Thinking Things Out
Tell Me You ExistIndex:
(YJ) – Young Jae speaking
(DH) – Daehyun speaking
(JU) – Jongup speaking
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With the lights off, the light from the night sky was able to delicately weave its way into the darkened room. Normally, a lamp would have been left on, but tonight felt like a different night. In a way, the night sky seemed to be something that helped calm someone’s mind, bringing forth some sort of answer. It was just a matter on whether or not that answer will actually show itself.
Letting out a small sigh, Young Jae adjusted himself a bit before laying still once more. Daehyun’s question was rather… confusing. Why did he want to know if Young Jae would be happy with dating a male? Did Daehyun think that he would be happy with a male? Maybe Daehyun wanted to… possibly date him as well. It was possible… right?
Wait, what was he thinking! Why did he think that Daehyun would want to date him?! Why was he even thinking about the possibility of dating a boy! Sure, he didn’t give Daehyun an answer and sure, he was thinking about it now, but that didn’t mean that he was like that… did it? Okay, so he hadn’t really thought about it until Daehyun brought it up and so far… it didn’t seem like a completely bad idea… or did it?
Young Jae smacked his forehead a few times as he to his other side. Just as he was about to go back to his thoughts, his gaze was soon met with Daehyun’s sleeping face. It made a little sense… right? Although he’s never really had the chance to see if he truly would end up doing well with a female, he seemed to be getting along with Daehyun a lot better than with Himchan. Plus, he tends to feel rather… uncertain about the topic. Maybe he really did like males. If he wasn’t certain, then he couldn’t exactly deny the possibility… right?
Pursing his lips, Young Jae stared at Daehyun for a brief moment. Daehyun was still a mystery to him and yet, he seemed to be the kind of person that he liked. He was full of energy whenever something exciting occurs and he seemed to be a good listener. Plus, when he thought about it… Daehyun was rather… cute… Young Jae could still remember their time at the school’s rooftop and, well… it was something he couldn’t keep out of his head.
Sitting up, Young Jae turned toward his desk before reaching forward and turning the lamp on. Taking hold of his sketchbook and a pencil, Young Jae leaned against the headboard of the bed before opening up his sketchbook to an empty page. Biting his bottom lip for a moment, he briefly glanced at Daehyun before he soon began drawing.
He may regret it in the morning, but he really wanted to start.
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A day or two had passed and it was now Monday. While Daehyun was currently eating breakfast, Young Jae was finishing up his preparations for the day. He still didn’t have an answer to Daehyun’s question, though Daehyun hadn’t brought it up since then. Young Jae wanted to say something, but he felt like he still wasn’t certain about his feelings. It wasn’t exactly one of the easiest things to figure out. He just… needed some time to sort out his thoughts.
Looking at himself in the mirror, Young Jae frowned a bit as he held the edge of the vanity. He really wanted to know the answer to Daehyun’s question, but he just couldn’t figure it out. So far, though, it seems like… he’s leaning towards an answer. The question was… was it the right one?
Shaking his head, Young Jae began to question himself. Did he really… think that way? Was it really possible that he… swung that way? What would his mother and grandmother say if they found out? Would they still accept him? Young Jae shook his head as he tried to push all thoughts out of his head.
What was he thinking?! Even if he did go that way, he was certain that they would accept him. They were family after all, right? If they didn’t, then… well, Young Jae wouldn’t really know what to do. No. Until he was certain on his feelings, he needed to keep quiet about it all. There was no point in causing unnecessary drama when he wasn’t even certain about his feelings.
Taking in a deep breath, Young Jae lightly patted his cheeks before leaving his bedroom.
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“Can we stop here again?” (YJ)
“Uh… sure. I’ll wait out here.” (DH) Young Jae slightly frowned as he looked up at the bakery sign. He wanted to know why Daehyun still refused to go inside no matter how many times they come here, but wondering wasn’t going to get him his answer. Looking back at Daehyun, Young Jae tightened his hold on his bag as he pursed his lips for a moment.
“How come you don’t want to go in?” (YJ)
“I just… don’t feel like going in.” (DH)
“Is it… because this is your parents’ bakery?” (YJ) Daehyun hesitated, which Young Jae found a little weird. It was one thing if he was stuttering, but it was a little weird that he had hesitated. He wasn’t certain if it was because it caught Daehyun off guard, but Young Jae felt like he was right.
“N-No… It’s not. My, uh… parents have a bakery somewhere else.” (DH)
“O-Oh… Um… I’ll go inside now.” (YJ) Once Daehyun nodded, Young Jae turned to go into the bakery. He decided to drop it for now since it seemed to make Daehyun uncomfortable. Plus, he didn’t really know where else to go with that conversation. It would be bad if he continued to pester since it could potentially end up annoying Daehyun and he wanted to avoid that as much as he possibly can.
Stepping into the bakery, the only employee behind the counter instantly brightened up as he quickly ran over to Young Jae. Before anything could be said between the two, Jongup had pulled Young Jae into a tight hug, accidentally lifting him off of the ground in the process. “Young Jae! You came back!” (JU)
“H-Hello…! J-Jongup…! This hurts…!” (YJ)
“Oh!” (JU) Jongup released Young Jae, causing the timid male to instantly fall to his feet. Had it not been for Jongup, Young Jae probably would have fallen completely. Once he was firmly on his feet, Young Jae let out a relieved sigh as he straightened out his clothes. In that instant, Jongup began hopping up and down out of excitement, a grin clear on his face as he stared at Young Jae. “Do you want to play after you finish school? It’ll be loads of fun! We can play tag and hide-n-seek or even some boards games!” (JU)
Young Jae wasn’t exactly certain if he had the time to play games with Jongup after class. In fact, he technically had to get permission from his grandmother before he could agree to anything. However… since Jongup seemed to be really excited about it, then maybe it would be alright if he did end up playing a few games with Jongup. As long as he wasn’t out for too long, then it shouldn’t be too much of a problem, right? “Um… I think I can play.” (YJ)
“YES!” (JU) Jongup was about to pull Young Jae into another hug, but he quickly stopped himself the second he remembered what had happened the last time he hugged Young Jae. So, instead of another painful hug, Jongup happily took hold of both of Young Jae’s hands before shaking them a little too excitedly. “I can’t wait! I hope time goes by really fast so that we can play all day!” (JU)
“U-Uh huh…” (YJ) Now that he thought about it, the games that Jongup had suggested were games that he used to play back in primary school. How long has it been since Jongup last played with someone? Usually, people their age didn’t play games like that anymore. It was a bit of a shame, but for whatever reason, Jongup was almost like a breath of fresh air. Though… putting all of that aside, one question did run through his head. He wasn’t certain if he wanted to know the answer, but… he felt like he had to find out. “Um… Do you know someone… named Daehyun?” (YJ)
“Daehyun?! I have an older brother named Daehyun!” (JU) Young Jae’s eyes widened as he stared at Jongup out of surprise. Was it… the same Daehyun or was it a different Daehyun? The name itself wasn’t exactly a completely common name, so it was difficult to tell. “Um… How do you know Daehyun?” (JU)
“Hm? O-Oh! U-Um… I, um… I was just curious…” (YJ) Young Jae didn’t exactly want to say anything else. After all, if Daehyun really did end up running away, then It would be bad for Daehyun if he was found out. Daehyun seemed to be trying hard to avoid getting caught and Young Jae had yet to see if the parents were any good. However… judging by Jongup, it seemed like Daehyun’s parents were good parents so far.
Jongup had hoped that Young Jae would say a little more about how he knew Daehyun. In fact, it seemed like Young Jae had avoided his question altogether. However, since they were friends, Jongup didn’t really care about Young Jae’s reasons. With a smile, Jongup took hold of Young Jae’s wrist before he began hopping up and down again. “Hey! My parents made new pastries! Some of it is on display! Do you wanna see?” (JU)
“S-Sure…?” (YJ) Young Jae instantly felt his arm pulled, causing him to stumble forward. Luckily, he had managed to catch himself before speeding himself up to match Jongup’s speed. Well, he did want to come to the bakery for more pastries. It wouldn’t hurt to look at a few new ones and see how those were.
“Here! Try it!” (JU) Young Jae was about to shake his head, but his eyes widened as he felt something being shoved into his mouth. He swore he could have felt Jongup’s fingers in his mouth as well, which would technically explain how the pastry had managed to completely make it into his mouth. However, he forced himself to chew as he tightly closed his eyes. Why? Well, he wasn’t even sure what he was eating, so in a way… it was what had him brace for impact. “Well? How is it? You don’t look like you’re enjoying it…” (JU)
Young Jae continued to chew as he forced himself to at least try out the taste. The feel of Jongup’s fingers in his mouth had greatly disturbed him, so it was kind of difficult for him to trust that it was only a delicious pastry in his mouth. Once he had swallowed the contents, Young Jae smiled a bit as he looked at Jongup. “I-It’s really good! But, um…” (YJ)
“Here! Try another one!” (JU) Just as Jongup attempted to force another pastry into Young Jae’s mouth, Young Jae quickly reached up and grabbed hold of Jongup’s wrist. Jongup blinked a few times, confused by Young Jae’s actions as he watched Young Jae take the pastry out of Jongup’s grasp.
“I-I’ll… feed myself, okay?” (YJ)
“Oh… Is that weird? My big brother used to do that for me.” (JU) Young Jae was rather curious what kind of person Jongup’s older brother was. It was kind of weird that he would hand feed his younger brother when he’s this old already, but then again… Jongup did say that he used to do it. It may have been quite a while ago, but then… why did Jongup think that it was okay to feed someone that was around the same age? “Go on! Try it! Tell me if it’s super delicious!” (JU)
As Young Jae ate the pastry, he was certain that he could see the similarities between Daehyun and Jongup. They both seemed to get rather excited over food and from what he could see, they both seemed to wonder how someone else would react to the food. Were they really brothers? “It’s um… It’s good” (YJ)
“Great! I’ll pack you lots of yummy pastries and I’ll give you a huge discount, okay?” (JU) Before Young Jae could say anything, Jongup had turned around and began fast walking around the area, gathering all sorts of wrapped up pastries in his arms and stopping every now and then to see if one pastry would be a good choice or not. Young Jae wasn’t necessarily certain if this was something Jongup should be doing, but he was rather grateful that Jongup would at least give him a discount. He didn’t exactly have much money to be paying for so many pastries at once…
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There just seemed to be far too many questions that were roaming around in his head today. Young Jae had managed to push his earlier thoughts to the back of his head, but now another question had popped up in his head. It was rather frustrating, but at least with this question, Young Jae was certain that he would be able to answer it this time. He simply wanted to know what classroom Daehyun was in and in order to get that answer; all he had to do was follow Daehyun after lunch. Maybe he could even walk with him to his classroom, so then it would be less awkward as opposed to getting caught for a second time.
Yes, that’s what he had to do. It was just a matter of simply following after Daehyun and making certain that he didn’t see him this time. It shouldn’t be too hard… right? There had been a number of times when people hadn’t noticed that he was there, but then again… it had usually been because they were occupied with something and thus, he was able to walk in without being noticed. However, this time, at least there would be a crowd of students to hide him better. This time, Young Jae was certain that he would be able to accomplish his goal.
“-inking about?” (DH) Looking up, Young Jae stared at Daehyun, whom currently had that sort of smile that was on its way to a grin or a laugh. Young Jae didn’t exactly understand why Daehyun had that kind of look on his face, but he did finally realize that Daehyun was talking to him once he had repeated his question. “Did you hear me? What are you thinking about?” (DH)
“O-Oh… u-um… nothing…?” (YJ) Daehyun chuckled a bit as he shook his head and turned his attention back to his food. It was obvious that Young Jae was thinking about something, but Daehyun decided that it was probably best to give Young Jae a bit of a break for once. “U-Um… Daehyun? C-Can I…” (YJ)
Young Jae pursed his lips as he turned his attention back towards his food. He couldn’t decide whether or not it was a good idea to ask Daehyun, but he did want to make certain that he found out where Daehyun’s classroom is. If he found out, then he could potentially just leave Daehyun’s food in his desk instead of carrying it around with him the entire time. That would be okay… right? It wasn’t selfish of him or anything… right? “Can you…?” (DH)
“H-Huh…? O-Oh! Um… Is it alright if… I… um… walk… with you… to… class…?” (YJ) Young Jae could feel his ears heating up once more as he tried to keep a calm face. He always seemed to make things unnecessarily difficult in his head, which would technically explain his constant embarrassment.
“You want to… walk with me… to class? Well, uh… but you’ll be late if you don’t head to class straight away, right?” (DH) Young Jae probably would have agreed to that, but he normally got back to class when about half of his classmates had already returned. So he wasn’t necessarily worried about arriving late. He was more curious as to why Daehyun was attempting to not let him walk with him to class. “I’m right, right? Why did you want to walk to class with me all of a sudden though? Falling for my charms, I see? Hehe.” (DH)
“W-What?! I-I… T-That’s not the reason!” (YJ) Young Jae turned his head to the side as he felt his face heating up. Daehyun let out a small laugh as he leaned back in his seat. He really did find it cute whenever Young Jae was embarrassed like this and he was tempted to try and see if Young Jae could look even more embarrassed than he did now. However, he wasn’t exactly that mean to continually embarrass someone when they didn’t like it.
“Just kidding! How many times do I have to tell you that? Lighten up! But, uh… I actually have someone to meet up with before class, so you can’t really walk with me to class. Sorry.” (DH) Young Jae couldn’t tell if Daehyun was telling the truth or if he was trying to get out of letting him walk with him to class. Still… he wouldn’t bring it up again. For now, he would just have to follow Daehyun and see if he was telling the truth. Sure, it wasn’t exactly the most trust worthy thing to do, but it was the only thing Young Jae could think of that would allow him to obtain the answers that he was searching for.
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Once lunch was over, Daehyun said his goodbyes before getting up and departing first. Young Jae had managed to quickly pack his things up before running after Daehyun. Of course, he didn’t walk next to him. Instead, he stopped at the doorway, peeking his head around the corner, as he made certain that Daehyun wasn’t looking back. When he was certain that he was in the clear, Young Jae quickly stepped out into the hallway before he continued to follow Daehyun.
With the current student body out and about, Young Jae found it relatively easy to keep himself hidden. However, this was also a drawback because he also found it almost difficult to keep a sharp eye on Daehyun. Still, that wasn’t going to deter him from his current objective. Young Jae was determined to figure out where exactly Daehyun’s classroom was and he wasn’t going to back down until he has completed his task.
After making it down the hallway, Young Jae watched Daehyun going up the stairs. Biting his bottom lip, Young Jae quickly ran after him, stopping every now and then to make sure that Daehyun wasn’t looking down for whatever reason. Once at the next floor, Young Jae looked around for a quick moment before his eyes landed on the back of Daehyun’s head. For whatever reason, Young Jae felt like Daehyun was moving a little too quickly, but it may just be because he had to pause every now and then to remain hidden.
The second Daehyun turned the corner, Young Jae picked up the pace as he weaved his way through the crowd. Arriving at the corner, Young Jae put his hand on the wall as he peeked his head out from behind the wall. Looking around for a moment, Young Jae’s eyes widened as he stepped out from behind his hiding spot. Things had been going so well, but now… things seemed to have gone wrong.
Where did Daehyun go? Young Jae hadn’t been that far behind and he had almost ran up to the corner to catch up, so there was no way that Daehyun would have gotten away so quickly. He was also certain that Daehyun had gone this way… right? There were only two ways to go from the stairwell and unless he had been following the wrong person, Young Jae was certain that he couldn’t have lost him so easily. This turn of events was rather… frustrating.
Slightly leaning around the corner, Young Jae peeked into the closet classrooms as he examined each and every student there. He didn’t see anyone that looked even remotely close to Daehyun, so he was a bit disappointed. If he could at least find someone that looked similar to Daehyun from behind, then he could at least feel reassured that he was following the wrong person.
But that wasn’t the case, so… where exactly did Daehyun go?
Scratching the side of his head, Young Jae began walking down the hallway, checking each and every classroom that he could. Daehyun had to be here somewhere… right? Young Jae really hoped that he would find Daehyun’s classroom, but it seemed like he wasn’t anywhere here. It was confusing, but there was nothing that he could do about it now. With a sigh, Young Jae turned and began making his way back to his own classroom. Maybe one day Daehyun will actually show him where his classroom is.
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“Rawr!” (DH) Young Jae yelped as he suddenly felt a pair of hands tightly grab onto his shoulders before pulling him in. The pair of hands then crawled quickly along his torso, wrapping a pair of arms around him before tightly pulling him in for an embrace. Daehyun moved his head over Young Jae’s shoulder, grinning as he looked at a slowly reddening Young Jae. “Hey. Ready to head home?” (DH)
“H-Home…? O-Oh, um… I uh… I actually have to go back to the bakery. I promised Jongup that I was going to play with him today. Do you want to come too?” (YJ) Young Jae waited for a reply, but Daehyun seemed to be hesitant with his answer. Just as Young Jae turned his head to look at Daehyun, Daehyun chuckled a bit as he lightly pat Young Jae’s chest.
“Nah. I’ll just head home and tell grandma what you’re up to.” (DH) Young Jae didn’t understand why Daehyun called Young Jae’s grandmother by that title. It was understandable if he continued to call her Grandma Yoo or ma’am or anything else, but just grandma? It felt a little… weird.
“Are you sure…?” (YJ)
“Yep! I’m pretty sure. Plus, I’m starving! I bet grandma cooked something pretty delicious. So I’ll see you later?” (DH) Once Young Jae nodded, the two began walking. Since the bakery was on the way home anyway, they had decided that it probably would have been just as nice to just walk home as opposed to taking the bus again. Of course… Young Jae felt a bit embarrassed doing this, considering the fact that Daehyun was still hugging him.
“Are you going to do this the entire way there…?” (YJ)
“Why not? It’s pretty cold out today and I want to make sure my squishy is warm.” (DH) His… squishy? Was he really that squishy? More importantly, why did Daehyun feel the need to keep him wrapped up in his arms like this? It wasn’t all that cold out since the wind wasn’t blowing today, so the jacket he currently had on was enough to keep him warm. “I think I have a better idea…” (DH)
Young Jae had just barely begun to turn his head around when suddenly, he felt a sudden jerk, followed by a pair of legs wrapping around his waist and a weight that was threatening to cause him to fall backwards. Had he not somehow caught himself, he probably would have given in to the weight. Of course… he didn’t exactly know how long he could keep standing like this. Young Jae wasn’t exactly the type to work out and thus, he didn’t exactly have the muscles to carry Daehyun. “D-Daehyun…! What are you doing?! Y-You’re… You’re hea-” (YJ)
“Ah! Don’t say it!” (DH) Daehyun had quickly put a finger to Young Jae’s lips to keep him from continuing his sentence. Young Jae frowned, waiting for Daehyun to get off of him. Too much weight on a person’s back was bad for a person’s spine and although he didn’t know the repercussions, he didn’t want to find out. “Let’s get moving!” (DH)
“B-But you’re hea-” (YJ) Again, Daehyun had put his finger back up to Young Jae’s lips, silencing him from saying the truth. Once Young Jae let out a small whine, he finally felt Daehyun getting off of him before releasing him altogether. He had begun to turn around, but Daehyun had made his way in front of Young Jae before crouching a bit with his back towards Young Jae. “What are…” (YJ)
“Get on. I’ll carry you then.” (DH)
“W-What?! I-I…” (YJ)
“Don’t worry about it! You’ll need plenty of energy if you’re going to be playing with Jongup.” (DH) Young Jae didn’t necessarily understand, but he nodded before reluctantly walking up to Daehyun. Crouching down a bit, Young Jae began to turn red as he put his hands on Daehyun’s shoulders. This was alright… right? It was okay to do this? Biting his bottom lip, Young Jae slowly slid his arms around Daehyun before awkwardly pressing his body against Daehyun’s. A gasp then escaped Young Jae’s lips as he felt Daehyun stand up, taking hold of his legs in the process. Young Jae didn’t exactly like the feeling of being suspended by just his arms and Daehyun’s hold alone, so he had pulled himself up a bit more before tightly holding onto Daehyun, his eyes shut as he had his face hidden against Daehyun’s neck.
“D-Don’t drop me!” (YJ) All Young Jae heard was a chuckle before he soon felt them moving. It’s not that he didn’t trust Daehyun, it’s just that… he didn’t trust Daehyun. It was pretty scary not having both of his feet firmly planted on the ground, but he just had to keep his eyes shut and hold onto Daehyun as tightly as possible. “A-Are you sure about carrying me all the way to the bakery…? I-It’s really far…” (YJ)
“It’s fine! My squishy needs all the energy in the world to keep up with that bro-” (DH) Daehyun quickly cut himself off, confusing Young Jae a bit. What was he going to say? Young Jae slowly lifted his head a bit as he looked at Daehyun out of curiosity. Young Jae was about to try and get the answer out of him, but Daehyun had quickly begun speaking. “A-Anyway! When you come back home, make sure to get me lots of tasty pastries, alright? That’s an order!” (DH)
“O-Okay…” (YJ) Was Daehyun trying to avoid saying the wrong things? What exactly was Daehyun hiding? Young Jae wanted to know, but he knew that he couldn’t just force it out of Daehyun. He just… needed to wait until Dehyun finally decided to tell him of his own. Of course… once he had decided to push those thoughts off to the side for now, Young Jae begun to think about Daehyun’s demand.
How was he going to be able to gather a bunch of pastries for Daehyun? He knew that Daehyun would like the pastries, but Young Jae wasn’t certain if he would be able to bring them home without having to pay for them. “Hey, uh… Can you… tell me how the owners of the bakery are doing…?” (DH)
“Why…?” (YJ) This only seemed to confirm his suspicions a little more than it had been earlier. Considering the fact that Daehyun was asking about Jongup’s parents, then that must mean that Daehyun is their son as well. However, considering how happy Jongup seemed, then what could possibly have been the cause for Daehyun to want to move out of their home so quickly? Daehyun also seemed to be a good person, so it couldn’t be that he had some sort of falling out with his parents… did it?
“Um… Just curious, you know? I mean, you haven’t seen them before, right? They must be, uh… sick or something, right?” (DH) Young Jae could sense a bit of nervousness in Daehyun’s voice, but he couldn’t be entirely certain. “Anyway! Just tell me how they are, okay…?” (DH)
“Okay… I will.” (YJ)
“Thanks… Young Jae. This means a lot to me.” (DH) Although Young Jae couldn’t see it, Daehyun was smiling happily. He was glad to have some sort of news about the owners of the Jung Bakery. He had a reason behind it, but he wasn’t going to say anything about it for the time being. When the time was right, then… he might reveal everything to Young Jae.
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[[ My Own Thoughts:
So many secrets *-*
So many speculations *-*
But which ones are the truth *-*
Mwahahahahahahahahaha >3<
Anywho ~
Hope everyone is enjoying the fanfic thus far. X3 ]]
So... I don't know if I should edit Ch. 18 & 19 or not. It's pretty angst and I cry.
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