at his grandmother’s portrait. He didn’t want to leave her all alone, but… maybe she was with his grandfather now. Young Jae just hoped that his grandmother was resting well. He didn’t want her to be suffering anymore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Young Jae laid on the couch, curled up into a ball as he stared at the television screen. There was something playing, a show about fighting, but Young Jae wasn’t interested in it at all. He just wanted to cry in his bed and hope that all of this was just a bad dream. He did know that this wasn’t a dream, but… a little bit of hope was probably the only thing keeping him going.
His ears pricked up a bit, hearing the sounds of cooking utensils scraping against the bottom of a pot or a pan. Daehyun had taken the liberty to cooking up their meal, but Young Jae didn’t want to eat. Any sort of appetite he had was long gone, but he also didn’t want to disappoint Daehyun. Maybe it would be alright to eat just a little bit and then he could go back to sulking around.
Over by the kitchen’s archway, Daehyun sighed as he stared at the couch while stirring his concoction. Ever since they got home, Young Jae had done nothing but lay on the couch in despair. Daehyun really didn’t know how to pick up Young Jae’s mood, but maybe it would be best to let him stay like this for a little while. It was better to let it out as opposed to keeping it stuck within. Turning around, he quickly made his way back over to the stove before flipping the food that he was currently frying in the pan. Hopefully this meal would be a nice pick me up.
After about an hour of cooking, Daehyun let out a relieved sigh as he looked out at the set up table. It’s been a while since he’s had to set up a table and in a way, it was kind of fulfilling. He tried to set it up the way Grandma Yoo would normally set it up, but he knew that that wouldn’t be enough to cheer Young Jae up that much, if at all. Still… anything that would help was always accepted.
Walking into the living room, Daehyun made his way over to the couch before looking down at Young Jae. He blinked a few times, assuming that Young Jae had fallen asleep, but Young Jae had opened his eyes just as he was about to wake him. Bending forward a bit, Daehyun used one of his arms to lean against the couch while using his free hand to lightly touch Young Jae’s shoulder. Young Jae slightly turned towards Daehyun before slowly pushing himself up. “Daehyun… I… I don’t feel like eating…” (YJ)
“At least eat a little bit. You haven’t eaten since yesterday morning…” (DH) Young Jae slowly nodded before getting to his feet. His vision suddenly went blank and although it was for a few seconds, his legs had given out underneath him. When he finally regained his vision, Young Jae found himself staring up at Daehyun, whom had a worried look on his face. “See? You need to eat.” (DH)
Young Jae frowned, but nodded before Daehyun helped him up to his feet. Once they were both in the kitchen, the two made their way over to the dining table before taking their usual seats. Young Jae noticed that there had been an extra spot set up, which he couldn’t help but give a small smile as he looked over at Daehyun. “You… set up a spot for grandma?” (YJ)
“Yeah… Is it alright?” (DH) Young Jae nodded as he turned his attention back to the food. It made him feel like Daehyun really did care about his grandmother and he was thankful. He sat there for a little bit, but when he noticed Daehyun wasn’t eating yet, he looked up to see Daehyun staring at him. “I won’t eat until you do.” (DH)
“But…” (YJ)
“I know you’re suffering and… although I can’t feel the same pain that you do… this is the only thing I can think of where we can share the same pain.” (DH) Young Jae frowned as he looked down at his chopsticks. He didn’t want Daehyun to starve himself just because of his own actions, so… he slowly reached for his chopsticks before he began picking the food that he wanted to eat. Daehyun couldn’t help but smile before he began doing the same thing.
Picking up a piece of meat, Young Jae bit his bottom lip as he stared at it. It shouldn’t be so difficult and yet, Young Jae couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wanted to just put his chopsticks down and go back to lying on the couch, but… he knew that he couldn’t do that to himself. His hand shook a little bit, but Young Jae took in a deep breath before he forced the piece of meat into his mouth. The second the flavor burst within his mouth, Young Jae’s stomach made is very obvious to Young Jae just how hungry he really was. Tears began rolling down his face though, the familiar taste of the meat making him remember so many memories. As he cried, Young Jae began stuffing his mouth, trying to pull his attention away from these memories that made him both happy and sad. The food really was good, but he almost wished that Daehyun hadn’t used his grandmother’s recipes.
Daehyun frowned as he watched Young Jae crying while eating. He really didn’t know how to deal with this. It was depressing to see Young Jae in this state, but maybe it would be alright. After all… Young Jae was eating, right? He really did seem to be chewing all of his food well and he wasn’t eating too fast, but he wondered if he would be safe like this. “Hey… take it easy. You don’t want to end up choking on your food, do you?” (DH)
Young Jae slowly shook his head as he wiped his face with the back of his hands. He did as Daehyun told him, making sure to eat smaller portions so that he didn’t end up choking. Looking up at Daehyun, Young Jae could see him still looking his way. Daehyun did give a small smile though, which in turn, made Young Jae smile a little bit. “T-Thank you…” (YJ)
“For what?” (DH)
“Being here… for me…” (YJ) Daehyun smiled as he reached over and took hold of Daehyun’s hand. Brushing his thumb gently across Young Jae’s skin a few times, Daehyun took a moment to think before he put a few more pieces of meat into Young Jae’s bowl.
“I’ll do my best to help you, just like you helped me.” (DH) Young Jae gave a small smile before they both went back to eating. Things seemed to be going relatively well and Daehyun was glad that Young Jae hadn’t started crying again. It was relieving, especially since Young Jae was looking much more energetic than he had a couple of minutes ago.
Once they were done, they had put their dirty dishes in the sink and Daehyun had begun putting away the leftovers. Young Jae still sat at the dining table, watching Daehyun, when his phone began ringing. Pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, Young Jae looked at the caller ID before he put the phone up to his ear. “H-Hello aunt…?” (YJ)
Young Jae nodded here and there before the phone call came to an end. Closing his phone, Young Jae’s head hung low as he let his hand rest on his lap. Noticing his lowered mood, Daehyun sat back at the table before leaning forward. “What’s up? What was that call about?” (DH)
“U-Um… my… my grandma’s will said that… um… I should be there because I was mentioned in it.” (YJ) Daehyun slowly nodded as he sat back in his seat. That meant that they were going to have to go back out. Yes, Daehyun’s going to go with Young Jae. There was no way that he was going to leave him alone with the emotionally fragile state that Young Jae’s currently in.
“Well, when do you want to go?” (DH)
“Um… My aunt said that… I-I have to be there in an hour.” (YJ)
“Alright. Let’s get ready then.” (DH) Young Jae nodded before both males got up from their seat. Young Jae wished that his mother were here for at least the funeral. It would have been a little bit comforting to know that she was here and knew what to do, but he also knew that she was busy with work. Hopefully… she would be able to at least come visit his grandmother’s grave soon.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sitting out in the lobby, Daehyun hummed to himself as he kicked his feet back and forth. Since the will could only be heard by those mentioned in it, Daehyun had to wait outside. It had only been about four to five minutes since Young Jae had gone into the office and Daehyun was already bored out of his mind. He wished that they would hurry up, but he knew that all he could do was wait. Of course… they could have at least left some magazines or something for him to flip through.
Letting out a sigh, Daehyun leaned back in his seat, slouching a bit as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. Since he didn’t have a phone, Daehyun couldn’t entertain himself. He didn’t even think about bringing anything with him since he thought that he could see the will too, but apparently that was clearly not the case. Why was waiting so boring?!
While Daehyun was bored out of his mind, Young Jae was sitting quietly with a few of his other relatives currently in the room. They were talking amongst themselves, though it was more or less just his aunt, uncle, and four of his cousins. His aunt and maybe one other cousin was currently crying, but the others seemed to be holding strong. Young Jae had decided to be strong for this, so he was trying his best not to end up crying as well. Plus, if Daehyun found out if he were to start crying, Young Jae knew that Daehyun was going to end up scolding him. Well… even though Daehyun hasn’t scolded him yet, Young Jae just had this weird feeling.
Fiddling with his thumbs, Young Jae kept his head down as he waited a little impatiently for the lawyer or whoever to show up. He wanted to leave already, mostly because these kinds of places made him feel uncomfortable. Plus, he was alone in here. If at least Daehyun had been allowed to come in, then Young Jae would have been able to sit here without feeling fidgety. “Hey… How much do you think grandma left us?”
Young Jae briefly glanced over at his cousins, whom were currently sitting across from him. At first, he was confused about what they may have been talking about, but as he listened a little longer, he figured out that they were talking about the inheritance. It almost disgusted him that his cousins were talking about what they were getting instead of mourning over their grandmother, but he knew that not all people were caring enough to grieve.
After a few more minutes had passed, the lawyer and his secretary finally entered. Once he sat down, he voiced his respect towards Grandma Yoo, showing that he was sorry for her passing and that he truly found her a respectable woman. Once he had that small speech over with, he opened up his briefcase before holding out a stack of papers to his secretary, whom quickly passed the packets around to everyone. After everyone had a copy of the will, the lawyer began to read out loud. Young Jae closed his eyes, trying his best to imagine his grandmother’s voice in place of the lawyer’s as he listened to what his grandmother had to say.
Land was given to her children, which would simply be her two daughters and son, amounts of money had been left to her grandchildren, but everything else had been left to Young Jae’s name. Upon hearing this, Young Jae had opened his eyes, wide with surprise as he stared at the lawyer. He really hadn’t expected his grandmother to leave so much to him. Young Jae had expected some money, maybe some of her prized recipes, but… the rest of her money and her belongings?! His grandmother was just too good to him sometimes. “What?! That’s absurd! How come he gets everything?!”
“Sit down. You’re being rude to the dead.” His cousin sat back down, slouching in his seat in a grumpy manner. After the rest of the will had been read, the lawyer said something about needing to file paperwork in order for things here and there to be transferred to their names. Once that was over with, everyone stood up and bowed to the lawyer and his secretary, whom their heads in response. While Young Jae’s relatives were all leaving, Young Jae stood there for a moment longer before he left as well.
For some reason… it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his heart.
Stepping out into the hallway, Young Jae’s eyes landed on Daehyun. He blinked a few times, not really certain how to react to this, but he was definitely certain that Daehyun had somehow managed to fall asleep. Had it really been that long? Young Jae bit his bottom lip before walking over to Daehyun and sitting next to him. Lowering his head, Young Jae hesitantly reached over before delicately moving Daehyun’s head so that he was now resting on Young Jae’s shoulder. He turned a little red, but… he wanted to make it up to Daehyun for making him wait so long. The least he could do was make him comfortable.
Resting his head against Daehyun’s, Young Jae was also tempted to fall asleep. He was fairly tired from his constantly crying for the past few days and he hasn’t really been getting much sleep. Young Jae probably would have given in to the temptation, but someone had soon walked up to the duo. Lifting his head, Young Jae looked up to see his aunt standing there. She did eye Daehyun for a brief moment, but she refocused on Young Jae before clearing . “Young Jae, sweetie. Since your… grandmother has passed away, you should come live with me. With your mother in France, you can’t live on your own.”
Young Jae stared for a brief moment before lowering his gaze. What was he supposed to say? On one hand, he knew that it probably would’ve been for the best for him to move in with his aunt. On the other hand, he didn’t want to leave his grandmother’s apartment unattended nor did he want to leave Daehyun all alone. With his inheritance coupled with the money that his mother sent every month, Young Jae would have been able to pay for the rent any other expenses without any problems. He has had to help his grandmother make note of where payments went, so it wouldn’t be too hard to figure out. Looking up at his aunt, Young Jae smiled a bit as he bowed his head as best as he could. “I-I’m sorry, but… I’m going to stay at grandma’s apartment.” (YJ)
“Are you sure? Won’t you feel lonely without grandma?” Young Jae looked at Daehyun for a moment before looking up at his aunt and shaking his head. He was certain that he wouldn’t feel lonely, that was certain. Yes, he would miss his grandmother, but he had Daehyun to help him stay on his feet.
“I’m fine. I have my friend here.” (YJ) Young Jae’s aunt looked at Daehyun for another moment. She didn’t know nor recognize this boy, but then again, she didn’t really know any of Young Jae’s friends. Though, she did wonder a little bit if this friend of his was more than just a friend. Looking at Young Jae, Young Jae’s aunt adjusted her purse strap a bit as she smiled.
“Is he a… special… friend?” Young Jae didn’t understand at first, but once it hit him, his face turned red as he lowered his head a bit. He gave a hesitant nod, to which his aunt only seemed to smile a little more warmly. “Well… I’m glad to hear you have someone with you. Do take care of yourself, you hear? If you change your mind, you’re more than welcome to move in with us.”
“T-Thank you.” (YJ) His aunt gave a small wave before she turned and walked back down the hallway. Young Jae felt a little embarrassed that he had admitted to Daehyun being a ‘special’ friend, but he was going to have to admit to it sooner or later. Oddly enough though, he hadn’t been too embarrassed to say anything. He felt… almost proud to say that Daehyun was that close to him. If he had managed to say that Daehyun was his boyfriend, then he may have been completely proud about this.
“Who… are you talking to?” (DH) Young Jae looked at Daehyun, whom let out a small groan while adjusting his position. When he didn’t receive an answer, Daehyun sat up a bit and stretched slightly before looking at Young Jae. “Why so quiet? Is something wrong?” (DH)
Young Jae smiled a bit before shaking his head. Taking hold of Daehyun’s hand, he placed it upon his own lap before he turned Daehyun’s hand around so that his palm was facing upwards. Looking down at his hand, he slowly slid his hand into Daehyun’s hand, matching their hands as best as possible. “She’s my aunt. She… um… wanted me to come move in with her, but… I don’t want to leave you or my grandma’s apartment all alone.” (YJ)
Slowly, Young Jae intertwined their fingers and gave Daehyun’s hand a light squeeze before looking up at Daehyun. He smiled slightly, moving a little closer to Daehyun before resting his head on Daehyun’s shoulder. “I, um… really wish that I was able to tell my grandma about us… What… do you think her reaction would be?” (YJ)
Daehyun looked down at their hands, surprised by how comfortable Young Jae seemed to be with their skinship. This was a first and it caught Daehyun off guard, but he couldn’t help but smile as he gave Young Jae’s hand a squeeze in return. “I think… that she’d be proud that you found someone that likes you for who you are. That’s… what she wanted for you, right? To find that perfect somebody.” (DH)
“Mhm… I… I think that’s what she wanted too.” (YJ) Although he would never know the reaction and the answer his grandmother would have truly given, Young Jae was content with the answer that Daehyun gave him. It gave him the confidence he needed to know that his grandmother would be happy for his relationship. “Can we go home now? I’m… I’m a little tired.” (YJ)
“Sure, let’s go. If you need me to carry you, I can if you want.” (DH)
“I… I’m fine for now, b-but… um… thank you.” (YJ) The two got to their feet before they began walking. Daehyun wanted to ask Young Jae what he had inherited, more out of curiosity as opposed to wanting to take advantage of it, but he wanted to make sure that Young Jae got his rest before he asked. Plus, it might make Young Jae uncomfortable if he asked. Why he came to that conclusion, he didn’t know, but he preferred to stay on the safe side.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Comfortable?” (DH) Young Jae nodded as he stared up at Daehyun with his hands holding the edge of the blanket. Daehyun smiled before sitting down, lightly running his hand along Young Jae’s hair as he took a moment to examine Young Jae’s face. He seemed to have gotten better compared to how he had looked a few hours ago. It did help that Young Jae hasn’t cried since they had eaten, but it still seemed to be doing Young Jae some good. “Sleep well, okay?” (DH)
Young Jae nodded again before Daehyun got to his feet. Just as he had begun turning, Young Jae had quickly reached up and took hold of Daehyun’s pants, keeping him from moving. Daehyun turned back towards Young Jae, seeing the hesitance on Young Jae as his face reddened. “U-Um… C-Can you… sleep with me...? I… I don’t wanna sleep alone…” (YJ)
Daehyun smiled a bit, giving a small nod. Walking over to the door, Daehyun stuck his head out into the hallway as he looked around. From what he could see and hear, there wasn’t really anything on except the kitchen lights. Of course, they did check and make sure that everything that didn’t need to be on was off before they left, so it shouldn’t have changed.
Pulling himself back into the room, Daehyun turned off the lights before walking over to the bed. He was about to slip into the bed, but he paused before he began stripping. Young Jae’s eyes widened, his eyes glued once more to Daehyun’s body as Daehyun not only stripped away his shirt, but his pants as well, leaving him in just his boxer-briefs. Once Daehyun had slipped underneath the blanket though, Young Jae let out a relieved sigh as he turned towards Daehyun. As Daehyun wrapped an arm and a leg around Young Jae, Young Jae huddled close to Daehyun before gently touching Daehyun’s chest with the tips of his fingers. He stared at Daehyun’s chest for a moment, trailing his fingertips down Daehyun’s tanned skin before he looked up. “Thank you…” (YJ)
“Comfortable?” (DH) Young Jae nodded before lowering his head. Even as he stared at Daehyun’s chest, he found himself oddly comfortable. Sure, it was a little embarrassing, but it felt familiar to him. Resting his forehead against Daehyun’s chest, Young Jae closed his eyes before closing his hands and letting them rest a few inches away from his face.
As they lay there, Daehyun stared at the fish that were currently swimming happily in their little fish bowl. With Christmas just around the corner, Daehyun had wanted to go on a date with Young Jae. However, because of the fact that Young Jae’s grandmother had passed away, Daehyun didn’t know if it would be alright to bring Young Jae out on a date. It may be able to distract Young Jae from this, but he didn’t want to make a wrong move by doing this.
Maybe… they could visit Grandma Yoo’s grave right before each date they have. That way, Grandma Yoo would know that Young Jae is trying his best to live each and every day to its fullest. He may not have known Grandma Yoo for long, but Daehyun felt like that was what she would have wanted for her grandson. Though… when would be the best time to propose the idea? “D-Daehyun…? Are you still awake…?” (YJ)
“Hm? What is it?” (DH)
“U-Um… How long… have you been in a coma for…?” (YJ) Daehyun was a bit surprised by this question, considering it came out of nowhere. In fact, he didn’t know exactly how long he’s been in a coma, but he could at least try and guess how many years it had been.
“I think… two… or three years? Why the sudden question?” (DH) Young Jae remained quiet for a moment as he tried to think. Two or three years was a fairly long time, but… even if Daehyun was in a coma for ten years, there was still a possibility that he’d wake up eventually, right? That’s what the movies portrayed, but… he probably shouldn’t believe everything that movies told him.
“I… I was just curious…” (YJ) Moving his head from right to left a little bit, Young Jae took in a deep breath before letting out a heavy, yet oddly relieving sigh. He took a moment to think, but he felt like it would have been awkward to just leave the conversation at that. “Um… g-good night… Daehyun…” (YJ)
“Well… technically, it’s only four in the afternoon, buuut… sleep tight, Young Jae.” (DH) Daehyun kissed the top of Young Jae’s head before holding Young Jae tighter in his embrace. Young Jae turned a little red, but he couldn’t help but smile as he closed his eyes. He really was glad that Daehyun was with him at this time. Although he’s never dated anyone before, he didn’t want to trade Daehyun for anyone else.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[[ My Own Thoughts:
I have no idea what to say here…
Sooooo I hope you all like the fanfic thus far >3<
Maybe… a few more chapters before it comes to an end?
I still haven’t decided yet. xD
Comments are loved >3<
I love talking with everyone.
Plus, I’d like to know how I’m doing with each of these chapters. X3 ]]
So... I don't know if I should edit Ch. 18 & 19 or not. It's pretty angst and I cry.
Comments